Old 12-20-2013, 09:52 PM   #2226
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Originally Posted by Emerson40 View Post
Enjoy the following clips of a woman's OK Cupid Messages being narrated by a robot (text to speach) voice.

Part 1 - Let's make arrangements for the kidnapping

Part 2 - NutsOnYourChin2

Part 3 - Fuckmaster
*slow clap* Now that's some funny shit right there!
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Old 12-21-2013, 12:29 PM   #2227
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"hi sexy i want to crawl in bed with you and pleasure your hot body"

>_>

Seriously. I get a looooot of thoughtless come-ons, but never from the lit users who's advances i wouldn't spurn. :P
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Old 12-26-2013, 04:03 PM   #2228
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I just got this gem, who thinks he needs to go back to the books on his sentence structure?

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what a wonderful mix of interests; yoga, scifi, intellectual discourse, coffee shops and canes and crops. My last sub and I mutually grew deeper into our taste for a lovely rattan cane that whistled as it travelled through the air.... we both came to love that whistle... what body part do you most like to be whipped? I am Jack.
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Old 12-27-2013, 09:46 PM   #2229
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I got this gem this week:

AH:

First off your age is stunning
Do you like younger hung cock
I'm very long and thick Hun
I would love to chat do you have Skype or yahoo?

Me:

Read my sig lines. That should answer every question.
Yes I have yahoo and Skype. No I will not chat with you.

AH:

Cum watch you will enjoy Hun
Added you to Skype

Me:

You aren't too bright are you? I'm not interested.
It's a good thing you have a big dick because your reading comprehension is minimal at best. Unfortunately for you I'm attracted to men with bigger brains than dicks.

He finally got the picture and left me alone. I'm pretty sure it's just a temporary reprieve though.
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Old 12-27-2013, 10:03 PM   #2230
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*pounce*
Just friendly "hi" to Beachy..
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“No, please..,” Moira whispered. She barely recognized her own voice and even she wasn’t convinced she wanted this to stop. Her face felt flush and her body feverish from the fire he’d ignited. She opened her eyes and groaned when she saw her own hands pressed to the back of this man’s head holding him in place."


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Old 12-27-2013, 10:19 PM   #2231
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Hi sweetie! You can pounce on me anytime you like!

How was your Christmas?
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Old 12-27-2013, 10:28 PM   #2232
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeachMomma View Post
Hi sweetie! You can pounce on me anytime you like!

How was your Christmas?
decent. .kudos to me for not sending the ex back to NC in a body bag..
Kids enjoyed his visit, though.

I need to get laid....same shit,different day..lmao..!
How was yours?
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I feel a sin coming on...

“No, please..,” Moira whispered. She barely recognized her own voice and even she wasn’t convinced she wanted this to stop. Her face felt flush and her body feverish from the fire he’d ignited. She opened her eyes and groaned when she saw her own hands pressed to the back of this man’s head holding him in place."


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Old 12-28-2013, 08:06 AM   #2233
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Yup! Ya done good! (Sometimes the fact that we don't look good in orange is the only reason some people are still walking. )

I worked Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I'd rather work and let the nurses with little kids stay home and enjoy the holiday. Other than working, it was a good day. I'm in the middle of five days off in a row, so that made it more bearable too.
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Old 01-17-2014, 08:44 PM   #2234
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What the fuck, ladies?
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Old 01-17-2014, 09:32 PM   #2235
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OH I AM ALL OVER THAT SHIT. BRB.
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Old 01-17-2014, 09:37 PM   #2236
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Oh wow! What an AH poster boy he is!
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Old 01-18-2014, 03:45 AM   #2237
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Whiny little baby. Ugh. Its men like him that get (hilariously) angry when a female prefers to keep him "as a friend"
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Old 01-18-2014, 09:24 AM   #2238
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my favorite shit PMs are, in no order:

-being passive aggressive about the amount of PMs I "must" receive
-asking me to provide proof of my gender on the first PM
-won't use skype or yahoo for phone sex and demands my real phone number
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Old 01-18-2014, 03:38 PM   #2239
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What the fuck, indeed! Checking out his profile (which better have been just changed) and his posting history, who WOULD respond to a PM from him?? Just wow...
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Old 01-18-2014, 04:34 PM   #2240
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He's one of the reasons why I am bitchy to men who PM. What a crybaby
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Old 01-18-2014, 05:19 PM   #2241
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That was pretty funny.
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Old 01-18-2014, 05:49 PM   #2242
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I just saw his profile. Those cunt bitches are the worst.
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Old 01-18-2014, 06:20 PM   #2243
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I just saw his profile. Those cunt bitches are the worst.
Want a bigger laugh? Read his posts. Although after the first ten, you've read them all.
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Old 01-18-2014, 09:29 PM   #2244
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This happened yesterday:

Him: Hi 24 English male love your pics about to stroke to them now. If that's ok with you?

(as if his asking is some great f'ing honor I should be grateful to receive)

Me, thinking of this thread: Oh, I know where this one is going.

Him: Well you deserve caning I'm having to beat off while you've got a perfectly good body I could be using.

(Its not ME he wants, he just wants to fuck MY BODY. My consent or apparent consciousness having nothing to do with it. And who says "using" to a partner? That's just self-centered. And to decide I "deserve" a caning for not wanting to fuck him? Grrr... I've had enough of him at this point)

Me: Please place a red square in your bedroom window tonight so the devil can suck you into hell more efficiently for saying that.

Him: Ok.

Him, after several minutes of hard thinking: Please bend over the bed at midnight so your ready for satan to cane your ass with out the hassle for thinking that
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Old 01-18-2014, 09:47 PM   #2245
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Originally Posted by mwmnpa View Post
Want a bigger laugh? Read his posts. Although after the first ten, you've read them all.
I see lots of horny commentary, but I don't see any real effort on his part. Can't believe he's 40, though. I figured early 20s based on the types of posts he was making.
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Old 01-18-2014, 09:48 PM   #2246
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I see lots of horny commentary, but I don't see any real effort on his part. Can't believe he's 40, though. I figured early 20s based on the types of posts he was making.
He sounds less mature than some of the boys that come sniffing around my 20 and 22 year old daughters
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Old 01-18-2014, 10:52 PM   #2247
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And he took his balls and went home. What a quitter.
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Come on in--the smut is fine
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Old 01-19-2014, 07:51 AM   #2248
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Originally Posted by Eilan View Post
I see lots of horny commentary, but I don't see any real effort on his part. Can't believe he's 40, though. I figured early 20s based on the types of posts he was making.
Haa haa, oh snap I just assumed he was in his early 20's too.
Well...I guess some men just never grow up, they only kind of hair over.
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Old 01-19-2014, 10:36 AM   #2249
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilan View Post
I see lots of horny commentary, but I don't see any real effort on his part. Can't believe he's 40, though. I figured early 20s based on the types of posts he was making.
I didn't think he was that old. Wow!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UCanBLeafinMe View Post
He sounds less mature than some of the boys that come sniffing around my 20 and 22 year old daughters
LOL!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucyminx View Post
And he took his balls and went home. What a quitter.
Well played! How've you been?
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Old 01-19-2014, 11:29 AM   #2250
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerson40 View Post
Enjoy the following clips of a woman's OK Cupid Messages being narrated by a robot (text to speach) voice.

Part 1 - Let's make arrangements for the kidnapping

Part 2 - NutsOnYourChin2

Part 3 - Fuckmaster
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilan View Post

Oh just begging for the first Asshat PM mashup!

http://soundgasm.net/u/Porkwarrior/K...Head-Explosion

I think the robot sounds about as interesting as the poster.
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