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Old 01-19-2011, 07:15 PM   #1
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The Secret Diary of Janey Jones

This is what happens on dates- the whispering in my mind.
They don't know what I am thinking.
It is not entirely fair to the date that they do not know my mind is whispering:
tell me to shut up. pull my hair. rape me.
---

In other breaking news: after years of this- I got slapped the other day-- for the first time in my life. As I suspected I probably would- I liked it. I didn't know it was coming, and we never talked about it. I did on date two tell him that I wanted to be owned and completely controlled when I am lucky enough to trust and love. Maybe I did not articulate the thought well- I still have a hard time describing exactly what I desire. He admitted he did not quite understand what I was saying but that he thinks he knows what I am trying to say: and he thinks he likes it.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:25 PM   #2
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Date Three

He puts his arm around my neck from behind me. My first reaction is to struggle, and my body does the natural attempt to break free. Then I realize my neck will hurt if I do that- so I release my fight and go limp. I end up on the bed as soon as I stop wiggling. I am whispering in my mind: If I struggle please don't let it stop you.

We are making out and my clothes are off, he still has his jeans on but his cock comes out and I give him handy. My face still hurts from hours long suck from Saturday night. I still want to suck it. I am whispering in my mind: please tell me to suck it. He does not say anything so I carry on with handy, he seems to like it.

When it is over- he goes to the kitchen get water. As soon as he leaves my presence I am on my phone- like crack- text text text. I vaguely felt him looking at me from the door, but I was so distracted in my phone. My girlfriend is looking for me. I call her back and get her voicemail.

I started to talk into the phone: Hi come over tonightÖÖ
<slap> The man slapped my ass hard. My mind could not whisper anything. I was shut down and I liked it.
Ouch!
My finger hit the end call button quickly before the second slap, followed by a third and fourth.


I was so shocked. I put my face into the pillow so that he could not see the look in my eyes of: fear, tears, but most of all: how much I liked it. My mind was whispering: It looks like I don't like it, but I do like it so please don't stop.

With my head still buried I felt his belt lightly being dragged on the back of my thighs and ass. I felt him walking around the bed doing this. And although I had been dreaming of being belted for a long time now:
I was afraid. I could still feel the sting on my ass from his hand, and now he was about to belt me.
I took my face out of the pillow without looking up at him and said: Please donít.

The belt dropped to the floor. He grabbed my phone and took a picture of his red handprint on my ass then got in the bed and played with my hair. It tickled. I could not move or look at him, I was embarrased. I lay on my belly and could not believe what just happened.

It was not until later that I had wished that I said nothing. Would he have really belted me? I am so greedy!

Maybe he read the sign on my back that says: beat me, I will like it.
--
Today he calls and tells me to leave my unpaid moving violation ticket in the mailbox- that he is going to pay it so I donít get arrested one day. He says: Donít forget. I say: What if I forget? He says: Donít mess with me, just do what I say.

Well, I am not going to do as he says. Just because he slapped me a few times does not mean I am going to have him paying my tickets. I am going to leave something else in the mailbox. He likes the color red. I think I will sleep in my red thong tonight and stuff it in an envelope and place that in the box.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:44 PM   #3
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Date Two

He asked me where I would like to go. My mind was whispering: Why do men always have to ask that dreaded question? My mind was whispering: I wonít be going out with you again. I choose the place. We go to a cafť in his town; he didnít seem thrilled with it. After we went to his place. I should have gone home, I had work the next day. My mind was whispering: Send me home.

He did not send me home. He could not hear my whispering.

I sucked his cock twice. The first go round took a long time and my face actually hurt. The second time he started stroking himself- He said open your mouth. I immediately began sucking again. In the middle of suck- I heard that familiar sound of a Zippo type lighter and the room filled with the smoke of one of those little cigar type things. It was gross. I looked up at him. I was sucking his cock and he was smoking. I was shocked and did not know what to make of this, but I just kept sucking. My mind was whispering: You are an arrogant fucking jerk for smoking while I suck you- but I like it.

I think he heard my mind whispering. He smiled.
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:55 PM   #4
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Date One

Oh yeah, we went to the beach in the freezing cold.
With one hand on the wheel and his other hand on my leg.
My mind was whispering: so pinch me already.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:25 PM   #5
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You should upload a copy of that voice mail.
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Old 01-20-2011, 05:50 AM   #6
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You should upload a copy of that voice mail.
Yes, but I can't tell my friend: Can I hear my message? It is like my little secret.
When she asked me what I was doing: I giggled it off.
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Old 01-23-2011, 09:48 AM   #7
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Date One

I aim to be pleasant. The weather is cold, we canít wait for spring and the beach, and I am quiet. He is staring at me, into my eyes laden with fake eyelashes but he does not burn a whole in my brain. I know he canít read my mind.

