Suggestions for Girlfriend Who Can Only Orgasm Clitorally

Hi,

My GF reckons she's never orgasmed vaginally - ever. However hard I try, although it puts a smile on her face and she likes it, conventional missionary screwing doesn't make her climax. I can make it better if I angle my dick, putting pressure upwards on the clit, but I haven't created a full climax this way yet. For screwing, the position which gets most results tends to be doggy, with one of us rubbing her clit, sometimes with some anal play. Oral sex, with me sucking and rubbing her clit with my tongue brings her off well. Working my fingers on her clit works, although not as well as the tongue.

I've bought a small-ish vibe, but it vibrates too intensely on her clit, so she doesn't really like it. She does like it in her butt, though (I've read that girls who are clitorally-orientated often are sensitive anally as the nerve endings to the clit are connected) - and this is good fun when I'm in her pussy.

Has anyone tried a cock ring with clit stimulator? Which one do you recommend? Do they work?

How about clit pumps? This should work as it will cause blood to rush to the clit, puffing it up and making it more sensitive. Not sure if she'll like it as it's a bit specialist, though!

Can anyone make some suggestions? As a rule, there's no problem getting her to cum on a general evening shag. I'm thinking more for extended, weekend sessions, where I want to make her cum several times in a day.

Thanks in advance.

Read up on it, the percentage of women who can climax in the missionary position is not large.

I've had some success with a sort of side mount, one of her legs over your hip your legs under and over her other leg. (I assume there's a name and better description for) allows access to easy manual stimulation (clit and breasts) and if you're both kind of flexible you can even kiss her

Some advantages,

if it's a warm day, you're not on top of her making you both too hot
Either of you can stretch out a bit without seriously interrupting things

JohnZee said:

Hi,

My GF reckons she's never orgasmed vaginally - ever. However hard I try, although it puts a smile on her face and she likes it, conventional missionary screwing doesn't make her climax. I can make it better if I angle my dick, putting pressure upwards on the clit, but I haven't created a full climax this way yet. For screwing, the position which gets most results tends to be doggy, with one of us rubbing her clit, sometimes with some anal play.

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OK, so she's one of the 75% or so that don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. And many of the remaining 25% only come rarely or sometimes.

Oral sex, with me sucking and rubbing her clit with my tongue brings her off well. Working my fingers on her clit works, although not as well as the tongue.

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That's good news.

I've bought a small-ish vibe, but it vibrates too intensely on her clit, so she doesn't really like it. She does like it in her butt, though (I've read that girls who are clitorally-orientated often are sensitive anally as the nerve endings to the clit are connected) - and this is good fun when I'm in her pussy.

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Most women don't use vibes ON their clits, we put them NEAR them for indirect stimulation, so that's likely the problem.

Who was using the vibe, her or you? Did she have plenty of time to experiment with it on her own, before you used it together?

There are lots of ways to tone down vibes that are too strong. You can move them away from the clit, as I said. You could also put the vibe on your finger(s) or use cloth (one or multiple layers) to dampen the vibration. And lube is VERY important, as even weaker vibration can become painful if the clit isn't lubed really well. We like silicone lube because it's super slick and it doesn't dry out, like water-based lubes.

I'd have her pick out a new multi-speed vibe for non-anal play. I'd suggest something like a quality egg/bullet vibe that takes 2-3 AA batteries with a separate pure silicone sleeve (which will add some cushioning and can be taken off and sanitized properly). Ask her to play with the vibe on her own so she can find out what works for her without any pressure, then show/tell you at some point. The multispeed bullets go VERY low, so intensity shouldn't be an issue. However, you want the toy to be capable of high intensity in case the situation calls for it (like it's getting moved around during sex,so it's only hitting her hotspots here and there).

Has anyone tried a cock ring with clit stimulator? Which one do you recommend? Do they work?

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We've tried a couple. The problem is that it needs to make contact to work, and that's difficult with thrusting and many positions. I'd much rather use a separate vibe on my clit for that reason and versatility.

