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Don't feel important in anybody's life?

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Haterade

Really Experienced
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Posts
109
So let's say that you're cool with a lot of people. You're around people a lot for whatever reasons, and you're generally well-rounded with everybody.

But what do you do when you don't feel like you're important to any of those people. None of them are your close friends, you've tried and you can't get close for whatever reason, and you just see yourself as somebody they know of instead of care ginuinely about.

I understand the concept that to receive I must give, but it's much more difficult than that, at least in my experiences.

And nobody really sees it. Everybody thinks I'm friends with somebody else. I'm always laughing and smiling but I'm rarely taken seriously. Well, I'm taken seriously but it's hard to explain.

Admittingly, I'm not one who likes to go out to bars and clubs. Usually when people want to go out, that's their number 1 priority and I because of fears of drinking and driving, I usually just stay away from the temptation. That, in turn, makes me a "boring" person I guess. And I say this to better your understanding.

So what would you do?
 
Haterade said:
So let's say that you're cool with a lot of people. You're around people a lot for whatever reasons, and you're generally well-rounded with everybody.

But what do you do when you don't feel like you're important to any of those people. None of them are your close friends, you've tried and you can't get close for whatever reason, and you just see yourself as somebody they know of instead of care ginuinely about.

I understand the concept that to receive I must give, but it's much more difficult than that, at least in my experiences.

And nobody really sees it. Everybody thinks I'm friends with somebody else. I'm always laughing and smiling but I'm rarely taken seriously. Well, I'm taken seriously but it's hard to explain.

Admittingly, I'm not one who likes to go out to bars and clubs. Usually when people want to go out, that's their number 1 priority and I because of fears of drinking and driving, I usually just stay away from the temptation. That, in turn, makes me a "boring" person I guess. And I say this to better your understanding.

So what would you do?
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Few people have any "real" friends today. Most people are too self-centered to be anyone's friend. We live in a generation of "it's all about me".
 
Nasty_Deeds said:
Few people have any "real" friends today. Most people are too self-centered to be anyone's friend. We live in a generation of "it's all about me".
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Indeed. Things are moving so fast nowadays, everyone's on their own path to "somewhere". We move a lot more than before and don't settle down until much later in life. It's hard to maintain a friendship across the distance, and over all the noises too.

I am not answering the question. I wish I knew the answer too.
 
Haterade said:
So let's say that you're cool with a lot of people. You're around people a lot for whatever reasons, and you're generally well-rounded with everybody.

But what do you do when you don't feel like you're important to any of those people. None of them are your close friends, you've tried and you can't get close for whatever reason, and you just see yourself as somebody they know of instead of care ginuinely about.

I understand the concept that to receive I must give, but it's much more difficult than that, at least in my experiences.

And nobody really sees it. Everybody thinks I'm friends with somebody else. I'm always laughing and smiling but I'm rarely taken seriously. Well, I'm taken seriously but it's hard to explain.

Admittingly, I'm not one who likes to go out to bars and clubs. Usually when people want to go out, that's their number 1 priority and I because of fears of drinking and driving, I usually just stay away from the temptation. That, in turn, makes me a "boring" person I guess. And I say this to better your understanding.

So what would you do?
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You know, I found myself feeling like this quite a bit this week. In highschool, I had two close friends, one in college, and then I got married and my spouse became my close friend. I've never had the whole "Friends" (tv show) experience where I was close to more than two people at one time. Well, my spouse left me, so right now, the only "close" friends I feel I have are people I've met online, and really, I've only opened up to one of them, and we barely talk anymore.

I'm not sure what to do myself, but there's one person I do have in my life, my little girl. Hopefully, one day, we can be close friends.

But yeah, I get the empty feeling inside. Some people fill that void with religion, which is what I would do if I hadn't learned some very disturbing things about the religion I grew up in last week.

Ah well, live one day at a time.
 
qrayze said:
You know, I found myself feeling like this quite a bit this week. In highschool, I had two close friends, one in college, and then I got married and my spouse became my close friend. I've never had the whole "Friends" (tv show) experience where I was close to more than two people at one time. Well, my spouse left me, so right now, the only "close" friends I feel I have are people I've met online, and really, I've only opened up to one of them, and we barely talk anymore.

