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Old 10-31-2011, 11:40 PM   #1
wannabeluver1991
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Unhappy How to have anal sex...without it hurting..

I really like the idea of him screwing me in the butt, and so yes, we tried it in his grandparents basement one day. He tried to be easy and gentle using my vagina as lube, but I ended up almost crying like ready to bawl by the end of it begging him to quit. I really want to be able to do this, and when I watch porn, I see the girls do it and I'm like God how do they do that! lol. It's something he's begged me to try, but now he's even not wanting to do it after I begged him to stop and almost started crying. I want our sex life to have that kind of stuff in it to keep it spicy, but I just can't get past the pain! What are we doing wrong? Do you have to have it so many times a week to get used to it or something?
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Old 11-01-2011, 12:36 AM   #2
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Perhaps start with some small toys...his fingers etc and get used to those..then work your way up...Im sure many women here will have tips
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Old 11-01-2011, 12:44 AM   #3
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I believe there are three essential elements to have anal sex without pain. First is lubrication and a lot of it. The anus is not meant for sex and it does not self-lubricate. Without using a water soluble lubricant it will make entry a difficult and painful. Second is finger playing with the anus and working to stretch it before it is penetrated. Taking time to stretch it will help to minimize the pain when he try to penetrate you and a good rule of thumb is when you are able to get two fingers in without much discomfort then it has been properly stretched. Third is relaxing. If you tense up as he enters you will find it hurts more. Instead learning how to relax and control your breathing will help.

The above talks about the core elements but I feel there are two other aspects that need to occur. First he needs to use a condom, not because of the risk of pregnancy but due to the risk of urinary tract infection. Other is communicating. This is important in order for him not to enter to fast and to know when it is becoming painful for you. Without communicating and being sensitive to the issue of pain anal sex can be a difficult technique to master. Finally take your time since it may require a few attempts before your are successful.
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Old 11-01-2011, 01:12 AM   #4
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My answer is Lube, Lube and more Lube. Vaginal secretions are not near enough. Try Astroglide. The advice about stretching slowly is right on. Slow and easy is the way.I understand if you try to open your rectum by pushing like you were trying to have a bowel movement that makes penetration easier.Clean yourself first with a Fleet Enema. Lastly never go from anal to vaginal without him doing a very through washing. When done gently with lube it may be uncomfortable vice painful. That may be something you just have to get used to. Still I have know several women who say anal gives them the best orgasms.

Mike
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:51 AM   #5
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Well, not much else to add here. The two above me pretty much nailed it right on. Lube, lube, more lube..............and relax. It's nothing to take fast, and you need to be in control, not him. Tell him when to go further, stay, and continue. Start with small things, fingers are great! I've been with women that always love to have a vibe on their clit to help them relax more, and it feels great too. Good luck.
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Old 11-01-2011, 04:34 AM   #6
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Lube, and more lube! We have anal sex often enough, but I save it for more special occasions, that way it stays fun, taboo. Make sure you talk to each other the entire time, which for me, was a whole lot of fun as I'd tell him how it felt, and him telling me how tight I was.

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Old 11-01-2011, 06:24 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by wannabeluver1991 View Post
, and when I watch porn, I see the girls do it and I'm like God how do they do that! lol.
I think I may get some stick for this post but here goes.

Porn isn't real life sex, sure we may watch and think about doing all the things we see but, real life, 10" cocks and designer pussy, turning her every which way and fucking every hole before blowing a huge load all over her tits, face and breasts for her to then suck up all the cum....you get the idea.

Don't set your aspirations on porn, if you want anal taking it like a porn star is not for MOST].

I guess advice already given is right so I won't add to it.
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Old 11-01-2011, 07:13 AM   #8
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It's nothing to take fast, and you need to be in control, not him. Tell him when to go further, stay, and continue.
Or even better, tell him to lie on his back and hold still, and use him like a great big sex toy. Use his fingers to stretch yourself and get ready, then climb on top of him and take things at your own pace. Knowing that he's not about to accidentally do something that hurts, even for a second, may help you relax. Once you've managed it without pain a time or two, you can switch positions and let him move.
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Old 11-01-2011, 10:17 AM   #9
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Anal tips

Order a LUBE LAUNCHER from Amazon.com. ($5.00) Its a small syringe that injects lube about 4-5 inches into the anus. It makes penetration much easier.

