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Old 05-05-2011, 01:46 PM   #26
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I used to have grand hopes of someday coming out. As my retirement from the military neared, I became bolder. I took a weekend trip to the Castro to experience the lifestyle. I told a dear friend about my sexuality. The experience was liberating, even though I didn't get laid in San Francisco (Really? Who doesn't get laid in San Francisco?) and Lori, the friend I told, was still in the service and is lesbian (no big risk there).

I had some conversations with my mother that, while the actual subject never came up, led me to believe she would be nothing less than accepting and our relationship would never change. (That was shortly after my nephew came out to my mother and my sister--his mom.) I'm not sure if the experience with my nephew caused my mother to reflect generally on her feelings, or if she was trying to tell me something specific she thought I might need to know. The effect was that I know if I ever decide I no longer need to be discreet, my mom will be the first person I tell. Though I'm not sure she needs to know unless I find a fella I'd like her to meet.

When I started seeing the woman who is now my wife, I tried to hint to her that I was not completely heterosexual. But I suppose I chickened out because she led me to believe she would not accept me if I was into men at all. In hindsight, I probably should have let her go on her way but I was smitten and rationalized that in a monogamous relationship, it shouldn't matter.

What I've discovered is that it does matter. Because I'm not the person she thinks I am, and this has transcended to many different aspects of our relationship, I feel alienated from her. I feel like I can't be myself around her, and I hide many things. She's not the person I thought I married either, but I suppose that's common. I have been faithful, because I still believe in the commitment I made when I said "I do."

But being completely honest here, I can't promise I would be able to muster all the moral fortitude my rhetoric suggests if some hot nekkid guy was standing in front of me, beckoning me with a "fuck me" look in his eyes. Geez, Marvin Gaye songs are already running through my head. lol In fact, I did pursue the possibility of an affair at one point, though in the end I couldn't go through with it. Wanna hear something funny? As luck would have it, one woman I met and began to consider, backed away when she discovered her husband had been looking at gay porn. That should have been my first clue that an affair was not the way to handle my desire for intimacy.

So why do I continue on this path? I don't know. Weakness of character, I suppose. I think I've said this before. The irony is that when I didn't consider myself bisexual (years ago), I believed my secret attraction to men was a character flaw. Now that I am secure in my bisexuality, I consider the secret of my attraction to men to be the character flaw.
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Old 05-06-2011, 10:23 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by mrbimystery View Post
I think one of my biggest fears ever is people finding out that i like having sex with men as much as i like having sex with women. I also have a huge fear that they will find out about my desire to dress as a woman. so my question to the lit community is have you ever been found out? What happened? How did you cope?

