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Old 02-17-2011, 12:46 PM   #1
silverwhisper
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PM asshattery

thanks as ever to the brightest light in the how to community sweeterika for the inspiration:

Quote:
erika quoth:
given the PMs i've been getting lately (quite possibly by the same person), maybe we should start our own asshat thread in the HT cafe.
so here's the idea. a large number of lit users--esp the women, but not exclusively--get unsolicited private messages from other lit users that are just plain lame. they're often unsolicited come ons from people who are obviously just copying & pasting the same text into PMs they apparently send to everyone who ever posts.

so the request is simple: copy & paste the text of stupid/putrid/whatever unsolicited PMs you've gotten in this thread.

now, a thread like this exists in the BDSM cafe. because that thread's been around for a while and the BDSM/HT crossover appears to be fairly high, respecting the same rules seems only fair:

please do:
protect and respect the sender's right to anonymity

please do not:
provide real names.
provide nicknames/account names/IDs/screen names ... whichever you choose to call them.
provide any personal and/or identifiable information such as email addresses, phone numbers, addresses etc.
provide a picture of the person who sent you the email or PM .. unless you can prove to manu or laurel or any other admin or mod who requests said proof from you.
do anything else on this thread that is against the "terms of service" (TOS) you agreed to when you registered for an account at literotica.

everyone ready? let's go!

ed
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Old 02-17-2011, 04:58 PM   #2
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I love this idea. Sometimes when I'm cranky the BDSM asshat thread is the perfect thread to visit for a laugh. Bring it on!
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Old 02-17-2011, 05:44 PM   #3
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I approve of this thread.
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Old 02-17-2011, 11:53 PM   #4
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When Ed began this thread, I didn't think I'd be posting here 'cause my sig line pretty much warns off any HNG's looking for wanking material. Imagine my surprise when I received an asshat PM on Facebook, of all places.

Quote:
My name is [ ] & I am a photographer in [ ].

Iím looking to you as a friend because I enjoyed your profile here.

I will be a friend that you can talk to anytime. You are never to far away from me, because there is hope that we will meet sometime in the future.

I learn from my friends how to be a better photographer, by adoring the photos they post. So Please accept my friendship & keep posting your Art.

-Asshat at Asshat Photography

Riiiight. Let me get right on that.

My FB profile is on the strictest security settings, so the chances of this guy seeing anything other than my profile pic is slim to none. Oh and did I mention the type of photography he "specializes" in is boudoir photography. Or so he claims.

Creepy, I tell ya. Creepy.
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Old 02-18-2011, 12:53 AM   #5
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I'm willing to help, I'll start sending out PMs straight away, because that's the kind of guy I am.
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Old 02-18-2011, 01:43 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quoll View Post
I'll start sending out PMs straight away, because that's the kind of guy I am.
Kewl! Will those be arriving via qumpkin or dust bunny?
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Experience is what you get when you didnít get what you wanted. ~ Dr. Randy Pausch

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Old 02-18-2011, 03:01 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora View Post
Oh and did I mention the type of photography he "specializes" in is boudoir photography. Or so he claims.

Creepy, I tell ya. Creepy.

Damn it! She's on to me!
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Old 02-18-2011, 03:19 AM   #8
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I don't know...I just like the word "asshattery".

It flows.
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Old 02-18-2011, 03:40 AM   #9
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I deleted the one on here that I've gotten but basically was along the lines of "I saw your profile and liked it, would you like me to send any pictures?" and I really don't have anything on my profile. I tend to get these msgs more on fb as well. I think the last one went on and on how I was so beautiful and I was his gift from god, and more Christian things mixed in there about how God meant for him to find me, and take care of me etc. I had to laugh at that because I let it be known I'm def. not Christian.
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:00 AM   #10
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Looking forward to seeing this thread progress... didn't know about the original one so I got some great laughs from it, thanks sweeterika and silverwhisper!

Nothing hilariously asshat-ish but when it is clear that someone has copied and pasted something generic it's super annoying. Like that's going to get me to respond. The template sort of goes, "hi i saw ur profile, i am a man from X and my cock is Y inches long, let's chat."

How can I resist such a tempting offer?
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:53 AM   #11
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I'm just afraid I'm gonna see some familiar looking quotes and realize that I'm "that guy"
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:16 AM   #12
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Texguy - I highly doubt that you could be "that guy."
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Old 02-18-2011, 10:40 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaarnanyx View Post
<snip> I tend to get these msgs more on fb as well.
You'd think one would get more creepy PM's on Lit than on FB. What's up with that?