A moment of quiet, what were we talking about? The weather and the words spill from my throat: I love the spring, the way the warm winds blow and shift the fabric of my dress, molesting me, the warm winds rape me every year in the spring of the year, in the lovely spring of the year. It feels good.

My mind is whispering: I canít believe I just said that. No, I am not reading a book of prose from underneath the table, no book in my lap. I am a fucking idiot.

And as if I had said nothing out of the ordinary, luckily the talk turns to the price of fuelÖand then I got lost in my brain.

Fuck my mind is whispering: He is never going to beat me. I am not at work. He probably wants to lick my shoes. Should I ask him for a ride to the train station? I am on my knees. I really should eat better. Why is sex competing with other primal needs? Will I reach self-actualization if I donít even feed myself properly?

He says: What do you think about that?

I have no idea what he is talking about. I am so rude. I am a pathetic talker and it is not his fault that I have defined his sexuality in my mind, possible falsely. I have to stop doing that, it is not fair.

My mind is whispering: I am sorry. Do you like blowjobs? Letís blow this popsicle stand; you should be sucked off, to make up for my inattention. Do you like my eyelashes? They are fake. What do you think about that? How about I give you a few butterfly kisses with these lashes on your man bags before I swallow your entire cock into my throat? I can do this till you want to fuck me, but we will not fuck because I will suck it out of you before you can get your pants around your ankles. So kick me under the table please because I really need to get back to what you are saying.

I turn it around quickly. I donít know what he has just said, but I smile and suck on my straw and stare into his eyes till he changes the subject and I start to pay attention. I am listening.
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Old 01-23-2011, 10:04 AM   #8
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"... I canít believe I just said that. No, I am not reading a book of prose from underneath the table, no book in my lap.....the talk turns to the price of fuelÖ"


Comedy gold.
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Old 01-23-2011, 12:08 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosco rathbone View Post
Comedy gold.
Should I quit my day job?
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Old 01-23-2011, 08:28 PM   #10
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Date four is not like date three although he is the same man and I am the same woman. The reality is that needs vary and the imaginary man in my mind does not exist. I can accept that, or continue to whisper and play in my own disturbing neuro-erotic brain.
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Old 01-23-2011, 09:23 PM   #11
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He asked you to do something after date three. Did you?
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Old 01-23-2011, 11:45 PM   #12
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Sweep
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who needs food or conversation
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Old 01-24-2011, 06:35 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eastern sun View Post
He asked you to do something after date three. Did you?
No, I didn't leave the ticket or anything in the mail box.
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Old 01-28-2011, 02:26 PM   #14
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He: You can come over any time you want.

My mind is whispering: Tell me to get in my car and come to your house immediately and I will.

Me: Ok

He: The shoes you left here are on my bookshelf like sculptures.

My mind is whispering: I purchased them just for the silly fact that I can not walk in heels that high, hoping you would tell me to get on my hands and knees and crawl since I looked ridiculous prancing around your living room in them.

Me: I am glad you like them.

My mind is whispering: Did someone slip a mickey into my hot tea? I feel so sleepy and talking on the phone makes me even more tired.

He: Are you coming over?

Me: Do you want me to come over?

He: I am not going to command you to come over.

Me: Then I am not coming over.

He: What the fuck is wrong with you?

My mind is whispering: The gig is up.
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:21 PM   #15
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<click>
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:30 PM   #16
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I take a short nap and jill off.
The phone rings.

My mind is whispering: I know it is him, he should have told me to come over. It is not that complicated.

Me: <quiet short of breath> Hello.
He: What are you doing?
Me: Nothing. I am in bed.
He: Who are you with?
Me: Myself.

<click>

The phone rings.

Me: Hello.
He: Who are you with?
Me: Myself. If I were with another man would I be answering your call?
He: Yes because you are a sadistic bitch.
Me: What are you talking about? Look that word up in the dictionary and get back to me.
He: Who are you with?
Me: Are you sick of me or something? Am I too oversexed for you?
He: No. I like it.
Me: Ok can we go have dinner now? I want spaghetti.
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Old 01-28-2011, 07:32 PM   #17
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janey, does your mind slip into a very submissive state after you o?

oh, did you get dinner?
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Old 01-28-2011, 08:02 PM   #18
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As someone whose mind whispers a lot, I like reading where yours takes you Janey
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Old 01-28-2011, 08:04 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neci_please_me View Post
janey, does your mind slip into a very submissive state after you o?

oh, did you get dinner?
Neci, I am not sure really. I am a lonely o- and only o alone.
That being said: I twist everything up in my mind to huge proportions to satisfy a desire to be submissive in my own imagination. This is one reason why I love to suck- because I get this feeling without his effort- or even knowledge of this pursuit. I feel so sneaky!