How about clit pumps? This should work as it will cause blood to rush to the clit, puffing it up and making it more sensitive. Not sure if she'll like it as it's a bit specialist, though!

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Why? The problem isn't her clit, it's your mindset, to be frank.

Can anyone make some suggestions? As a rule, there's no problem getting her to cum on a general evening shag. I'm thinking more for extended, weekend sessions, where I want to make her cum several times in a day.

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And what does SHE want? This whole thing seems to be mostly about you and your ego, since you said she doesn't have any problem coming and finds sex satisfying.

I think this thread is relevant for various reasons.

http://lovelifelikeyourself.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/dn2495-1_500.jpg

This is the location of the G spot. Many women swear that they do not have one however. It may be that your gf is simply not wired for vaginal orgasms. Even women who have found their G spot often don't climax just through penetration. The notion that most women cum during intercourse is a myth perpetrated by porn makers. The harsh truth is that God was/is clearly a chauvinist pig, cause most women's plumbing and wiring is too complex for a bit of rhythmic pounding to do the trick.

You should be able to locate a patch of skin on the front wall of her vagina that feels rougher to the touch. Try stimulating that area and encourage her to get to know it as well. G spot vibes are angled to hit this spot. Search for a thread by Mr GGG called 'try this and report back' it's in HT somewhere and goes into much more detail.

But you must accept that she may be one of the many many many women who only climaxes from clitoral stimulation. Don't run the risk of making your woman feel in any way inadequate or that she doesn't please you because penetrative sex alone doesn't get her off. Thank your stars that she likes you, likes sex with you and knows how to make herself cum while you get your rocks off.

Equanimity in all things padawan.

There is much good info here. Thanks to all of you for taking the time to give me your thoughts. Either some of the girls I've been with have faked it, or it's just panned out that my GFs have been able to cum by conventional penetrative sex. Maybe a combination of both

I did try to buy a bullet. The only one I liked the look of took unusual batteries, with reviews criticising it for this. I guess I’ll have to look harder for the right bullet. I appreciate the suggestion of leaving her with the vibe to get familiar with it. This hadn’t occurred to me; I just brought it out as a surprise a couple of nights ago. I’ve left it with her and I won’t be seeing her for a few days now. I got a silicone lube with the Doc Johnson ‘Velvet Touch’ vibe (which she *said* she liked). She will know her body a million times better than I do, so I intend to choose any toys together in future.

Fair point re: my mindset / ego. In mitigation, I think guys are pressurised into this mindset. The advice here, combined with certain comments from my GF have convinced me that I just need to chill out, letting nature take its course as we become more experienced with each others’ bodies.

But you must accept that she may be one of the many many many women who only climaxes from clitoral stimulation. Don't run the risk of making your woman feel in any way inadequate or that she doesn't please you because penetrative sex alone doesn't get her off. Thank your stars that she likes you, likes sex with you and knows how to make herself cum while you get your rocks off.

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True. At this moment in time, in her mind, I don't think my behaviour has progressed beyond being an endearing, ‘eager to please’ trait. However, as both you and Erika hint, there could be a fine line beyond which it starts to make her feel inhibited. I need to chill out. Thanks again.

JohnZee said:

There is much good info here. Thanks to all of you for taking the time to give me your thoughts. Either some of the girls I've been with have faked it, or it's just panned out that my GFs have been able to cum by conventional penetrative sex. Maybe a combination of both

I did try to buy a bullet. The only one I liked the look of took unusual batteries, with reviews criticising it for this. I guess I’ll have to look harder for the right bullet.

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Most of them have probably faked it, sadly. It's a lot harder to be honest and NOT fake it than give a convincing performance.

You're looking for more of an oval shape than a bullet shape. It should have a wired controller/battery pack with a speed dial. They're under/around $10 online. Get the standard size, and you can add a cool little silicone sleeve (usually pink or purple, shaped like a rabbit) now or later.

