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What real people do that sex story characters don't

lovecraft68

lovecraft68

Bad Doggie
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Posts
45,551
Hi bored and thought this could be a fun post. As someone who writes and reads erotica I abide by the rule that all fiction writers do; mainly somethings need to be left out. Now of course erotica deals with ideal sex. Every woman is hot and is a pig who'll do anything and every man is a hung stud who goes for hours. But it's not just what they do it's what they don't, those real life situations that are embarrassing but happen and of course we leave out because the stories are fun and not real. Here is the biggest one that I noticed in stories and of course leave out of my own;

Nobody has to pee. Ever.
The morning after a hot night they wake up and the guys hand is right in the woman's pussy, and then she's going down on him. Guys you know it's not like that! I fall asleep at midnight and the wife wakes me up with her mouth at six yeah it's great but I gotta piss! So that's my example what's yours?
 
Before I got my new bed frame and mattresses, my old frame was a little too large for the mattress so I had added wood supports/slats to help support the bed. Sometimes during sex the boards and box spring would move and fall through the frame so either the top half or bottom half of the bed would be on the floor. It's really only funny the first 25 times it happens.
 
corks25 said:
Before I got my new bed frame and mattresses, my old frame was a little too large for the mattress so I had added wood supports/slats to help support the bed. Sometimes during sex the boards and box spring would move and fall through the frame so either the top half or bottom half of the bed would be on the floor. It's really only funny the first 25 times it happens.
Click to expand...

That's classic! Goes along with no one ever falls off the bed during all the sexual gymnastics!
 
corks25 said:
Before I got my new bed frame and mattresses, my old frame was a little too large for the mattress so I had added wood supports/slats to help support the bed. Sometimes during sex the boards and box spring would move and fall through the frame so either the top half or bottom half of the bed would be on the floor. It's really only funny the first 25 times it happens.
Click to expand...

That's a cute tat btw, where is it?
 
Nobody ever has bad breath or sleep in their eyes, nobody ever wakes up with a giant zit and nobody ever needs to fart...:D
 
EnglishEm said:
Nobody ever has bad breath or sleep in their eyes, nobody ever wakes up with a giant zit and nobody ever needs to fart...:D
Click to expand...

LMFAO... story charicters never have to hold their lovers hair back while she blows chunks...because nothing says sexy like dinner comeing out her nose as she farts while heaving.
 
They never need to take a huge dump and stink the bathroom out either... :p
 
EnglishEm said:
They never need to take a huge dump and stink the bathroom out either... :p
Click to expand...

Was wondering how long it would take us to get to farting! The other thing is in the foot fetish stories the woman's feet never smell no matter how long they've been on them and what they've been wearing
 
Frizzle_Fry said:
LMFAO... story charicters never have to hold their lovers hair back while she blows chunks...because nothing says sexy like dinner comeing out her nose as she farts while heaving.
Click to expand...

And no woman ever gags giving head no matter how big the guys cock is. (unless it's the damn non consent category)
 
Nobody ever seems to get cramp at just the wrong moment either... Leading to much hopping around and creative use of the word "fuck", just in the wrong way...
 
lovecraft68 said:
Was wondering how long it would take us to get to farting! The other thing is in the foot fetish stories the woman's feet never smell no matter how long they've been on them and what they've been wearing
Click to expand...

Neither do they mention bunions, corns, athletes foot, fungal infections, ingrowing toenails, cracked heels, flaky skin, hard skin or the little dirt balls that collect inbetween the toes...

I wrote a short story yesterday morning and my husband read it. There were a couple of sentances where I described brushing my teeth because I didn't want to wake my husband with 'morning breath'.

After he'd read it, he said, "Yeah, it was really good, but I wish you hadn't mentioned the morning breath because as soon as I read that, I started thinking about it..."
 
as part of a project i discussed the issue with some people in a remote nomadic tribe about their choice of movies that they got to see courtesy a contractor building a power plant, they said if the movies showed people washing clothes who is interested in those movies we do it ourselves any way
 
lovecraft68 said:
Hi bored and thought this could be a fun post. As someone who writes and reads erotica I abide by the rule that all fiction writers do; mainly somethings need to be left out. Now of course erotica deals with ideal sex. Every woman is hot and is a pig who'll do anything and every man is a hung stud who goes for hours. But it's not just what they do it's what they don't, those real life situations that are embarrassing but happen and of course we leave out because the stories are fun and not real. Here is the biggest one that I noticed in stories and of course leave out of my own;

Nobody has to pee. Ever.The morning after a hot night they wake up and the guys hand is right in the woman's pussy, and then she's going down on him. Guys you know it's not like that! I fall asleep at midnight and the wife wakes me up with her mouth at six yeah it's great but I gotta piss! So that's my example what's yours?
Click to expand...

uhm ... yes they do, sometimes that's the premise of the story. not to everyone's taste, sure - no pun either. :D

scotsman69 does a good story click

... fanny farts (that's what we call 'em in UK dunno what the US equivalent is). not many mentions of the the old flib-flib-flib-pfllllt, eh? although now i've mentioned it, i'm gunna have to put it in a story!
 
The woman getting dropped during a round of....umm...althletic sex. I don't care who the man is, 20 mins + of holding a woman up against the wall whilst flexing repeatedly with legs....yeah, that's a receipe for disaster.

Premature... need I type the rest?
 
Last edited:
Cats and dogs jumping on the bed when you're in the middle of one of your "signature" moves....particularly if there is a cold, wet nose involved.

:D
 
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