Your comment made me think of another asshat message I got on FB about a year ago. It was from some lunatic who apparently thought I was carrying on with her husband. She bitched me out up one side and down the other.

But here's where it gets really good. She and her prize of a husband live four and a half hours north of where I do. By my calculations, if I hit the road immediately after dropping the kids off to school, I'd have precisely thirty seconds for a shag before I'd have to turn right around to head back home. Just in time to be an hour and a half late picking up the kids.

Oddly enough, I never heard back from her after I pointed out that minor detail.
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What we do, Miss Ventura, does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling. ~ Lionel, Maid in Manhattan

Experience is what you get when you didnít get what you wanted. ~ Dr. Randy Pausch

This is LIT-erotica, where the size of your polysyllable matters. - swiped from Velvet Darkness

For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who do not believe, no proof is possible.~ Stuart Chase

Swiped from Fire Breeze: my johari window. Curiosity and all that jazz...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regarding Dirty PMs: Don't bother. Your orgasm is not my problem.
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:06 PM   #14
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Got this gem a while back...

Quote:
Ms Grace

I stumbled up on some of your posts recently and thought to share something with you.

I had this gf of mine who left me and left to another country and I name her Grace since she was such a gracefuly lady....so this name arrests me whenever I see it on any page....thus your name stopped me here. And I was going through your posts.....amazing and gracious. I dont have anything else to say...I really liked your posts - very open, frank (you can be since unless you post your details, no one knows who you are....LOL....so be safe!) and honest. I was laughing at some of them, and some are sensual too....

for example :
http://forum.literotica.com/showthre...1#post35988471

here you say "if you're male...it's normal

if you're female...you're every man's dream"

and it really made me laugh......and then think....you are so very correct my grace....wow.

btw, about me...I am (ethniticy), based in (city) ...into (field of study) and on Lit for arround (time period) or so. I came over here to read the stories and later became part of the threads, boards, etc (I have another user id for my threads, stories and poems ). Later I started writing stories and poems. If interested I can provide you links....dont think so high about them...it is just expressions....Sorry, no pics posted since I dont do that due to my profession and stuff... security reasons!

Now, you would be smiling I bet - coz you would be wondering..omg...how some stranger say all these things....well, am I still a stranger for you ? I assume by now we are friends....I love friendships more than anything. So...if you consider me as a new friend rather than a stranger ( I wont blame if you think otherwise...LOL)....keep in touch
and um, no...never responded, lol

still no idea why he called me "Grace"...my name is Qrayze (as in "crazy"), lol
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:08 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaarnanyx View Post
I deleted the one on here that I've gotten but basically was along the lines of "I saw your profile and liked it, would you like me to send any pictures?" and I really don't have anything on my profile.
I once got this PM:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leg-Humping Azzhat
Your profile gave me blue balls. What are you going to do about it?
At the time, I had just returned from a Lit hiatus and my profile was blank.

My Lit experience improved when I opted to receive PMs from friends and moderators only.
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Old 02-18-2011, 04:10 PM   #16
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kept looking and found this one...

Quote:
Mmm pulling my cock thinking about you sucking me
short, yes, but still disturbing none-the-less

I mean...is that supposed to turn me on?
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:22 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asshat
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucyminx
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asshat
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucyminx
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asshat
I'd love to fuck those tits.
Sorry I have a no cartoon character policy.
Well that's not very friendly.
Nope, I suppose it isn't.
Can't knock a guy for liking tits, Hun.
That's when I went ballistic on him and explained that it was complete lack of manners that was the problem--not the fact that he liked tits.

I usually try to answer these in a polite or amusing way because I don't like to hurt feelings. This one was a douche bag.
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:44 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bailadora View Post
Kewl! Will those be arriving via qumpkin or dust bunny?
Definitely Qumpkin, he's the creepy one.
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:46 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quoll View Post
Definitely Qumpkin, he's the creepy one.
I think he is just misunderstood. I had forgotten all about that. Must be the excessive drinking. .
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Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. -- Kathleen Casey Theisen

Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the leather straps. --Emo Philips

Don't think about it, just swallow. --my friend Eileen

She went around with a broken heart, and she wasn't sure who'd broken it. She thought it was herself, mostly.
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:52 PM   #20
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Just found this on a blog that I rarely use, my information consists of A/S/L.


Quote:
Hello Dear,

My name is miss Favour ,i saw your profily today and became interested in you,i will also like to know more about you ok,and i want you to contact me through my email address (removed so I wont be tempted to send it to a site that will spam it endlessly) so i can send you my picture for you to know whom i am. I am waiting for your mail to my email address Remember that distance or colour does not matter but love matters a lot in life please contact me here (I'll do it you know) so i can give you my pic ok Favour.
This is my profily pic.