SweetErika said:

Most women don't use vibes ON their clits, we put them NEAR them for indirect stimulation, so that's likely the problem.

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I dunno about most. I've heard some women say putting a vibe right on the clit is too intense, but I've always preferred to grind or twirl my vibe directly into the underside of my clit. I always figured it was the equivalent of that sensitive spot under the head of a man's penis. And I don't like those silicon sleeves much, too sticky - I have a bullet that came with one of those, but I tossed the sleeve in preference of the cool smooth chromed surface of the toy. On the other hand a jelly silicon toy can feel very nice.

As far as orgasming from vaginal penetration, I personally find it easier in cowgirl position than missionary. Mainly because the man isn't supporting himself on his hands so they can be on my nipples or clit instead.

Silicone vibrating toys are less intense than hard plastic and for this reason, I prefer them. As sunandshadow says, the underside of the clit is a good place to play. Using a vibe on her whole pussy; lips, hood, the fist couple inches of her vagina rather than focusing everything on her clit will probably work better. Make it into a game perhaps, see how much direct vibration she can handle. There's no need to press the vibe right up into her pubic bone either, running it gently over her clit and/or holding it against her clit without pressing will probably be more effective.

If she likes the bullet in her ass, have you tried exploring her there to see if more sources of pleasure can be found? A very well lubricated finger or two could pave the way for anal sex in the future. Many women enjoy anal if there's enough preparation and their partner starts everything very slowly. Leave the bullet in her ass while you go down on her and see if she experiences any 'deeper' sensations when she cums.

Oh and on the subject of capricious deities, guess where your G spot is.

as a women who seems to be the same...

I my self can't hit my peak during normal realtions...
I'm a finger stimulated type and dam proud of it.
I was married once to a guy who could care less about pleaseing me.
I thought this was "Normal"and that feeling like a seman receptical was "OK"

My new husband however has been kind enough to show me how wrong I was

When we got maried I had A lot of hang ups; like name one I had it.
Just a bit of bg here, I was raised in a very strict southern baptist home. Girls wore skirts and men were heads of house kinda life.

The new hubby and I had not done anything but hold hands and pecks on the cheek b4 we got married.
After the wedding he took LOTS of time exploring my bits and pieces

I was shy and none to happy about all the staring he did, his solution was to tie me up!

I trusted him, and it worked.
Not only was he able to discover all the ways to please me but I hit peak after peak for the first time in my life.

Count yourself lucky your lady is able to enjoy herself at all... a lot of us are not.

Take your time get to know her body play around and you will stumble on the things that make your bedroom sizzel

since the clit is related to the penis, is it any surprise that most women need clit stimulation of some kind to orgasm? I really wish that women (and men) wouldn't treat is as if she is "broken" by not being able to climax without clit stimulation.

I think you've gotten to great advice here....pressuring her with wanting to "make her" have something more than a clitoral orgasm will inhibit her...no doubt. I was married 14 years to someone who had no clue where a g-spot was and trust me....when I finally met someone who knew, AND knew how to use it. WOW, I thought someone had turned on the light bulb in my previously darkened world of orgasms.

If she likes anal play she might also be capable of anal orgasms as well. Be patient, and as they say....practice, practice, practice!!!!

I also vote that they faked it. God hooked the wires to the clitoris, not the vagina. I think the ones who claim to have a vaginal orgasm are actually experiencing a brain orgasm or are getting simultaneous stimulation, as you said if you angle yourself in a particular way. The mind can do wonderful things and if you use it properly you can cum from just mental stimulation alone or in combination with say the vagina. I actually accomplish this myself as a male. When I am pounding away I enjoy the feeling but when I actually want to cum I put my brain to work and it puts me over the edge to an orgasm, more or less letting me control when I do have an orgasm.

subwannabe said:

I also vote that they faked it. God hooked the wires to the clitoris, not the vagina. I think the ones who claim to have a vaginal orgasm are actually experiencing a brain orgasm or are getting simultaneous stimulation, as you said if you angle yourself in a particular way. The mind can do wonderful things and if you use it properly you can cum from just mental stimulation alone or in combination with say the vagina. I actually accomplish this myself as a male. When I am pounding away I enjoy the feeling but when I actually want to cum I put my brain to work and it puts me over the edge to an orgasm, more or less letting me control when I do have an orgasm.

