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Writing Challenge ~ January 2011 ~ Reviews and Comments

Britwitch

Britwitch

Classically curvy
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Apr 23, 2004
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WRITING CHALLENGE ~ JANUARY 2011 ~ REVIEW THREAD​

Just a few little rules for this thread:-

• This thread is for comments and reviews only. Submissions go here!

• Please keep your comments focused on the pieces posted for this month’s challenge, this is not really intended to be a thread for conversation/flirting/mayhem and so on (Sorry to be a bore!). Writers should be able to find reviews/comments for their pieces without having to trawl through pages of banter (no matter how amusing/sexy it might be!) :)

• Please keep your comments and reviews polite and, wherever possible, positive. If you have constructive criticism or advice for writers please do give it but be polite about it! You don’t have to like everything you read but if you really don’t have anything nice to say about something then I would suggest you refrain from posting.

• This is supposed to be a fun way to get to know new writers and potential partners, to exercise our writing brains, it’s not a competition, please keep that in mind!

• One more thing…suggestions for future prompts should be PMd to me – Britwitch

Happy reading!
 
Ok..I've submitted a piece, and I hope it goes down ok, and doesn't cause offense or upset as it is a subject dear to me, but ....well, I hope it's understood.
It's also not 2500 words long, rather short of 2000..I hope that's ok..I took the limit to be a limit, but not an amount to be reached, but it felt right to stop where I did, and not have it ramble on.

thanks
 
I just posted mine, Alana, and its quite short. I tend towards that.
But, I'm thinking about doing two more, with the idea of keeping them under 2000 cumulative. Sort of a set of vignettes.
 
I've just read Vails piece and while the scene is not necessarily something that interests me, it's incredibly beautifully written.
Short sweet sentences, easy read, perfectly timed..creating a very lovely picture and intimacy that is erotic at its best. Its a very very lovely piece of writing.
:rose:
 
You can't keep me here, I can't stay ~ Vail_Indigo

Dramatic with a capital 'D'.
It's definitely very 'revealing', rather brutal but real and written with a sense of honesty which stops it becoming 'offensive' or off putting. I enjoyed it and am definitely looking forward to the next installments :rose:
 
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The Black Dove ~ Alana_

This was so beautiful and dark and sad. I couldn't stop reading once I'd started. The ending was a surprise, almost a shock, even though you'd hinted at it earlier in the piece.
You have such an amazing way with words, the hurt, the pain, the anger all came to life so vividly, it was almost hard to read in places.
Loved it Alana! :rose:
 
Last edited:
The Black Dove by Alana

The Black Dove by Alana

I enjoyed this, the story, the reveal which, unlike so many, wasn't based on a sudden twist, but instead made perfect sense, and some of the language is outstanding. There's some fantastic lines in here, without doubt. Some of the imagery is incredibly powerful, and poetically expressed.

I do think there are some technical issues here and there, and a few things that, if I were being handed this as a first draft for review, I would suggest changing, but I think that this is a very solid piece that just could use some polish.

Thumbs up!
 
Alana_ said:
It's also not 2500 words long, rather short of 2000..I hope that's ok..I took the limit to be a limit, but not an amount to be reached, but it felt right to stop where I did, and not have it ramble on.
Click to expand...

You got it exactly as I intended, 2,500 is the maximum word limit for this month's challenge. You can write 25 words if that is what you want to do. :)
 
Vail_Indigo said:
The Black Dove by Alana

I enjoyed this, the story, the reveal which, unlike so many, wasn't based on a sudden twist, but instead made perfect sense, and some of the language is outstanding. There's some fantastic lines in here, without doubt. Some of the imagery is incredibly powerful, and poetically expressed.

I do think there are some technical issues here and there, and a few things that, if I were being handed this as a first draft for review, I would suggest changing, but I think that this is a very solid piece that just could use some polish.

Thumbs up!
Click to expand...

Vail thank you..but please dont be afraid to let me know where it needs polishing up. I googled what I could, so if information is wrong let me know. If it's grammar or tenses also let me know as the piece means a lot to me and I'd like to have it right. I know the tenses are in past and present, and they were confusing for me also, so if it's not 'right' I'd appreciate the input.

thanks for reading, and I appreciate it greatly. x
 
Britwitch said:
The Black Dove ~ Alana_

This was so beautiful and dark and sad. I couldn't stop reading once I'd started. The ending was a surprise, almost a shock, even though you'd hinted at it earlier in the piece.
You have such an amazing way with words, the hurt, the pain, the anger all came to life so vividly, it was almost hard to read in places.
Loved it Alana! :rose:
Click to expand...