I'm not sure what to do myself, but there's one person I do have in my life, my little girl. Hopefully, one day, we can be close friends.

But yeah, I get the empty feeling inside. Some people fill that void with religion, which is what I would do if I hadn't learned some very disturbing things about the religion I grew up in last week.

Ah well, live one day at a time.
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Yep, I no longer trust in people I've met online because all you are is a disposable source of friendship. And that goes both ways. I'm not going to say I get abandoned. It's sometimes mutual. Talking via text messages really only lasts for so long. And I have a hard time trusting "true" friendship with somebody I've never even spoken to.

My only semi-close friends are on online videogames which really doesn't mean a whole lot since I don't play much anymore. Yes, it's still online friendships but it feels more real imo.

I usually feel fine during the week because I at least have conversations with people I see on a day-to-day basis. It's the weekends that kill me. I just get so depressed about it. Time will just fly by as I wallow in my own self-pity and fantasies. It sucks. But on Monday, I'm good again. Ironically, I still hope for the weekend just like any normal Joe.

I haven't turned to religion for this because I was already religious growing up. I had bad experiences as a kid watching cliques all around me as I sat alone. It's very surprising how selfish church kids are. But at that time, I had friends and a pretty normal life. I was never troubled or had any problems. I'm pretty successful overall. It's just this. I don't know....
 
My closest friends are all the people I've lived with, my roommates. I think that's the kind of distance, or the amount of time you have to spend with one another, to really get to know another person. Apart from roommates, who has that kind of time anymore nowadays...
 
Religion can be an option for some people, (but probably not everyone), if you don’t take it too seriously. Most people mistakenly look for some kind of spiritual reward in religion, which as practiced today, there is none. If you are looking for God, (or spiritual salvation), you won’t find it in church, rather the average church is just a social group with compatible lifestyles and social values.

If you look for a congregation that shares your lifestyle and social values, you can over time become part of a close-knit community with common interests. There are all kinds of churches and religions, from hate-based, to love-based, to sex-based; just look for one that shares your social values, and don’t take the religious rhetoric too seriously.

Members of a church congregation do the same things and have the same faults as everyone else, they just do what they do discreetly.
 
Time to educate thyself and come to a better way of looking at one's situation.



http://celestinechua.com/blog/

http://celestinechua.com/blog/are-you-looking-for-a-relationship-to-complete-yourself/

Snip-> Singlehood = Incomplete?

Somehow, the mainstream society seems to be hovering at the belief that we are only complete when we have found our life partner – our soulmate. This belief is upheld by many factors around us, such as the wondrous bliss and happiness that’s emanated by people around us who are attached, the romanticization of being together with someone in TV and media, societal and familial pressures to get married, and so on.

Personally as a girl, I’m a true blue romantic at heart. Romantic comedies is my favorite genre of movies and I absolutely relish in the romance aspect of shows I watch. I believe in the concept of soulmates and there being a special someone out there for all of us. I feel extremely happy for people around me who are happily attached.

But the society seems to have portrayed singlehood as some sort of a disease, rather than a perfectly fine state in itself. Because of this, singlehood has become a topic associated with desperation. Many believe that they’re incomplete until they find their soulmate.

Desperation and Singlehood

This leads to anxiety and desperation surrounding the topic, which leads to many pulling their hairs out trying to find ‘the one’. They think about it every day, every time they see couples, every time they see or hear about their friends getting attached, every time they witness a wedding, and every time Valentine’s Day arrives.

The problem is, because these actions are driven or partially driven by acts of desperation, their objective of having a relationship becomes to complete themselves and achieve their idealized state of happiness. They start getting into relationships for the sake of getting into one, rather than because of real, unconditional love.

This desperation leads them to two possible outcomes. The first, they attract and enter into suboptimal relationships. They get together with people who are either not right for them, do not elevate them to become better people or do not treat them with the level of respect they deserve, leading to constant unhappiness and eventual heartache. The second outcome is depression or disappointment when they cannot find the person of their dreams or when they break up with their previous partner.

Myself as a Single

At the time of writing this, I’m single, 24. There have been guys who have entered my life before but I have never been in a serious relationship before. I also have numerous friends my age who have been single their whole lives.