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There's also tie-in to heart rate, maybe if both partners get more physically active during the .... act?

subwannabe said:

I also vote that they faked it. God hooked the wires to the clitoris, not the vagina. I think the ones who claim to have a vaginal orgasm are actually experiencing a brain orgasm or are getting simultaneous stimulation, as you said if you angle yourself in a particular way. The mind can do wonderful things and if you use it properly you can cum from just mental stimulation alone or in combination with say the vagina. I actually accomplish this myself as a male. When I am pounding away I enjoy the feeling but when I actually want to cum I put my brain to work and it puts me over the edge to an orgasm, more or less letting me control when I do have an orgasm.

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What, you think there's no such thing as a vaginal/g-spot orgasm? I have to disagree there, I'm lucky enough to be able to have both types of orgasm and they both exist and feel distinctly different. It is possible for some women to come from only vaginal stimulation, it's just more difficult and less common than a clitoral orgasm. Personally I think a vaginal orgasm probably corresponds to the type of orgasm a man might have from prostate massage - probably feels quite different than the usual orgasm from penis stimulation.

I never said anything about a g-spot orgasm. That is completely different than a vaginal orgasm. I take vaginal orgasm to mean cumming from vaginal stimulation alone done by a cock and I don't really count it if someone is able to stimulate both the clitoris and vaginal area by the in and out penetration of a cock, as the poster said he could do at the proper angle. And, as far as I know a g spot orgasm cannot occur during regular vagina/cock penetration. My wife has g spot orgasms regularly and squirts, but come to think of it, I don't know if she has ever had one without also receiving clitoral stimulation at the same time.

The best suggestion I have, exercise your tongue and have fun!

subwannabe said:

I never said anything about a g-spot orgasm. That is completely different than a vaginal orgasm. I take vaginal orgasm to mean cumming from vaginal stimulation alone done by a cock and I don't really count it if someone is able to stimulate both the clitoris and vaginal area by the in and out penetration of a cock, as the poster said he could do at the proper angle. And, as far as I know a g spot orgasm cannot occur during regular vagina/cock penetration. My wife has g spot orgasms regularly and squirts, but come to think of it, I don't know if she has ever had one without also receiving clitoral stimulation at the same time.

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The g-spot is in the vaginal wall, and is definitely capable of being stimulated by just a cock during regular sex. Vaginal orgasms=g-spot orgasms.

Maybe I'm not 100% correct on that but everything I have ever read or seen about g-spot orgasms goes through a description of how to reach that elusive spot and usually involves fingers or special toys in the correct shape and position in order to get to it. I don't believe I've ever actually heard of anyone reaching it with just a real male cock in a real female vagina having intercourse. I guess it's possible that the development of a particular woman in combination with a particular man that the parts all just fit together perfectly in order to reach it. I would think that that was highly rare. Even though I have given all of my partners g-spot orgasms I have never done it with my cock and don't believe that I could. Are you saying that all vaginal orgasms are actually g-spot orgasms?

Great advice guys on this. I am unfortunately one of the 75% who do not have vaginal orgasisms and my g spot is still mia so without clit stimulation or some fancy hand and tongue work im usually not having one at all.

I hope things work out for you and your gf. And I dont know about the other ladies, while I dont always or even usually come, it doesnt mean that I dont enjoy sex. So relax enjoy and concentrate on bringing you both pleasure. Being in the moment and not nit picking everything during the moment will make it that much better.

subwannabe said:

Maybe I'm not 100% correct on that but everything I have ever read or seen about g-spot orgasms goes through a description of how to reach that elusive spot and usually involves fingers or special toys in the correct shape and position in order to get to it. I don't believe I've ever actually heard of anyone reaching it with just a real male cock in a real female vagina having intercourse. I guess it's possible that the development of a particular woman in combination with a particular man that the parts all just fit together perfectly in order to reach it. I would think that that was highly rare. Even though I have given all of my partners g-spot orgasms I have never done it with my cock and don't believe that I could. Are you saying that all vaginal orgasms are actually g-spot orgasms?

