I'm curious: for those of you who are into bdsm, how did you get started? Was it a progression (e.g. light spanking, bondage, hardcore bondage, etc...) or was it something you were really into right away? Did BDSM turn you on right away after you discovered it, or was it more of an acquired taste?
For those of you into BDSM, how did you start?
- Thread starter koolxxx
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It was all in finding the right partner.
It was shortly after graduate school that we had moved in together. She was simply incredible, loving and kinkier than a poorly coiled hank of rope.
We discovered how light bondage turned her on and I was along for the ride. My natural OCD and knot tying skills drove us deeper and deeper into wrapping her into more and more complicated positions. Tying itself was an excruciating test of patience, control, and submission. Not to mention aesthetically pleasing to the eye and finally touch.
Our circumstances eventually pulled us apart and to opposite ends of the country. We tried to keeP it going long distance, but we eventually moved on to other partners and loves. I cherish those memories of how we were first intertwined and how she moaned and begged for more.
It was shortly after graduate school that we had moved in together. She was simply incredible, loving and kinkier than a poorly coiled hank of rope.
We discovered how light bondage turned her on and I was along for the ride. My natural OCD and knot tying skills drove us deeper and deeper into wrapping her into more and more complicated positions. Tying itself was an excruciating test of patience, control, and submission. Not to mention aesthetically pleasing to the eye and finally touch.
Our circumstances eventually pulled us apart and to opposite ends of the country. We tried to keeP it going long distance, but we eventually moved on to other partners and loves. I cherish those memories of how we were first intertwined and how she moaned and begged for more.
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FurryFury
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Strangely I got started whilst role playing online. For years I'd heard about the adventures of my kinky buds. I'd smiled and said, "Fine for you. Not for me. I don't get it."
Then a scenario played out in which I had to take power. It excited me so much I couldn't believe as I've always avoided power. It was magical, scary and so I went from there, exploring in text. Then in real skin with my husband. We went from that to going to munches, demos and play parties.
There have been a lot of ups and downs but now I'm comfortable and more aware of what I am and really need. I may not get it but I like and care about me more than I ever have and that, has been a good thing.
FF
Then a scenario played out in which I had to take power. It excited me so much I couldn't believe as I've always avoided power. It was magical, scary and so I went from there, exploring in text. Then in real skin with my husband. We went from that to going to munches, demos and play parties.
There have been a lot of ups and downs but now I'm comfortable and more aware of what I am and really need. I may not get it but I like and care about me more than I ever have and that, has been a good thing.
FF
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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Query to [drum roll] The Librarian:
How many "How did you start" x threads (including BDSM) have been initiated in this forum in the past... oh, say, three years?
Maybe that could be another category in the Library?
How many "How did you start" x threads (including BDSM) have been initiated in this forum in the past... oh, say, three years?
Maybe that could be another category in the Library?
Thank yous omeone else for asking this and not making me feel like an idiot doing it myself. It's been on my mind for the past few months. Granted I have next to no experience in most things and half the things I find on here I go "ummm okay I'd at least try" XD
bhndblueyes88
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That's what end up getting me interested as well. Not only hearing about it, but a degree of role-playing online (it wasn't in a explicitly sexual context). That specific instance was interesting, because it was a rather sadistic "character", but when I think about it, it was still submissive in a way. Anyway, other people talking about it and little sessions like that got me wondering.
ThenI got into reading Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Legacy books which kind of where a bit clincher for me. I was already intrigued and then it was like *lightbulb moment*.
Sidenote: I do definitely recommend those books, BDSM content or not. The writing itself is quite amazing and I adore the story she tells you. It's just good reading, with some fun kink in it too!
Anyway, it definitely helped that my boyfriend and I were reading at them at the same time and having the same lightbulb moments
Reading the trilogy that makes up the second half of her story was actually rather unsettling for us at times. The relationship between Imriel and Sidonie would be freakishly like ours at times. Still it was really nice to go through the "idea to reality" steps at the same time with him 
it makes us both feel pretty sure about each other, since we know exactly where the other is coming from (and it helps that we had a strong relationship before we started experimenting)
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FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
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Cool! The scene I was talking about wasn't sexual either.
I adore the Kushiel novels too!