When I was younger, I didn’t think too much about getting a relationship nor gave any special heed to guys around me, partially because my parents had a mandate that I was not allowed to get into a relationship until I graduated (from university! They are really traditional people). While I didn’t specifically tried to adhere to that mandate, I believe it played a subconscious role in my nonchalance towards getting into a relationship in my adolescence years and subsequently remaining in a state of singlehood.

Looking For Mr. Right

In the past few years however, I started opening myself up more and more to looking out for Mr. Right. It was an action that was driven by many varying factors around me. During Chinese New Year, relatives would curiously probe if I have a boyfriend. Friends around me started getting attached, one by one. Whenever I catch up with old friends, they would ask me if I’m attached yet. I started hearing of friends getting wedding invitations from their peers. Common topics among friends included singlehood, dating and relationships and there was a certain exasperation surrounding being single and how ‘time was running out’.

As I opened myself up to the prospect to finding my special someone, I got to know more guys. Over the years, there have been various different guys who expressed interest. However, I just never seemed to find the right match amongst them.

Frustration Surrounding Singlehood

It would get depressing at sometimes. I had different hypotheses, from there being something wrong with the guys around me, me not looking hard enough and not looking in the right places, me being too successful and as a result, intimidating to guys. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I wondered if I was ever going to meet my special someone and if I was going to be single for the rest of my life. I wondered my soulmate accidentally died at some point and I was never going to meet him since he was dead. I wondered if I even had a soulmate to begin with. There was a certain tinge of desperation I viewed for my future, regarding relationships.

It was frustrating. I sat down to really think through this issue. I didn’t understand why something like being in a relationship could actually drive someone to such level of unhappiness. Shouldn’t relationships be a happy thing? Isn’t it supposed to bring me infinite joy? Why would something that is supposed to bring me bliss result in so much unhappiness in myself?

Realization That I Am Complete

It was from my introspection and probing that it finally hit home – I was looking at all of this the wrong way. All the frustration, anticipation and expectations on getting a relationship arose because I was looking for a relationship to complete myself.

For example, I was deferring various aspects of my life to begin only till I find my soulmate. I would think of about how I would go to this place as a romantic getaway when I get together with my special someone. I would think about buying couple gifts with my soulmate. I would see certain items and think about how nice it would be when I get them as gifts from my partner the next time. It resulted in hidden tension and anxiety towards finding my life partner.

The truth is, I am already complete by myself. There is no need for my life partner to enter into my life before all those things can happen. I can already be doing them as and when I want to. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean that I should be putting my life on hold.

I was looking at a relationship as two halves forming a whole, when it should be about two wholes forming a bigger union. When I released myself of my limiting perception, that was when my views towards relationships totally changed. I stopped hinging expectations towards when I should get into a relationship and how it should be like. I stopped looking at relationships with a feeling of desperation. I became grounded in myself. I became truly and perfectly happy in the state of singlehood.

Does this mean I don’t want to be in a relationship? No, I do want to be in a relationship. The difference is that desire stopped being rooted in fear-based emotions. It became rooted in groundedness and love-based emotions. (see next section)

Are You Complete By Yourself?

Are you complete by yourself? There is a huge difference on your perceptions and attitudes towards relationships between when you think of yourself as an incomplete person and when you think of yourself as already complete.

This can be an elusive quality. In the face of this question, many people will be quick to jump to their own defense and reply ‘yes, I’m complete’. But understand that being ‘complete’ is a state that is all encompassing. It is beyond just ‘thinking’ that you are complete. It emanates from your thoughts, emotions, actions and behaviors.

As I mentioned in my personal story above, being complete does not mean there is no reason to be in a relationship anymore. It means looking at relationships from a totally different viewpoint. It means looking towards relationships to supplement you, rather than completing you. It means you start truly living life and stop becoming bothered by whether you are single or attached.

Below are eight attributes that differentiate both viewpoints of seeing yourself as incomplete vs. seeing yourself as complete:

1.Half vs. Whole: The former views relationship as a union of two halves to form a whole. The latter views relationship as a union between two wholes to form a larger whole.

