Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > How To...

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 12-28-2011, 01:34 PM   #1
GDOGGUNIT
Really Really Experienced
 
GDOGGUNIT is offline
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Duluth,MN
Posts: 441
Post I cant cum during sex

I noticed for the last couple of months, when I am having sex wih my gf, that I cant cum. I can always cum when I'm jacking off by myself, but no during sex. My gf saw something in cosmo a few months ago, talking about this and said its true. Should I cut down on my masterbating? Need help thx
__________________
I always have ideas! Who knows what I will think of next?
In process of writting my first story, if want to see it, or help/guide me, just pm me
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 01:38 PM   #2
TexasWife25
Porn Buddy
 
TexasWife25's Avatar
 
TexasWife25 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Currently stationed at the kitchen table
Posts: 7,049
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDOGGUNIT View Post
I noticed for the last couple of months, when I am having sex wih my gf, that I cant cum. I can always cum when I'm jacking off by myself, but no during sex. My gf saw something in cosmo a few months ago, talking about this and said its true. Should I cut down on my masterbating? Need help thx
if u cant cum during sex then u are masterbating too much
cut back on porn and stroking and give yourself like a week or 2 with
no orgasm
then have her start with oral and then have sex

also increase the ammout of forplay you are doing
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 01:39 PM   #3
subwannabe
Literotica Guru
 
subwannabe is offline
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 2,448
you are masturbating too much.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 01:42 PM   #4
GDOGGUNIT
Really Really Experienced
 
GDOGGUNIT is offline
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Duluth,MN
Posts: 441
Thats what I kinda figured
__________________
I always have ideas! Who knows what I will think of next?
In process of writting my first story, if want to see it, or help/guide me, just pm me
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 05:35 PM   #5
Little Bird
Literotica Guru
 
Little Bird is offline
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Germany
Posts: 1,060
That seems to be too simple.

It might have some effect, but could also be entirely unrelated to the problem.
But trying to see what happens if you don't masturbate for a few days might still be a good idea. If it persists, you at least know it hasn't anything to do with that.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 09:42 PM   #6
RAddams
Literotica Guru
 
RAddams is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 853
It could also be a health related problem. Is it that you can't cum because you get too tired?
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 09:53 PM   #7
fallenhera
Experienced
 
fallenhera is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: illinois.
Posts: 71
yes quit masturbating as much I as a woman know this happens its not fair to your gf.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 09:58 PM   #8
RAddams
Literotica Guru
 
RAddams is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 853
opps, LOL

Last edited by RAddams : 12-28-2011 at 10:15 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 11:10 PM   #9
Archer69
Experienced
 
Archer69 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 39
My best orgasms come from masterbation. Sex is nice but sometimes I also can't get off from sex. It is more important to me to make sure she gets her cookies.


GF gives great blow jobs but I seldom cum thhat way. Straight missionary gets her off and that turns me on.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-28-2011, 11:52 PM   #10
query
Loquacious Sesquipedalian
 
query's Avatar
 
query is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: High Plains
Posts: 11,668
it is not the amount of masturbation rather it is the conditioning that goes along with it.... your body is been conditioned to get off specifically on the rhythm that you use when you masturbate.... you can masterbate as much as you want if the technique is similar to the sensations and rythems of fucking....having the same problem myself, and no I havent found a satisfying way to rake my advice.

When I was young I basically humped the mattress or a pillow....i had to "learn" to masturbate in the more stereo typical way..(such as "jerking of" in a chair furtively whilat reading lit) back when space, time and privacy was an issue. In hindsight hard to believe I put up with the intrusion on my personal space, my private thoughts, etc.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-30-2011, 09:40 AM   #11
SomeLikeIt
Virgin
 
SomeLikeIt is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 24
Hmmm.... I don't think it's too much masturbation that is the problem, but rather the idea of "performing" or having to time your orgasm to somebody else's needs. In any case, masturbation is sex too and... let's face it....bloody nice....
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-30-2011, 03:32 PM   #12
itismeinnz
Literotica Guru
 
itismeinnz's Avatar
 
itismeinnz is offline
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 937
Quote:
Originally Posted by query View Post
it is not the amount of masturbation rather it is the conditioning that goes along with it.... your body is been conditioned to get off specifically on the rhythm that you use when you masturbate.... you can masterbate as much as you want if the technique is similar to the sensations and rythems of fucking....having the same problem myself, and no I havent found a satisfying way to rake my advice.

