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ownership- what does it mean you?

switchbitch

switchbitch

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 22, 2010
Posts
2,545
The title is pretty much self-explanatory, what does ownership mean to you from either side of the coin.
What makes you feel owned?
What makes you feel that you own?
How far does ownership push your emotions?
Do you feel more or less the longer you are owned or own someone?
It is not just idle curiosity that makes me ask these questions. Lately it seems that the emotions driven by ownership seem much stronger for me and I am trying to get my head around it.
I would love to hear about your attitude to your experiences whether from the dominant or submissive side or both.
 
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From my submissive views:

Being owned to me comes as a relief since my Dom has the means to a secure life for me and my children (as I had to really stay on top of my x to make sure we didnt end up in financial ruin [which happened anyway]) and the life experience to make the right choices for all of us. With Him in control my only responsibility is being a mother to my children and keeping myself the way he likes which makes everything easier for Him and, in turn, for me. Its not like now I am a doormat / non thinking robot, this lifestyle makes it easier for me to fully give in & fully give Him all of myself.
 
Although Sir's and my relationship is D/s, we prefer to think of ourselves as "owning" each other's hearts in love, commitment and devotion.

My ex husband was domineering and controlling, not in a good way. He was also insecure and jealous, which led to manipulative and criticizing behaviour, which made me feel bad. Consequently, the words "ownership" and "property" sit badly in my mind.
 
My Master is Grimfalcon. Some of you probably have read his stories. He is my everything.

Ownership to me is this deep encompassing warmth. Under Master's ownership I feel protected, loved and cherished. He is a guiding force in my life. While I can certainly make my own decisions and act independently, I look to him for advice and support. He is my rock and foundation in ways no other man has ever been for me. The trust I have in him is so deep that it never even faltered when for almost 16 months we had been ripped apart by something on his end that he really couldn't help or control.

Through that whole incident our love never faltered either. When we came back together more recently after that incident, we both realized how much we had thought about each other and how much our love for each other had brought us back together despite the situation on his end. True love cannot be kept apart. Soul mates cannot be kept apart and I truly believe Master and I are soul mates. It's the only explanation I have for how we can tell what the other is thinking and how I can even when talking online anticipate his desires and needs and do my best to cater to them. It's rather uncanny at times and he's accused me of reading his mind. Yet at times he does the same to me. We are just so in tune with each other.

My loyalty to my Master is very deep, always has been. Deeper than what I have felt toward other men I've been with in the past.

Everyday I feel myself more bonded to him in ways that I find hard to explain. It's like he is this deep intrinsic part of me. When we had been ripped apart for that 16 months I almost lost myself those first few months. More than half of me was missing. I wasn't myself. I went through the motions of living every day but they were only motions and I was merely a shell of myself. My friends, bless them, did everything they could to help me through the pain. I tried moving on, tried looking for someone else after a year had passed but I couldn't bring myself to date anyone. All I wanted and needed was Master. It turned out, he needed me as much as I needed him.

He is always there in my head. When I'm working, when I'm asleep, and when I am just going through my daily activities. I'll be researching something online and run across a sword I think he might like or a carved knife or some other item I know would hold his interest, and I'll smile and then make a mental note and tuck it away for the future. I will be at the grocery store and I'll see a bottle of Ketchup and remember how he likes ketchup on almost everything and I'll smile. There is always something that reminds me of him.

Maybe Master will chime in and post his feelings as well.

I love you Master. Always. :heart::kiss::rose::heart:
 
Bluedragonfly16 said:
From my submissive views:

Being owned to me comes as a relief since my Dom has the means to a secure life for me and my children (as I had to really stay on top of my x to make sure we didnt end up in financial ruin [which happened anyway]) and the life experience to make the right choices for all of us. With Him in control my only responsibility is being a mother to my children and keeping myself the way he likes which makes everything easier for Him and, in turn, for me. Its not like now I am a doormat / non thinking robot, this lifestyle makes it easier for me to fully give in & fully give Him all of myself.
Click to expand...

I don't think you sound like a doormat I think you sound like someone who enjoys their position and knowing what it is.
 
Bandit58 said:
Although Sir's and my relationship is D/s, we prefer to think of ourselves as "owning" each other's hearts in love, commitment and devotion.

