is it wrong for a sub to want

[00Syd]

Originally Posted by discoverkirsty

hehe this made me chuckle.
Something i've found as a newbie sub is that actually i'm now expected to say what i want far more than i've done before. it's become my responsibility to explain what's on my mind, my needs and wants - He *really* wants to know. D/s seems to be a bundle of contraditions in that respect.
kirsty
x

As a level 10 Mage submissive, I can tell you with some authority that you're doing it wrong.

[the captians wench]

Originally Posted by discoverkirsty

i mean that in putting myself in the position of a submissive, i'm actually having to be more assertive if that makes sense? Being someone who's not used to asking for what they need, it's an interesting learning process
kirsty
x

Asking for something you want or need is not being assertive.

Telling some one you will get what you want from them is.

[ABraverDryer]

I would say, that asking for what you want is being assertive, 'demanding' what you want is being agressive.

As a Dom of some years, I demand that a sub explain what she feels she needs, we'll then discuss which of these are actually wants, and which needs. Needs are then catered for within a D/s structure, wants are allowed as rewards only.

Such as, a subbie often works best with clearly defined limits and rules, this is a 'need' and is catered for within the Lifestyle.

An evening of pleasure is a 'want', and thus, would be used as a reward, only when she's pleased Me sufficiently to have earn't such.

A subbie will still 'have' wants, but that doesn't mean she should demand them, but should be enouraged to ask for them from time to time, politely, quietly and above all, in a submissive tone and posture.

After all, the more you know of what she wants 'and' needs, the better a Dom you become for her. And visa versa, a good sub will cater to her Dom without the need for instruction and a good Dom will pick up on when a sub has issues, and make sure she speaks of them so they can be addressed, allowing her to flower into all she can be.

This of course is My opinion, brought about through talking to others, reading material and personal expierence. I think telling someone they're 'wrong' just because they've worded something badly isn't really very constructive, pointing out a possible mistake and maybe showing them alternative routes, is much more useful. Don't you think?

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by discoverkirsty

i mean that in putting myself in the position of a submissive, i'm actually having to be more assertive if that makes sense? Being someone who's not used to asking for what they need, it's an interesting learning process
kirsty
x

I think that's part of becoming an adult.

[the captians wench]

okay the more I read here anymore the more I'm glad I'm not a "true" sub and I don't have a "true" dom

or domly ones as the case may be.

[vintage63]

I would seem to me that all relationships, including D/s are very personal. If a Dom/me wants to know their subs needs/wants/desires good for them. Does that make him/her less of a good Dom/me. Nope it's just what they want our of their relationship. I have tons of wants and I firmly believe I am a REAL sub.

My Master always says "Tell me what you need from me" and that can easily be a want. *grins (3 more orgasms please Sir)

As for the whole orgasm denial crap. If you want me horny all the time then keep letting me orgasm. For me it's always been the more I have the more I want.

cheers

[Stella_Omega]

Originally Posted by the captians wench

okay the more I read here anymore the more I'm glad I'm not a "true" sub and I don't have a "true" dom

or domly ones as the case may be.

The more I read here the more I wonder what bestselling paperback novel all these people have read that I missed.

As for the whole orgasm denial crap. If you want me horny all the time then keep letting me orgasm. For me it's always been the more I have the more I want.

Hell yeah.

I still remember a missed-signals moment when I was bottoming, and said; "I'm gonna come."
My top said; "oh, we can't have that," and stopped doing what she was doing. That ended my interest for the afternoon, because yanno... sometimes it's really hard to come in a scene.

The right answer (for me at least) is; "So? Go ahead and come, It won't get you out of anything."

And yes we talked about it later. Now I know to talk about it right then...

[YourCaptor]

A sub should want to suck dick, get fucked in all places, and make sandwiches.

[midwestyankee]

Originally Posted by YourCaptor

A sub should want to suck dick, get fucked in all places, and make sandwiches.

Not true. In my world, said sub should know how to make a creme brulee, broil a perfect piece of salmon, and select the right wine for my meal. For starters.

[Etoile]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

The more I read here the more I wonder what bestselling paperback novel all these people have read that I missed.
Hell yeah.

I still remember a missed-signals moment when I was bottoming, and said; "I'm gonna come."
My top said; "oh, we can't have that," and stopped doing what she was doing. That ended my interest for the afternoon, because yanno... sometimes it's really hard to come in a scene.

The right answer (for me at least) is; "So? Go ahead and come, It won't get you out of anything."

And yes we talked about it later. Now I know to talk about it right then...

