First off... Hi ruby it is nice making your acquaintance.
Secondly I think I was going to say something along the lines of how she and I got nothing going on behind the scenes so all you envious psycho-types can relax okay?
But now I'm like "fuck it. she's hot."
So I'm staking my claim and you all will just have to fucking deal with it.
Now on with the show.
Being the self-absorbed narcissistic cathartic neurotic mess that I am, seldom do I venture far beyond my own thread.
Besides... what online hottie wants anything to do with me anyway? I mean... they all are tits deep in a cast-iron cauldron of eagerly imposing self-entitled sausage gumbo already as it is!
Anyway... I digress.
And so I keep to myself
But here's the thing.
You see the other day Ruby posts the following which really resonates with something I ruminate over quite a lot and have been for quite a long time now.
Here it is, directly quoted from her thread.
Originally Posted by rubydlite
The real struggle of a sexually charged introvert...
In my mind, still a child, waiting to be scolded, corrected, guided.
How can I let you know what thoughts are in my mind?
To the world, small, shy, unassuming.
How can I let you know I have very grown up demons that need to play?
To everyday strangers, unemotional, prudish, stuck up.
How can I let you know the secrets that make me blush?
To my family and friends, a mom, a co worker, reliable and never says no.
How can I let you know it's you who I'd never say no to?
How can I let you know that while I sit shyly next to you I'm dreaming of the day you'll grab my hair and leave marks on my flesh?
How can I let you know words that casually fall from your mouth like good girl, are you listening, do you understand, have an entirely sinful pavlovian effect on me?
How can I let you know I'd allow you to tear and mark my flesh when I cry from a splinter?
How can I let you know, to be Your slut, to hear you call me Your whore, filthy bitch makes me weak but swearing on TV annoys me?
How can I let you know?
Is it safe to assume that many are able to relate? Introverted or not?
With all the shit I've written
All the thoughts I so freely express
One would think that all my wife's sexual needs are met 70% of the time.
Just as one would think that mine are as well
Well... they are not.
As I told ruby via PM prior to writing this post, my wife very well could have written the same thing she posted on her thread. And we've been married for however many years ago 1998 was.
That's a long-ass time.
And still I feel the need to ask her if she would like to give me a blow-job.
How the fuck weak is that?!
Fucking just tell her that's what you fucking want!!!
Honest to fuck all I gotta do is read what Ruby wrote to know what women like and long for!
Because time and again I've read something similar from another woman. Because time and again I've found myself clicking the links women have posted on their lit profiles to their tumblr pages and find myself seeing similarly themed pages. And time and again my wife has told me herself what it is she wants from me.
It's that fucking simple.
Yet... it isn't.
A question I have; which no one, not my wife, nor my therapist have been able to directly answer is--what role does consideration have in all this?
I am currently finding myself hitting a wall in spite of wanting to continue on but I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea as I feel the nature of this post has slightly deviated away from what it was i wish to express.