Married Woman Who Like To...

[shadydem]

sorry, wrong thread

[JonnyD1]

Originally Posted by call_me_mina

Your thread has definitely grown wings.

I'm trying to say this in a not-so-whining tone, but I don't want to give in to inevitability (if that's even possible). I don't want to accept that the person who is pretty much my best friend is going to simply be that - a friend. I have enough friends.

I look around and see so many married people and most of those who have been married for more than a few years don't seem to be all that happy. What are the happy couples doing that, say, I'm not? Anyone have a clue?

All I can say is thank goodness for the Internet. At least those of us here have an outlet.

Yes, thank goodness in so many ways for the internet.

As far as happiness is concerned, it's possible I've become jaded when I say... those people who seem to be happy are either really good at faking it, or they have truly come to accept their position.

Acceptance is not giving in to the inevitible, rather adapting to the environment. When you learn to adapt, you no longer struggle against the changing tide. Things change in relationships because we are human. The only time humans don't change is when they're dead. We can either fight to change the other person or fight to change ourselves. Usually we can't change or subdue the other person to our will unless we beat them to a bloody pulp. Human nature is such that there is never a time when we are completely 100% happy for 100% of the time. The best thing we can do is adapt and sometimes by doing so, it feels as if we've failed. We can never go back, we can never be who we used to be. We can only be who we will become. (Ha! That's good... I might use that in my siggy line )
I'm not completely happy in my relationship, but I love my wife so I've adapted to the way things are. I'm also not dead, so I 'supplement' my sex life as one friend of mine put it, with the many offerings of the internet.

[bleublood]

I think a variety of things occur that cause our relationships to go "south" and become mundane.

1. After a while of making love to the same person we know exactly what makes them excited, so we forget about trying new things to excite them and vice versa.
2. Sex sometimes becomes an obligation rather than something we do to make the other person happy.
3. As we go through our lives we start to experience what a friend of mine called the "same conversation, different day" day after day.
4. I do think our spouse should be our best friend; but sometimes we grow apart as we grow at different speeds and in different directions.


Yes I do love my wife, but monogamy is boring sometimes.

I am grateful for the friends I have made online, even though I have never met them and probably never will.

[call_me_mina]

Originally Posted by JonnyD1

Yes, thank goodness in so many ways for the internet.

As far as happiness is concerned, it's possible I've become jaded when I say... those people who seem to be happy are either really good at faking it, or they have truly come to accept their position.

Acceptance is not giving in to the inevitible, rather adapting to the environment. When you learn to adapt, you no longer struggle against the changing tide. Things change in relationships because we are human. The only time humans don't change is when they're dead. We can either fight to change the other person or fight to change ourselves. Usually we can't change or subdue the other person to our will unless we beat them to a bloody pulp. Human nature is such that there is never a time when we are completely 100% happy for 100% of the time. The best thing we can do is adapt and sometimes by doing so, it feels as if we've failed. We can never go back, we can never be who we used to be. We can only be who we will become. (Ha! That's good... I might use that in my siggy line )
I'm not completely happy in my relationship, but I love my wife so I've adapted to the way things are. I'm also not dead, so I 'supplement' my sex life as one friend of mine put it, with the many offerings of the internet.

No offense intended, but if I have to look to the next 20? 30? 40? years of accepting that this is all there is, I think I might just find the nearest cliff.

I don't ask for 100% happiness. But after spending nearly a decade of my life now in a depressed funk, I do expect a certain quality of life. Figuring out how to achieve that apparently takes someone with more brain power than I have, however. I think I could be relatively satisfied with my life if I knew that there weren't the possibility of anything better, but because I do know (or at least think I know), restlessness and frustration have become the norm.

Figuring out "who I will become," to paraphrase Dan, is the challenge, right?

But I have always been someone who would stand and bang her head against a wall despite all evidence of that being ineffective. Stubborn to a fault! lol

[JonnyD1]

Originally Posted by call_me_mina

No offense intended, but if I have to look to the next 20? 30? 40? years of accepting that this is all there is, I think I might just find the nearest cliff.

I don't ask for 100% happiness. But after spending nearly a decade of my life now in a depressed funk, I do expect a certain quality of life. Figuring out how to achieve that apparently takes someone with more brain power than I have, however. I think I could be relatively satisfied with my life if I knew that there weren't the possibility of anything better, but because I do know (or at least think I know), restlessness and frustration have become the norm.

Figuring out "who I will become," to paraphrase Dan, is the challenge, right?

But I have always been someone who would stand and bang her head against a wall despite all evidence of that being ineffective. Stubborn to a fault! lol

I know what you mean, Mina. The possibility of a poor quality sex life for the next 40 years has to be depressing. I think I was fortunate that I had a lot of sex in my time before I got married later on in life. Now that sex is in short supply, maybe it's mother nature's way of payback.
It's strange, I never thought about having an affair until I got married. I still haven't had one, although some people may count cybersex as an affair.