Or perhaps the orgasm can be used as fuel for more punishment... "oh, I let you come, now you owe me" or "bad girl, you shouldn't have done that, whap whap..."

[ownedsubgal]

Originally Posted by YourCaptor

A sub should want to suck dick, get fucked in all places, and make sandwiches.

being completely serious...i make some pretty frickin stellar sandwiches.

[eastern sun]

Originally Posted by discoverkirsty

i mean that in putting myself in the position of a submissive, i'm actually having to be more assertive if that makes sense? Being someone who's not used to asking for what they need, it's an interesting learning process
kirsty
x

One of the best lessons I've learned in power exchange relationships is where my power really lies and how to exercise it.

[YourCaptor]

Originally Posted by midwestyankee

Not true. In my world, said sub should know how to make a creme brulee, broil a perfect piece of salmon, and select the right wine for my meal. For starters.

Sir, I believe BDSM manors mandate that I now challenge you to a huge forum war over the petty detail of “should want” vs “should know”. We must blow this issue out of proportions and tear a whole into the fabric of the internets or else this problem could potential just go away on its own. My ideology must clash with your ideology, and it can’t end till somebody cries the 3.8 grams of tears required to short out their computer. I must now go find me my spamming partner so we can tag team your ass while you are defenseless and away form your computer with real life shit to do.

[YourCaptor]

Originally Posted by ownedsubgal

being completely serious...i make some pretty frickin stellar sandwiches.

I was gonna make a joke about golden chocolate creme oreos, but I think the idea get's lost. In sort, I sandwich you

[wicked woman]

Originally Posted by midwestyankee

Not true. In my world, said sub should know how to make a creme brulee, broil a perfect piece of salmon, and select the right wine for my meal. For starters.

Damn....goes looks up creme brulee recipes.

[switchbitch]

So many rules and criteria. Do we not each create our own system of rules within our own BDSM dynamic? And are not our own rules in place to provide our personal satisfaction? How boring it would be if all Doms/Dommes lived by exactly the same rules. And how boring if all submissives responded exactly the same way for each and every occurrence.
I have never found BDSM to be boring, the infinite variety of quest for satisfaction keeps boredom at bay quite nicely.
In short whether from my dominant perspective or from my submissive one, I am always seeking MORE!

[midwestyankee]

Originally Posted by YourCaptor

Sir, I believe BDSM manors mandate that I now challenge you to a huge forum war over the petty detail of “should want” vs “should know”. We must blow this issue out of proportions and tear a whole into the fabric of the internets or else this problem could potential just go away on its own. My ideology must clash with your ideology, and it can’t end till somebody cries the 3.8 grams of tears required to short out their computer. I must now go find me my spamming partner so we can tag team your ass while you are defenseless and away form your computer with real life shit to do.

You forgot the part about the obligatory devolution into a discussion of the manufacture of foie gras. I deem you, therefore, an unworthy opponent. Go find a gor disciple to trifle with.

[the captians wench]

Originally Posted by wicked woman

Damn....goes looks up creme brulee recipes.

I have that part down, it's the wine I'm studying.

[Keroin]

Originally Posted by midwestyankee

Not true. In my world, said sub should know how to make a creme brulee, broil a perfect piece of salmon, and select the right wine for my meal. For starters.

Ohhhh, K fails on all counts.

[midwestyankee]

Originally Posted by Keroin

Ohhhh, K fails on all counts.

K is in her own category and has her own rules. Not to worry, my favorite whiplash.

[ownedsubgal]

Originally Posted by YourCaptor

I was gonna make a joke about golden chocolate creme oreos, but I think the idea get's lost. In short, I sandwich you

please do.

[Keroin]

Originally Posted by midwestyankee

K is in her own category and has her own rules. Not to worry, my favorite whiplash.

K will happily put out the eyes of anyone who so much as looks at you sideways, just for those nice comments.

[the captians wench]

Originally Posted by Keroin

K will happily put out the eyes of anyone who so much as looks at you sideways, just for those nice comments.

*closes eyes*

[wicked woman]

Originally Posted by the captians wench

I have that part down, it's the wine I'm studying.

ah but I'm officially studying wine so I can do that part. Care to share the recipe for creme brule (either here or in my PM box)?

[lovebound]

Originally Posted by midwestyankee

Not true. In my world, said sub should know how to make a creme brulee, broil a perfect piece of salmon, and select the right wine for my meal. For starters.

By those terms I should be an expert.

As well as most restaurant line cooks.