And while he's entering you push down like you were having a bowel movement. It opens the sphincter muscle.

Enjoy!!!!!
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Old 11-01-2011, 04:30 PM   #10
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While I agree basically with much of what is posted above, there's far more to enjoyable anal than just "lube, relax, and start out small..." on the "day of" IMO. In my opinion, in order to get the most enjoyment out of anal penetration, you need to "train" your asshole to take objects as large as a cock.

A few years ago I came across a set of instructions on how to do that, but I can't find them any longer. So I wrote out this paraphrased version of them. This is how I learned to do anal, and I've passed it along to others who've used it. Not a single one of them has said anything about it being painful when they tried it this way. I know this works.

-----

You start by getting yourself in your own room (preferably a bathroom) when no one else is at home so you won't be disturbed. Find something to use for lube. If you have lube (AstroGlide, KY, etc.), then use that. Otherwise, use a light lotion, or something else oily/greasy. Get comfortable and in a position where you can get to your asshole easily. Some people find it easier to do all of this while on their hands and knees, some prefer to do it standing up with one foot up on the bed or toilet, others lying on their sides, etc. Make sure you do this when you don't have the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom, too.

Use your finger to lube up your asshole; be generous with it, but don't overdo it. Slowly work one finger in. Let it sit there for a minute so your muscles get used to it being there. Begin fucking your asshole with your finger. Once you get really comfortable with that, work a second finger in and do the same thing. Let that be it for your first attempt. This shouldn't be painful at all. After the initial penetration, make a conscious attempt to relax your anus muscles and sense what it feels like to have something in your ass. It's a unique feeling.

The next day (or w/e), go through the same process, first one finger, then two. Once you get used to having the two in there, try to work a third one in. Once you get comfortable fucking your asshole with three fingers, it's time to move onto something that approximates the size of your guy's cock. If you have access to a vibrator/dildo, that would be the thing to use. Otherwise, you're going to have to use something like a slender cucumber, banana, or the like. If you're not using a vibrator/dildo (or even if you are, actually), you should cover whatever you are using with a condom (use a water based lube if you're using a condom!). Lube up your asshole, prepare it by inserting a finger or two and waiting for your anus to relax, and then penetrate yourself with the cock-sized object of choice. Spend some time fucking yourself with it until you get used to the feeling. Practice several more times over the next few days so that you truly get used to the feeling.

The whole idea is to get your asshole used to being penetrated and fucked by something that approximates the size of a guy's cock. By doing it on your own, in your own room when you can relax, you can practice without having to worry about tensing up, which is the primary cause of the pain many people experience during their initial penetrations. Once you believe you've practiced enough, THEN you're ready to allow your guy to do you in the butt.

Make sure he knows you're the one in control and when you say "slower" or "stop," he knows what to do. My personal recommendation is to try your first time in the doggy position. This allows you to push back against his cock to help with penetration, and allows you to move forward if it gets to hurting. Take it slow, use plenty of lube, and be sure to use condoms. He should start out with a finger, then two to get you loosened up, then try penetrating your with his cock.

The final thing is mindset. If you go in scared or not wanting to do anal, you're not going to have a good time and you're still liable to tense up, which could lead to painful anal sex. You have to go in knowing that you want to be fucked in the ass and that you're going to enjoy it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with anal sex - it can be very enjoyable when done correctly, and this should help you get started.

Enjoy.

----

Let me also say that I disagree with the need to use an enema prior to anal penetration if you don't feel as though you need to go to the bathroom OR you're not going to be doing porn anal (hard core, pounding, rough anal sex). Your rectum doesn't normally have much of anything in it. Using an enema involves a bit more logistics than the average person is going to want to go through. You should always be prepared to get a bit of fecal matter on things, though. Most of the time you won't, but there's always that possibility. It washes off just like everything else, so there's nothing to get bent out of shape about if it happens.

