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Old 04-22-2011, 08:25 PM   #26
freefalln
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my 2 cents is it cannot work for an extended period of time.my wife and i 'played' mostly mfm for about 3 years until she tired of it. after resentful nagging on my part, she eventually set up a friend w me, and from my experience i think open dating opens the door for wonderful sex, which leads to someone doing more and all they can to please you which leads to feelings of more than sex for sex. in my case i was ready to leave for who knows whatever reason. but maybe thats just our case i also know couples in our area that have split over the same issue. seems that playing together is ok, but apart invites trouble. besides as pretty as you are, its just a matter of time and poof, you are gone. suprise me in a year and tell me i am wrong, but my money is on catastrophy...
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Old 11-11-2011, 06:38 PM   #27
celticdragonlor
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Hi Ginger! First off, big admirer of your pictures, you're incredibly good-looking and photograph well! =)

My wife and I are in a semi-open relationship, and we've been playing around with it more and more, exploring that aspect of our love-life.

So to give a little background of how it came about for us, it started off with her admission that she was bisexual. This led to fantasies during our sex, which led to more detailed and expanded fantasies, and eventually, she wanted to turn that into a reality.

We eventually found a woman she was really attracted to, and when everything was right, my wife (we were dating at the time) had fun with her while I watched. A year later, we met another couple and spent a while getting to know them before hooking up. Two years later, a friend of hers visited for a week, and there was a lot of fun involved there too, and just recently, she hooked up with her long-time friend by herself, the first time either of us has played without the other present.

A big step here, we found, was building slowly, taking it step by step. Slowly and carefully probing how we felt and getting comfortable with each part of it. If we'd gone too far, done too much too soon, it could have hurt our relationship without that built-up comfort and trust.

And we're still in that progress. We're open to playing around with certain people together, and select people apart, but we agreed we should each know and be comfortable with the other's partners first. Get to know them a little, not just random strangers. But as we explore and progress, we're opening up to more possibilities, including taking it from sexual swinging to actual poly relationships, with intimate feelings beyond friendship.

The best outcome of all this is that it brought us closer together in our relationship. We are 100% committed to each other, trust each other, and put each other first... it only goes as far/fast as either of us is comfortable. But it's incredibly worth it... every time we played with others, I felt closer and closer with my wife, emotionally and mentally. More secure. And that's on top of some really fun, enjoyable sex with the other people in the first place.

And yeah, communication is a big part of it, even more important in any non-strictly-monogamous relationship. Communication is important all around, but there's so much more potential for hurt feelings, resentment, discomfort, or anything like that, that one needs to be even more open and honest, explore one's feelings even more and communicate them for the sake of the core relationship (or other relationships as well, if the people involved are poly). And being honest with the people you play with also is important, for the sake of those friendships. I'd hate to lose a friend through trying something out like this with them.

So communication, openness, honesty, trust. Both people being into it equally, as opposed to overwhelmingly from one side or the other. The ability to stop or slow things down, if something goes off-course. All critical things in a monogamous relationship, and even more important in a non-monogamous one, just from the added complexity of emotion potentially involved. That seems to be a common theme for any healthy relationship, really.

And the specifics beyond that? There's no universal right or wrong. Some couples are OK with their partner having sex with absolutely anybody. For others, only friends or people you know... playing together, playing alone, groups or individually, for a little while or for a couple's lifetime... and whether you're OK with a partner developing feelings for someone else -too- and making it a poly relationship as opposed to an open one, that's all up to the couple and their comfort levels.

And above all, have fun with it! I'm glad it's working out for you two, and I hope it continues to make your relationship even stronger!
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Old 11-20-2011, 07:52 AM   #28
roomfor1more
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Personally, I am not against open relationships and feel it works for some couples who are able to successfully manage multiple relationships. However, for me I would not choose opening up our relationship because I am not willing to take the risks that are involved. I say this from having a few threesomes experiences and knowing where our limits exist.
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Old 12-02-2011, 02:44 PM   #29
ElectricGinger
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celticdragonlor,

Thanks so much for your response and letting us know your own experiences. Nestle and I have recently ended the open relationship, deciding it was a good adventure that had just run its course. However, we are definitely a stronger couple for it. I know that the trust between us is nearly unbreakable, and that neither of us will be swayed in the future by desire for sex with other people. We know we can talk about those things now, rather than any sort of sexual attraction being taboo.
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Old 12-02-2011, 03:50 PM   #30
butterfly_flip
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I'm going to preface my response by saying I've never been involved in an open relationship, mine have always been monogamous, although there was, at one point in my last relationship, talk of opening up the relationship and exploring where that took us. It never happened though, and thank god for it given how badly the relationship ended!