My ex husband was domineering and controlling, not in a good way. He was also insecure and jealous, which led to manipulative and criticizing behaviour, which made me feel bad. Consequently, the words "ownership" and "property" sit badly in my mind.
Click to expand...

Your ex sounds abusive not owning. In order to own you have to respect that which you own and like or love it. Otherwise why would you bother to own it? Even if it is something simple like owning a car you tend to buy something that appeals to you as much as you are financially able, even more so when it is owning another person's heart and sexual soul.
Very sorry that happened to you abusive relationships are horrible, also very glad you have moved past it onto something worthwhile.
 
GrimsPet said:
My Master is Grimfalcon. Some of you probably have read his stories. He is my everything.

Ownership to me is this deep encompassing warmth. Under Master's ownership I feel protected, loved and cherished. He is a guiding force in my life. While I can certainly make my own decisions and act independently, I look to him for advice and support. He is my rock and foundation in ways no other man has ever been for me. The trust I have in him is so deep that it never even faltered when for almost 16 months we had been ripped apart by something on his end that he really couldn't help or control.

Through that whole incident our love never faltered either. When we came back together more recently after that incident, we both realized how much we had thought about each other and how much our love for each other had brought us back together despite the situation on his end. True love cannot be kept apart. Soul mates cannot be kept apart and I truly believe Master and I are soul mates. It's the only explanation I have for how we can tell what the other is thinking and how I can even when talking online anticipate his desires and needs and do my best to cater to them. It's rather uncanny at times and he's accused me of reading his mind. Yet at times he does the same to me. We are just so in tune with each other.

My loyalty to my Master is very deep, always has been. Deeper than what I have felt toward other men I've been with in the past.

Everyday I feel myself more bonded to him in ways that I find hard to explain. It's like he is this deep intrinsic part of me. When we had been ripped apart for that 16 months I almost lost myself those first few months. More than half of me was missing. I wasn't myself. I went through the motions of living every day but they were only motions and I was merely a shell of myself. My friends, bless them, did everything they could to help me through the pain. I tried moving on, tried looking for someone else after a year had passed but I couldn't bring myself to date anyone. All I wanted and needed was Master. It turned out, he needed me as much as I needed him.

He is always there in my head. When I'm working, when I'm asleep, and when I am just going through my daily activities. I'll be researching something online and run across a sword I think he might like or a carved knife or some other item I know would hold his interest, and I'll smile and then make a mental note and tuck it away for the future. I will be at the grocery store and I'll see a bottle of Ketchup and remember how he likes ketchup on almost everything and I'll smile. There is always something that reminds me of him.

Maybe Master will chime in and post his feelings as well.

I love you Master. Always. :heart::kiss::rose::heart:
Click to expand...

Thank you that is a lovely post and helped me verbalise for myself many of the things that I feel, particularly the last paragraph.I too find that he is always there in my head no matter what I am doing and that focus makes my entire day feel good.
 
I tend not to think of myself as 'owned' but I do think of myself as 'belonging to him' and I do think of him as mine.

It's probably the same thing, but with different vocabulary.

And within that, it opens up my emotions. I make a conscious effort to not bury my feelings/thoughts/whatever out of fear of rejection. I put it out there. The amount of love I feel for him is near overwhelming at times.

And I always feel more. More everything. More valued. More cherished. More taken care of. More capable of taking on the world.
 
Lizzie_Borden said:
I tend not to think of myself as 'owned' but I do think of myself as 'belonging to him' and I do think of him as mine.

It's probably the same thing, but with different vocabulary.

And within that, it opens up my emotions. I make a conscious effort to not bury my feelings/thoughts/whatever out of fear of rejection. I put it out there. The amount of love I feel for him is near overwhelming at times.

And I always feel more. More everything. More valued. More cherished. More taken care of. More capable of taking on the world.
Click to expand...

it brings a further question: what is ownership?is it merely a sense of belonging, of being a soulmate, a partner?
I don't know if I can answer that question myself. Submissives that I consider owned by me are those who have gifted me with their submission (an awesome gift) and I have accepted . I see them as being mine to play with as I see fit,nurture as I see fit,care for, love and take pride in their achievements as I see fit, and in general own.
 
switchbitch said:
it brings a further question: what is ownership?is it merely a sense of belonging, of being a soulmate, a partner?
I don't know if I can answer that question myself. Submissives that I consider owned by me are those who have gifted me with their submission (an awesome gift) and I have accepted . I see them as being mine to play with as I see fit,nurture as I see fit,care for, love and take pride in their achievements as I see fit, and in general own.
Click to expand...