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Yes I'm saying that all vaginal orgasms are actually g-spot orgasms. Although, most female orgasms overall combine stimulation of two, three, or four different types - even when the clit isn't involved, the nipples and mouth or neck probably are.

The anatomy of the two people involved can have some affect on whether the man's penis can stimulate the woman's g-spot during intercourse (a cock head wider than the shaft and a shaft at least 4 inches long are helpful, but if the woman doesn't have much of a g-spot there's not much point aiming for it). But position also has a lot to do with it. With a cowgirl position for example, the woman can lean forward or sit back or arch her back to position her g-spot so the head of the man's cock is rubbing it when he thrusts. With a doggy position there's also a lot of adjustment possible for both partners to get an optimal angle. If the man's penis happens to have a strong curve in any direction the woman can be positioned on her front, back, or side so that the head of the penis is curved toward the g-spot. Penis piercings can also play a role in hitting the right spot.

O's and G's

As Erica and a few others have pointed out very few women can O from intercourse alone. Those who do say even that is not consistent. Overall I believe the polls indicate only about 13 % claim to be able to O during intercourse all the time.

It is amazing that in our modern world with all the info and porn and blogs etc etc the vast majority of women seem to think they are somehow deficient in NOT being able to orgasm during intercourse.

I am a great FAN of G-Gasms because a lover is in far greater control if that works for their woman that anyt5hing else thay can do and the intensity is unsurpassed (for most) but just like O's and intercourse G-Gasms do NOT work for every woman certainly not every time or in the first 2 minutes as my earlier posts suggested.

Read the TRY THIS thread and many couples take months getting this to happen. Some never do. I've been mostly very lucky and have had zero to O's in about 2 to 3 minutes the first times they've ever experienced the technique. A few have not and I have been very disappointed - not in them but the fact that it didn't happen the way we both had anticipated. Good thing a good tongue lashing usually works in a pinch!!

You'll also find that as the two of you become more and more tuned to each other's bodies and responses reaching O's will likely get easier. Always think up new stuff - positions, toys, places, roll-play, use foods ... anything to enhance and diversify. As she becomes more self confident it'll be easier for you to cater to her needs on a day to day basis. Many couples get to know each other's moods and what kind of sex they NEED just by how they TASTE that day. G'luck.

Update:

Firstly, thanks to all of you for the advice - I really, honestly appreciate it - particularly the advice to just chill out and take comfort from the fact that she *can* cum (she's very honest about when she does and when it's a near miss).

The weekend before last, things took a positive turn. I felt we both started becoming accustomed to getting each other off, and we even nearly came together, with me in her, at one point. I felt this was a good progression. Last weekend, we went to a hotel... I have to be totally honest and say that, from my point of view at least I had some of the most mind-blowing orgasms of my life; in her mouth, over her, in her butt and in her pussy. I made so much noise I felt embarrassed... I didn't realise I was capable of cumming so strongly. As she appears to be an honest girl, I think she had a similar weekend.

At the moment I know a handful of ways to get her off:

Doggy, with her rubbing clit - optionally with me playing / vibe-ing her butt
Doggy with me in her butt, her rubbing clit
Me sucking her clit, working my tongue vigorously (tiring on the tongue, but worth the effort)
Me rubbing her clit digitally

As time progresses, I'm hoping to find new techniques to get her off. I'm looking forward to trying FM's suggestion of working her butt with a bullet or suchlike while I work her clit.

Thanks again.

edit - oh yeah, I haven't mentioned the g-spot to her yet. I'm guessing she will have tried to locate it, but if she hasn't, we can have a lot of fun finding it