[ChaffII]

Hello all, I went to page one and thought mmmmm Dan has a very good idea. But how will it fly? I see that ten pages later and a vast number of women have opened their thoughts to all who want to see. Let me say in a world of shall I say off the wall obscure men it is refreshing to see ladies willing to step forward.
I would like to offer up my hat into the ring and enjoy the sexy banter with a lady or ladies that would be willing to chat tease or just open the pages in the history of their sexual desires. Let us take that road less traveled. PM's are like knocking on the back door, it's always open

[JonnyD1]

Originally Posted by ChaffII

Hello all, I went to page one and thought mmmmm Dan has a very good idea. But how will it fly? I see that ten pages later and a vast number of women have opened their thoughts to all who want to see. Let me say in a world of shall I say off the wall obscure men it is refreshing to see ladies willing to step forward.
I would like to offer up my hat into the ring and enjoy the sexy banter with a lady or ladies that would be willing to chat tease or just open the pages in the history of their sexual desires. Let us take that road less traveled. PM's are like knocking on the back door, it's always open

Welcome to the thread, ChaffII. I had the same doubts as you when I first started this discussion. I'm thankful for the many interested women and men who have joined in. Please feel free to post your thoughts.

[LustyLeo22]

Hi all,

Been reading this thread for a week or so and it's nice to feel like I'm not so alone in my 'disenchantment' with marraige..

Thanks for opening up this discussion, for all of you willing to be so open, and for the overall acceptance of feelings that are, or can be, controversial in some circles.

I also married for safety and security... But am finding that perhaps that wasn't what I actually needed. It's a lonely place to be.

[JonnyD1]

Originally Posted by LustyLeo22

Hi all,

Been reading this thread for a week or so and it's nice to feel like I'm not so alone in my 'disenchantment' with marraige..

Thanks for opening up this discussion, for all of you willing to be so open, and for the overall acceptance of feelings that are, or can be, controversial in some circles.

I also married for safety and security... But am finding that perhaps that wasn't what I actually needed. It's a lonely place to be.

Welcome Lusty.
You struck sort of a melancholy chord within me when you said you married for safety and security. That is not too dissimilar from my own experience.
For many years I was in and out of relationships, never thinking for once that I would not get married. It just always seemed to happen whether I was in a relationhip for 1, 2, or 4 years that we always broke up. It wasn't until a rather painful breakup when I was 50, that I made a decision I didn't want to die old and alone. So, I met someone and told myself I was in love, had great sex, and got married. Now we are good friends, but as you can tell by reading through my posts, we are not lovers. I am however, secure. On one hand I feel good that my marriage will last and she will always be here as my friend. On the other hand... well, all I have is my hand. Yes, in some respects it is a lonely place.

[PutMeInCoach12]

Originally Posted by JonnyD1

Welcome Lusty.
You struck sort of a melancholy chord within me when you said you married for safety and security. That is not too dissimilar from my own experience.
For many years I was in and out of relationships, never thinking for once that I would not get married. It just always seemed to happen whether I was in a relationhip for 1, 2, or 4 years that we always broke up. It wasn't until a rather painful breakup when I was 50, that I made a decision I didn't want to die old and alone. So, I met someone and told myself I was in love, had great sex, and got married. Now we are good friends, but as you can tell by reading through my posts, we are not lovers. I am however, secure. On one hand I feel good that my marriage will last and she will always be here as my friend. On the other hand... well, all I have is my hand. Yes, in some respects it is a lonely place.

This made me so sad. My hubby and I get along well and do enjoy one another's company, but without the intimacy the relationship starts to blend in with all my other friendships. We have a few married couples that we are really close with. I find myself texting a lot throughout the day with our male friends and it makes me wonder what their marriages are like behind closed doors...

[call_me_mina]

Originally Posted by bleublood

I am grateful for the friends I have made online, even though I have never met them and probably never will.

True. Online living has been so therapeutic. It always amazes me how strong a connection can feel to someone even though you may never even hear that person's voice or meet him/her in person.

[ChaffII]

Like Therapy it takes a long time to have the other person coax the troubles out into the open. Being here is like and chatting with people with similar thoughts is like putting on the tux jumping into the Austin Martin and playing with fire. I can't wait for the first pm to start a conversation.

[LustyLeo22]

Thank you for the responses . Sad, melancholy, yes I feel that.. Anger is there too.

We are friends and get along well, and when our relationship first began I was thrilled that I felt completely comfortable being myself around him. But now I find myself limited - I am not myself but this fragment of me that is all he can handle. I can't stand it, but at the same time it seems my only option. I've tried to broaden our horizons but he twists it into something it's not and we end up having a rediculuos argument that only ends when I see things from his point of view.

The longer we are together, the longer the list of things we don't talk about... Being here is one more.

[agedmac]

Originally Posted by PutMeInCoach12

This made me so sad. My hubby and I get along well and do enjoy one another's company, but without the intimacy the relationship starts to blend in with all my other friendships. We have a few married couples that we are really close with. I find myself texting a lot throughout the day with our male friends and it makes me wonder what their marriages are like behind closed doors...

I am amazed at how open some of our women friends are with me in their conversations, primarily online, but occasionally at parties, gatherings, etc. I've always been 'that guy' to whom women find safe to unburden themselves. But they assume, I guess, that all is right in my world on the sexual end, which isn't true.