I tend not to see submission as a gift, or submitting to someone as a gift to them. It's a personality thing, and is just as important, but not more special, than all the other personality tweaks that make people a well matched pair.

Now, since I seem to think that it's all about the matchingness of a couple, the ying and the yang, the complimentary traits that bring people together, then I'd probably say yes, for me it's about the sense of belonging, being a partner in the equal but unever kind of way, the sense of purpose, the sense of having a place in the world.
 
I have also used the phrase, "I belong to him." It's a comforting phrase. Who wouldn't want to feel that sense of belonging? Why don't we all consider ourselves "owned" by our loved ones and family?

Because ownership isn't as comfortable, in my opinion. It is limiting. It says, "you can't do x unless it's sanctioned by the individual/the group" that owns you. It fences me in. Limits my freedom of movement. Limits my choices.

How many people have screamed at their parents - or partners - "you don't own me!" because they felt painfully constricted by the other's parameters and expectations.

To me, ownership means voluntarily embracing all that limitation. It means you'll do everything within your power to live up to those expectations - to respect those parameters. And that can be mad fun. And extremely - irritatingly - challenging.

It means the owner can make unilateral decisions that affect the owned. Obviously, we hope for good owners who will always act responsibly. But even responsible owners make unilateral decisions that challenge the fibers of the owned one's psyche - setting off emotional vibrations that seem like they're going to shake everything apart.

Ironically, because of this, ownership has also served to expand my inner world, and - yes - make me far more comfortable in the outer world. Learning, and trusting, that I actually de belong in "that small patch of earth" that I share with him, over time I've discovered I no longer feel like I don't belong on this planet, in this society, in my own skin.
 
eastern sun said:
I have also used the phrase, "I belong to him." It's a comforting phrase. Who wouldn't want to feel that sense of belonging? Why don't we all consider ourselves "owned" by our loved ones and family?

Because ownership isn't as comfortable, in my opinion. It is limiting. It says, "you can't do x unless it's sanctioned by the individual/the group" that owns you. It fences me in. Limits my freedom of movement. Limits my choices.

How many people have screamed at their parents - or partners - "you don't own me!" because they felt painfully constricted by the other's parameters and expectations.

To me, ownership means voluntarily embracing all that limitation. It means you'll do everything within your power to live up to those expectations - to respect those parameters. And that can be mad fun. And extremely - irritatingly - challenging.

It means the owner can make unilateral decisions that affect the owned. Obviously, we hope for good owners who will always act responsibly. But even responsible owners make unilateral decisions that challenge the fibers of the owned one's psyche - setting off emotional vibrations that seem like they're going to shake everything apart.

Ironically, because of this, ownership has also served to expand my inner world, and - yes - make me far more comfortable in the outer world. Learning, and trusting, that I actually de belong in "that small patch of earth" that I share with him, over time I've discovered I no longer feel like I don't belong on this planet, in this society, in my own skin.
Click to expand...

I think you have delightfully defined ownership. Thank you
 
switchbitch said:
I think you have delightfully defined ownership. Thank you
Click to expand...

Thank you. I forgot to mention something important though. In addition to creating limits, ownership can also force action in directions the owned may not have chosen for themselves.

That's another reason why most people cry "you don't own me." They don't want to be forced to walk paths that they wouldn't choose on their own.
 
eastern sun said:
Thank you. I forgot to mention something important though. In addition to creating limits, ownership can also force action in directions the owned may not have chosen for themselves.

That's another reason why most people cry "you don't own me." They don't want to be forced to walk paths that they wouldn't choose on their own.
Click to expand...
Damn straight.
 
eastern sun said:
Thank you. I forgot to mention something important though. In addition to creating limits, ownership can also force action in directions the owned may not have chosen for themselves.

That's another reason why most people cry "you don't own me." They don't want to be forced to walk paths that they wouldn't choose on their own.
Click to expand...