I know this isnt your typical "favorite shemale" or "first time" thread but i think its important we support each other beyond just sex as well.
i was found out , i was dressed as a woman complete with wig and make-up the whole works , happily doing the housework and humming along to the radio when a woman from several doors along the road walked in to borrow something and caught me , she stood speechless for a while and then asked if it was really me and blushing red i told her it was and she started to smile and then she asked how long and i told her all my life , she asked for a coffee which i made and she sat down and looked me up and down and asked how i managed to walk in such high heels and i showed her and then sat down and she asked what it felt like and what other clothes i had and i asked if she wanted to see my wardrobe and took her to see and she was fascinated and went through everything and we talked for a while longer and she said she would like to see me again while i was dressed and i told her okay then she said sshe had to get back to tell her husband and i begged her not to but she assured me he would be fine with it and several days later she brought him dsown with her and he was charming and quite nice about it and she had even sorted out some clothes for me , we stayed friends and still i invite her over for coffee even though she has moved and she still buys me little presents like a bra and knicker set or some earrings when she comes over .
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Old 05-07-2011, 04:25 PM   #28
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i was found out , i was dressed as a woman complete with wig and make-up the whole works , happily doing the housework and humming along to the radio when a woman from several doors along the road walked in to borrow something and caught me , she stood speechless for a while and then asked if it was really me and blushing red i told her it was and she started to smile and then she asked how long and i told her all my life , she asked for a coffee which i made and she sat down and looked me up and down and asked how i managed to walk in such high heels and i showed her and then sat down and she asked what it felt like and what other clothes i had and i asked if she wanted to see my wardrobe and took her to see and she was fascinated and went through everything and we talked for a while longer and she said she would like to see me again while i was dressed and i told her okay then she said sshe had to get back to tell her husband and i begged her not to but she assured me he would be fine with it and several days later she brought him dsown with her and he was charming and quite nice about it and she had even sorted out some clothes for me , we stayed friends and still i invite her over for coffee even though she has moved and she still buys me little presents like a bra and knicker set or some earrings when she comes over .
That sounds like a pleasant friendship. Im actually kinda glad that it didnt end with you all having a 3sum. it would have been a little too unbelievable then
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Old 05-10-2011, 01:48 PM   #29
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I guess I've been 'busted' a few times. There was the time I went to a party in Orange County and hoooked up with the gay guy I met there. After hitting on several women and getting shot down, I found myself in a bedroom with the gay guy and a few others, doing hits on some kind of drug I hadn't done before. Next thing you know I'm sucking his cock and he's loving it. The others left the room and locked the door, he and I got into it seriously. Humping, fucking, making lots of noise...we had a great time. He fucked me with his small dick, then pulled out and I took all his cum.
Later the next week the assistant teacher in my Tai Chi class tried hitting on me...he'd obviously been clued in by some mutual friends that were at the party. Other than that there weren't any consequenses.
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Old 05-11-2011, 11:12 AM   #30
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Secrets

I made the mistake of admitting my interest in cock to my first wife. She accepted it, kept it a secret (I think), and it actually spiced up the bedroom a bit. However, when things turned south and we ended up divorcing, BOY did it come out in spades despite the fact that she though it was just a fantasy on my part and I'd never actually done anything. With child support and division of assets involved, her and her lawyer hammered me with it. I was able to successfully deny it (nobody else that knew me believed her and thought she was doing it out of spite), but it cost me dearly in the divorce settlement. I gave her most everything just to shut her up.

My second wife also discovered my bisexuality, and we had several MMF threesomes (mostly her watching me and the other guy). She was much more accepting of it and actually encouraged it. We ended up splitting also, but it was much more amicable and she didn't use my preferences against me like the first one did.
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Old 06-13-2011, 12:45 AM   #31
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I am still sort of closeted (have told some people, not others), but a couple of people have found out through one means or another. In one case, a friend (more of a friend-of-a-friend, really) saw me kissing my boyfriend one day completely at random. Apparently she looked really shocked but I didn't see it.

A couple of my coworkers also know, because apparently one of the patients at the clinic where I work reception has an extremely good gaydar (that or I don't hide it very well) and he always calls me "his gay friend." I didn't see any point in denying it and they were fine with it anyway, so that turned out nicely.
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Old 07-30-2011, 04:30 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by mrbimystery View Post
I think one of my biggest fears ever is people finding out that i like having sex with men as much as i like having sex with women. I also have a huge fear that they will find out about my desire to dress as a woman. so my question to the lit community is have you ever been found out? What happened? How did you cope?

I know this isnt your typical "favorite shemale" or "first time" thread but i think its important we support each other beyond just sex as well.
i have been cross-dressing most of my life and i am in a relationship with a man who loves me dressing up for him , i do not advertise my preferences but i dont hide them either , a lot of my friends have seen me dressed as a woman and know about my lover and they are fine with it , those that arent ring before they call round the rest just accept me as they find me when they turn up and buy me girlie things as presents at christmas and birthdays so i guess it comes down to being happy with who you are and being honest with others ,you have nothing to be ashamed of and you are not alone , just be happy
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Old 07-30-2011, 06:45 AM   #33
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I never like hiding anything from my parents as we are very close. My father is a brilliant man, a college professor and a preacher of his own nondenominational Christian church which he founded a couple years ago and therefore conservative. My mother a very devout woman involved in charity work and conservative. My younger brother is a numskull and general mischief maker.