2.Desperation vs. Groundedness: The former results in desperation to get into a relationship, or refusal to let go when the relationship is not a right fit. The latter results in deep-seatedness in yourself. The latter means you only get into a relationship that is right for you and you readily let go of a relationship that is not a right fit.

3.Myopia vs. Clarity: The former results in a lack of self-awareness, lack of clarity of what’s best for yourself or disregard of it. The latter results in full clarity on what you want and pursuit of only what is best for you.

4.Fear-based vs. Love-based: The former is driven by fear-based emotions, such as anxiety, ego, pride and fear. The latter is driven by love-based emotions, such as true, authentic and unconditional love, willingness and courage.

5.Negative vs. Positivity: The former results in negative feelings towards relationships or during the course of the relationship, such as misery, anger, hatred, heartache and unhappiness. The latter leads to positive feelings, such as abundance, bliss, joy, happiness. Contrary to popular belief, hate is not the result of love. Hate is the result of pride. True unconditional love does not result in hatred.

6.Subjectivity vs. Objectivity: The former leads to irrationality and what people refer to as ‘blinded by love’. The second is rooted in objectivity.

7.Poor quality relationships vs. Soulmate relationships: The former attracts negative relationships into your life. When you view a relationship as something that completes you, you attract other people who have this mindset too, and that leads to a relationship which is rooted in fear and negativity. The latter attracts your soulmate relationship, one that elevates you, makes you a better person, brings you actual bliss and joy.

8.Dependency vs. Independency: The former leads to dependency and reliance on the partner in the relationship and withdrawals without the partner. The latter leads to symbiotic, interdependent roles in a relationship but at the same time, full independency by yourself.

How To Become Complete By Yourself

There are several thoughts people unknowingly adopt which result in an incomplete perception of themselves. Below are three guiding checkpoints in becoming a fully, complete person:

1. Love Yourself Unconditionally.
Do you love yourself fully and unequivocally?

Look at yourself in the mirror. Look at where you stand in your life currently.

Look at everything about yourself and examine them thoroughly. Are there aspects of yourself which you dislike? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Spiritually?

Is there anything that you wish is different about yourself? If there are, what are they? Write these down.

Next, examine yourself again in the same areas and look for the aspects which you like. What do you like about yourself? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Spiritually? Skillsets? Abilities? Beliefs? What have people complemented you on before? What were some of your greatest accomplishments that you are proud of? When were the times when you felt really proud of something you have done? Write them down.

Now, look at your dislikes and your likes. Realize that your dislikes are part of what contributed you to becoming the person you are today. Without them, the other parts of you which you like wouldn’t have existed. Love who you are right now, unconditionally. While you can work on addressing those dislikes and improving yourself, you need to start off from a point where you already unequivocally love who you are right now. Improving yourself will just make you love yourself even more.

2. Be Completely Happy By Yourself.
Are you happy being by yourself? Do you love spending time with yourself? If you are to find out that you are going to be by yourself for the rest of your life, will you be completely happy?

This is a second level check to the first point. If you already love yourself unconditionally, you will be completely happy by yourself. You won’t look towards someone else to complete you and make you happy. Don’t look towards a relationship as an end point where eternal happiness can be attained. Complete happiness is already possible and attainable right now, at this moment, by yourself. It is not conditional upon being in a relationship. In fact, many people are in relationships but are not happy, because these are suboptimal relationships that are rooted in fear-based emotions.

3. Live Life To The Fullest.
Are you living life to your fullest now, or are you deferring certain aspects of living till when you get into a relationship? Are you waiting for your special someone to come along before you can do X, Y, Z things?

When you do that, you put off living till an arbitrary point in the future. There is no need to wait to get into a relationship before you can be completely happy. Think about what can you do today that will make you completely happy. What can you do with friends, family and people around you as you live life to the fullest? Do you want to go to a certain country? Want to have a certain gift for yourself? Go do them now or plan to get them done. Don’t defer it till you get into a relationship.

Being Complete

When you start seeing yourself as complete, getting into a relationship becomes something that is supplementary and will make you a fuller person, vs. a prerequisite to make you whole. Since you do not look towards having a relationship to complete yourself, your attitude towards love and relationship stops becoming rooted in fear and desperation. You stop looking at singlehood as an undesirable state.