Anyway, you appear to be quite secure in your feelings for your partner, and secure with yourself. To me this is one of the most important aspects for an open relationship to work.
I know myself that I'm insecure by nature, and I'd have to be very very sure that my partner loved me wholly......my fear would be that he'd develop feelings for another, and I'd end up getting hurt.
If I'm in a relationship, I give my all, and fall heavily.......so the one question I would want answering would be why my partner wanted to sleep with other people. Was it because of something *I* wasn't providing, or was it simply an expression of their sexual self that wished to explore other avenues.
If it was me, I'd need lots of reassurance that my partner wasn't about to leave me(childish maybe, I don't know).

I would never say never though.....as long as the relationship was an absolutely honest one, and the lines of communication were ALWAYS open, then there's nothing to say it couldn't work.

Good luck, truly
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:05 PM   #31
Juliewife
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Open

My husband and I have an open relationship. I have a steady boyfriend and he has a steady girlfriend. We also have others on occasion. We make it work through openness and honesty. No sneaking around.
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Old 12-07-2011, 08:36 AM   #32
jkiso19
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it takes a special kind of person to be in an open relationship, Jealously will naturally occur consciously or subconsciously. While neither party might not be angry they will be beat down more and more with time emotionally. I only know 2 "couples" who tried that lasted about a year and the other 2 or 3. The one that lasted one had issues to begin with but the girl was a fiend for sex so the guy walked away. the longer one had a guy who was a orphan and the girl had parent issues(I think abuse but not my buisness). the girl ended up a huge mess and the guy was fine. Maybe she had trust issues to begin with(dummy for wanting an open relationshop). Anyways i hope yours is good id love hitting that booty from the back lol.
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Old 12-07-2011, 08:46 AM   #33
jkiso19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliewife View Post
My husband and I have an open relationship. I have a steady boyfriend and he has a steady girlfriend. We also have others on occasion. We make it work through openness and honesty. No sneaking around.
having cake and eating it too devils advocate moment what would happen if your boyfriend broke up with you(or vice versa)? The equilibrium would shift, as time went on would you eventually feel like he has a gf, I deserve a boyfriend. what if the bf/gf start becoming attached and becoming jealous of the husband/wife? I noticed that ginger wrote out some ground rules if you combine that with open/honesty is that enough to keep your marriage intact if the proverbial shit hit the fan?

Im hardwired to want to have sex with different women, some women seem to as well but not nearly as bad as guys. I see the need for it but an open relationship seems like it complicates what could argue-able be a super complicated partnership dynamic to begin with lol. I guess thats why that show "Sister Wives" has so many people watching hah.

By the way I find this conversation more interesting than me being negative its got alot of well thought out responses.
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Last edited by jkiso19 : 12-07-2011 at 09:06 AM.
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Old 12-07-2011, 10:33 PM   #34
akatrex
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Old 01-12-2013, 07:05 PM   #35
NestleSnipes
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Hey Guys,

I thought I would update this post with some information and, just maybe, spark a bit of conversation again about the different types of open relationships there are and the experiences they provide. I'd love to hear how others couples are doing in this area.

For those who remember, or read the first post, Ginger and I have been in an open relationship since about our 2 year mark(currently approaching our 4th year together). We've opened it, closed it(like her last post) and ultimately decided to not classify ourselves as anything - letting whatever happens happen.

I want to share with any couples looking into doing this, at least from our point of view, that it can be a terrific experience if communication is had by all parties. We have had several experiences within the open relationship leading to a ton of new found desires, lessons and knowledge.

We're active, having a ton of fun and loving each other more than ever. I know there is a stigma against open relationships, but for what it's worth - we approve! haha

Anyways - I'd love to hear from other couples about their experiences, etc. It's been a while since we've been here and maybe there are new members who can contribute to the topic.
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