A few things:
- hit the enter button at the logical places. Nobody is going to read a large block of text and enjoy it without getting headaches.
- don't submit the entire thing here, this forum is just for ideas. You might want to take this to the editors or the author's hangout.
Other than that: welcome to Lit!
Heavy metal is the law
- Helloween. Obey the law.
"I have blisters on my penis!" - Mike Portnoy with Transatlantic, covering The Beatles
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams - Life, the universe and everything
My stories and poems