Help with Menopause

[ssremember129]

I'm looking for ideas and advice regarding menopause. My wife of under five years is going through this and to say it has had a severe impact on our relationship is putting it mildly. She is under doctors care but she has almost no sex drive--and hasn't for nearly a year.

No matter what I do, from flowers to lingerie to nights out to romantic getaways, she just has no interest. I'm at my wits end as it seems like nothing I do is right and no matter what I say it is wrong.

Any suggestions on how to rekindle anything during this changing time?

[malefica]

You do realise that hormones are responsible for sex drive, and that menopause will and can tank that, right? Basic biology 101. In short, once her menopause is done and dusted, she may have a sex drive and she may not.

[Penuche]

Talk. And listen.

Pick a really good time (on her terms, not necessarily yours), get a relationship counsellor or similar involved if need be, but get the communication going again.

I won't promise that this will fix everything, but IMHO it stands a chance of working when grand gestures don't.

BTW after this your wife might still have no sex drive in spite of your best efforts, but both of you might have a better understanding of each other's needs and a chance of negotiating what you can tolerate each other doing in order to preserve the rest of the relationship (assuming that's what both of you want).

[twister947]

It sucks to be you, but it sucks even more to be her. Find a way to support each other, and recognize that there may be sex, and there may not.

[Lovecutmuscles]

You said your wife is under a doctor's care, maybe she might need a different doctor. I know I am in it myself, there are many swings of hormones and emotions, as well as other physical pains as well. Has she tried biodenticals, I believe they are called. Maybe a doctor that practices alternative therapies as well as the traditional ones. I can also tell you that lifting weights for me made my sex drive go up, you produce more testosterone when you lift and it is great for bone density and you lose some after menopause.

I also think the other information and suggestions below are good, talking to a therapist would help the both of you understand each other better.

[mrdiscreetshh]

Some ganja should fix her right up.

[albertaboy]

Originally Posted by mrdiscreetshh

Some ganja should fix her right up.

Totally agree, my wife had a hysterectomy last year.

Her sex drive didn't go away but for a while she would dry out. We rediscovered how much fun sex was after smoking a joint.

[Athalia]

Originally Posted by ssremember129

No matter what I do, from flowers to lingerie to nights out to romantic getaways, she just has no interest. I'm at my wits end as it seems like nothing I do is right and no matter what I say it is wrong.

Any suggestions on how to rekindle anything during this changing time?

I'd say: keep doing what you're doing. She's going through a lot right now, and sorting out here realization that the third phase of life has begun. It's a profound change, and men don't usually experience it short of a catastrophic change in health.

She may be distressed at that, and it is a real blow to the self-esteem of many women ... psychological pressures on top of hormonal changes. One would hope that she will eventually realize that while many things have changed, some things have not. Let her know that she's still desirable in your eyes, and that she's still the one you love. And that she is still who she was.

This isn't to say that your feelings in this aren't legitimate. They are. Perhaps you could both benefit from some counseling from somebody who specializes in this sort of thing, to help guide you both through the changes in your life.

I wish you both the best of outcomes.

[mrdiscreetshh]

Originally Posted by albertaboy

Totally agree, my wife had a hysterectomy last year.

Her sex drive didn't go away but for a while she would dry out. We rediscovered how much fun sex was after smoking a joint.

Oh Yes!

[MaryanneB]

OK, Menopause 101.
Make sure that her doctor believes in hormone replacement therapy. There were studies done years ago that said that HRT caused cancer but the study was flawed. The conclusions of the study are no longer the rule but many doctors refuse to look at the new information. I started taking hormones for birth control when I was 19 and have always taken them. Yearly gyn physicals and mammograms are mandatory but it makes all the difference in vaginal wetness and sex drive. Add a pinch of DHEA and it's a very good thing.