I came out when I was a senior in high school. The four of us were playing cards and I decided to tell them I was bisexual. I was in tears and nearly choked on my tongue because I expected my father to condemn me. Instead both my parents hugged me and told me everybody in our whole family knew. I asked how come nobody said anything? My dad shrugged and said nobody thought it was important and figured I would talk about it when I was ready. My brother just sat their saying nothing so I asked him what he thought. He shrugged and said he thought it was hot. I tackled and pulverized him. He such a punk.

I am very lucky to have understanding parents. I have discovered my parents are more liberal than I thought.
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:00 AM   #34
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I was not out as a teenager, and I was a little homophobic. In high school, this acquaintance of mine -- part of "my crew" -- was very beautiful. Blonde and plump lips similar to those of Angelina Jolie. Some thought of her as the most popular girl in high school. I didn't even know she was into girls, because she never said so. That changed one day in the bathroom after school. I think we were staying after for some type of school activity. We were checking ourselves out in the mirror, and she gave me a compliment about my smile. I think I said, "Thank you, Stace." Then she very matter of factly said... "You know...I'm into girls, right?"

I was shocked (and a little disturbed). She was like, "I'm just going to say it, I like you." I was also silent, until she moved closer. The girl was always a bit forward with guys, but I didn't expect her to be forward with me. She backed me into the sink a bit, and I was a damn dork...to say the least. Before she could do anything more, I moved away and what did I say? "You're a damn dyke?" Like the asshole I was. She got all angry about my use of the word, and told me to stop being so loud. I think there were people right outside the bathroom. Basically, I told her I'm not into girls and couldn't hang out with her anymore. I also said she was disgusting. A few awkward days later, I got a note from her in class (she'd left it on my desk; surprisingly, no one else got it), and it said that she was in love with me, and that I really broke her heart. It was very dramatic...(teenage stuff) and that she's not really into guys, but that she would date this one guy since I didn't want her. I soon saw her with him (Dillon) all on his arm and laughing adorably. I felt really bad. We never talked again, and people wondered why we weren't hanging out anymore, as we shared the same friends. I felt really, really, really bad. And it still weighs on my mind sometimes. I think what it would have been like to be with her, and what she's doing now. We were both juniors at the time -- 17.

I'm still not fully "out." But, yeah, I guess that counts as my story of almost being found out when I was completely closeted.

Last edited by PricelessT : 08-15-2011 at 04:09 AM. Reason: Typos.
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Old 08-15-2011, 04:42 AM   #35
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Close friends know. Mum n Dad don't. Work people don't.
That's exactly the way it is for me.

My grandparents would have fucking heart attacks- seriously. They are so redneck that they use the word "gay" as an insult. It's fucking ridiculous. My dad shot me over not wanting to mow the lawn (I got a tattoo to cover the scars) so my mom left him and I haven't seen him since, but if he found out, he would literally kill me- not the way most people say, "My did will kill me," my dad tried to facebook friend me the other day, but that motherfucker is crazy. He would kill me- shotgun to the face kill me. Fuck that shit. I don't even want him to know where I live; because it's likely that the fact I live with a gay man (my roommate, not my boyfriend) would be enough for him to assault me.

My mom would probably use it to somehow milk support and money from people. It's kind of her thing.

I just see no reason to tell people at work. I don't go around announcing my gender; I don't (apparently) have a boyfriend to talk about, so its never come up.
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Old 08-15-2011, 08:21 AM   #36
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That's exactly the way it is for me.

My grandparents would have fucking heart attacks- seriously. They are so redneck that they use the word "gay" as an insult. It's fucking ridiculous. My dad shot me over not wanting to mow the lawn (I got a tattoo to cover the scars) so my mom left him and I haven't seen him since, but if he found out, he would literally kill me- not the way most people say, "My did will kill me," my dad tried to facebook friend me the other day, but that motherfucker is crazy. He would kill me- shotgun to the face kill me. Fuck that shit. I don't even want him to know where I live; because it's likely that the fact I live with a gay man (my roommate, not my boyfriend) would be enough for him to assault me.
I'm in the same boat, I hate to say. I haven't had any contact with my psychopath of a father for many years, but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't want to give him any more reason to try and beat me to death. Apparently just existing was enough the first time around, so I shudder to think.

