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How to Escape a Student's Advances...?

odyssean, i would imagine that your school has a protocol for addressing this kinda situation, no? i would definitely suggest making use of them.

you already understand the risks this situation poses to our job and your marriage. i think you need to protect yourself--now.

ed
 
I agree with ed, your institution should have clear mandates for handling such things, you may want to familiarize yourself with them. If you don't want to be that public about it, then question a few of your fellow instructors that you're closest to and talk to them about it.
 
It all comes down to what YOU want.

It doesn't matter how long you've been married, how great your wife is or isn't, what the rules might be where you work; if YOU want to have an affair with a hot 18 yr. old, it will happen, regardless of the consequences.

In the back of your mind, your conscience will be reminding you of every reason why you shouldn't be banging this chick, but the main voice you'll hear inside your head as you're pumping into her is, "But this is what I WANT!"

The only way it won't happen is if you truly don't want it to happen. According to your post, it sounds like you kinda do and kinda don't want it, and if there's any "kinda do" in your thinking, then all this girl would have to do is make one little move and your life as you know it, is over.

Good luck.
 
I agree with the others, confirm the school policy and stick to it. You are too young to stumble into something so potentially disastrous.
 
I'm new around these parts but break it down as a simple risk assessment. Potential gains vs losses if you get caught.

from where I'm sitting (the cheap seats are lovely by the way) you'll have a few moments of probably slightly disappointing sex, lets be realistic there is no replacement for experience.

On the other side, you could lose your job possibly face legal issues, and generally mess up your life. This looks to me like a no brainer.
 
Odyssean said:
After several years as a college educator, it's finally happened: A student has all but come out and thrown herself at me. Trust me, I know what that sounds like -- boo hoo, poor me. But, for all of my sexual imagination and past escapades, I would fear for my job, not to mention my marriage!

There have been times in the past where I thought a student might be hinting at something. Those were easy enough to avoid. But I now have a (rather attractive) eighteen year-old girl whose grades are fine -- she just wants to know me more "intimately." I can't say if there are "Daddy issues" here, but it's not sex-for-grades; she already has the grades.

What should I do here, people? If I speak to her directly about it, I fear I'm opening a BIG can of worms. And it's possible (but unlikely) I'm misreading the many things she's saying to me. On the other hand, you only live once...I don't think I can keep ignoring it, as she's escalating her comments, looks, gestures, etc.
Click to expand...


Don't bring it up first, but next time she flirts, just tell, flirting is against school policy, and you are married. And tell her that you don't want to lose your job or your marriage. you are a professional educator, act like one: don't be stupid at work. She is going to be there four years tops, your career is for life. Don't throw it away.
 
My question is why are you even spending any time on the question at all unless you're looking for an excuse to not put an end to it.

If she's looking for help outside of class hours.. recommend another professor that could help her or another resource. If it's during class I'm sure there is a way to mention that certain behaviours are just not appropriate.

If she REALLY needs a hint.. it's the holiday season, mention how much you're looking forward to a break and spending time with your WIFE (with emphasis on the wife part)
 
Isn't the semester nearly over?

You cannot send out mixed signals. If you want to risk your job, reputation, and marriage then continue entertaining the fantasy.

But, I really sense that you want to do the right thing and are just flattered by her attentions. Stay professional and firm. Commit to being a respectful and honest teacher, and save your fantasies for your fantasy life.

My 2 cents.
 
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I would say to end the uncertainty. Next time she buttonholes you, ask her directly what she wants. If she says that she wants a sexual relationship, then flat out tell her no. Don't hem and haw. Be direct and confident.

Tempting as this situation might be, it's not worth your job, your marriage, and your self-respect.
 
I'm so glad I teach mostly developmental classes. I just can't bring myself to be seriously attracted to hot people when I know they're not that bright. :cool:
NippleMuncher said:
Are you wanting to know how to bed the 18 year old or save your job?:confused:
Click to expand...
Um, yeah? The title of the thread is "How to Escape a Student's Advances...?" The subject matter of the thread appears to be "How do I bang one of my students without getting caught?"

My school's sexual harassment policy is "fire first, then investigate the matter and deal with the wrongful termination suit later," and having tenure doesn't necessarily equal job security in such cases. I don't know what your school's policy is, but I guess you have to outweigh the benefits of banging young student pussy (and hoping that she's not vindictive if/when things end) versus keeping your job. And then there's the whole marriage thing. . . .

The semester's likely almost over. Finish your grades, enjoy the flattery, fantasize all you want, jerk off a few hundred times, and enjoy your child's first Christmas.
 
