Reminds me of an old joke:
At a fundamentalist Baptist church, a young man waits after service for the minister's daughter. "I couldn't wait any longer," he tells her as they look for a place to be alone. Unable to find one, he finally tells her, "There's no one around. I need you right here."
"Here?" she asks. "The floor is too cold and dirty."
"Then let's just do it standing up," he answers.
"Are you crazy?" she retorts. "If anyone comes in, they'll think we're dancing!"