My grandparents found out that I'm bi, they already didn't like me, but I understand they've taken it as more evidence of some serious moral decay taking place in my soul. Just another reason I'm a degenerate; they're pleasant people, if you couldn't already tell. I'm not going to lose much sleep over what they think. My mother also knows, but she's enacted an aggressive policy of ignoring the issue completely, so I guess it's kind of a hot button issue for her, too.

My wife knows, she's great about it, to the point that before we got married she'd encouraged me to explore that side of myself with her, so long as I extended her the same courtesy. Cue a number of MMF/FMF threesomes. We're in a closed marriage right now, but I'm fine with that. Still debating over whether I should come out to my brothers and sisters, though I think they'd be accepting of it. They're pretty cool people, which is surprising, given the calibre of the family we all came out of. I guess insanity skips a generation there, or something.
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Old 08-15-2011, 08:53 AM   #37
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Interesting (and sometimes very sad thread). Not many people know about my bisexual tendencies. My wife knows about the fantasies and she is cool with that but only as long as it stays a fantasy, she is sort of insecure and would worry that if i was with a man it woul dmean i was choosing him over her, which certainly wouyld never be the reality. How did she find out? Well I got busted. She caught me reading gay porn on here. She came home and I had printed out a story I really liked, I had my legs over my head, cock pointedf at my face and a big 9" dildo sliding in and out of my ass. Not much to do in that situation but admit. She then checked the computer and found that I had a lot of gay/bi porn in the history. It was a rocky time for us both. I felt so ashamed and terrible that I had kept this secret from her, she was so angry cos she thought maybe i was gay. We made it through but I knew I had to tone down the truth for her. With regard to coming out to my family and friends, well if i can't be honest iwth my wife i certainly wouldn't tell anyone else first, but if my family knew I'd be an outcast. It can be hard to live wiht a secret, it makes it feel more shameful, but I guess i'm learning to accept it best I can and hope for the day when labels aren't applied in the same ruthles way and e don't have to be pdgeon holed by preconceived incorrect notions about sexuality.
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Old 08-15-2011, 09:07 AM   #38
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i have told one dear friend ( a former girlfriend who I loved madly and now love as one of my very closest friends) and one former co-worker that happens to be gay, that I am bi. I have said to my wife that everyone is bi under the right circumstances, she did not respond, I hoped that would start the conversation but anyway...I think she must know, I wear an anklet and my body is shaved, i beg her to play with my ass, possible hints that I am not exactly 100% hetero I guess but she never brings up the topic, probably feels uncomfortable. I would love to come out and end this secret, a therapist has told me to do just that, my friend told me once to find someone and try it to just to see if it just fantasy, maybe she is right, the forbidden fruit theory. She accepts me as a bisexual guy & that it is really no big deal, I am Dave, and Dave just happens to be bi. My wife on the other hand might not be so understanding.....ugh
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Old 08-18-2011, 02:01 AM   #39
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I'm in the same boat, I hate to say. I haven't had any contact with my psychopath of a father for many years, but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't want to give him any more reason to try and beat me to death. Apparently just existing was enough the first time around, so I shudder to think.

My grandparents found out that I'm bi, they already didn't like me, but I understand they've taken it as more evidence of some serious moral decay taking place in my soul. Just another reason I'm a degenerate; they're pleasant people, if you couldn't already tell. I'm not going to lose much sleep over what they think. My mother also knows, but she's enacted an aggressive policy of ignoring the issue completely, so I guess it's kind of a hot button issue for her, too.

