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Unpredicted Hard Limits

ecstaticsub

ecstaticsub

Literotica Guru
Joined
May 5, 2007
Posts
3,389
I've woken up from an illusion I've had where I thought all my hard limits were the same as my Dominant's so in essence I had no hard limits.

I would read through discussions where people would list their limits and think well I would do that, and that and that...or he gets squicked out by that, and that so I don't have to think about it.

But then something or things come along and I find I can't do it. Sometimes more serious things that I just never thought could be a limit and other sillier things but I just can't do. (like pick the Jets over the Patriots)

I find I want to do them, I try but my hesitation gives away how I really feel.

My dominant says he is fine with me having these weird limits--he reminds me I am a submissive not a slave--it's ok, he's a little disappointed but he is happy with me. I am obedient with the things that really matter.

It's taken me a little while to accept this myself and not feel less as a submissive, but I'm getting there.

The question is anybody else surprised by things that come up as a relationship progresses that end up as hard limits? Little things that end up being big?
 
Absolutely!
My Master's only issue with these 'weird' limits is that they tend to be fairly unpredictable which for him can me a bit disconcerting and sometimes act as scene killers. His issue is that he prides himself on being able to read me as is the case with most Dom's I would suspect so in that instance it can cause a problem.
So far we have been able to deal with these few limits that come up by adding them to discipline and training. This basically means that whatever the event was that suddenly became a limit for me (not previously thought of as hard limits) we back up and approach it slower if after discussion we feel it doesn't really rate as something that should be eliminated.
 
Cotton. As in cotton balls and yarn type stuff. It squicks the hell out of me.

I have, however concede to it being a soft limit with the understanding that they fix any breakage before they send me home (which is an unspoken understanding, but reiterated when necessary).

And service topping my Mistress with the electreat might end up on the hard limits list. I'm going to give it one more try, but I really didn't like the head fuck last time.
 
chy_girl said:
Cotton. As in cotton balls and yarn type stuff. It squicks the hell out of me.

.
Click to expand...

OK. You find yourself working the swing shift in the cotton-ball unit at ACME Cotton & Yarn. Suddenly there's a problem on the line. One of the cotton ball extruders has gone haywire. It begins spewing out millions of soft, squeaky, white, puffy cotton balls. They quickly overwhelm the conveyor system and flood onto the shop floor, covering everything in their path. It's a full-blown industrial accident. Everyone is running for the exit, yellow emergency lights are flashing. You are trapped at the back of the crowd at the exit. Behind you, a giant tidal wave of COTTON BALLS grows and grows, sweeping towards you....probably a billion or even a trillion of the little buggers.....
 
rosco rathbone said:
OK. You find yourself working the swing shift in the cotton-ball unit at ACME Cotton & Yarn. Suddenly there's a problem on the line. One of the cotton ball extruders has gone haywire. It begins spewing out millions of soft, squeaky, white, puffy cotton balls. They quickly overwhelm the conveyor system and flood onto the shop floor, covering everything in their path. It's a full-blown industrial accident. Everyone is running for the exit, yellow emergency lights are flashing. You are trapped at the back of the crowd at the exit. Behind you, a giant tidal wave of COTTON BALLS grows and grows, sweeping towards you....probably a billion or even a trillion of the little buggers.....
Click to expand...

*sounds the wrong answer buzzer*

Sorry, rosco. I wouldn't work in a cotton or yarn factory because I'd have to touch the fuzzy little bastards. So it's a moot point.
 
ultimatefntsy said:
Absolutely!
My Master's only issue with these 'weird' limits is that they tend to be fairly unpredictable which for him can me a bit disconcerting and sometimes act as scene killers. His issue is that he prides himself on being able to read me as is the case with most Dom's I would suspect so in that instance it can cause a problem.
So far we have been able to deal with these few limits that come up by adding them to discipline and training. This basically means that whatever the event was that suddenly became a limit for me (not previously thought of as hard limits) we back up and approach it slower if after discussion we feel it doesn't really rate as something that should be eliminated.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the answer. On the times you have discussed a limit and determined it should be eliminated have you been able to go forward without problems? We don't really do scenes, my weird limits have come up within normal activities that he has asked me to do. Everything so far that has come up during a sex/discipline/activity sort of thing I have been able to do without hesitation. Those are easier because I have no distractions.

chy_girl said:
Cotton. As in cotton balls and yarn type stuff. It squicks the hell out of me.

