Originally Posted by swordsmanat40
Hello all! Does anyone else feel this, and how do you deal with it outside of having open relationships and actually following your heart?
I've been there, and a lot of other people have, too. The problem is that you're mistaking the person in front of you with the person you'd like her to be. It's only polyamory if she feels the same way about you and your wife, and you wife is in love with her, too. Otherwise, it seems to be a recipe for disappointment on everybody's part. It is certainly possible for a person to be in love with more than one person at a time, but unless there's a really extraordinary set of circumstances, that love for the third person is bound to be unrequited.
If the person you want to spend the rest of your life with isn't willing to include the third person into your lives (and she'll be included whether or not your wife is a willing partner of the third person), you'll have to just let it be, or redefine your relationship with your wife. It's all about consequences ... seeing them, recognizing them, and ultimately living with them.