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While we were peers (not student/teacher), I once had a girl come on to me very, very strong over the course of several weeks. I turned her down every time. Not because she was unattractive or anything, it just didn't feel right. She ended up cornering me, sitting on my lap, and attempted to stick her tongue down my throat.

I (mostly) gently pushed her off and told her that she should leave.

We didn't see each other for a week or so, but when we next crossed paths, she thanked for for turning her down.

In short, resist. You'll have a clean conscience and she may end up feeling better about herself.
 
If you don't mind potentially ending up as a headline in the local/national papers, go for it.
 
strikes

It strikes me that you know perfectly well how to escape the "clutches" of a student of yours. You just don't want to do that. Is the grass ALWAYS greener?
N
 
As a college student, I always get the hots for my teachers. The one thing that puts an end to my fantasies is when the start talking about their spouses and their kids. If you are serious about fending her off, try this approach. Talk openly about your wife and family in class. When she visits your office, show off pictures of your happy family.

However, you sound like you don't want it to end. You are trying to figure out if you can have your cake and eat it too. Is there a way you can have a fling with your gorgeous 18-year-old student and not ruin your marriage, destroy your career, and betray your family?

Probably not.

You might have a fling and then she'll go away and you'll move on with happy memories. Don't bet on it. Your 18-year-old student might become a stalker. She might become obsessed. Having sex with her will empower her to become a real menace.

Or you might break her heart. She might entertain fantasies of you leaving your family to marry her and start a new life together. You could really hurt her.

As delightful as it sounds, you have overarching responsibilities. You owe it to yourself, your wife, your family and your student to take the high road. Sorry, pal. Life's a bitch.
 
Odyssean said:
After several years as a college educator, it's finally happened: A student has all but come out and thrown herself at me. Trust me, I know what that sounds like -- boo hoo, poor me. But, for all of my sexual imagination and past escapades, I would fear for my job, not to mention my marriage!

There have been times in the past where I thought a student might be hinting at something. Those were easy enough to avoid. But I now have a (rather attractive) eighteen year-old girl whose grades are fine -- she just wants to know me more "intimately." I can't say if there are "Daddy issues" here, but it's not sex-for-grades; she already has the grades.

What should I do here, people? If I speak to her directly about it, I fear I'm opening a BIG can of worms. And it's possible (but unlikely) I'm misreading the many things she's saying to me. On the other hand, you only live once...I don't think I can keep ignoring it, as she's escalating her comments, looks, gestures, etc.
Click to expand...

Just continue ignoring her advances. In the end it'll be the best for both of you. Sure the sex could be mind blowing but is that really worth what would happen if you two were caught? You'd be left with no wife, no job, and a shitload of problems.
 
I agree with what others have said here. You know good and well how to handle this, but you're also getting off on the idea that you could fuck your student and get away with it.

Believe me, I've been in academia a good while and have known plenty of professors who fuck their students. You and I both know that this girl won't keep it a secret. Chances are pretty good that if she's going after her married professor, she's probably a bit of a nut job. ALL of the female grad students I've known who fucked professors were totally fucking bonkers (some of them were my friends...and believe me, they report details). Word will get out, and you will be *that* professor.

Tell your department chair. Tell your wife. Next time this chick shows up at your office hours, tell her you are married, you don't want to jeopardize your career, and just in case there's been a misunderstanding that you have reported the situation to the university. End of story. Done and done.
 
Document everything that happens.

EVERYTHING.

Write down everything she says and date it on a legal pad somewhere.

And talk to your boss about it. Make it clear from the beginning that you aren't hiding anything.

The thing that gets people screwed (no pun intended) in these situations is trying to hide something. Even when you don't do anything wrong you look guilty when you hide something.

If she ever comes out and starts accusing you of something without details and you pull out a legal pad filled with dates and times of incidents that can be compared to other documents that put you in those places at the times you stated, it's not a he said she said thing. It's a she said, and your credible evidence says.
 
dollface007 said:
...
Tell your department chair. Tell your wife. .
Click to expand...

You have a contract with your employer. You have a contract with your wife. If a third party is attempting to jepardize either of those contracts, you owe it to the other contractee to tell them.

Think about this: if some other third party were trying to jepardize either of those contracts at the other end, wouldn't you want to know? If some other guy was persistently pursuing your wife, would you want her to hide it from you? Or if some college bureaucrat was trying to eliminate your position, would you want your dept chair to hide it from you?
By being silent, you are implicitly abusing the trust that others have placed in you.
 
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On a somewhat related note, in grad school we had a professor who had married one of his former students (she was 15-20 years younger). She was one of our other professors. Even though they didn't technically do anything wrong, a couple of decades later, they were still the butt of an absurd amount of comments and jokes.

And this was a pretty liberal school.

Don't play with fire if you're not dying to get burned.
 
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