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Old 09-23-2011, 03:06 PM   #51
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I love both top or botton you throw a girl in the mix then middle is great. I just love all of it. So bring on the cocks and cunts and lets have fun
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Old 09-30-2011, 05:20 PM   #52
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I am a natural bottom; for me, it's more about the dynamism of the relationship. I love being a submissive slut There is a certain thrill to be used as an instrument for somebody else's pleasure. I'm not much experienced yet (being 25) and I've only even been fucked and jerked off (not even sucked off) but my bottoming escapades have been completely gratifying; I love his big hairy body against my soft hairless one, and I just love him fucking me and rubbing against me in ecstasy. I can imagine a 69 now and then, but I'm just not top material. I love to submit to my man and keep him happy and satisfied
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Old 10-09-2011, 03:56 PM   #53
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I think

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Originally Posted by CJontherocks View Post
I'd like to talk about the whole top and bottom thing.

Until just recently, I noticed a great many men here claim, either explicity or implicitly, to be "bottoms," while others talk about being a "top." Some guys like fucking, while some like being fucked. But there weren't any who talked of both; no middle ground.

Then I came upon a thread (and forgive me, but I can't remember which thread) where a number of men spoke of enjoying a little... okay, a lot... of both. My own thoughts are closer to this idea.

I'm more of a "middle." And by that, I don't mean literally, although that is a fantasy I'd like to experience some day. I mean simply that I equally enjoy fucking and being fucked. I enjoying pleasing a man, as well as being pleased by a man. I like sex with men in a way that's more on equal footing. Neither top nor bottom; no domme, no sub. But sometimes a little of both.

Of course, I've gone through all the thought processes regarding personal identity and this "category" or that... I don't categorize myself in any way except to acknowledge that I am a bisexual man. But sometimes, I wonder if I'm just a little wishy-washy about the whole thing. I really enjoy being the pleasurer, but don't really like the idea of being submissive. If I'm fucking a man, and by that I mean my dick is sliding in and out of his ass or mouth, I don't think of him as being submissive. I feel the same way if I'm the one with the cock inside me. Effeminate men don't turn me on, and I don't consider myself to be one. I prefer effeminate women and masculine men. But I maintain my masculinity with either.

Now I'm concerned about two things. First is the fact that in the paragraph above, I identified who is doing the fucking with who is offering the dick. I don't think that way about women. In my head, having sex with a woman is equal fucking. She's fucking me; I'm fucking her; we're fucking. Second, I also identified femininity with who is being fucked. Does this say something about the way I think? Maybe I'm overanalyzing and simply used the descriptions for clarity. I like to think I feel the same about women as I do about men, but I'm not sure that's true. I'm not sure it has to be true.

Your thoughts?
You sound like me. I consider myself versatile, only because sometimes I want to top, sometimes I want to bottom, but mostly I want a partner in the same mind set - let's get together and see where it takes us. Top or bottom is too confining, at least to me.
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Old 10-23-2011, 02:40 AM   #54
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im deffinately a middle... on all fours a sexy tgirl infront and behind my, taking turns from my ass to my mouth. i love to swallow, never waste a drop.

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Old 10-23-2011, 07:35 AM   #55
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not until is signed up a Squirt Dot org did I ever hear this, top, ver, bottom.. Funny how discussion go. This one especially. I noted in the suck or be sucked thread. I was more incline to suck when meeting someone new..this had more to do with helping someone relax and I do like sucking. It was sometime before I was a 'Bottom' (going with this thread).....then I realized, everything is in the middle anyway.

Some might think someone with a big cock is the "top" (still going with the theme). I found that wasn't true either. I met a fella with a rather large cock....I though, Oh man, he's going to kill me with that thing. nope, he was a bottom when we hooked up. He wasn't apposed to getting sucked and rimmed though....
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:41 PM   #56
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I've noticed that there seems to be a lot more self-described bottoms than self-described tops. Has any kind of official study been done to determine the ratio of tops and bottoms among gays, bis, and the bi-curious?
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Old 10-23-2011, 09:40 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by just a thing View Post
I've noticed that there seems to be a lot more self-described bottoms than self-described tops. Has any kind of official study been done to determine the ratio of tops and bottoms among gays, bis, and the bi-curious?
There are a lot of words that get used for these situations. I think there are a lot of people out there who are givers, who love to please, and accept and use mouth and hands and ass to please, but aren't necessarily bottoms. You can have a Top who is a giver to.

I guess I see Top and bottom as more of a mentality, than to whether or not you like to be penetrated or not.
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Old 10-23-2011, 09:52 PM   #58
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Old 10-24-2011, 10:02 AM   #59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by just a thing View Post
I've noticed that there seems to be a lot more self-described bottoms than self-described tops. Has any kind of official study been done to determine the ratio of tops and bottoms among gays, bis, and the bi-curious?
As a matter of fact, there have been some studies... some scientific and some not so scientific.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...male-sex-roles

Underwood, Steven G., Gay Men and Anal Eroticism: Tops, Bottoms, and Versatiles (Binghamton, NY: Harrington Park Press, 2003). ISBN 1-56023-375-3.

http://www.straightacting.com/phpbb3...c.php?p=222697 (Scroll down through the conversation and you'll find the raw data.)

