 |
|
 |
| - Free Speech, No Spam! - |
|
 |
|
 |
 |
01-28-2012, 12:36 AM
|
#1
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
Dave's Zombie Proof Bunker and Refuge for Unattached Wimmens
Damn! The undead walk the earth, society has broken down, and we must all band together for protection!
Don't believe me that the living dead are amongst us? Haven't been to Wal-Mart or a Cleveland Browns game lately, have you?
If you're lucky enough to still be among the living and need a place to hide, come join me in the bunker. I've got liquor, DVD's, a big diesel powered generator, and a moat full of zombie bodies that I am converting to bio-diesel to power my defense system. When it's safe, we'll forage for food among the ruins of our civilization and rebuild some semblance of order. In the meantime, I have duties for all who need a place to refuge from the flesh eating hordes.
Men: Bring a rifle, ammo, some useful skill, and a willingness to go out on patrol during the day with the Zombie Response Squad. If you aren't able to handle a Kalashnikov rifle or rewire the bunker so that the disco lights flash in sequence, you might want to consider either washing the dishes, doing the laundry, or simply moving on and trying to find shelter at the School for Orphaned Teenage Girls down the road; I hear there's a group of lady boys trying to shelter there that might be more appropriate for your, um, "skill" set.
Ladies: Come one, come all. Plenty of room. Come in, have a drink, take a hot shower, and relax. I know it's been tough out there avoiding the legions of hell's minions who simply want to rend the flesh from your bones. Wanna lie around and eat bonbons and watch old movies or listen to my classic rock CD collection? That's cool. (I recommend starting with The Police's When the World is Running Down.) Wanna live the life of a kept woman away from the rotting smell of what passes for the human race these days? Come on in. 'Got a knack for reloading ammo and magazines, making tasty food, telling jokes, or simply being good company? All are welcome here. Wanna go out on patrol and put the barrel of a Glock 18 to the forehead of some fiend who in his previous "life" probably trolled you five times a day on Lit with barely legible offers of pics of his junk while typing one handed? Pull the trigger, Lady.
I'd be happy to have you in the bunker.
Be warned though. I get drunk on Saturday nights and quote Monty Python movies, tell dumb jokes, and stare a little too long at your boobies. Sometimes I go topside and flip on the spotlights to attract the walkers just to expend forty or fifty thousand rounds from the pintle mounted chainguns in their direction. Whatever, when they were alive, they probably were the type to drive all the way from Florida home to Michigan in the left lane on I-75 with their blinkers on. They deserve all the lead poisoning we can provide.
What's your skill? What are you bringing? And how soon can you get here?
Get some, Zombie Hunters!
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
Last edited by Chaingun : 01-28-2012 at 12:41 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:43 AM
|
#2
|
|
His Demented Dame
Pirates_Wench is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Not where I want to be at the moment
Posts: 7,826
|
Sign me up!!!
However, I will take the drink and the hot shower later. And definitely no bonbons and relaxing.
I am a damned good shot with a gun, so I am ready to go kill some zombies!!!!!!!!
Any suggestions on how we should dress? I have heard from an expert that the only way to properly hunt zombies is nekkid so that they cannot grab onto your clothing.
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:45 AM
|
#3
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by preacherswife69
I have heard from an expert that the only way to properly hunt zombies is nekkid so that they cannot grab onto your clothing.
|
Always an option. Just be careful you don't distract your fellow Zombie Response Squad members with your bewbies.
If you need ammo, there's an ammo dump down that hallway over there.
Pistol rounds are in boxes of fifty on your left as you enter, rifle rounds are loose in bins by caliber, incendiary stuff is marked as such, and RPG rounds are in fire resistant boxes along the back walls.
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
Last edited by Chaingun : 01-28-2012 at 12:47 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:46 AM
|
#4
|
|
Literotica Guru
Kat73 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 17,475
|
I'm in too!!