*hugs*
FF
I adore the Kushiel novels too!
*hugs*
FF
That's what end up getting me interested as well. Not only hearing about it, but a degree of role-playing online (it wasn't in a explicitly sexual context). That specific instance was interesting, because it was a rather sadistic "character", but when I think about it, it was still submissive in a way. Anyway, other people talking about it and little sessions like that got me wondering.
ThenI got into reading Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Legacy books which kind of where a bit clincher for me. I was already intrigued and then it was like *lightbulb moment*.
Sidenote: I do definitely recommend those books, BDSM content or not. The writing itself is quite amazing and I adore the story she tells you. It's just good reading, with some fun kink in it too!
Anyway, it definitely helped that my boyfriend and I were reading at them at the same time and having the same lightbulb moments
HottieMama
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I was 18 and recently out of the closet. About three months into my relationship with my first girlfriend, I got this book by Patrick Califia called Doc and Fluff. I read it and was blown away. We sat down and I asked her if we could do some of the things in the book. What basically happened was, she would do something to me, and then I would turn around and do it to her. There was no overt D/s dynamic, just kinky exploration. We broke up three years later, but I continued to explore both kink and D/s dynamics with other people. My "play" has certainly been a progression for me. I now like, crave, and truly enjoy many things that I never would have tried way back when. I don't think that will ever stop. I am a sensation junkie. I am always looking for MORE in one way or another.
SirLeo
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I was 16 and had several lovers, 1 an older woman lover that showed me what cock worship was about, 2) an 18 year old from Australia that did the same, and 3) another older woman that was kinky as all get out. These wonderful women opened my eyes to an expanded worls of sexuality. It was cemented in when I was 18 and met a 17 yr old that loved to be Dommed.
Since then many adventures. The last 20 years have all been with m, some on and off the the various flavors that are available. She's the most fantastic woman imaginable.
Since then many adventures. The last 20 years have all been with m, some on and off the the various flavors that are available. She's the most fantastic woman imaginable.
marieR19
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Honestly? I "knew" about my kinks since I was roughly 10 years old. Didn't know the terms, of course, but I knew that I liked being controlled, being ordered around, given a good smack, etc. My friends and I played a lot of "play-pretend" games when I was young, and it often ended up in a blackmail-type scenerio where I'd be the one getting bossed around. I loved it.
I didn't put terms to those feelings until the beginning of 9th grade, when my first girlfriend realized it before me and sent me a link to a bdsm-story on nifty.com.
It would be another 4 years before I actually *tried* anything deliberately bdsm-ish in a relationship. I still consider myself a total beginner in that area, but the leanings have been there for years.
I didn't put terms to those feelings until the beginning of 9th grade, when my first girlfriend realized it before me and sent me a link to a bdsm-story on nifty.com.
It would be another 4 years before I actually *tried* anything deliberately bdsm-ish in a relationship. I still consider myself a total beginner in that area, but the leanings have been there for years.
Kurokami
An Erotic A.I
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As with most good things in my life, BDSM started, for me, with my wife. Course, she was my girlfriend, back then, we must have been nineteen or so. I suppose I had always had a peripheral interest in this type of thing, whenever I'd consume porn (as teenagers are wont to do) it'd inevitably lead to the fetish sites. One day, she discovered my internet history and, after her usual teasing routine (this time she laid out the facts as though she were appalled, and gave me a little time to sweat it out. Evil woman) suggested that it would be something worth exploring, in her mind. I agreed, and she then produced a pair of handcuffs and asked: which of us would wear them?
That time, the answer was her, but we've spent the intervening years exploring both sides of the spectrum and enjoying every minute of it. Which just goes to show that my wife is very, very good for me, even when she's being bad.
That time, the answer was her, but we've spent the intervening years exploring both sides of the spectrum and enjoying every minute of it. Which just goes to show that my wife is very, very good for me, even when she's being bad.
Lilac_Sky
Mistress's Hypnoslut
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I have always known I liked being controlled, dominated, desired. My daydreams were filled with fantasies along those lines for as long as I can remember. But I always thought they were sick daydreams that shouldn't/couldn't be a part of my life.