I have, however concede to it being a soft limit with the understanding that they fix any breakage before they send me home (which is an unspoken understanding, but reiterated when necessary).

And service topping my Mistress with the electreat might end up on the hard limits list. I'm going to give it one more try, but I really didn't like the head fuck last time.
Click to expand...

Thank Chy. Cotton as a hard limit definitely fits into what I was talking about. I don't feel quite alone or weird now. :)
 
I have issues with the soles of my feet being touched. I can have them touched but it has to be in the right way or I have a kind of phobic reaction.
 
So, are you gonna tell what it is?

Inquiring minds want to know.
 
YourCaptor said:
So, are you gonna tell what it is?

Inquiring minds want to know.
Click to expand...


Are you inquiring as to what my most recent weird hard limit is? If so then, no I'm not going to say what it is.

That's not the point of the discussion. I don't need to know specifics. Just curious whether or not others were surprised by things that ended up being hard limits, that may of seemed minor issues.
 
ecstaticsub said:
The question is anybody else surprised by things that come up as a relationship progresses that end up as hard limits? Little things that end up being big?
Click to expand...

Let's call them "quirky limits": limits that we do not know we have until we meet them, limits that actually make little sense and have no other reason to exist but because of who we are/how we are wired, limits that on the reward scale, most of the times, are not worth pushing. :)
 
rida said:
Let's call them "quirky limits": limits that we do not know we have until we meet them, limits that actually make little sense and have no other reason to exist but because of who we are/how we are wired, limits that on the reward scale, most of the times, are not worth pushing. :)
Click to expand...

Isn't that how we discover a lot of our limits though?

We have solid opinions on some things going in, yes, but a lot of it we discover along the way.

I haven't discovered anything really major, other than my weirdnesses about including other people. They're just little things that tend to snap me out of my happy zone and kill my buzz. I still get them done, I'm just not so into it.
 
Last edited:
I wouldn't call it a hard limit, maybe I'd call it a soft limit, but yes, I've recently discovered a sort of, I don't know, vague limit.

I love getting beat up. And not like, hit by a riding crop, but punching and kicking and wrassling. The best is when someone starts punching me until I fall to the floor and then starts kicking me after I'm down. Mmm.

But I realized that as much as I love this, I cant deal with it unless my arms are free and I can resist in some way, no matter how ineffectual my resistance might prove. I mean, I can deal with it, just not well. If I can't resist, then I reach my limit much faster. I think it's mainly the frustration of not being able to retaliate when someone is beating me up, which sounds counter intuitive, I know.


Idk. I think it's odd.
 
00Syd said:
I wouldn't call it a hard limit, maybe I'd call it a soft limit, but yes, I've recently discovered a sort of, I don't know, vague limit.

I love getting beat up. And not like, hit by a riding crop, but punching and kicking and wrassling. The best is when someone starts punching me until I fall to the floor and then starts kicking me after I'm down. Mmm.

But I realized that as much as I love this, I cant deal with it unless my arms are free and I can resist in some way, no matter how ineffectual my resistance might prove. I mean, I can deal with it, just not well. If I can't resist, then I reach my limit much faster. I think it's mainly the frustration of not being able to retaliate when someone is beating me up, which sounds counter intuitive, I know.


Idk. I think it's odd.
Click to expand...
I have the same thing: I HATE having my feet touched. I seriously hate it. Its worse than being whipped for me.
 
Here's an odd one: clutter. It's a turn off and makes me think less of you~
 
*hug*

I've felt this way over and over again in my life and not just in the kink area either. I dislike myself when I can't do absolutely everything and anything the people around me need. When I find a limit that I had no idea I had. Sometimes I even work on breaking one down but some are just that hard and won't be broken without breaking me.

FF

:rose:
 
I know I've got some weird things, cause I've got some of the weirdest phobias in the world, but off hand all I can think of is I have a HUGE issue with him using fly swatters on, near, or in the same room as me. I won't even watch him kill bugs with it, so he's not allowed to touch me with it. It's just nasty.

And not that it's become an issue, but if he decided to use cotton balls on me I would have a problem with that. They're yucky.
 
KoPilot said:
Here's an odd one: clutter. It's a turn off and makes me think less of you~
Click to expand...

LOL.

Yeah, nothing about limits or anything for me, I just dislike clutter. Immensely. When I saw L's house for the first time, and all the glorious...empty/clean spaces...I swear I swooned on the spot. (His kitchen counters had one thing one them. ONE! Bliss.)