I am a hell of a cook and bartender. Pretty decent shot as well!
I can probably give you a run for your money with movie lines and dumb jokes!!
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:48 AM
|
#5
|
|
Literotica Guru
NeonKnickers is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,657
|
Do zombies eat animals? If so, you'll need me to cook you a cornucopia of vegan goodies. I can bake, too.
I also happen to have my roommates Rush CD's in my jacket pocket because frankly, I'm totally tired of listening to them, and mostly, watching him play air guitar and singing. (But man, that drummer is goooooood.)
__________________
“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep…feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.” - Zooey Deschanel
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:48 AM
|
#6
|
|
His Demented Dame
Pirates_Wench is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Not where I want to be at the moment
Posts: 7,826
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaingun
Always an option. Just be careful you don't distract your fellow Zombie Response Squad members with your bewbies.
If you need ammo, there's an ammo dump down that hallway over there.
|
Oh, well then maybe I should not go completely nekkid. I will pack a couple of tight fitting tank tops. 
Will definitely need ammo, and a backup gun or 3!! I have one but would prefer to be heavily armed as I can shoot right or left handed. |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:49 AM
|
#7
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat73
I'm in too!!
I am a hell of a cook and bartender. Pretty decent shot as well!
I can probably give you a run for your money with movie lines and dumb jokes!!
|
Awesome. I think I will have to put one of you in charge of the training for women as they arrive to take up the fight against the undead. Not all of them are going to be familiar with firearms or the Knights Who Say Nee.
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:51 AM
|
#8
|
|
Literotica Guru
Kat73 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 17,475
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaingun
Awesome. I think I will have to put one of you in charge of the training for women as they arrive to take up the fight against the undead. Not all of them are going to be familiar with firearms or the Knights Who Say Nee.
|
Hmmmm? what? Were you saying something... I was looking at PW's bewbies... |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:53 AM
|
#9
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKnickers
Do zombies eat animals? If so, you'll need me to cook you a cornucopia of vegan goodies. I can bake, too.
|
We need delicious cupcakes for the hungry zombie hunters as they return from patrol? Can we have cupcakes?!?
(And I don't think the zombies eat animals. So you can bet I'm going to have steak once or twice a week!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKnickers
I also happen to have my roommates Rush CD's in my jacket pocket because frankly, I'm totally tired of listening to them, and mostly, watching him play air guitar and singing. (But man, that drummer is goooooood.)
|
I've got Rush covered. I have every one of their CD's plus anything any of the three have worked on over the years. (And yes, for you purists or self anointed experts who think you're going to call me out on that, I do have the Bob and Doug McKenzie CD with Geddy Lee singing on their song.) Neil Peart may be the greatest drummer in the world. Anybody saying different, can leave the bunker right now! 
Quote:
Originally Posted by preacherswife69
Oh, well then maybe I should not go completely nekkid. I will pack a couple of tight fitting tank tops.
Will definitely need ammo, and a backup gun or 3!! I have one but would prefer to be heavily armed as I can shoot right or left handed. |
You will apparently be very useful in my plans...
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
Last edited by Chaingun : 01-28-2012 at 12:55 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:54 AM
|
#10
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat73
Hmmmm? what? Were you saying something... I was looking at PW's bewbies... |
Well, I did see you looking. There was a very short moment when I looked away and caught you staring.
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:55 AM
|
#11
|
|
His Demented Dame
Pirates_Wench is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Not where I want to be at the moment
Posts: 7,826
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat73
Hmmmm? what? Were you saying something... I was looking at PW's bewbies... |
Kat you have to concentrate before you get us both tossed out!!! |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:57 AM
|
#12
|
|
Literotica Guru
Kat73 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 17,475
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by preacherswife69
Kat you have to concentrate before you get us both tossed out!!! |
We may get tossed...but it won't be out!! 