Okay, now that's an interesting one: there have been plenty of life-changing decisions in my life that have been incited by my wife (who, when I think about it, is my owner in a very real sense ;)) with very little input from me. She's the reason I stayed in Britain, the reason I moved to Japan, the reason I have the job I do now...

And the thing is, each and every one of those decisions has been immensely positive for me. That's what real ownership is to me: the trust I have in her. I feel completely safe in giving her that power to make decisions that affect us both, because I know that she always has my back and would never abuse that power for selfish reasons. She's mine, and I'm hers, and we both know that this is a good way to be.
 
Though I am very dominate and controlling in the bedroom or where ever else I choose to take her I never owned a woman. I may possess her during sex but the power position has never transpired outside of sex. I have never considered trying to dominate outside of sex and I never have forced a woman down a path I knew she did not want.

As far as a woman dominating me I just never see that happening. I have always been resistant to authority over me. Even when I was in the Marine Corp I was known as touchy by my superiors. My ex-wife and I talked about this and she said she controlled me but her yoke was so light I just never knew it.

The idea of ownership outside of sex is foreign to me. However, after my divorce my relationships have been fleeting at best.
 
eastern sun said:
Thank you. I forgot to mention something important though. In addition to creating limits, ownership can also force action in directions the owned may not have chosen for themselves.

That's another reason why most people cry "you don't own me." They don't want to be forced to walk paths that they wouldn't choose on their own.
Click to expand...

Kurokami said:
Okay, now that's an interesting one: there have been plenty of life-changing decisions in my life that have been incited by my wife (who, when I think about it, is my owner in a very real sense ;)) with very little input from me. She's the reason I stayed in Britain, the reason I moved to Japan, the reason I have the job I do now...

And the thing is, each and every one of those decisions has been immensely positive for me. That's what real ownership is to me: the trust I have in her. I feel completely safe in giving her that power to make decisions that affect us both, because I know that she always has my back and would never abuse that power for selfish reasons. She's mine, and I'm hers, and we both know that this is a good way to be.
Click to expand...

This is so true, you do need to have absolute trust that when a pathway is different from one you would have chosen it is going to be good for you. That feeling of absolute trust when you know that they would never abuse that power that you give them is incredibly liberating while constantly underscoring that feeling of delight in ownership.

I don't know if I told you guys (all you wonderful people here at Literotica)lately but you really are a Fucking awsome group. The sharing of your feelings, opinions, information and care that you so unstintingly offer is a truly wonderful thing.
THANKYOU :rose: :rose: :rose:
 
eastern sun said:
I have also used the phrase, "I belong to him." It's a comforting phrase. Who wouldn't want to feel that sense of belonging? Why don't we all consider ourselves "owned" by our loved ones and family?

Because ownership isn't as comfortable, in my opinion. It is limiting. It says, "you can't do x unless it's sanctioned by the individual/the group" that owns you. It fences me in. Limits my freedom of movement. Limits my choices.

How many people have screamed at their parents - or partners - "you don't own me!" because they felt painfully constricted by the other's parameters and expectations.

To me, ownership means voluntarily embracing all that limitation. It means you'll do everything within your power to live up to those expectations - to respect those parameters. And that can be mad fun. And extremely - irritatingly - challenging.

It means the owner can make unilateral decisions that affect the owned. Obviously, we hope for good owners who will always act responsibly. But even responsible owners make unilateral decisions that challenge the fibers of the owned one's psyche - setting off emotional vibrations that seem like they're going to shake everything apart.

Ironically, because of this, ownership has also served to expand my inner world, and - yes - make me far more comfortable in the outer world. Learning, and trusting, that I actually de belong in "that small patch of earth" that I share with him, over time I've discovered I no longer feel like I don't belong on this planet, in this society, in my own skin.
Click to expand...

Love all of this.

I find those limits to be quite comforting, though.

Yes, sometimes some things can be bloody annoying, but at the same time, I find it's those things that I have to pause, and think about and actively do something about, rather than the easy limitations that just meld into the 'normal' of life, to be the ones that give me the most sense of ownership, the biggest sense of comfort.
 
Lizzie_Borden said:
Love all of this.

I find those limits to be quite comforting, though.

