Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
I want to recommend this blog entry;
http://sassbandit.dreamwidth.org/30532.html
I love me somone who has strong opinions! I think there's a lot to discuss out of this. For one thing, she points out;
In particular, I want to talk about this;
http://sassbandit.dreamwidth.org/30532.html
I love me somone who has strong opinions! I think there's a lot to discuss out of this. For one thing, she points out;
And you know ME... I've always wondered how that default came about. How it got into the popular usage. Dammit Jay! You're reinforcing a problematic gestalt.Jay Wiseman's checklist refers to "the dominant" and "the submissive" throughout, as if there's always exactly one of each and their roles are fixed. (He mentions switching in the intro, with the phrasing "Any chance...?" as if he doesn't think it's likely to occur.)
In particular, I want to talk about this;
Good questions!And then, on top of all that, the checklists don't even cover the things that are most important. What you actually think is important will vary, of course, but for me the main points are:
* what are our core kinks (eg. top 3) and/or our styles of play, and are they compatible?
* how serious or intense are we about this thing we're doing? what are we looking for?
* are there any health/safety issues we need to know about or mitigate against? (including barrier protection against STIs)
* what are our respective histories of abuse/assault/other triggers, and how do we avoid problems with them?
* what areas of discomfort or anxiety do we have about our bodies or other aspects of our being/identity, and how do we manage them? (for me and my partners, this often touches on gender and body image)
* what style of communication works for us, and are there any modes of communication that we should try and avoid?