When I was young I basically humped the mattress or a pillow....i had to "learn" to masturbate in the more stereo typical way..(such as "jerking of" in a chair furtively whilat reading lit) back when space, time and privacy was an issue. In hindsight hard to believe I put up with the intrusion on my personal space, my private thoughts, etc.
Regarding "conditioning", I have read of the psychological conditioning that goes with masturbation also sometimes being harmful, in fact I'm sure that I began to experience this at one point. Fantasy is generally idealised, and if one is always "training oneself" to associate the sexual act with partners or acts that are simply not what one tends to experience in real life, your brain will literally fail to respond to normal sexual activity.

An interesting question to ask yourself is, when you say that you do cum jacking off.. would that be true when jacking off to thoughts of sex with your girlfriend and in a typical scenario (rather than, say, extreme fetishist acts). If you're increasingly finding little stimulation from thoughts of more typical sex acts, you might need to think about the implications of that.
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-30-2011, 03:43 PM   #13
GDOGGUNIT
Really Really Experienced
 
GDOGGUNIT is offline
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Duluth,MN
Posts: 441
Post

It depends on my mood. If I had to take a guess on it, I would say 45% of the time, I'm thinking about her. If I havent seen or fucked her in a while (as of this writting havent seen her in 2 weeks ago today. Havent fucked her in almost 2 1\2-3 weeks ago) Then it goes to bout 60-75% of the time
__________________
I always have ideas! Who knows what I will think of next?
In process of writting my first story, if want to see it, or help/guide me, just pm me
  Reply With Quote

Old 12-30-2011, 07:05 PM   #14
amofiga
Literotica Guru
 
amofiga is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 1,447
Not to go against the majority here, but masturbating too much is not the only reason you may not be able to cum during sex. If you were as old as I am, I could say that it's possibly a medical issue related to nerve sensitivity. It happens. If you are as young as you sort of imply, then it could be masturbating too much and desensitizing yourself. However, if it persists, a medical exam or even some discussion regarding your relationship with this girl friend could be considered. I'm not implying this in your case, but there is a condition where men can subconsciously "hold back" their semen as a form of passive aggressive behavior, just like some erectile dysfunction results from subconscious hostility toward a partner.

Again, I'm NOT a doctor and I'm NOT implying that this is the case, but the mind can behave in ways to control your body if there are issues of hostility or fear. I read somewhere about a man who suddenly couldn't cum with his wife because she wanted to get pregnant and he didn't really want children. Rather than bringing the issue out in the open, his mind simply regulated his body in a way to prevent the pregnancy.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-02-2012, 10:04 PM   #15
bluenote079
Virgin
 
bluenote079 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 2
Just wanted to say thanks for this post. My boyfriend is going through a similar issue to the OP's, and this helped to shed some light, for me anyway.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-03-2012, 04:22 AM   #16
GDOGGUNIT
Really Really Experienced
 
GDOGGUNIT is offline
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Duluth,MN
Posts: 441
Smile

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluenote079 View Post
Just wanted to say thanks for this post. My boyfriend is going through a similar issue to the OP's, and this helped to shed some light, for me anyway.
Your welcome!
__________________
I always have ideas! Who knows what I will think of next?
In process of writting my first story, if want to see it, or help/guide me, just pm me
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2013, 05:16 AM   #17
johnny955
Virgin
 
johnny955 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 24
Not masturbating too much

I suggest you don't listen to anyone who says "Yes, you're masturbating too much". Basically, everyone is different. I can masturbate twice or more a day and still cum during penetrative sex. But, again, everyone is different. You could try holding off masturbation for a day or two, or get your partner to masturbate you. Or, take the pressure off...try other things apart from penetrative sex...the main thing is to have fun with your partner.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2013, 08:51 AM   #18
Rainshine
Lit Lesbro Coven
 
Rainshine's Avatar
 
Rainshine is online now
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: *points*
Posts: 10,229
Holy bump, Batman.
__________________
I'll see you some day before the end, I don't know where and I don't know when...
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2013, 03:17 PM   #19
box13
Really Really Experienced
 
box13's Avatar
 
box13 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 325
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDOGGUNIT View Post
...My gf saw something in cosmo a few months ago...
Cosmo? *laugh* I don't suppose that a magazine which promotes ignorance, stupidity, and superstition with a horoscope feature could be doubted. Surely not. Your sex problems probably have something to do with the gravitational pull of Uranus. Or perhaps the dishwasher in your kitchen, since it exerts more influence magnetically and gravitationally.

If you can't cum then there's something in your head stopping you, something that she does that distracts you, or else something in how you perceive the act vs. masturbating, when you're pretty much concentrating on your own feelings. I hope that thinking about it, or worrying about it (e.g. "Honey, you're jacking off to much!" ) doesn't just make it worse.

Does sex vary at all? Maybe it's time for something "new". Not ejaculating will certainly help with wanting to, when the time comes, so to speak, regardless of how boring sex actually is.

