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Old 06-24-2015, 07:57 PM   #1
StacyTG
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It's official...

I begin therapy tomorrow. It's just the "intake" introductory, so they know who to assign me to as far as counselors go, but I'm going. I'm finally going.

I had a very bad weekend. All the playing with the boys. All the dressing up and sucking dildos and giving guys head online left me...empty. Hollow.

I went to university on Monday and stopped by Health Services. I put in for an emergency session with the first available counselor. I almost chickened out, but I made it. Read the Entertainment Weekly with Laverne Cox on the cover for inspiration.

I spoke to a counselor. I told him if I could just jump in with both feet and talk to an emergency counselor, then I could be strong enough to schedule an appointment with a gender/sexuality therapist.

I did, and I have.

My first appointment is tomorrow, but as I said, it's just an "intake" so they'll probably ask me questions like "were you ever abused?" "How long have you felt this way?", etc. What I really want to do is just come in wearing my shorts and purple camisole top and just say "Since I can't find the words, this is how I feel inside."

And then finally break down.

Please wish me lots of luck. I think I'm going to need the support desperately.
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Old 06-24-2015, 08:30 PM   #2
bi69todd
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I do wish you lots of luck. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, but I know that you deserve to be happy.
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Old 06-24-2015, 08:32 PM   #3
StacyTG
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bi69todd View Post
I do wish you lots of luck. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, but I know that you deserve to be happy.
*hugs*

It's awful. Absolutely awful. I feel like an alcoholic that's reached rock bottom. I just feel like I can't take it anymore...like I can't bear this cross any longer.
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Old 06-24-2015, 11:18 PM   #4
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good luck

Just be the person you are. The heart knows as does the mind you are that beautiful confident person. A hug from me to you.
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Old 06-24-2015, 11:24 PM   #5
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always remember

most difficult part of the journey is the first step...

you are on your way

wish you all the happiness
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Old 06-24-2015, 11:41 PM   #6
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Its Official

Good luck, Stacy...I wish you the best!
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Old 06-24-2015, 11:48 PM   #7
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The State of Self loathing is no place to live.

You deserve better. Time to pack your bags and move on! Be who you really are. To quote an old Kris Kristofferson song, "If it's scary, don't look,down."

Best of luck on your journey to happiness.
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Old 06-25-2015, 12:28 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StacyTG View Post
I begin therapy tomorrow. It's just the "intake" introductory, so they know who to assign me to as far as counselors go, but I'm going. I'm finally going.

I had a very bad weekend. All the playing with the boys. All the dressing up and sucking dildos and giving guys head online left me...empty. Hollow.

I went to university on Monday and stopped by Health Services. I put in for an emergency session with the first available counselor. I almost chickened out, but I made it. Read the Entertainment Weekly with Laverne Cox on the cover for inspiration.

I spoke to a counselor. I told him if I could just jump in with both feet and talk to an emergency counselor, then I could be strong enough to schedule an appointment with a gender/sexuality therapist.

I did, and I have.

My first appointment is tomorrow, but as I said, it's just an "intake" so they'll probably ask me questions like "were you ever abused?" "How long have you felt this way?", etc. What I really want to do is just come in wearing my shorts and purple camisole top and just say "Since I can't find the words, this is how I feel inside."

And then finally break down.

Please wish me lots of luck. I think I'm going to need the support desperately.
Oh sweety....:'( I hope you get what you need, you have my prayers. I am naive as to what you're going through, but I wish you all the luck in the world you find what you need. I wish I knew more of what you were going through so I could be definitive in my encouragement, but everyone deserves to be happy and if you're feeling empty and hollow you are far from happy. I am so sorry please, and this is all I can say with being ignorant of your circumstances, do you. It really is up to us to make us happy no one else can do it. Good luck honey my heart goes out for you
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Old 06-25-2015, 04:59 AM   #9
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You're doing the right thing for you. Be strong. Believe in you. You're stronger than luck.
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Old 06-25-2015, 07:23 AM   #10
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I found the hardest part to having therapy is to initiate it in the first place. you did that and it won't be easy but persevere. and if you ever think your counsellor isn't the right person then get a new one. it's about you, not them. I wish you all the best
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Old 06-25-2015, 07:37 AM   #11
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Good Luck,
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Old 06-25-2015, 08:53 AM   #12
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Big Hugs, Kisses, Cuddles, To A Very Brave Woman. Wishing You The Best Of Luck With This Stacy!!!
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Old 06-25-2015, 09:26 AM   #13
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Have confidence babe
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Old 06-25-2015, 10:09 AM   #14
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I don't know you, but you are so very strong to seek help when you know that you need it. It's such a brave thing to do. I wish you the very best. Good luck!
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Old 06-25-2015, 11:45 AM   #15
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You