/weirdness

(Apologies for the interruption)
 
Keroin said:
LOL.

Yeah, nothing about limits or anything for me, I just dislike clutter. Immensely. When I saw L's house for the first time, and all the glorious...empty/clean spaces...I swear I swooned on the spot. (His kitchen counters had one thing one them. ONE! Bliss.)

/weirdness

(Apologies for the interruption)
Click to expand...

Forgive the momentary hijack...

So, I get how you get rid of the clutter but what's the secret to keeping it away? Especially when living with children who think it's vital to the well being of humanity for them to save every frigging wrapper and paper scrap their grungy little hands come across?
 
chy_girl said:
Forgive the momentary hijack...

So, I get how you get rid of the clutter but what's the secret to keeping it away? Especially when living with children who think it's vital to the well being of humanity for them to save every frigging wrapper and paper scrap their grungy little hands come across?
Click to expand...

With children? I thought parents just throw it away. ;P

Now significant others... that's a whole different story, haha! (Thankfully, S seems to be coming around to the idea. It's tough if you're trying to be with someone who's been collecting certain kinds of things most of their life.)
 
chy_girl said:
Forgive the momentary hijack...

So, I get how you get rid of the clutter but what's the secret to keeping it away? Especially when living with children who think it's vital to the well being of humanity for them to save every frigging wrapper and paper scrap their grungy little hands come across?
Click to expand...

Step One: Get rid of children

;)

I had a friend (who has two young boys) drop by one morning unexpectedly. She looked around our place as if she had just been transported to another planet. "Everything is...clean," she said, with Spielbergian awe.
 
ecstaticsub said:
Are you inquiring as to what my most recent weird hard limit is? If so then, no I'm not going to say what it is.

That's not the point of the discussion. I don't need to know specifics. Just curious whether or not others were surprised by things that ended up being hard limits, that may of seemed minor issues.
Click to expand...

I know, just trying to perv
 
More interesting to me than hard limits of sexual behavior are psychological minefields, sexual or not. Places you venture into and witness shrapnel exploding around you. I'm fascinated by words, tones, acts that trigger unexpected responses. You can learn a lot about your partner's inner landscape by putting your life in danger occasionally. :)
 
KoPilot said:
With children? I thought parents just throw it away. ;P

Now significant others... that's a whole different story, haha! (Thankfully, S seems to be coming around to the idea. It's tough if you're trying to be with someone who's been collecting certain kinds of things most of their life.)
Click to expand...
Yeah, but then the little beasties get all teary eyed with hurt feelings because you threw away their most prized possession... of... all... time!

The logic that it's a wrapper off a sucker that came in a package of 6 with 5 left is beyond their logic.

Keroin said:
Step One: Get rid of children

;)

I had a friend (who has two young boys) drop by one morning unexpectedly. She looked around our place as if she had just been transported to another planet. "Everything is...clean," she said, with Spielbergian awe.
Click to expand...
The thought has crossed my mind. Usually on a fairly regular basis when 1) the 15 year old is PMSing, 2) when the 5 year old is very tired and refuses to take a nap, and 3) when I spend 20 minutes cleaning a living room that I'd cleaned a half hour before.

And walking into a totally clean house is a lot like looking around and suddenly realizing that you *are* on another planet.
DeepGreenEyes said:
More interesting to me than hard limits of sexual behavior are psychological minefields, sexual or not. Places you venture into and witness shrapnel exploding around you. I'm fascinated by words, tones, acts that trigger unexpected responses. You can learn a lot about your partner's inner landscape by putting your life in danger occasionally. :)
Click to expand...
Why does it not surprise me that you'd have fun with something like that...
You and my Sir... God help us all if the two of you ever sat down and got within 20 feet of colluding over something.:rolleyes:
 
chy_girl said:
Yeah, but then the little beasties get all teary eyed with hurt feelings because you threw away their most prized possession... of... all... time!

The logic that it's a wrapper off a sucker that came in a package of 6 with 5 left is beyond their logic.


The thought has crossed my mind. Usually on a fairly regular basis when 1) the 15 year old is PMSing, 2) when the 5 year old is very tired and refuses to take a nap, and 3) when I spend 20 minutes cleaning a living room that I'd cleaned a half hour before.

And walking into a totally clean house is a lot like looking around and suddenly realizing that you *are* on another planet.
Click to expand...

Good god, I know exactly how you feel. Except the children I've got to deal with are in their 20's. :rolleyes:

(Last hijack post, I promise!)
 
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