But I'm sort of tempted to ask about why the GF is interested in controlling your sex life like she seems to be. But maybe I'm reading too much into your post. But it looks like right now you've got great control over it (cuming) and many of us guys would actually like that (assuming you can stay hard).
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-12-2013, 09:40 PM   #20
CWatson
In a band!!
 
CWatson's Avatar
 
CWatson is offline
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 1,607
The first few times I had sex, I remember being a little bit concerned. When I masturbate, I can use my hand to do whatever feels really good to me. When my penis is in an actual woman's vagina, it is a very different question. I wasn't (at the time) sure how to bring myself off most efficiently; and (especially the time I was losing my virginity) I did not want to overstay my welcome. I had always assumed that I would have performance anxiety on my first time, worrying about cumming too fast. As it turns out, that belief was exactly backwards.

You should not cut down on masturbating. You should talk with your girlfriend and explain your problem. The two of you can work together to find the positions, angles and movements that feel best to you. There is no reason she should disagree; she should want you to enjoy sex, and she can cash in her patience on this subject to get you to work on her pleasure. If she does disagree, then frankly you have much larger problems with your girlfriend than the fact that you don't cum during sex.
__________________
"Haiku are easy
to write, but may not make sense.
Refrigerator."

"The plural of 'Surgeon General' is 'Surgeons General.' The past tense of 'Surgeons General' is 'Surgeonsed General.' "

Picture is not me; can be found at ShyAngela.com (thanks Dkling!)

Here is my story site, which has more material on it than my Literotica page. Oh, and, I'm now on Facebook!
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-13-2013, 09:06 PM   #21
bigbritish
Really Experienced
 
bigbritish is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 140
1) are you on medication? anti-depressants will f your s, so after that i don't believe in that sort of thing

2) are you gay? kinda just kidding but listen to the anxiety, sex is about just letting it (/your balls) go

3) do you have any fears about sex? any fears about having kids? does your girlfriend scare you? contrary to guy opinion, just because we'll stick our penis in a jar of jelly and f it doesn't mean we feel comfortable with every woman we meet. sometimes you really gotta be real with yourself. if you have some woman dragging you around by the balls chances are you really just don't want to give her any seed.

4) nix the porn. if you just got done at a loud concert that blows your ear drums, an acoustic guitar street performer won't sound like much.

5) let your sexual frustration build up. we all get into situations in our day-to-day that give us tension (both sexual and not). let your time in the sack be dedicated to banging it out.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-13-2013, 11:02 PM   #22
BeachMomma
Sweet n Innocent
 
BeachMomma's Avatar
 
BeachMomma is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In your wildest dreams
Posts: 3,980
First of all, keep in mind that during masturbation, you know what feels best to you so you do it. Your girlfriend doesn't have that luxury.

A few people have brought up medications, and that can be a valid concern. Some medicines, especially anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, pain, and blood pressure (beta-blockers are the worst of that category), have documented side effects of decreasing libido. Diabetes (the disease - not necessarily the medications) also create sexual problems for men.

The ONE offender that nobody has brought up thus far - alcohol. That will definitely have an effect on your libido and your ability to ejaculate.

My suggestion would be to try abstaining from masturbation for a while to see if that has any effect. If not, seriously, consider seeing a urologist. He may want to check your testosterone levels, and he will definitely be able to look at physical reasons why you could be having a problem.
__________________
My Literotica Submissions

Gentlemen may prefer blondes, but it takes a real man to handle a redhead.


I came to Literotica for the Eros. I stay for the Agape (LakeSailer_MI, 2013).
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-14-2013, 12:42 PM   #23
Desiremakesmeweak
Literotica Guru
 
Desiremakesmeweak is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Mostly Australia
Posts: 639
You don't need to cum; your GF needs to cum. If SHE cums when fucking you, don't give it another thought.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-14-2013, 11:18 PM   #24
bigbritish
Really Experienced
 
bigbritish is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desiremakesmeweak View Post
You don't need to cum; your GF needs to cum. If SHE cums when fucking you, don't give it another thought.
This is ridiculous. Women cum when men cum usually anyway.
  Reply With Quote

Old 01-14-2013, 11:24 PM   #25
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
 
silverwhisper's Avatar
 
silverwhisper is offline
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: in a home, of course
Posts: 10,905
say what? um...no, dude. if that's been your experience, that's great, but the truth is that in the vast majority of male/female couplings, simultaneous orgasm is extremely rare.

ed
__________________
"i think this line's mostly filler"--willow rosenberg, once more, with feeling, season 6, buffy the vampire slayer

exemplar of youthful snark: "does it hurt little boy? are you going to cry now? well suck it up and be a man."

psst! hey, wanna see a blog?
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:58 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.