You start becoming grounded. You start to know what you want and what’s truly right for you. You become full of self confidence, love and happiness. While you look towards being in a relationship someday, at the same time, you are perfectly happy being by yourself
 
I can tell you that being single is another problem that I have, and yes my two problems are related.

However, I do not believe my problem is depression of being single. It's definitely the frustration from not having the ability to hold importance in other peoples' lives. I see the same people on a day-to-day basis and they see me as nothing more than that guy in their class.

Now, maybe if that problem is fixed than my single problem is fixed too.

So what I'm saying is that you're exactly right but if I had a girlfriend I don't think it would solve my problems. Because if I had a girlfriend, I still wouldn't be close to anyone and she would probably end up breaking up with me anyway...
 
Ehh, not quite. I mean, people have different expectations for SOs than what they have for their daily acquaintances. You go into a relationship hoping to form a deeper connection; I don't think people try that for most of the others in their lives.

Besides, just like my roommate case, once you've spent that much time with another person -- as you would with a girlfriend, it's almost impossible not to know them well and genuinely care for them.
 
I'm not sure if you're complaining or just trying to start general dialog, but...
I'm a military wife and we move every few years. I have hundreds of acquaintances but no true friends. But quite frankly, I'm content with that. Makes moving around a lot easier. I always know someone where I'm going and I don't get too upset leaving anyone behind. I dunno, maybe it'll all come back to bite me in the ass someday, but for now, it's all good.
 
MissMDS said:
I'm not sure if you're complaining or just trying to start general dialog, but...
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You couldn't have just kept this comment to yourself? I mean, the thread is new. Yes, I keep checking it so it may seem as if I'm constantly bumping it but I'm just responding to those who have answered. After a day or two, it'll probably die off and you'll never have to see it again when you hit F5.

And I don't know where you see complaining...
 
Haterade said:
You couldn't have just kept this comment to yourself? I mean, the thread is new. Yes, I keep checking it so it may seem as if I'm constantly bumping it but I'm just responding to those who have answered. After a day or two, it'll probably die off and you'll never have to see it again when you hit F5.

And I don't know where you see complaining...
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No no! I wasn't being bitchy! Just tipsy, perhaps? I find your thread interesting, actually. But I wasn't sure if you were seeking advice really, or just having a discussion. I will read it again. But I am sorry if I came off poorly. Not my intention at all. :rose:
 
MissMDS said:
No no! I wasn't being bitchy! Just tipsy, perhaps? I find your thread interesting, actually. But I wasn't sure if you were seeking advice really, or just having a discussion. I will read it again. But I am sorry if I came off poorly. Not my intention at all. :rose:
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Oh my bad, I think it's just that I can't see your thoughts/attitude. All I see is words, and I guess the word "complaining" pushed me in the wrong direction. haha No biggie.
 
Haterade said:
Because if I had a girlfriend, I still wouldn't be close to anyone and she would probably end up breaking up with me anyway...
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Damn, boyo! If you start out with an attitude like that, you're bound to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The thing about friendships and connections....they take time to develop. So going out to clubs and drinking isn't your thing? No big. It was never mine, either. But I got involved in clubs that interested me. I volunteered for organizations and causes that I felt strongly about and met some wonderful people along the way who had common interests. We started hanging out together, outside of the original activity, which led to discovery of further commonalities. Some people remained acquaintances, but a few became really close friends. The thing to remember is that you have to go to where the people are: they are not going to come to you.
 
In repsonse to Honed Hunger's massively long post which I DID read all the way thru..

It's one thing to have never had a deep meaningful relationship and consider yourself whole. It's a whole 'nuther ball game to have had one and then lose it. There is a massive void, a tear in the fabric of your soul that affects every aspect of your life.

I had to think back to when I was single, "how did I do it?" Ok, so I hung out with other single women. Hmm...well, none of the single women I know have kids, so they wouldn't be able to understand that I just can't hang out whenever. My other friends are married and they feel awkward around me since I'm divorced...like it's a disease they might catch.