*pulls out matching, tight, see through tank top* |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:58 AM
|
#13
|
|
Literotica Guru
NeonKnickers is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,657
|
I can whip up anything. 
I certainly won't shoot anything though. This may be problematic. :S
__________________
“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep…feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.” - Zooey Deschanel
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 12:59 AM
|
#14
|
|
Literotica Guru
Kat73 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 17,475
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKnickers
I can whip up anything.
I certainly won't shoot anything though. This may be problematic. :S |
That's ok! PW and I can do the shootin for the ladies! |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:01 AM
|
#15
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKnickers
I can whip up anything.
I certainly won't shoot anything though. This may be problematic. :S |
You are not required to shoot anything, living or dead. Wimmens get a pass because they have bewbies. This excuses everything.
Oh, can we get some chocolate chip cookies too? I'll send a patrol out to find you some Nestle's Chocolate Chips if you need them.
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:05 AM
|
#16
|
|
His Demented Dame
Pirates_Wench is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Not where I want to be at the moment
Posts: 7,826
|
I am also packing my bow and arrows. That way I can help hunt game with it and save the ammo for the zombies!
just kinda hope that someone else will be willing to clean it as afterwards I will be ready for the shower, a drink and some mind blowing sex.
You did mention that there would be sex in the bunker. Didn't you?  |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:07 AM
|
#17
|
|
Really Really Experienced
Designing_Angel is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: In a land of bliss and sarcasm
Posts: 485
|
Leaps across the moat in a graceful dive. Rolls to a stand as the dust from my full leather outfit catches up. (my zombie killing outfit looks a lot like Kate's in Underworld, btw).
I come loaded with 2 Brownings on my thigh holsters, MP5 with mad extra magazines and a 2 foot blade sheathed down my spine. The sass and flirty looks are free of charge. My Hyabusa is stowed down the bend packed full of the essentials. We can pick it up next time we're on patrol.
Saunters over to CG. "thanks for putting up a great pad." Kiss him on the cheek and smacks his tush as I take a look around.  |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:08 AM
|
#18
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
By the way, for those of you wondering what that smell is and are thinking that it is so different than the rotting flesh you've been smelling for the last couple of months as you tried to survive, it's the liquid in the moat. I discovered early on that the zombies were susceptible to Rumple Minze Peppermint Schnapps. So when they shamble up and see signs of life and think that there's an easy dinner inside, they tend to walk right into the moat. And what cracks me up is that that stuff kills them dead for some reason. I mean, it almost killed me in college, and I've always been alive. So, it only makes sense that it works so well on the undead.
Sorry for the appearance of so many rotting bodies floating in there. But the bio diesel does come in handy for keeping the generators on so that we can make ice, cook our Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (it's the perfect post apocalyptic food, by the way; it will never go bad), and spin the disco ball so we can have a dance party every night.
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:09 AM
|
#19
|
|
Literotica Guru
NeonKnickers is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,657
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat73
That's ok! PW and I can do the shootin for the ladies!
|
Aw, thanks. You two get extra chocolate chips. I also give good footrubs and stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaingun
You are not required to shoot anything, living or dead. Wimmens get a pass because they have bewbies. This excuses everything.
Oh, can we get some chocolate chip cookies too? I'll send a patrol out to find you some Nestle's Chocolate Chips if you need them.
|
I can! Get those guys out there, please. Oh! I'd like to request some lipgloss, while they're at it. No one likes a drylipped cookie maker.
__________________
“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep…feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.” - Zooey Deschanel
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:13 AM
|
#20
|
|
Really Really Experienced
Designing_Angel is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: In a land of bliss and sarcasm
Posts: 485
|
Cookies and foot rubs... Hmm.
I think I've got some Hershey bars, marshmallows, and graham crackers in the pack. S'mores anyone?
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:15 AM
|
#21
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by preacherswife69
You did mention that there would be sex in the bunker. Didn't you? |
I was neglecting it on purpose hoping that the trolls just kept going and molested the Lady Boy Colony down the road. Now they'll all be clamoring to get in here.