Last edited by Quoll : 02-18-2011 at 06:56 PM.
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:55 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saucyminx View Post
I think he is just misunderstood. I had forgotten all about that. Must be the excessive drinking. .
I knew sooner or later you would show up in this thread, *sigh* I told you before that I was joking about the chair leg and half a pound of margarine.










I mean seriously, margarine, puhleease, butter curls of course.
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:59 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quoll View Post
I knew sooner or later you would show up in this thread, *sigh* I told you before that I was joking about the chair leg and half a pound of margarine.










I mean seriously, margarine, puhleease, butter curls of course.
But the photos looked soooooo real!
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Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. -- Kathleen Casey Theisen

Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the leather straps. --Emo Philips

Don't think about it, just swallow. --my friend Eileen

She went around with a broken heart, and she wasn't sure who'd broken it. She thought it was herself, mostly.
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Old 02-19-2011, 01:02 AM   #23
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Quote:
JtohisPB quoth:
i love this idea. sometimes when i'm cranky the BDSM asshat thread is the perfect thread to visit for a laugh. bring it on!
well, that was the notion: why should the BDSM guys have all the fun, you know? besides, i'm sure there are asshats who PM well outside of what actually fits into BSDM content. :>

Quote:
eilan quoth:
i approve of this thread.
note to self: must add dancing bananas ASAP. :d

Quote:
bailadora quoth:
when ed began this thread, i didn't think i'd be posting here 'cause my sig line pretty much warns off any HNGs looking for wanking material. imagine my surprise when i received an asshat PM on facebook, of all places.

[snip]

my FB profile is on the strictest security settings, so the chances of this guy seeing anything other than my profile pic is slim to none. oh and did i mention the type of photography he "specializes" in is boudoir photography. or so he claims.

creepy, i tell ya. creepy.
some dudes really need a satindesire-style textual smackdown. seriously, that's all it comes down to, sometimes. :>

Quote:
coastal-boy quoth:
i don't know...i just like the word "asshattery".
i must confess, i'm quite taken with it. :>

Quote:
kaarnanyx quoth:
i deleted the one on here that i've gotten but basically was along the lines of "i saw your profile and liked it, would you like me to send any pictures?" and i really don't have anything on my profile. i tend to get these msgs more on fb as well. i think the last one went on and on how i was so beautiful and i was his gift from god, and more christian things mixed in there about how god meant for him to find me, and take care of me etc. i had to laugh at that because i let it be known I'm def. not christian.
i think it would be kinda funny if you asked him to start worshipping satan for the chance to cyber with you. but then again, i've been accused of being a bit of a jerk, betimes...

Quote:
yuna quoth:
looking forward to seeing this thread progress...didn't know about the original one so i got some great laughs from it, thanks sweeterika and silverwhisper!
hey, it's all part of the service. no, don't ask what service exactly: i'm just making this stuff up as i go. :>

Quote:
yuna quoth:
nothing hilariously asshat-ish but when it is clear that someone has copied and pasted something generic it's super annoying. like that's going to get me to respond. the template sort of goes, "hi i saw ur profile, i am a man from x and my cock is y inches long, let's chat."

how can i resist such a tempting offer?
did you ever see the movie real genius? it's an '80s flick i've always enjoyed, esp for this exchange...

Quote:
attractive female character quoth:
can you hammer a nail through a 2x4 with your penis?
Quote:
val kilmer's character quoth:
...
Quote:
attractive female character quoth:
a girl's gotta have standards.
Quote:
texguy quoth:
i'm just afraid i'm gonna see some familiar looking quotes and realize that i'm "that guy"
dude. been reading your posts for a while. you are definitely not "that guy". :>

Quote:
saucyminx] quoth:
i usually try to answer these in a polite or amusing way because i don't like to hurt feelings. this one was a douche bag.
aw...

quoll: it makes one wonder betimes, no? :>

ed
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Old 02-19-2011, 02:18 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwhisper View Post


i think it would be kinda funny if you asked him to start worshipping satan for the chance to cyber with you. but then again, i've been accused of being a bit of a jerk, betimes...
Thank you for the suggestion, I just might use that one next time BEFORE I hit the delete button.
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Old 02-19-2011, 06:26 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwhisper View Post
did you ever see the movie real genius? it's an '80s flick i've always enjoyed, esp for this exchange...
Never saw Real Genius but just checked out the IMDB page. Val Kilmer seems like such a miscasting to play a genius, LOL.
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