If you are gonna be doing porn anal, then you should def give some consideration to using an enema beforehand, for a variety of reasons which are beyond what I feel like typing out here. lol
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Old 11-02-2011, 01:26 AM   #11
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Good lube, (I prefer something like Sliquid, or silicone based, if condoms aren't an issue for you), and be generous with it. Also, tequila helps. These things haven't made it pain free for my by any means, but have gotten me to the point that I can gift him with anal on occasion, and not be in so much pain that I want to cry. Been there, done that, and it sucks.
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Old 11-02-2011, 03:55 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustaSCOUNDREL View Post
My answer is Lube, Lube and more Lube. Vaginal secretions are not near enough. Try Astroglide. The advice about stretching slowly is right on. Slow and easy is the way.I understand if you try to open your rectum by pushing like you were trying to have a bowel movement that makes penetration easier.Clean yourself first with a Fleet Enema. Lastly never go from anal to vaginal without him doing a very through washing. When done gently with lube it may be uncomfortable vice painful. That may be something you just have to get used to. Still I have know several women who say anal gives them the best orgasms.

Mike
I haven't got anything to add to some of the other advice especially about the relaxing and bearing down other than this...

never use chemical enemas unless they are indicated for constipation-they cause all kinds of imbalances that take forever to readjust and with long term use can make your bowel reliant on their effects to open. Warm, clean water is more than enough if you actually have to douche-I'm a big believer in Betty Dodson's advice...a good poo and fingers in the shower are more than sufficient for me and my partner-we've never had any issues with cleanliness

Try mutual anal play-if he knows how it feels to receive, bet your next pay cheque, he's going to be a lot gentler with you...it's also incredibly intimate and builds levels of trust like I've never experienced

Try it after you've already orgasmed, you'll be much more relaxed, get him to start with his fingers, use gloves if you feel you want to and even his tongue...being rimmed feels wonderful...

If it starts to feel uncomfortable, stop and do something else then come back to it-if it's painful, you'll tense and close up and then it's not going to happen

Above all-have fun-don't make it something you feel you have to do because porn tells you you should...it feels amazing, enjoy it
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Old 11-02-2011, 12:58 PM   #13
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I think everyone pretty much hit the nail on the head when they recommended lube.
Vaginal juices work pretty well in the Vagina, usually because they are replenished, but, even then, some people need real lube for vaginal sex. Vaginal juices will quickly dry out for anal so you need a good lube to do this. Go slow, take your time, maybe start out with smaller toys than his penis size, and then you will be a pro in no time. Relax and enjoy. Oh, and I don't think anyone mentioned this but, never put the penis back into the vagina after being in your arse.
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Old 11-03-2011, 08:45 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabeluver1991 View Post
I really like the idea of him screwing me in the butt, and so yes, we tried it in his grandparents basement one day. He tried to be easy and gentle using my vagina as lube, but I ended up almost crying like ready to bawl by the end of it begging him to quit. I really want to be able to do this, and when I watch porn, I see the girls do it and I'm like God how do they do that! lol. It's something he's begged me to try, but now he's even not wanting to do it after I begged him to stop and almost started crying. I want our sex life to have that kind of stuff in it to keep it spicy, but I just can't get past the pain! What are we doing wrong? Do you have to have it so many times a week to get used to it or something?
NEVER do it just randomly! NEVER do it without being worked up properly! NEVER do it without lube.

I haven't done it in a while, but I only ever do if a) I'm in the mood and b) I am properly prepped.

That means cleaning yourself down there, inside and out. It means having a bit of a practice beforehand. It means having plenty of foreplay so that you're really really turned on. It means using lots of lube and making sure that smaller objects like fingers or toys go in as a tester before the real thing, and it means takingit nice and slow to start with.

I admit it can take the fun out of it. Random sex is always the best, and you kind of lose that if you have to prep, but its pays dividends. And sometimes anal sex just isn't the right thing to do. Yet sometimes when you're having sex you can almost feel your bottom puckering away as it opens and closes because you're so turned on.

Its about knowing the right time to do and being ready to do it. Then you should find it enjoyable, or at least not so painful.