Yes, sometimes some things can be bloody annoying, but at the same time, I find it's those things that I have to pause, and think about and actively do something about, rather than the easy limitations that just meld into the 'normal' of life, to be the ones that give me the most sense of ownership, the biggest sense of comfort.
Click to expand...

I loved that response, to me I think maybe I see ownership as a voluntary giving of yourself. However when someone tries to enslave I don't equate that with ownership, if someone doesn't give themselves to you then no matter how hard you try, now matter what you inflict you will never truly own them.
 
I really like how ES and GrimsPet put it. But for me, although I know I feel owned, I'm not sure I can articulate how I know. It's like trying to describe love. I will think about it though, because it's a very nice topic to think about!
 
Good timing for this question. I am a owned submissive. I received a pm recently from someone claiming that because I am in a LDR then I can not be owned, and that only slaves are owned not submissives. That I can not be owned because I am married to someone else. I ignored that bitchy email but this is what I was thinking.

Being owned to me is similar to my Daddy owning a weekend beach house. He loves that beach house, it is something he thinks of all week long. He never lets anyone use it without his permission. Even when he does invite someone to use it he is there watching it, protecting it.

He has a caretaker for the house who has cared for the home forever and loves the house as much as he does. Daddy trusts the caretaker to make decisions about the house in his absence. But there are rooms in the house that even the caretaker does not enter. There are secrets of that house that the caretaker doesn't want to know, and belong only to Daddy.

Daddy uses the house when he wants, in what ever way he wants to use it. He can take down walls and rebuild them as he wishes. He can make changes on a whim. Or the changes can come from months of planning. He can do that because he owns it.

Daddy may rent other houses. Sometimes just for a night, sometimes for longer periods.

The beach house will always be his favorite. He doesn't own the other houses so he can't make changes or do what ever he wants with them. He always comes back to his beach house. It is comfortable. It is home. It will always be there for him. He is proud of his beach house and is always telling people how much he cares for it. Even his rental houses know how much he loves the beach house.

He will grow old in that beach house because he owns it. It is his.

~~and that beach house would be beaming with ecstatic joy because the feeling of being owned makes her feel grounded and secure. No hurricane, tornado or blizzard will ever wash her away. She will always be loved, cared for, and protected~~
 
ecstaticsub said:
Good timing for this question. I am a owned submissive. I received a pm recently from someone claiming that because I am in a LDR then I can not be owned, and that only slaves are owned not submissives. That I can not be owned because I am married to someone else. I ignored that bitchy email but this is what I was thinking.

Being owned to me is similar to my Daddy owning a weekend beach house. He loves that beach house, it is something he thinks of all week long. He never lets anyone use it without his permission. Even when he does invite someone to use it he is there watching it, protecting it.

He has a caretaker for the house who has cared for the home forever and loves the house as much as he does. Daddy trusts the caretaker to make decisions about the house in his absence. But there are rooms in the house that even the caretaker does not enter. There are secrets of that house that the caretaker doesn't want to know, and belong only to Daddy.

Daddy uses the house when he wants, in what ever way he wants to use it. He can take down walls and rebuild them as he wishes. He can make changes on a whim. Or the changes can come from months of planning. He can do that because he owns it.

Daddy may rent other houses. Sometimes just for a night, sometimes for longer periods.

The beach house will always be his favorite. He doesn't own the other houses so he can't make changes or do what ever he wants with them. He always comes back to his beach house. It is comfortable. It is home. It will always be there for him. He is proud of his beach house and is always telling people how much he cares for it. Even his rental houses know how much he loves the beach house.

He will grow old in that beach house because he owns it. It is his.

~~and that beach house would be beaming with ecstatic joy because the feeling of being owned makes her feel grounded and secure. No hurricane, tornado or blizzard will ever wash her away. She will always be loved, cared for, and protected~~
Click to expand...

that's a really wonderful analogy and speaks to the idea that ownership does not necessarily equate with monogamy, something I wholeheartedly agree with.
 
Monogamy as a requirement for ownership never even occurred to me. *giggles*
 
I am not sure if I am qualified to answer but the left wing humanitarian side of me doesn't like the idea of ownership. I see it more as a partnership of people forfilling the needs and wants of the wonderful people involved.
If I was standing before, sorry kneeling before the one, I would freely submit to their wishes knowing that we equally revealing in the experience
 
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