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What do you struggle most with about your position?

Q

quietserenity

Virgin
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Posts
6
No matter how you participate in BDSM, what is the hardest part for you?

I struggle with patience. My Husband is a very methodical thinker, while I am more on the emotional side of things. He always has a plan, and he always has a direction for whatever we might be doing, but it is often so hard for me to wait for his direction when I feel like he is taking forever.

I'm learning, but sometimes it feels like I'm not learning fast enough.
 
I saw that in the other post, I can imagine that would be miserable. Is your relationship strictly online, or just long distance?
 
this is funny because I too am an over thinker and that is where I often struggle...sometimes I just think too much and want to talk everything out..sometimes I wish I would just react
 
This may come off as a bit of a ramble, but I think my biggest struggle is my inability to guard my own safety. On those rare occasions where I submit my addiction to the dark side pushes me beyond what is safe. And I in turn push my partners to exceed what they would normally consider a stopping point. I always want my play more extreme, more pain, more sensation, just more. Where possible I have found that I need to have a non-involved person present to be a living safe word as I am not only incapable of uttering it I seem to push normally very sensible dominants way beyond what they think is reasonable, even those Doms/Dommes that I have played with many times and are aware of the problem.
 
Obeying when I absolutely do not agree with what he wants me to do. Or I should say keeping my mouth shut in those circumstances. i know it just makes matters worse. I really have to learn how to just shut up and obey.
 
The hardest thing for me is that our relationship is long distance and I haven't seen Him in months, and it makes cheating out of doing things and just lying very tempting if its something I don't want to do.
 
The hardest part for me is not letting myself shut down. Its become such a defense mechanism for me to just shut everyone out. My Dom is the first person i've let get to close to me in a long time and when I get upset, I can feel myself starting to pull away.
 
Teaser_Girl said:
The hardest part for me is not letting myself shut down. Its become such a defense mechanism for me to just shut everyone out. My Dom is the first person i've let get to close to me in a long time and when I get upset, I can feel myself starting to pull away.
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I totally know how you feel. I do this all the time. He can tell though, luckly, so He pesters me until I give in and tell him whats going on.
 
slavebitch said:
I totally know how you feel. I do this all the time. He can tell though, luckly, so He pesters me until I give in and tell him whats going on.
Click to expand...

He can't always tell with me. I think I'm a little too good at faking it, if you know what I mean.
But I'm getting better at not pulling away... Or so I like to think. lol.
 
Teaser_Girl said:
He can't always tell with me. I think I'm a little too good at faking it, if you know what I mean.
But I'm getting better at not pulling away... Or so I like to think. lol.
Click to expand...
I totally know what you mean. I've learned to let my guard down a little with Him, but anyone else and they'd have no idea I'm faking being perfectly fine. But if I was determined for Him to not know, He wouldn't be able to see through my lies. I'm a pro. . . not that thats a good thing, because it isn't. lol
 
eastern sun said:
That's what I was going to say! Letting go.
Click to expand...

Seems to be the holy grail, yeah?

Sometimes I just think to myself "Man, think how many things you'd be able to enjoy if you could just relax and let go". Get too precious about things... especially things that I shouldn't cling to in the first place. Namely, pride. Not gonna speak for you, but if you feel the same way, that makes two of us~
 
slavebitch said:
The hardest thing for me is that our relationship is long distance and I haven't seen Him in months, and it makes cheating out of doing things and just lying very tempting if its something I don't want to do.
Click to expand...

Distance is probably one of the hardest, if not the hardest, thing for me, but for different reasons. In 5 years, we've been in the flesh once.

I also have a hard tiime thinking outside the box with him. I take things very litterally. So when he gives me a direction that I can't complete exactly as he discribed, insted of trying something close or slightly different, I don't do anything and take the fail.

That lack of thought and effort disapoints him more than if I half ass something.
 
Having two Doms, both of whom love me, both of whom I love, both of whom would rather be the only Dom in my life.
 
Early on, it was fear.

Fear that I would make myself vulnerable, he'd see deep inside, see that I'm nuts, and run for the hills.

But now, he just sees it, and tells me he loves me anyway.
 
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