But I think that the answer to your question is...um...yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Designing_Angel
Leaps across the moat in a graceful dive. Rolls to a stand as the dust from my full leather outfit catches up. (my zombie killing outfit looks a lot like Kate's in Underworld, btw).
I come loaded with 2 Brownings on my thigh holsters, MP5 with mad extra magazines and a 2 foot blade sheathed down my spine. The sass and flirty looks are free of charge. My Hyabusa is stowed down the bend packed full of the essentials. We can pick it up next time we're on patrol.
Saunters over to CG. "thanks for putting up a great pad." Kiss him on the cheek and smacks his tush as I take a look around. |
Oooh, I can see that the first Zombie Response Squad is going to be an all female team. I'm impressed.
I have a room full of rifles that I painted pink and airbrushed Hello Kitty logos on. I'm going to arm the men who show up empty handed with those.
Anyone up for the hot tub? Water's hot.
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:16 AM
|
#22
|
|
Really Really Experienced
Designing_Angel is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: In a land of bliss and sarcasm
Posts: 485
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaingun
I was neglecting it on purpose hoping that the trolls just kept going and molested the Lady Boy Colony down the road. Now they'll all be clamoring to get in here.
But I think that the answer to your question is...um...yes.
Oooh, I can see that the first Zombie Response Squad is going to be an all female team. I'm impressed.
I have a room full of rifles that I painted pink and airbrushed Hello Kitty logos on. I'm going to arm the men who show up empty handed with those.
Anyone up for the hot tub? Water's hot.
|
Hot tub? You mean the steel container over the diesel lit fire?
Interesting. Unzips leather to get down to my Hello Kitty string bikini. |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:17 AM
|
#23
|
|
His Demented Dame
Pirates_Wench is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Not where I want to be at the moment
Posts: 7,826
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKnickers
Aw, thanks. You two get extra chocolate chips. I also give good footrubs and stuff. |
For extra chocolate chip cookies....Kat and I will gladly take over all the killin jobs!!! Especially if they are warm from the oven. mmmmmm mmmmmm
Only a couple things I like to put in my mouth more than a warm chocolate chip cookie. |
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:18 AM
|
#24
|
|
Who do ya love?
Chaingun is offline
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In a brand new house by the roadside and it's a-made outa rattlesnake hide.
Posts: 8,064
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKnickers
Aw, thanks. You two get extra chocolate chips. I also give good footrubs and stuff.
I can! Get those guys out there, please. Oh! I'd like to request some lipgloss, while they're at it. No one likes a drylipped cookie maker. |
There's a list near the door for requests of things you'd like us to forage if we have the chance. But hell yeah, we'll get you all the lip gloss you like. It's the least we can do for our head pastry chef.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Designing_Angel
Cookies and foot rubs... Hmm.
I think I've got some Hershey bars, marshmallows, and graham crackers in the pack. S'mores anyone?
|
Mmmm, let's get a small fire going so we can make them. Woohooo! This is the best end of the world ever!
__________________
Would you be so kind as to read a few of my stories and vote if you like them? The link to them is in my Homepage in my profile. Thank you! .
|
|
|
|
|
01-28-2012, 01:19 AM
|
#25
|
|
His Demented Dame
Pirates_Wench is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Not where I want to be at the moment
Posts: 7,826
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaingun
I was neglecting it on purpose hoping that the trolls just kept going and molested the Lady Boy Colony down the road. Now they'll all be clamoring to get in here.
But I think that the answer to your question is...um...yes.
Anyone up for the hot tub? Water's hot.
|
OOOOOPPPSSS sorry. 
Hot tub sounds wonderful. I need to loosen up my neck and shoulders anyway. They are really stiff and sore. I would hate for that to affect my aim. |
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:10 PM. |
|
|
|
|