My wife knows, she's great about it, to the point that before we got married she'd encouraged me to explore that side of myself with her, so long as I extended her the same courtesy. Cue a number of MMF/FMF threesomes. We're in a closed marriage right now, but I'm fine with that. Still debating over whether I should come out to my brothers and sisters, though I think they'd be accepting of it. They're pretty cool people, which is surprising, given the calibre of the family we all came out of. I guess insanity skips a generation there, or something.

Yay for fucking Daddy issues...

Seems like you found a good match, though!
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Old 08-19-2011, 11:18 AM   #40
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I've been married for 15 years but have never told my wife I'm bi. I just don't see the point, what she doesn't know can't hurt her.

I experimented with boys when I was young which I've told her about and that's not a problem.

About six months before we met I had not been with a woman for ages so I decided to bring out my gay side which had been hidden away except in fantasies for years. So I had a mad few months meeeting guys for sex sessions and absolutely loved it.

Even though I loved all the cock sucking and being covered in another mans cum I still yearned for women and eventually met my wife.

I decided early on that I wouldn't tell her as I knew she was going to be my life partner and I didn't want to fuck it up.

I've only ever told one other person, a female friend of ours who told me some sexual stuff about herself that my wife didn't know and asked me to keep it secret. I knew I could tell her about my bi side and that she wouldn't tell a soul. Because one time on the phone to me she revealed that she loved watching gay porn. So I told her everything and she couldn't get enough of my stories. I would wank like crazy once she put the phone down.

I've not been with a man during my marriage except for when I paid for a massage off a guy some years ago. I keep everything under control by looking at gay porn and never forgetting to delete my history. I'm sure there's lots of other men out there with similar stories.
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Old 08-19-2011, 12:44 PM   #41
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Mo, there are lots of other men ..and..women I think that are just like you. As long as you aren't chasing every guy that turns you on I think keeping it quiet is the best idea. The disease factor alone would probably doom your marriage. I outed myself just after christmas this past year because I was sick of not being me and my soon to be ex simply could not deal with the feeling of betrayal. I thought we'd share it and explore it but I got a very different reaction so I wish you good luck and think you are making the right choice.
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Old 08-21-2011, 06:24 AM   #42
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Old 08-21-2011, 06:53 AM   #43
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I would want to know if my partner was bi. I think it's totally hot. Then we could watch gay male videos together and I could fuck him with a strap on

But the part about dumping a girlfriend/wife for another guy makes me wonder...if you're into both guys and girls, then is it the difference between being monogamous or polyamorous, that determines if you will stray or not?

In a truly monogamous relationship, both partners don't want to see other people. There are no secret desires to cheat. If you're bisexual, then is the desire for another man always there? So in effect, are you suppressing your need for cock, whilst in a heterosexual relationship?

If yes, then I can see how your wives were concerned that you were going to desire another man and then leave them. But perhaps this is different for different people, regardless of being monogamous or not?
I never don't want to fuck other people. I want to fuck other people right now- but I don't, because I respect my man. Does that mean I'm suppressing my love of pussy? I don't think so... It means I respect my man enough not to act on it. I also look at/think about fucking other guys. But I don't... It's not really a suppression- I had been under the impression that everyone did it. It's a respect/relationship thing.
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Old 08-21-2011, 07:40 AM   #44
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:03 AM   #45
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Does that mean if you didn't respect your man, then you could cheat?
Yeah- I would lie through my fucking teeth- or just strait out be like, "So, I'm gonna go fuck 'insert name here'."

I'm a whore. I don't date people I don't respect. That's a foreign concept to me. Why be in a relationship with someone you don't respect?

My libido and wanderlust don't just shut down because I'm committed- but love keeps me from doing things that will piss him off. If fucking other people will piss him off (and it doesn't always- that's not a universal trait) then I don't do it. I won't completely change my personality, but I do stop doing anything that will piss him off and isn't hugely important.
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Old 08-21-2011, 11:03 AM   #46
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Old 08-21-2011, 11:12 AM   #47
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I wouldn't date or even be friends with someone I didn't respect. But if that was the case, I would just leave. Why waste time on someone, who I don't care for, by cheating? That's just creating more drama, imo.

