How a good girl can become a bad girl in the bedroom

[tiny_tits]

First of all, apologies up front for
(a) not looking back beyond the first few pages for a similar thread
(b) the use of 'girl' instead of woman or female. Somehow, "Bad Woman" doesn't sound quite right.
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I'm looking for tips, tricks and hints for the inhibited or shy woman who needs to learn how to let go. Ideas on how to be a bad girl in the sense of letting go and allowing yourself to enjoy what the world of sex has to offer.

I really feel I have a ways to go. I know its not just as simple as stripping and crawling to him on my hands and knees, or just jumping on the bed naked.

What I'm looking for are hints on being seductive, exciting, erotic.

How about use of sex toys, props, dressing naughty, Kind of a 'how to turn up my personal volume'. But more in a technical sense, rather than discussing my personal self esteem.

So guys, what is a turn on for you in the bedroom?
Girls, what helped you become more exotic / erotic / naughty in the bedroom?

*PS* I am not looking for PM's.
If you respond to this topic by PM, consider this as your response:

Thank you for your reply, but please respond on the thread, so others can agree / add to / disagree.

[wishingyou]

Are you looking for tips on how to be a bad girl for a specific guy or just guys in general?

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by wishingyou

Are you looking for tips on how to be a bad girl for a specific guy or just guys in general?

More in general. Need to up my game.

[wishingyou]

I'd probably recommend you find someone willing to experiment and try all kinds of things with. Someone your willing to be 100% comfortable with. Then make a list of positions, toys, places that you would like to try and see which ones your comfortable with. This way you know what things you are and aren't willing to do. You should be comfortable with whatever bad girl things you do because if your not guys will notice.

List:
- vaginal
- anal
- oral

Places:
- home bed
- home shower
- home kitchen
- car
- office
- bathroom
- field

Toys
- whips
- dildo (anal, vag)
- wax
- food
- straps
- cuffs

Etc

[wishingyou]

I also think every guy is different. Some want more dominant woman others want more submissive. It's hard to please everyone so know what you want and like then do that better and better.

What do you envision a bad girl is?

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by wishingyou

I'd probably recommend you find someone willing to experiment and try all kinds of things with. Someone your willing to be 100% comfortable with. Then make a list of positions, toys, places that you would like to try and see which ones your comfortable with. This way you know what things you are and aren't willing to do. You should be comfortable with whatever bad girl things you do because if your not guys will notice.

List:
- vaginal
- anal
- oral

Places:
- home bed
- home shower
- home kitchen
- car
- office
- bathroom
- field

Toys
- whips
- dildo (anal, vag)
- wax
- food
- straps
- cuffs

Etc

It's not so much finding the right person- I mean. it is, but that's another topic.

I usually only follow the lead of the guy in the bedroom, and I want to be better than that. Make sense?

As far as your list, all are on the table.

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by wishingyou

I also think every guy is different. Some want more dominant woman others want more submissive. It's hard to please everyone so know what you want and like then do that better and better.

What do you envision a bad girl is?

One that takes the lead and teases, excites, ect. - again, not just follow the lead of the guy.

[Ronster1953]

I don't think this is an immediate process, as you gain experience you will gain confidence. This is part of the growing up process, enjoy your journey.

[leatherleaf]

.......

[base10]

Originally Posted by tiny_tits

One that takes the lead and teases, excites, ect. - again, not just follow the lead of the guy.

A slow teasing striptease, have him sit on the couch/bed tell him not to get up. By the time you are naked and begin walking over to him you should be free to do whatever your naughty heard desires. Your lead

[hoyaspartybronc]

Originally Posted by Ronster1953

I don't think this is an immediate process, as you gain experience you will gain confidence. This is part of the growing up process, enjoy your journey.

I agree. When I started dating my hubby he very slowly and methodically turned me into his naughty lil wifey that I am today. Just take it slow and one step at a time.

[monoblanco]

Originally Posted by Ronster1953

I don't think this is an immediate process, as you gain experience you will gain confidence. This is part of the growing up process, enjoy your journey.

Agreed!

First and foremost, enjoy yourself and do what you enjoy.

You are a beautiful young woman with many pleasurable years ahead of you.

Many years ago, I was dating someone at the time who was about your age. Both of us wanted to do what you're talking about.

Something that really helped her out was a few books on various topics. So if you're into research, here are some suggestions:

"Exhibitionism for the Shy" - Carol Queen

Holy underwear! What a great book! Helped both of us out in innumerable ways.

"The Fine Art of Erotic Talk" - Bonnie Gabriel

If talk is your thing, I highly recommend it!

I could go on, but those are the first two that jumped out at me from the bookshelf.