Thank you Brit also..I'm so happy you enjoyed and got it. thank you very much sweetlady. x
 
Alana_ said:
Vail thank you..but please dont be afraid to let me know where it needs polishing up. I googled what I could, so if information is wrong let me know. If it's grammar or tenses also let me know as the piece means a lot to me and I'd like to have it right. I know the tenses are in past and present, and they were confusing for me also, so if it's not 'right' I'd appreciate the input.

thanks for reading, and I appreciate it greatly. x
Click to expand...

I can't speak particularly intelligently about the information, but, barring something so egregiously wrong that it kicks me out of a story, I'm seldom fact checking. I'll PM you some more detailed technical/stylist thoughts when I can :)
 
Vail_Indigo said:
I can't speak particularly intelligently about the information, but, barring something so egregiously wrong that it kicks me out of a story, I'm seldom fact checking. I'll PM you some more detailed technical/stylist thoughts when I can :)
Click to expand...


Thank you Vail. hugs.
 
Just read 'She wears the Mask', and it's a superb read. It's clear, has a little bit of mystery about it concerning the mask, and very sensual. The language is lovely, with some very sexy writing. All told, for me, it was a deliciously worded piece. I'm straighter than straight, but even I 'got it'.
 
Britwitch said:
The Mask She Wears ~ PenIsMightier1

A very very erotic read. Mysterious and definitely left me wanting more ;)
Well written, excellent choice of words. I liked the style, the mixture of description of actions and emotions. Great stuff! :rose:
Click to expand...

LOL..I totally fucked up on the name of that one..apologies Penismightier. The intentions were the best...but Budweiser has to take the blame.;)
 
Very good submissions all around, now I'm terribly shy about what I had planned to post. Looks like I'll be starting from scratch.
 
I submitted an entry... it kinda sucks, I admit... I will prolly end up re-writing it and fixing it as time goes on, but I'm not on a computer where I can save it right now, so I wanted to post it before I lost my progress.
 
Oh no Jewel I loved your piece. The deep fundamental change in the char was amazing. My only real complaint is that after the mask, the drama of it, a gun seems much to mundane. I so wanted her to paint his face with acid too.

Vail, gorgeously written, what takes some writers thirty words, you say it in two. Loved it.

Pen, the surprise at the end was perfect. We are the Masks we wear.

Alana, the hardest to read. Just powerfully written, I wanted more actually. You painted the depth of feelings in Helena perfect, and the images within were hard to forget.
 
Mistress Pen,
I greatly enjoyed your story. The initial setting description is so vivid; I can feel myself on the sofa reading with Fiona. But what really hit me strongly are the mixed emotions in both characters – the pull of a force contrasted with the restraint of their thoughts. Both women faced the same uncontrollable force that they were helpless to fight against. And as others have said, the "surprise" at the end was delicious ... and left me with wonder.
 
Ausus_girl13 said:
Oh no Jewel I loved your piece. The deep fundamental change in the char was amazing. My only real complaint is that after the mask, the drama of it, a gun seems much to mundane. I so wanted her to paint his face with acid too.
Click to expand...

I had originally planned on doing something drawn out and torturous, but I was worried about the reception it would get. Most of the time when I don't worry about how others will take my more sadistic and violent scenes, they come out really well... but people either take offense or get really freaked out. Maybe I'll write another ending and see how I like it.
 
Alana, WOW! What an amazingly deep, emotional story. So beautifully told and the progression of events evolved so naturally!

Jewel, very enjoyable story. I loved seeing her find her strength and not remain a victim. Where you left it is also awesome – is she going to really harm him or is she scaring him? [*sigh* I hate that instinct, to "censor" oneself due to other people's judgements ... I fall victim to it more often that I'd like :kiss: ]

Vail, whew. Each time I read through it, I “feel” a different part – a piece of her, a bit of her … each description at the same time specific and general.
 
Who's Beautiful Now? ~ Jewelskye

The main character had real strength and dignity and that came across wonderfully. We found out about what had happened to her little by little and I really liked that element. The ending fitted as well, except I too think I might have preferred her to use a different, more torturous method. :rose:
 
Okay, mine is up, but first I have to give some mad props to my boy, Dr. J for his help. He told me I couldn't thank him. I told him to suck an egg.

I hope y'all like it.
 
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