A gift for the authors

xforgettable
In every way,
And forever more
That's how I'lll stay.

That's why, darling, it's fucking incredible
That someone so xforgettable
can have so much balls

A gift for the authors
did you ever want to feel poetic, I mean really poetic
that's so pathetic, in every way.

I have a war, no not that one, I have a respect, a great respect for anyone that puts the time in and cares to learn the craft, that includes all of those that leave comments (and their name), most of the people that visit the threads, they are good people. I don't quite feel that way about that gaggle that shows up from time to time, as a matter of fact it nauseates me. The attitude that because they put some words together that either expresses a soap opera sentiment, or some clap trap porn, that it is poetry. Even if it rhymes, even if it not only rhymes and keeps some sort of meter, at best it becomes cliched verse.
"I don't understand it" often used when some poetic uses a metaphor, or when someone deviates from what they expect i.e creates something that is interesting, and for them a good rule of thumb should be "if I don't understand it, it probably is poetry, and if I get it right away, it probably isn't"
Some of us have tried, so they initiate a sort of class action suite, and that the time to vote the "poets" down, after all they have 10 friends cluster fucked them to an H.
So I wrote something, that did take me more than a few hours, for you. I tried to keep the poetry crap to a minimum for your sake, some of it just crept
in. Here is an example:
the geese have all flown off
left cigar ashes in the path
is just a fancy way of saying there's goose shit all over the place, cigar ashes is a metaphor. So instead I threw in some common literary (or cinematic) techniques, like convergence, like for instance, if you are paying attention the chips and the crows converge, right where they are supposed to.
You'll see it, get pissed because it not what you wanted to read, that's not poetic. Well yes, I did go out of my way to take all your cheap emotional ploys and destroy them.
For the big dick guys, that like to wave their dick around, there's something for you, heh, heh.
Death, and the poetic reaction to, well that's all over the place, like cigar ashes.
I've even included a part for feeling sorry for myself.
Nature it's there.
And for those that want to write something that you think is ballsy...
Well, no ones got a bigger set than me.

For the poets, there is something else, allusion. Since you're pretty good at that stuff, I'll leave you the joy of discovery. And it is different.

a gift indeed.

are you greek, or geek? no horse for hobbyists, this write.

The allusion

When I romp though the wasteland (I hope someone caught that cheap allusion, by the subtitles), seeing the same output from serial dumpers that can't be bothered to leave a comment ot two on someone else's, or from some newb with a 'tude, what do you think I'm referring to here?

the geese have all flown off
left cigar ashes in the path
watch it,

this is just a more poetic way of saying

WTF, JUST CAUSE YOU THINK YOU EXPRESSED YOURSELF, AND SOME POET TOOK THE TIME TO READ IT AND MAKE A SUGGESTION. YOURE GOING TO GET PISSED AND RETALIATE
CONTRIBUTE!

which may be the way it is over in stories, but poetry is a little more refined than prose, and please don't mistake refinement
with lack of balls, we just don't like to lead with the chin.
lead with the chin? look it up on google

Now generally speaking, most of us know a little more than most of you, and are willing to help, you should too by taking that walk with me.

tomorrow, I might show you a writer trick.

bulltlr

Let me say publicly.
I often wonder why I ever bother sometimes, sure most of the comments are great, interesting, probably more interesting when they question what I am doing. Your comment, I'll remember and treasure and tells me why it is worth it.
I am very proud of you.
You came to new poems, I guess from the authors, with a bit of a fan club. I may have said something a little unflattering, halfway expecting to get the nasty defense. Possibly a straight zap down the line. You're response told me immediately that you are not a bullshit person. I have been seeing some of your comments on others work. And then you surprise me, commenting on what may be the most difficult poet literotica has ever seen, on something I'm not even sure is poetry (well it is something else) , with a rather lengthy good comment, not effusive, rather direct. this is what I like, this is not.
First regarding comments:
this is what you read_________________________________this is what I wrote
There is nothing wrong with your comment, I have my reasons
THERE IS NO
right_________________________________________________wrong

in short, we can disagree
But damn, I am proud of you.

convergent lines

and foreshadowing

bulltlr, it's ok to disagree, you saw what you saw, because sometimes I write that way

your part of a rather extensive comment, on one particular part:
What the tadpole saw --

eh it was ok... the last two lines I liked
Well, I'm glad, I hope you like them more with what I show you, this is written with a set of convergent lines in mind, with a slight twist. A line here is defined as: A real or imaginary mark positioned in relation to fixed points of reference.

First section had points one and two.
A man worried about his term life, "the burial of the dead". The bag of chips

What the tadpole saw

fish eye lens

Billy tells us a story (Introduction to Billy, further developed in the next part)
about two crows on the lawn
and one on the mailbox 3 crows, mailbox
not movin, just sittin, like on some not movin, just sittin,
nocturnal emmission from god
we all listen
Billy was good with words became a lit. major later
and we walk across
a sea of cracks
on mud caked rocks that dot
our lunar land as astronauts
Billy's off (further definition i.e. not aligned)
crossin the Dead Sea and he screams
God an omen
a dead fish in a Pepsi can (snuck that one right past you, and earlier you had Don Maclean Singin' this'll be the day that I die
that's your life, he points at me
I laughed


back then


The third point is a cluster, the three crows, the mailbox and sitting and waiting, the later two, acting as a foreshadowing arriving before the crows.The term life man, the bag of chips and the crows all are at the gnarled tree at the climax.
So here we have a foreshadowed (4 times) man recollecting that the mailman died, and echoing "not movin..right before he gets to the tree.

Pretty standard literary and cinematic techniques, authors, ever seen 'em in a poem before? ever looked for them in a story?Probably not, not used to that extent, is it? I had to, to compensate for the fact, it really isn't good poetry, not meant to me, after all this is someone like Joe Pesci as the Fisher King, isn't it?

and the deadest part, bulltlr, is where you should put these things. Notice Parts 1,2, and 3 have overlapping links.

chipbutty said:

a gift indeed.

are you greek, or geek? no horse for hobbyists, this write.

Click to expand...

it doesn't rock?

You know, some people think I'm just fucking around.

They just don't know how much.
ah wow

not as much as some others

ROFL

twelveoone said:

it doesn't rock?

You know, some people think I'm just fucking around.

They just don't know how much.
ah wow

not as much as some others

ROFL

Click to expand...

it rock, paper, scissors, sweetie

when you fuck around, people should be sitting up and watching. your posts are educational, inspirational, and provocative ... if it makes us think, if it makes us consider, and ask, then it isn't wasted....

as for the cinematic thing, i have seen fridayam utilise this to some degree in his writes with a focus on zoom ... he does that micro-macro thing a fair bit, directs our view like the director he is. what you do is pretty complex; it's often a case of having to work hard to get all the meanings and angles, and even then falling short. however, it's never a disappointment as there's always so much to find within your text.

that's a far more complex way of writing than i adopt. i have to do it my way, same as we all do. vive la difference. as to the top poems list, i don't think i'm ever gonna make that one

chipbutty said:

that's a far more complex way of writing than i adopt.

Click to expand...

convergent lines? not enough space in a short poem.
another way of looking at it is:
what's the point (of the poem)
point to it, as subtly as possibly, but persistently.

BTW, "Billy" is a composite character, one of three named antagonists that I employ, the others are Kenneth and Bob. "Billy" appeared six years ago as "Psycho Billy". I have to call them something.