[call_me_mina]

Originally Posted by LustyLeo22

The longer we are together, the longer the list of things we don't talk about... Being here is one more.

Ouch. That's a little too close to home, LustyLeo.

Sorry you have to experience that.

[JKayle]

Originally Posted by LustyLeo22

The longer we are together, the longer the list of things we don't talk about... Being here is one more.

Seconded...

The things we don't say could fill volumes, and as for being here? I don't know which would be worse if she knew. anger or indifference.

[JonnyD1]

Originally Posted by call_me_mina

Ouch. That's a little too close to home, LustyLeo.

Sorry you have to experience that.

Originally Posted by JKayle

Seconded...

The things we don't say could fill volumes, and as for being here? I don't know which would be worse if she knew. anger or indifference.

Perhaps this is why we are all here on Lit or just this thread. We have a need to talk about these issues with someone. It is too difficult or impossible to talk with our spouses, so we find an empathetic and sympathetic ear, and commiserate with people we don't know. It is easier to type and chat with someone we can't see on the other side of the screen, but at the same time it is also very meaningful. As a group of people we all have similar needs that aren't being met. At least within this group we can share feelings, ideas, desires, and hopefully... successes.

[JKayle]

Very true, and well said.

[bleublood]

Originally Posted by LustyLeo22

We are friends and get along well, and when our relationship first began I was thrilled that I felt completely comfortable being myself around him. But now I find myself limited - I am not myself but this fragment of me that is all he can handle. I can't stand it, but at the same time it seems my only option. I've tried to broaden our horizons but he twists it into something it's not and we end up having a rediculuos argument that only ends when I see things from his point of view.

The longer we are together, the longer the list of things we don't talk about... Being here is one more.

I must admit this summarizes my situation very well.

[call_me_mina]

Originally Posted by JonnyD1

Perhaps this is why we are all here on Lit or just this thread. We have a need to talk about these issues with someone. It is too difficult or impossible to talk with our spouses, so we find an empathetic and sympathetic ear, and commiserate with people we don't know. It is easier to type and chat with someone we can't see on the other side of the screen, but at the same time it is also very meaningful. As a group of people we all have similar needs that aren't being met. At least within this group we can share feelings, ideas, desires, and hopefully... successes.

Sure. Here, there isn't that history of recriminations or defensiveness. No need to throw up my hands and say "Whatever." As impersonal as this may be, it's still more often the place where I can find like minds.

And it does help to know I'm not the only one out there with these feelings. Otherwise, I would feel like a freak (ok, I still do, but for a variety of other reasons...lol). In "real" life, we're expected to keep these feelings to ourselves. It's maddening.

[LustyLeo22]

Originally Posted by call_me_mina

Sure. Here, there isn't that history of recriminations or defensiveness. No need to throw up my hands and say "Whatever." As impersonal as this may be, it's still more often the place where I can find like minds.

And it does help to know I'm not the only one out there with these feelings. Otherwise, I would feel like a freak (ok, I still do, but for a variety of other reasons...lol). In "real" life, we're expected to keep these feelings to ourselves. It's maddening.

Exactly! It's so refreshing to realize that there are people you can share with. And although i don't wish the hard times on anyone, it's also nice to know I'm not alone...

This is kind of a new realization for me, and caught me off guard - I mean about my marraige. My husband reminds me everytime we have a disagreement that he TOLD me that this is the way he is before we every got together and since I didn't argue it back then that it's my fault for changing my expectations of him. something's wrong with that statement but I can't seem to figure out what it is... Any thoughts would be appreciated

On another note, I realize this thread is about married women being sexual and don't want to lead us astray...

[LustyLeo22]

Anyone else have the odd experience of your partner being very affectionate but non-sexual?

[hillseeker]

Originally Posted by LustyLeo22

Anyone else have the odd experience of your partner being very affectionate but non-sexual?

I enjoy affection giving and getting, touch and intimacy...it is frustrating when that results in a dead end. Or results in a quick missionary position because its midnight on the third sunday of the month...

[call_me_mina]

Originally Posted by LustyLeo22

Anyone else have the odd experience of your partner being very affectionate but non-sexual?

My husband and I get along rather well. We're pretty good friends actually and enjoy spending leisure time together. But that's it. That's more than a lot of people get in life, so there's a voice in my head that says, "Just be grateful and shut up - things could be a lot worse so stop boo-hooing."

I always bought into the stereotype of women, not men, losing sexual interest as they aged. Imagine my surprise when that totally turned out to be a load of crap.

[hillseeker]

Originally Posted by call_me_mina

My husband and I get along rather well. We're pretty good friends actually and enjoy spending leisure time together. But that's it. That's more than a lot of people get in life, so there's a voice in my head that says, "Just be grateful and shut up - things could be a lot worse so stop boo-hooing."

I always bought into the stereotype of women, not men, losing sexual interest as they aged. Imagine my surprise when that totally turned out to be a load of crap.

Some women are like a good stock fund..not peaking but climbing higher even into their 50`s