So far, the only remedy I've found is having a fuck buddy. Hell, sex is pretty intimate, and it's a warm body next to me for a couple hours. And since there's no emotions involved, (at least on my end) when it ends...get tested again and find a new fuck buddy.
 
qrayze said:
It's one thing to have never had a deep meaningful relationship and consider yourself whole. It's a whole 'nuther ball game to have had one and then lose it. There is a massive void, a tear in the fabric of your soul that affects every aspect of your life.

I had to think back to when I was single, "how did I do it?" Ok, so I hung out with other single women. Hmm...well, none of the single women I know have kids, so they wouldn't be able to understand that I just can't hang out whenever. My other friends are married and they feel awkward around me since I'm divorced...like it's a disease they might catch.

So far, the only remedy I've found is having a fuck buddy. Hell, sex is pretty intimate, and it's a warm body next to me for a couple hours. And since there's no emotions involved, (at least on my end) when it ends...get tested again and find a new fuck buddy.
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I don't know if you workout or not, but if not running will probably do you wonders.

Love is really just a chemical release in the brain - phenylethylamine, dopamine, and endorphines.

So what does this mean? Well, dopamine and endorphines are extremely addicting. So whenever you lose your love, you go into withdrawal. That's why they say the only way to get over love is to either wait it out or to fall in love again.

Another way to help is to try cocaine... or to exercise. Or both. It's your choice! haha But the runner's high is the release of endorphines would should help you but perhaps not cure you of your love sickness.

By having sex with your FWB, you're getting dopamine release. So it's helping too... But you have to keep changing FWBs because when one gets boring, you no longer get the dopamine.
 
Haterade said:
I understand the concept that to receive I must give, but it's much more difficult than that, at least in my experiences.
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What you're missing is that it's two sides of the same coin. You have to give to receive, yes, but, you also have to ALLOW yourself to receive, which I can see after having read through this whole thread you do not. I suspect that your definition of "giving" is also skewed.

Haterade said:
Admittingly, I'm not one who likes to go out to bars and clubs. Usually when people want to go out, that's their number 1 priority and I because of fears of drinking and driving, I usually just stay away from the temptation. That, in turn, makes me a "boring" person I guess. And I say this to better your understanding.
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If you don't want to do something to hang out with a certain group of people then don't! It's really just that simple. But what you're missing is that clubs, bars, and such are not the only places to meet people, in fact, those are some of the worst places to be shopping for anyone!

Why not forget about who likes you, who wants to be your friend, and all that other crap, and focus on activities that you enjoy and that gets you out interacting with other people who enjoy the same types of activities? Wouldn't you rather propagate relationships with people you have common interests with?

There's no easy answers to your questions, because the answers lie within you and your perspective on life. Change your perspective and your world changes - literally! It's quite likely that the reason your "friends" don't want to be close to you is that YOU don't even want to be close to you.

Don't read any malice or judgment into my comments because there is none. :cool:
 
Well, I'm going to come in here and just shit on everyone's rainbow I guess.

From the previous posts I've seen from you on Lit on other threads, OP, I know very little about you. However, what you've chosen to show isn't exactly painting a very nice picture about your personality to be frank.

All I'm saying is that if you're truly being yourself here online the way you'd carry yourself in person, I can understand why no one wants to bother being friends with you. Oversensitive, hostile, defensive people don't make fun friends.

Now I realize that statement is probably gonna piss you off, HOWEVER, please note that I am being truthful with good intentions even though I sound like a mega bitch right now.

People enjoy being around nice people. Nice people aren't any of those traits I described above.

Traits like that often come from some kind of past trauma that made you hostile and defensive as a protective measure, to cover vulnerability, etc. I'm assuming right now (and we know what happens when we assume!) but if any truth are in those guesses, you don't need to act like that anymore. Especially if your aim is to draw people in rather than push them away. We don't pet a spitting, clawing cat now do we? No, we pet the purring one.

Grow past those traits, mature a little, and your personality might be more appealing to other people.
 
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haterade quoth:
but what do you do when you don't feel like you're important to any of those people. none of them are your close friends, you've tried and you can't get close for whatever reason, and you just see yourself as somebody they know of instead of care ginuinely about.
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haterade quoth:
if i had a girlfriend i don't think it would solve my problems. because if i had a girlfriend, i still wouldn't be close to anyone and she would probably end up breaking up with me anyway...
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people hold you important if you hold them important. there's a pretty significant disconnect between these 2 quotations, culled from different posts in this thread.

yeah, there will be occasions when someone doesn't return the favor. but in the long run, the strategy works.

ed
 
Haterade said:
I don't know if you workout or not, but if not running will probably do you wonders.