We had dinner. I ate lots of spaghetti. Then I had chocolate and coffee! I kept staring at this mirror in the corner by the kitchen where the servers come out. It was very distracting. My mind was not whispering anything at all. I am pretty much a communication failure and now I feel so unfair. I have an acute case of pathetic-a. I will put clean sheets on the bed and iron my work clothes and submit to the big H for the next two days. How ridiculous! My job is a crutch.
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Old 01-28-2011, 08:13 PM   #20
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Quote:
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As someone whose mind whispers a lot, I like reading where yours takes you Janey
Hello. Thank you dear whisperer. If you like you can tell me what you whisper too.
It is a brave new world and I am letting the whisper slip out loud sometimes. Tonight the waitress spilled the creamer on the floor while serving our coffee. She said: Ooops and then rubbed it in with her foot into the carpet.
I said out loud: That was really hot, wish she would have left it there in a puddle at my feet.
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Old 01-29-2011, 02:00 AM   #21
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Three dates and hes suspicious?

Tell him your considering others since he's just not dishing it out enough.
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Old 01-29-2011, 06:04 AM   #22
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Three dates and hes suspicious?

Tell him your considering others since he's just not dishing it out enough.
Yeah that was funny. I don't think I want him to dish it out.
There is a line that I don't know how to cross: Telling a man what I think, feel, need, want is not in my toolbox. Since I do not have that tool, I have to halt all building and go back to the drawing to figure it out. The workers are getting pissed.
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Old 01-29-2011, 07:18 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweepthefloor View Post
Yeah that was funny. I don't think I want him to dish it out.
There is a line that I don't know how to cross: Telling a man what I think, feel, need, want is not in my toolbox. Since I do not have that tool, I have to halt all building and go back to the drawing to figure it out. The workers are getting pissed.
Or at least work on your non-verbal cues.

Your passiveness could be taken as disinterest or even coldness. Guys aren't psychic, and unless you meet him online or have some sort of prior discussions indicating what you want to get out of the relationship, he may not keep pushing if he doesn't feel like it's working for both of you.
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Old 01-29-2011, 11:59 AM   #24
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Or at least work on your non-verbal cues.

Your passiveness could be taken as disinterest or even coldness. Guys aren't psychic, and unless you meet him online or have some sort of prior discussions indicating what you want to get out of the relationship, he may not keep pushing if he doesn't feel like it's working for both of you.
You are kind.

I have no patience with people who demand psychic abilities and test me with them. Saying what you want *is* a naked, one-down position. If you can't do that, you won't do the rest of what I want.
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Old 01-29-2011, 03:52 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweepthefloor View Post
Neci, I am not sure really. I am a lonely o- and only o alone.
That being said: I twist everything up in my mind to huge proportions to satisfy a desire to be submissive in my own imagination. This is one reason why I love to suck- because I get this feeling without his effort- or even knowledge of this pursuit. I feel so sneaky!

We had dinner. I ate lots of spaghetti. Then I had chocolate and coffee! I kept staring at this mirror in the corner by the kitchen where the servers come out. It was very distracting. My mind was not whispering anything at all. I am pretty much a communication failure and now I feel so unfair. I have an acute case of pathetic-a. I will put clean sheets on the bed and iron my work clothes and submit to the big H for the next two days. How ridiculous! My job is a crutch.
sneaky sucking.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweepthefloor View Post
Yeah that was funny. I don't think I want him to dish it out.
There is a line that I don't know how to cross: Telling a man what I think, feel, need, want is not in my toolbox. Since I do not have that tool, I have to halt all building and go back to the drawing to figure it out. The workers are getting pissed.
i think being able to open up that box of craziness that is in your brain is one of the ultimate acts of submission. you are completely vulnerable at that moment for either being accepted or rejected as you are. for me, it takes time to get there, and being apprehensive about sharing could be taken as being guarded. letting bits of pieces out at a time, gives you a chance to gage his reaction. if there is chemistry, the rest should take care of itself, as long as you don't self sabotage.
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