Then when I was in college, I started reading Anne Rice's vampire books. Which eventually led me to other books my Anne Rice writing under her other names. I picked up Exit to Eden (Rampling) and was hooked, amazed, aroused, comforted. I was not alone in my daydreams! In the beginning of that book, the main character is reading through book titles and mentions The Story of O .... so then I read that book. Wow ... submission and pain and service .... I wanted it all so badly.
My partner at the time would tie me up (yum) and once struck my ass with a belt (I wanted more, he didn't feel comfortable). I discovered lit and read story after story and began investigating things online. Eventually I met Mistress and she took me to where I needed to go .... I am very submissive and very masochistic .... and now I am able to express that and have those needs met ... *happy sigh*
Then when I was in college, I started reading Anne Rice's vampire books. Which eventually led me to other books my Anne Rice writing under her other names. I picked up Exit to Eden (Rampling) and was hooked, amazed, aroused, comforted. I was not alone in my daydreams! In the beginning of that book, the main character is reading through book titles and mentions The Story of O .... so then I read that book. Wow ... submission and pain and service .... I wanted it all so badly.
My partner at the time would tie me up (yum) and once struck my ass with a belt (I wanted more, he didn't feel comfortable). I discovered lit and read story after story and began investigating things online. Eventually I met Mistress and she took me to where I needed to go .... I am very submissive and very masochistic .... and now I am able to express that and have those needs met ... *happy sigh*
MsRoseEvans
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I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who is sharing their past, I am finding it all really interesting and insightful and exactly the sort of thing I was hoping to find here.
I'm just in the shallow end of the pool myself, and don't know how deep I'll end up going. I was introduced to BDSM by a work friend, while he explained "how weird" he was. I was very interested in what he had to say, and took the information home to my then boyfriend and he was a lot rougher with me that night in bed than he normally would be which was an excellent start. Since then we have played lightly now and then, as he isn't really the dom type and just does it now and then as a "special treat" for me. It's starting to heat up a bit as time marches on though, and I recently purchased a few new toys, so I'm really hoping he'll be willing to experiment a bit more.
I'm just in the shallow end of the pool myself, and don't know how deep I'll end up going. I was introduced to BDSM by a work friend, while he explained "how weird" he was. I was very interested in what he had to say, and took the information home to my then boyfriend and he was a lot rougher with me that night in bed than he normally would be which was an excellent start. Since then we have played lightly now and then, as he isn't really the dom type and just does it now and then as a "special treat" for me. It's starting to heat up a bit as time marches on though, and I recently purchased a few new toys, so I'm really hoping he'll be willing to experiment a bit more.
SGrey
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This thread got me to thinking... I always enjoyed being tied up.. told what to do.. etc.. since my first sexual encounter.. but I had a vague memory of tying up my barbie dolls at the age of 12-13 and having them 'rescued' by ken.. though as i got more towards 13 *cough* ken would often kiss and 'do' things to her after he rescued her.. SO I am thinking it started somewhere there.. as I was realising my sexuality lol I also have the(unique ) fun of having an illness called endometriosis.. which pretty much causes it to hurt like hell when i have sex. Eventually, the signals got mixed, and it was all one and the same! haha.. As I have gotten older.. I have been able to define it better.. through reading and learning and watching o.o
Now.. I just.. am what I am.. take it or leave it.. I gave up vanilla a lonnggg time ago, and I would never look back. Mmm ..mango.
) fun of having an illness called endometriosis.. which pretty much causes it to hurt like hell when i have sex. Eventually, the signals got mixed, and it was all one and the same! haha.. As I have gotten older.. I have been able to define it better.. through reading and learning and watching o.oNow.. I just.. am what I am.. take it or leave it.. I gave up vanilla a lonnggg time ago, and I would never look back. Mmm ..mango.
Thank you for posting this, since I have the same ones. Very new to BDSM... just trying to learn more, so feedback is appreciated.
Jenna
The time span between becoming sexually active and discovering that I thoroughly enjoyed 'twisting' the guys I slept with was almost nil.
*laughs*
Reality being what it is; however, I was actually quite lucky in the fact that most of the men I dated were open-minded and adventurous.
Creativity/curiosity is what led me to where I am today. I wanted more than what a person can wrap up inside a manila folder. *shrugs*
*laughs*
Reality being what it is; however, I was actually quite lucky in the fact that most of the men I dated were open-minded and adventurous.