Love is really just a chemical release in the brain - phenylethylamine, dopamine, and endorphines.

So what does this mean? Well, dopamine and endorphines are extremely addicting. So whenever you lose your love, you go into withdrawal. That's why they say the only way to get over love is to either wait it out or to fall in love again.

Another way to help is to try cocaine... or to exercise. Or both. It's your choice! haha But the runner's high is the release of endorphines would should help you but perhaps not cure you of your love sickness.

By having sex with your FWB, you're getting dopamine release. So it's helping too... But you have to keep changing FWBs because when one gets boring, you no longer get the dopamine.
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This makes so much sense! I used to love running when I was in highschool and decided last week to start doing it again. The weather decided to get really warm last weekend so out I went, and it felt great. Now I know why. :)

Makes sense about the FWB thing; after three weeks with my current, I avoided him for a month because he annoyed me to no end. (also had a raging yeast infection, tmi, I know) Of course, sex isn't something I can give up so easily, so he's still around. But just like a real relationship, we have to do new things together to keep things fresh.

I can't believe I'm an addict! lol
 
qrayze said:
This makes so much sense! I used to love running when I was in highschool and decided last week to start doing it again. The weather decided to get really warm last weekend so out I went, and it felt great. Now I know why. :)

Makes sense about the FWB thing; after three weeks with my current, I avoided him for a month because he annoyed me to no end. (also had a raging yeast infection, tmi, I know) Of course, sex isn't something I can give up so easily, so he's still around. But just like a real relationship, we have to do new things together to keep things fresh.

I can't believe I'm an addict! lol
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Haha Running sounds great! You should probably stay away from the cocaine, thogh. It's kind of funny how they test chemicals for addiction. They'll take a rat and they'll teach him to press a lever. And every time he presses the lever, they'll inject him with whatever it is that they want to test. And then he'll press the lever again, and they'll inject him again. Well, eventually the injections will stop and the rat is like "wtf, man?" and keep pressing the lever. Depending on how often and how long the rat keeps pressing the lever afterwards, that will determine how addictive the drug is. So for something like Tylenol, the rat will not keep pressing the lever. But for cocaine, that rat is basically dry humping it. haha

What did the guy do to annoy you? Just curious. Was he begging or something? And I hope everything is good with the fungal issues now. haha
 
satindesire said:
Well, I'm going to come in here and just shit on everyone's rainbow I guess.

From the previous posts I've seen from you on Lit on other threads, OP, I know very little about you. However, what you've chosen to show isn't exactly painting a very nice picture about your personality to be frank.

All I'm saying is that if you're truly being yourself here online the way you'd carry yourself in person, I can understand why no one wants to bother being friends with you. Oversensitive, hostile, defensive people don't make fun friends.

Now I realize that statement is probably gonna piss you off, HOWEVER, please note that I am being truthful with good intentions even though I sound like a mega bitch right now.

People enjoy being around nice people. Nice people aren't any of those traits I described above.

Traits like that often come from some kind of past trauma that made you hostile and defensive as a protective measure, to cover vulnerability, etc. I'm assuming right now (and we know what happens when we assume!) but if any truth are in those guesses, you don't need to act like that anymore. Especially if your aim is to draw people in rather than push them away. We don't pet a spitting, clawing cat now do we? No, we pet the purring one.

Grow past those traits, mature a little, and your personality might be more appealing to other people.
Click to expand...

No, you're absolutely right. I completely agree with you. Actually, I don't even really have anything to add. I will say that it's not just as easy as "not acting like that anymore."

Yeah, I honestly don't know what to say. I've tried to think of something of substance to respond with... I guess just know that I'll take this to heart and I'll try but I doubt anything will change. And that's not just a pity cry either... This is just something that does not change.

I think I'll try going to church like Nasty Deeds said - he illustrated the way churches work very well. I'll try a few different ones and will maybe feel comfortable enough to let loose.
 
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