But again, do what you enjoy. And build on that. It's who you are that will really turn your partners on.

[MeekMe]

I don't think it's really a matter of follow these three great tips to being more "bad girl." Sounds like a terrible Cosmo article on sex tips.

If you want to take charge just do it. Are you looking to excite and pleasure a mate? I think that's what you want. In that case do the things you think are going to do that for him. It's a matter of experience and time.

For the most part, if you're naked with him he's going to like whatever you do. I always keep in mind that it's good to just feel. Outside of sex certain actions seem strange or awkward, but in the moment it's sexy and awesome.

Maybe you could elaborate more on what you're hoping to get from this thread if my post is too vague. f^_^;

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by leatherleaf

Sounds like you have a dominant streak a mile wide.

To do it right you'd really need to read some stuff, talk with your partner, etc.

But it sounds like you are roleplaying to the purpose of surprising someone. So you have to get into a mindset. When you get the guy in the bedroom he's there for your benefit not for his - understand that and embrace it. What you say goes. Failure to comply is a deal breaker. Next you have to direct - put his hands where you want them - they belong to you anyway. If he fails in any aspect then he needs to be scolded.

This also requires knowledge for yourself of your body and mind. What do you like? Take what you like. There's not one single thing in the world sexier than a woman who knows what she wants (sometimes that's to lead and sometimes that's to follow).

If you want technical advice -

Clothing - Anything can be sexy but you gotta sell it. An old t-shirt ripped in strategic places. Panties and bra. NOT freaking pajamas unless the guy is into ageplay. No sweatpants. A friend buys my wife pajamas every birthday. That is the cockblockingest move ever! Color makes the role. If you are being dominant then black, red, purple. If you are being sub then pink, white, etc. Again you have to sell it.

Toys - hard to go wrong. I don't know of any guy who wouldn't enjoy watching a woman use a toy on herself.

Its hard to know what's going to turn on your partner until you talk. But using general roleplaying might help them tell you what they did enjoy and didn't so you can adjust next time.

J

Actually, I've been submissive my whole life, and feel it has inhibited my 'bad girl' characteristics. It's not that I want to dominate, just 'contribute more'.

No pajamas, ever.

Toys- OMG, I've never done that in front of someone, but willing to try. Turning red as I even type that.

Not really sure how to even begin role playing- how to even start it? Dress as a school girl maybe?

(Thanks- this helps)

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by monoblanco

Agreed!

First and foremost, enjoy yourself and do what you enjoy.

You are a beautiful young woman with many pleasurable years ahead of you.

Many years ago, I was dating someone at the time who was about your age. Both of us wanted to do what you're talking about.

Something that really helped her out was a few books on various topics. So if you're into research, here are some suggestions:

"Exhibitionism for the Shy" - Carol Queen

Holy underwear! What a great book! Helped both of us out in innumerable ways.

"The Fine Art of Erotic Talk" - Bonnie Gabriel

If talk is your thing, I highly recommend it!

I could go on, but those are the first two that jumped out at me from the bookshelf.

But again, do what you enjoy. And build on that. It's who you are that will really turn your partners on.

I will check those out- thanks!

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by hoyaspartybronc

I agree. When I started dating my hubby he very slowly and methodically turned me into his naughty lil wifey that I am today. Just take it slow and one step at a time.

But I don't feel like I'm progressing that much- which is why I'm here.

[elite2013]

As whishingyou says - everyone is different. Personally I don't think you need worry about having a check list of things you need to do to please a bf. As you get closer to each other as the relationship develops you can feel confident in asking each other what you want to experiment with and what is definitely "off the menu".

No man has ever fallen in love with a girl but dumped her because she didn't perform specific acts.

Your own natural dirtiness will shine through, as will theirs. If it feels good, then it probably is.

Here's a thought: If a partner wanted to spank your butt or wanted anal or anything else, you could say you would try it but, you have to be able to do it to them as well.

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by MeekMe

I don't think it's really a matter of follow these three great tips to being more "bad girl." Sounds like a terrible Cosmo article on sex tips.

If you want to take charge just do it. Are you looking to excite and pleasure a mate? I think that's what you want. In that case do the things you think are going to do that for him. It's a matter of experience and time.

For the most part, if you're naked with him he's going to like whatever you do. I always keep in mind that it's good to just feel. Outside of sex certain actions seem strange or awkward, but in the moment it's sexy and awesome.

Maybe you could elaborate more on what you're hoping to get from this thread if my post is too vague. f^_^;

Ugh- hate Cosmo. If that's what this sounds like, then I am fucking this up too.