I've always liked your post and think you are HOT !!
You need to think of yourself and don't worry what anyone else thinks.
Someone told me after my divorce that I first had to love myself before someone else could, this was good info. Please love yourself as we all do here on Lit.
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Old 06-25-2015, 04:56 PM   #16
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Wishing you well!
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Old 06-25-2015, 06:10 PM   #17
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We each walk our own path and find the way that's right for us, but we are all ready to offer a hand Stacy
As someone else mentioned - there are good therapists and not so good ones, so if you don't hit it off, or you are getting negative vibes, then ask to be referred to someone else. They won't take offense.
I really feel for you. It does get better
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Old 06-25-2015, 06:37 PM   #18
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Sending you a lot of loving hugs and well wishes.
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Old 06-26-2015, 02:03 PM   #19
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Putting my arm around you and wishing you warmest thoughts and best wishes. You deserve to be happy and to have your joy.
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Old 06-26-2015, 04:49 PM   #20
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Best wishes and much luck, keep up us informed.
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Old 06-26-2015, 09:04 PM   #21
StacyTG
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Thank you for the kind words, everyone. They mean more than you can imagine. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful support group.

My meeting went very well. I will be assigned a therapist who specializes in gender dysphoira/sexuality issues in the coming weeks. Basically, I just have to hold on just a little longer....

The intake specialist was very polite and understanding. I was moved to tears many times, as I have so many emotions bottled up inside me, and have been stifled for so long.

I just can't wait to finally get started. And I will be joining the campus LGBTQ support group weekly meetings in the fall.

But things are starting to look up. Like Scarlett said "Tomorrow is another day!"

And with the good news today, I'm really beginning to think that there's a higher power at work.

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Old 06-26-2015, 10:43 PM   #22
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*hugs*

Paris.
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Old 06-27-2015, 06:59 AM   #23
Prince Albert
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Good for you Stacey!!!
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Old 06-28-2015, 07:46 AM   #24
nkdjim2
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movie

Just watched Boy meets Girl on Netflicks, great movie, very fitting!

Last edited by nkdjim2 : 06-29-2015 at 06:31 PM. Reason: typed this wrong
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Old 06-28-2015, 09:52 AM   #25
inthegutter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StacyTG View Post
I begin therapy tomorrow. It's just the "intake" introductory, so they know who to assign me to as far as counselors go, but I'm going. I'm finally going.

I had a very bad weekend. All the playing with the boys. All the dressing up and sucking dildos and giving guys head online left me...empty. Hollow.

I went to university on Monday and stopped by Health Services. I put in for an emergency session with the first available counselor. I almost chickened out, but I made it. Read the Entertainment Weekly with Laverne Cox on the cover for inspiration.

I spoke to a counselor. I told him if I could just jump in with both feet and talk to an emergency counselor, then I could be strong enough to schedule an appointment with a gender/sexuality therapist.

I did, and I have.

My first appointment is tomorrow, but as I said, it's just an "intake" so they'll probably ask me questions like "were you ever abused?" "How long have you felt this way?", etc. What I really want to do is just come in wearing my shorts and purple camisole top and just say "Since I can't find the words, this is how I feel inside."

And then finally break down.

Please wish me lots of luck. I think I'm going to need the support desperately.
I'm very happy for you, Stacy! I wish you the very best of luck and i will keep you in my prayers. You are a strong person and you have many friends here that support you and care about you. *hugs* You're going to be okay, youre going to be happy, you're finally going to be who you want to be!
Good luck *hugs*
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