Oh and make sure you have a vibe or good fingers to stimulate your clit when its happening. If you're about to have an orgasm then you're thinking a lot less about whats going on behind

xx

Never thought I'd be an agony aunt for this sort of thing lol
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Old 11-03-2011, 08:47 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by roomfor1more View Post
I believe there are three essential elements to have anal sex without pain. First is lubrication and a lot of it. The anus is not meant for sex and it does not self-lubricate. Without using a water soluble lubricant it will make entry a difficult and painful. Second is finger playing with the anus and working to stretch it before it is penetrated. Taking time to stretch it will help to minimize the pain when he try to penetrate you and a good rule of thumb is when you are able to get two fingers in without much discomfort then it has been properly stretched. Third is relaxing. If you tense up as he enters you will find it hurts more. Instead learning how to relax and control your breathing will help.

The above talks about the core elements but I feel there are two other aspects that need to occur. First he needs to use a condom, not because of the risk of pregnancy but due to the risk of urinary tract infection. Other is communicating. This is important in order for him not to enter to fast and to know when it is becoming painful for you. Without communicating and being sensitive to the issue of pain anal sex can be a difficult technique to master. Finally take your time since it may require a few attempts before your are successful.

you need all three of these things. this answer was spot on. anal was painful and i dreaded it until there was plenty of lube, and fingering/stretching before, and totally relaxing. you have to trust your partner and make him understand he needs to go slow at first, until you're totally ready for him to fuck your ass silly. it's not like ripping off a band-aid, it's not just a little pain and then it goes away every time, if he pushes it in, and you tense up, the pain just gets worse and worse. but i swear, it can be amazingggg.
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Old 11-04-2011, 10:19 PM   #16
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Definitely lube, i need to be highly aroused before, and clit stimulation during helps a lot
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Old 11-04-2011, 10:25 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabeluver1991 View Post
I really like the idea of him screwing me in the butt, and so yes, we tried it in his grandparents basement one day. He tried to be easy and gentle using my vagina as lube, but I ended up almost crying like ready to bawl by the end of it begging him to quit. I really want to be able to do this, and when I watch porn, I see the girls do it and I'm like God how do they do that! lol. It's something he's begged me to try, but now he's even not wanting to do it after I begged him to stop and almost started crying. I want our sex life to have that kind of stuff in it to keep it spicy, but I just can't get past the pain! What are we doing wrong? Do you have to have it so many times a week to get used to it or something?

You have to understand there are two sphincter muscles in the anus (if you place your finger inside about inch deep and press against the side, you'll feel them), and they are less than an inch apart.
While you can control the external sphincter at will, the internal sphincter is not the same. It reacts more in a reflexive way. So while you may think you are relaxed and willing, your internal sphincter may prove otherwise.

The point is that you need to be patient and learn how to relax and try different positions to make it happen.
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Old 11-04-2011, 10:28 PM   #18
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I didn't read all the threads but it really just gets down to how much you enjoy it. What do I know, I love it but I also lust for it so it just doesn't hurt, lol!
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Old 11-06-2011, 07:11 PM   #19
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Great advice from everyone, I don't want to repeat but I'll add a few thoughts.

Lube- silicone lube is great for anal because it lasts forever (just don't let it come in contact with any silicone toys)

Condoms- personally, I hate condoms for anal. I don't like the way they feel, to me they feel almost crinkly and sometimes sticky or dry.

Pain- I think it helps to consciously accept the fact there will be some discomfort or mild pain at first, and to allow yourself to feel that discomfort while keeping your body relaxed. Tensing up at the first hint of pain is the worst thing you can do.

It's also makes it worse if he withdraws too quickly. If you're experiencing discomfort, he should stop thrusting but STAY INSIDE YOU (and pet you and reassure you and tell you sexy things while you consciously relax your body). Jabbing and stabbing in and out your bum will only make you tense and flinchy.

Position- my first couple of times I lay down flat on my stomach with him on top of me- he can't penetrate as deeply that way. You get some control over the depth of penetration but you can't flinch away. Now my favourite position is for me to be on my back- I like the depth and angle (g-spot stimulation!) and clitoral play.

Preparation- I never worked my way up to it with toys or fingers, and my first time we just went to it, although he knew how to take charge of things which helped me a lot. I also have a fairly high pain threshold, and I know my body pretty well which helped. Just mentioning this because it's not ALWAYS necessary to have to work your way up.

I guess the last thing is, to enjoy and have fun with it. If you're currently having troubles and lots of pain and tears it might be best to forget about it for the time being. Just take it off the table and enjoy having other kinds of sex. When you do try it again, stop before things get too painful or frustrating, and don't stress out if it doesn't happen all at once.