I am willing to contribute more, and yes, want to 'excite and pleasure a mate', but it seems to be 'groundhog day' in bed. I'm probably not inspiring more creative sex, and want to.

Problem is, trying to learn tips and tricks on how to do this.

I will check out the books listed earlier... esp. on dirty talking.

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by elite2013

Your own natural dirtiness will shine through, as will theirs. If it feels good, then it probably is.

...but it hasn't

[monoblanco]

Originally Posted by tiny_tits

But I don't feel like I'm progressing that much- which is why I'm here.

In your OP, you said you want to be less shy and inhibited, yes?

Be patient. It definitely takes time.

Experiment. Find out what you like and what your lover likes. Do what you're comfortable with and when you work up the courage, go a little bit beyond your comfort zone. Not too far, because then you run the risk of becoming more shy, introverted, etc.

Are there specific things you want to do but have thus far been to shy to try out? If you have a lover you trust, start out by talking with him/her about that, but not while you're having sex. Make it a conversation with your clothes on. Then, when you're ready, it's time to play and experiment with what you're both comfortable with.

for me, it's really all about communication. Both internally, and with a partner.

Get in touch with what you like, and then have an open, honest conversation with your lover.

Good luck! And enjoy!

[tiny_tits]

Originally Posted by monoblanco

In your OP, you said you want to be less shy and inhibited, yes?

Be patient. It definitely takes time.

Experiment. Find out what you like and what your lover likes. Do what you're comfortable with and when you work up the courage, go a little bit beyond your comfort zone. Not too far, because then you run the risk of becoming more shy, introverted, etc.

Are there specific things you want to do but have thus far been to shy to try out? If you have a lover you trust, start out by talking with him/her about that, but not while you're having sex. Make it a conversation with your clothes on. Then, when you're ready, it's time to play and experiment with what you're both comfortable with.

for me, it's really all about communication. Both internally, and with a partner.

Get in touch with what you like, and then have an open, honest conversation with your lover.

Good luck! And enjoy!

Okay, let's talk about communication.

When / how do you discuss things? Over dinner? In bed, before, after? In the car?
"Hey, hon, let's try anal tonight"?

[monoblanco]

Originally Posted by tiny_tits

Okay, let's talk about communication.

When / how do you discuss things? Over dinner? In bed, before, after? In the car?
"Hey, hon, let's try anal tonight"?

Yep, that's a very good question.

It takes practice to figure out how to communicate well, especially about something intimate like sex and sexuality.

Since you mentioned it, if anal is the topic you want to discuss (or whatever else it may be), others may give you different advice, but this is what I would do.

When and where is happens will depend. It's got to be a time that you are and feel your partner is receptive to having an honest conversation.

Quite frankly, especially if he is your age, your lover is likely to be at least as nervous as you are talking openly about sex as you may be.

I would start simple. Tell him the things you enjoy doing with him and ask him to tell you the things he enjoys doing with you (in bed obviously).

Then ask him if there are things you haven't done together but which he'd like to do. If he doesn't ask you the same question, you follow up by telling him the thing or things you'd like to try.

Personally, I wouldn't jump right in to, "I wanna try anal!"

That puts him on the spot and he's likely to respond negatively as positively.

You could even make a game out of it. Word association, for example, or 20 questions, or never have I ever...

But again, be patient, and most importantly, have fun!

[elite2013]

Originally Posted by tiny_tits

...but it hasn't

It will. Don't worry. You enjoy sex right? If you do then you will enjoy more and varied sex. This seems to me (I'm no expert though) to simply be a confidence thing. You could start small I guess, by telling your bf that you like having a certain thing done to you, and do they like anything done to them. Remember, there's every chance that the young man you're with feels exactly as you do - he wants to impress you in bed (or at least he should), but is perhaps not confident enough to ask you what you like. So just go ahead and ask.

The lucky bastard. I wish it was me

[Scrubber]

For myself I don't like discussing stuff in advance as such. It's generally awkward (especially being a Brit!).

I have found that setting up Tumblr accounts and posting porn pics or gifs that we like the look of is a good way to get an idea of what to do without having to discuss the ABCs of it all. Or to email sexy pics with a short message along the lines of "wouldn't this be fun to try?"

As for being sexy; confidence is the key, I think. Don't be afraid to be vocal about your appreciation if he is doing something you really like. Don't be afraid to use props. Licking cream or chocolate off one another can be fun. Bringing a hot tea or coffee to bed and then warming up your mouth up before giving a BJ is fun. Especially if you can do it surreptitiously so he is not expecting it.

[monoblanco]

Originally Posted by elite2013

The lucky bastard. I wish it was me

Amen