My question was asking if being bisexual means that you're automatically not truly monogamous? If cheating is a possible outcome, then it is a realistic concern for wives of bisexual men (just going back to the post). The way that I read it, it seemed as if it was a dismissive and insulting point that the wives had made, that had torn into the trust of the broken marriages.

In essence, that, to him, it was a far-flung notion that he would cheat, because he was bisexual. I'm pointing out that it is a real concern for partners of bi-sexuals.

Not respecting the concerns of a partner, is pretty much getting into the area of not respecting the partner, imo.

And yes, if you're not acting upon desires for other people, then that would constitute suppression, imo, regardless if you're bisexual, straight, transexual, gay, etc... Some people are able to focus on one partner, only, without having thoughts about anyone else, while they're in a monogamous relationship. Cheating is not a consideration.
Yeah, I was saying that being bisexual didn't make you more likely to cheat- because i was as likely to leave as with a man or a woman- if I was gay, strait up, I would still look at other guys. To me, a bisexual (or pansexual, maybe) man, it does seem like pretty far-flung concern. To the point that if someone said that to me, I would get upset about it and it would be something we needed to talk about, in the relationship. It's essentially telling me that I can't keep it in my pants just because someone as different parts- you don't fall in love with genitals, you fall in love with people.

This probably isn't relevant, but I also don't consider fucking other people cheating. It's the lieing part that bothers me. If he says he wants to fuck someone else, though he probably won't- strait-edge little fag- I wouldn't have a problem with it, because that doesn't mean he'll leave me- if the other person's a sexual desire and not a love interest. I don't consider that cheating, I actually kinda consider that hot. If we talk about it, and it doesn't bother me. Relationships are weird, because people are weird. Everyone is different.

edit: *bullet point* You don't cheat because of your sexuality; you cheat because you don't respect your partner.
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Old 08-21-2011, 11:27 AM   #48
koalakutie
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Last edited by koalakutie : 09-04-2011 at 12:38 AM. Reason: .....
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Old 08-21-2011, 07:28 PM   #49
momoose
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boredVAwife View Post
Mo, there are lots of other men ..and..women I think that are just like you. As long as you aren't chasing every guy that turns you on I think keeping it quiet is the best idea. The disease factor alone would probably doom your marriage. I outed myself just after christmas this past year because I was sick of not being me and my soon to be ex simply could not deal with the feeling of betrayal. I thought we'd share it and explore it but I got a very different reaction so I wish you good luck and think you are making the right choice.
Thanks hon that's the kind of support I appreciate. I have a great marriage with a lovely woman. I don't know what goes on inside her head or even if she thinks of another man when we have sex. All I care about is that she cums when we make love.

So my fantasies and past experiences with men are not important because I'm not going to screw things up by doing something dumb.

I adore women but secretly also love looking at and thinking about cock. I think I'm in a cool situation but because I can control my feelings....so far.

Best of luck to you I hope you find a woman deserving of you.
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Old 08-22-2011, 05:45 PM   #50
PressNightly
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I finally outed myself to the wife a few months ago. There was a lot that went into my decision, not just the desire to be open about my sexuality. I posted the whole story on this forum and you can probably find it with a little looking.

Ultimately I think it's one of the best things I've ever done, it's really improved the quality of both our sex life and our relationship.

Although I've never cheated on my wife with either gender I know it was probably just a matter of time before it came out, one way or another, and i figured it would have been much better to go to her with it than have her come to me. What I didn't expect was how accepting, and... enthusiastic she was going to be with it. We've been having all kinds of fun exploring all those secret fantasies we've had but never felt we could tell each other about.

So far she's the only person I've told/who's found out, but that's mostly because my dad's a homophobe so I'll never tell him, and with 2 young kids and living in a new city I don't really have any real friends I'd be able to tell anyway. But It feels great that I'll never have to hide it from anyone again, not gonna hang it on my sleve or anything but I'm not gonna run from it like I have all of my life.
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