If you want it and he wants it, it will happen and you'll be addicted in no time
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Old 11-07-2011, 03:33 AM   #20
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Make sure your lube is good quality, it makes a huge difference.... I love System Jo and silicone is better for anal as long as you're not using silicone toys too. Have fun
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Old 11-07-2011, 07:03 AM   #21
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Thanks for all the tips boys and girls.
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Old 11-07-2011, 11:04 AM   #22
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Another anal sex question

I'm curious how important taking an enema ahead of time is? Any thoughts?
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Old 11-07-2011, 12:38 PM   #23
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I'm curious how important taking an enema ahead of time is? Any thoughts?
As a general principle, your rectum doesn't contain much of anything if you don't feel like you have to go to the bathroom. If you're gonna be doing "regular" anal sex, you usually don't need to go through the process of using an enema.

If you're going to be doing what I like to refer to as "porn anal", which is the hard core, pounding, oh my fucking god anal sex, and/or if you're going to be engaging in ass-to-mouth oral sex, or if you're going to be fucking a guy with a cock longer than about 6 inches, then you probably want to consider giving your self an enema (using distilled or bottled water, not tap water & not the enema solutions they sell in stores). Porn stars also generally don't eat much of anything for up to 24 hours before they do the hard core scenes you typically see.

The reason for the enema in those cases is that, until you feel like you have to go to the bathroom, the feces are kept behind a valve at the back of the rectum. The rectum itself is about 5-6 inches deep (varies from person to person). So if you're going to be going at it hard core or you're fucking a cock that's longer than 6 inches, there's liable to be some penetration of that valve as well and therefore you may get into some fecal matter. That would make things messy. If you're doing ATM, then you just want things as clean as they can be regardless.

And you know, really, if you get a bit of shit on your cock, it's not that big of deal. Wear a condom (which you probably should be doing anyway), and/or wipe/wash it off. It's not acid and it won't rot your cock off - it's not the ZOMG moment some people make it out to be.

You do want to be sure you don't go straight from the ass to the pussy without wiping it off, lest she get a nasty infection. ATM is a whole other subject. lol

Hope all of that makes sense.
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Old 11-07-2011, 12:59 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by HeyItsDani View Post
As a general principle, your rectum doesn't contain much of anything if you don't feel like you have to go to the bathroom. If you're gonna be doing "regular" anal sex, you usually don't need to go through the process of using an enema.

If you're going to be doing what I like to refer to as "porn anal", which is the hard core, pounding, oh my fucking god anal sex, and/or if you're going to be engaging in ass-to-mouth oral sex, or if you're going to be fucking a guy with a cock longer than about 6 inches, then you probably want to consider giving your self an enema (using distilled or bottled water, not tap water & not the enema solutions they sell in stores). Porn stars also generally don't eat much of anything for up to 24 hours before they do the hard core scenes you typically see.

The reason for the enema in those cases is that, until you feel like you have to go to the bathroom, the feces are kept behind a valve at the back of the rectum. The rectum itself is about 5-6 inches deep (varies from person to person). So if you're going to be going at it hard core or you're fucking a cock that's longer than 6 inches, there's liable to be some penetration of that valve as well and therefore you may get into some fecal matter. That would make things messy. If you're doing ATM, then you just want things as clean as they can be regardless.

And you know, really, if you get a bit of shit on your cock, it's not that big of deal. Wear a condom (which you probably should be doing anyway), and/or wipe/wash it off. It's not acid and it won't rot your cock off - it's not the ZOMG moment some people make it out to be.

You do want to be sure you don't go straight from the ass to the pussy without wiping it off, lest she get a nasty infection. ATM is a whole other subject. lol

Hope all of that makes sense.
LOL!!! " it's not acid and it won't rot your cock off" Posts like this is why you're quickly becoming one of my fav litsters!!!
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Old 11-07-2011, 01:38 PM   #25
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LOL!!! " it's not acid and it won't rot your cock off" Posts like this is why you're quickly becoming one of my fav litsters!!!
lol Well, it's just silly the way some people react to getting a little bit of a bodily fluid (or w/e) on something. "ZOMG I got doodoo on my pecker." Fuck, just wipe it off and go on with your business, dude.
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