Creativity/curiosity is what led me to where I am today. I wanted more than what a person can wrap up inside a manila folder. *shrugs*
Chiara_searches
no longer
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Only you can answer when is it right. You need to define what are your comfort limits. We as strangers can't define that for you. We can only caution you to be careful, guard personal information, don't put your face on the internet in compromising ways. Actually, in any online situation, whether it be exploring PYL/pyl dynamics or more "mainstream" online lives, take precautions. Here's one thread with some safety tips. Try checking out the BDSM Talk Library for other safety points.
For me, I tried out online because it felt more safe in terms of no physical damage. Generally, I trusted the guy...and I never disclosed anything that I did not already know from him. I did also check online sources for details that he did tell me. Yes, probably a bit of cyber stalking but in the grand scheme of things, you have to be careful. And frankly, my checking caught the few lies he did tell me; and I called him out on those and cleared the air. I also just didn't tell him as much about myself as I know about him.
There are a lot more experienced, and smarter, people on the boards than I, so check out the library and poke around at some of the current threads. There may be more information in those places that you can consider.
brokentoy2011
Virgin
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I started fantasizing about the bondage and domination fairly early on. I have developed a strong sense of who I am and what I need over years of experimenting and alot of "know thyself". I have also been in a place where I was so desperate to find a PYL that I found the wrong one. Regardless of how much you want it, remember that your PYL or pyl can not read your mind. It is supremely unfair to assume they can. Find out what you like and need. It makes it much easier finding someone who can provide that for you.
I had always fantasized about it, but was afraid to ask. One day my husband smacked me on the rear with a hairbrush as I was walking by. He said, " I spanked you." That was all it took; I shared my fantasies, and he was willing to try some different things with me. It slowly evolved into more of a Dom/ Sub relationship over the years. We are both very happy with our lives, and the way things have turned out.
I think that everyone is different, and the main thing is to go slow, figure out together what works, and what doesn't. Trust is the biggest factor, and what has made it successful for us. I know that when he disciplines me it is to help me grow as a person and his submissive.
Happy to serve my Master!
Doula
I think that everyone is different, and the main thing is to go slow, figure out together what works, and what doesn't. Trust is the biggest factor, and what has made it successful for us. I know that when he disciplines me it is to help me grow as a person and his submissive.
Happy to serve my Master!
Doula
I am a sadist and have been since I reached sexual maturity. Before then, yeah, on and off I took pleasure in other people's pain but not like this. It was like, if my idiot brother got punished, I enjoyed it more than the average kid, or if the kid I hated at school got yelled at. When I reached sexual maturity it became a way to show girls I like them, and not in the pulling hair kind of way. I was really confused for a while about it and things got out of hand in middle school.
Pair that with a mental disorder and I found myself in a mental hospital for 10 months followed by juvi followed by court mandated psychologist visits until I turned 25.
I still have anger issues and I can't claim for them to be under control because I haven't really been tested enough to know for sure. I know the warning signs though and luckily I have a pretty understanding wife and family.
But, basically, I started by forcing myself on girls that liked me but learned pretty quickly that that's frowned upon. So now I only force myself on my wife. I'm joking a little bit.
Pair that with a mental disorder and I found myself in a mental hospital for 10 months followed by juvi followed by court mandated psychologist visits until I turned 25.
I still have anger issues and I can't claim for them to be under control because I haven't really been tested enough to know for sure. I know the warning signs though and luckily I have a pretty understanding wife and family.
But, basically, I started by forcing myself on girls that liked me but learned pretty quickly that that's frowned upon. So now I only force myself on my wife. I'm joking a little bit.
A woman made me do it!LOL
Actually, it was a beautiful blond who was my lover when I was in my twenties who loved to be bound and blindfolded who introduced me to BDSM play. I quickly discovered I love sexually dominating a woman ( but only if she enjoys being dominated, I hasten to add).
Actually, it was a beautiful blond who was my lover when I was in my twenties who loved to be bound and blindfolded who introduced me to BDSM play. I quickly discovered I love sexually dominating a woman ( but only if she enjoys being dominated, I hasten to add).
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