Can't get turned on?

[horsie_gurl]

I used to be able to stop and masturbate whenever I wanted, I would get turned on and things would progress.

Now I get mentally "in the mood" but when I go to take care of it my body just won't have it. I would play with myself, think dirty thoughts, turn on a porno and it doesn't make a difference. My clit seems to feel no pleasure, in fact it almost turns to pain because my body just doesn't react. I don't get wet and my saliva doesn't thicken like it used to (that sounds gross but it was another reaction I got: good for lube).

Obviously I can't get an orgasm, I can't feel the pleasure where I need it. Stupid too is that I could use a dildo and feel amazing deep inside from that but still seems like I haven't been playing at all when I pause to give my clit some attention.

I have tried taking a break from it all and I just ended up going a month without sexual contact or masturbation, but nothing changed when I tried again. I have tried clit sensitizing gels which used to get me almost right to orgasm, but one have no effect but the warming sensation. I don't know what else to do.

[SweetErika]

Assuming you've already ruled out the side effects of any medications or other substances, two things are coming to mind: mental or emotional issues (stress, depression, anxiety, other chemical imbalances, etc.) and hormonal issues.

Has anything changed in your life that might correlate with the sexual changes? Are you handling stress well? Following a healthy diet, exercising, staying hydrated, sleeping well?

Have you had a full physical and your hormones checked recently? Could you see a female sexual health specialist to investigate possible causes further?

I'm kind of in the same boat WRT my libido, and I definitely understand how frustrating it can be, even when you do know exactly what's causing it. Personally, I'm just giving myself a break and letting my body settle down, trying to manage my stress better and celebrating progress, rather than dwelling on "failure."

[tomwantstosee]

I agree with Erica- seems some stress is involved. And wanting and wanting and wanting doesn´t make things better. Don´t push yourself into that direction if it only leads to frustration!
What happens if you just have the thoughts and do not play with yourself? Can you laugh about yourself?

[sunandshadow]

Along with Erica's questions, are you taking any new medication, or do you have any known medical problems that might be progressing to a new stage? The thing you said about your saliva caught my attention because thick saliva is a symptom of diabetes, but you said yours got less thick, so I dunno...

[subwannabe]

I agree with the medication angle. Could even be vitamins, herbs, supplements, etc.

[SashaGaga999]

Hitachi Magic Wand.

Expensive, but worth it.

[horsie_gurl]

Haha well toys don't work much either in this situation. Yeah I'm pretty sure it's my physical changes. I haven't started taking any new medication, but I have recently moved and been having constant battles with fighting friends, stressing about how important this semester in school is and keeping financially afloat with my parents being in debt and borrowing. I haven't been handling stress well lately and haven't been taking care of my body in general. Didn't even think to link the two before but that makes sense now. I will just continue to take a break. I've been putting sex to the back of my mind anyway but it does just remove another layer of stress to not be frustrated with myself too.

[Wataru_Gin]

I think that might be a clue to your problem -- sounds like your life isn't as stable as it used to be. This can have a huge impact. You've been thrown off of your routine and it's more difficult now. I'd say give it time, exercise, and just keep trying to relax.

[PhilGarlic]

The less you stress about it, the more likely it is to return to normal.
Easier said then done I know.

[iadoremywife]

Not to just jump on the band wagon, but Erika is right on the money in my view. When my wife becomes non-responsive for lack of a better word, I immediatly start looking at what is going on in her life and try to reduce her stress.

Very simple example. My wife was not intrested in any of my advances. She loves gardening and was in the process of mulching all of the beds through out our property (quite a task). She was trying to do it with bags of mulch and became frustrated at her daily progress. I had a landscaper come and dump a pile of bulk mulch near each area. Guess who got laid that night. I was so proud of myself for figuring that out.

[RAddams]

"I haven't started taking any new medication"
Does that include any changes to birth control?

[Jade_Eyed_Lady]

Originally Posted by iadoremywife

Not to just jump on the band wagon, but Erika is right on the money in my view. When my wife becomes non-responsive for lack of a better word, I immediatly start looking at what is going on in her life and try to reduce her stress.

Very simple example. My wife was not intrested in any of my advances. She loves gardening and was in the process of mulching all of the beds through out our property (quite a task). She was trying to do it with bags of mulch and became frustrated at her daily progress. I had a landscaper come and dump a pile of bulk mulch near each area. Guess who got laid that night. I was so proud of myself for figuring that out.

I'll have to tell my hubby that story...

[GracefullyYours]

Wow, I'm so sorry you're going through this

In my opinion, you've gotten soome great advice already, but I'll give you my two cents as well.

Whether it's a woman not having an orgasm, or a guy who's dealing with impotence, one "event" can cause such stress and fear and anxiety that it perpetuates a cycle.... I know it's not the same, but do you enjoy sex if you don't cum? I sure do. Assuming that nothing has changed medically and that it's an emotional/psychological issue, I'd take a few days and commit to not cumming, even if you want to and you know you can. Touch yourself, do your thing, but leave cumming entirely out of the picture. Rub your nipples, finger yourself, enjoy it for what it is....and stop. I suspect that, perhaps, if cumming is off the table as an option (in your head) your body might put it back on the table for you (physically).

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

[nakdsub]

I also think Erika hit it on the head along with several others here. I have only one thing to add. Is there an activity or something you can do that doesn't cost a lot of money, where you can enjoy yourself?

Maybe get some friends, or maybe just one friend, go out and do something together, or find an activity you haven't done awhile, something you love to do, and do it.

I find, when I'm feeling blue, I tend to forget about the things that make me happy.

I also agree with exercise. It works wonders for depression.

[bumlicker]

you need to get back up on the horse!!

[Etaski]

Originally Posted by GracefullyYours

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Seconded.

After your descriptions of the sources of stress, it felt familiar to me: a period of financial instability and high stress that meant no libido for a while.

It did pass, and I came to accept it as an indication that, at the very least, my body was taking the stress as that I was in some sort of danger and the last thing is was going to do was waste energy on horniness.

Sort of a type of survival response--and also a clue to start looking for small ways to try to make things better, if I could. This also meant accepting the old wise saying: "Give me the strength to change what I can, accept what I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Things did get better. Hang in there.

[Wataru_Gin]

It's been a while since we've heard from you.... has this issue been "resolved?" Hope so. Best wishes.