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Role+v...u.-a0168586762

I'm guessing the reason there appear to be more self-described bottoms here on Lit is that this is where a lot of bi-curious and bisexual men with submissive fantasies come to get sexual gratification. I don't know why men with dominant fantasies don't come here, or at least don't speak out.
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Old 10-24-2011, 01:38 PM   #60
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I don't know why men with dominant fantasies don't come here, or at least don't speak out.[/quote]

Well I'll put my hand up for the role...I love being the dom partner!
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:35 AM   #61
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I can say from experience that a couple of bottoms can have fun too we've been watched and I've been told it's a great turn on
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:40 AM   #62
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Top.
I love to hold a guys body and the couple of times I got to top it felt really great and made me cum hard.
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Old 10-27-2011, 02:21 AM   #63
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I would be a top, but I am prone to CD's and Tgirls.
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Old 10-28-2011, 09:16 AM   #64
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I think some of you aren't realizing that in language we sometimes tend to have vague descriptions because we figure others will fill in the blanks. I don't think that is limited to English & English speakers.

Top/Bottom -- can refer to sexual position (typically anal, but oral can also play into it
Top/Bottom -- can refer to dominance/submission

I think some of you are forgetting how these are seperate usages of the term.

Imagine a man who enjoys the sensation of his prostate being stroked, but he also likes being in control. If he ties up another guy, and sits on his cock then you have to think closely about the terms you use to describe the action.

Yes, he is bottoming or in the role of the bottom as it relates to anal sex. However, for a dominance/submission role, he is being dominant.

I also think another place people are confusing terms is in giving and receiving. There are connotations to those terms that imply selflessness in giving and selfishness in receiving. If there was never any enjoyment for the bottom in anal sex, do you think they would keep doing it? Likewise, just because someone puts their penis in side a body part (ass, mouth, vagina), doesn't mean that they are only thinking of themselves. Think of the top who fucks when he had already gotten off. The "urgency" is not typically there (quick-rebound, multi-orgasmic men excluded of course). Yes there are tops only concerned for their own orgasm, but I don't think that kind of man is common. Who wants to have sex with such a jerk? Plus there are bottoms who get off before the top, and once they get off, not only do they want the top to pull out (understandable as it may be uncomfortable after orgasm), but they just roll over and go to sleep once they got what they wanted.

For myself, yes I am an anal sex top. It isn't about being full of internalized homophobia. It isn't from having a big dick (which I don't). It isn't because I'm taller, heavier, older, have more testostrone, whatever. It is just my nature. I just love the male behind. It wasn't a learned behavior as I remember fantasizing about the posterior of men YEARS before I lost my virginity. I'm not into flatuance, nor #2 if you get my drift. That aside, I think a clean, muscular, hairy ass is beautiful. I always have felt that way. I can enjoy watching a toy, finger, toe, etc going in and out of such an asshole and not be obsessed with just getting my penis in there and getting off. Now, I admit the old I get, it is HARDER to keep interested after I get off. There is some kind of hormlnal draining once orgasm is attained. However, that is where caring and loving another human being come into play.

As for top/bottom in dominance. Yes, I tend to be somewhat dominant. I think that comes from an innate feeling of inferiority that is just part of me. As a child, events happening around me seemed beyond my control, and I HATED that feeling of helplessness. Thus it is hard for me to just lay back and let loose of control. That is why besides being anti-drugs/anti-booze, I could never imagine being into those additions anyway as I do not give up control. It isn't all about dominating others as much as not loosing my control myself. So as that relates to sexuality, it is hard to have someone get ME off. I love to fuck, but if a bottom was sitting on me going up and down, odds are I would never get off. I'm not a pounder, but I do need to be the one doing the "rocking of the boat" so to say to approach orgasm. As an example, I remember in HS I was involved in drama. We went to a college for the day and were sitting in on acting classes. One of the activities was to learn to trust your fellow actors. You were in a tight circle of people, and you were just to fall back and trust that they would catch you. I participated, but it was really "weird". Even doing the activity, I did NOT trust others to catch me.

The bottom line is to be honest with yourself and your partner. Don't try to be something that you are not, nor expect that of the other person. To give a non-sexual analogy, I've always hated corn bread. I've tried it enough times from enough different cooks/restaurants over the years to know that is a fact. Inevidably someone will say, well that is only because you haven't had so-and-so's recepeit. Sorry, but too many years have gone by. I KNOW what I like and what I don't like. Now some may honestly think that the only reason someone isn't "versitile" in anal sex is because they haven't had the right partner. Given that I had plenty of different partners before I went exclusively top back around 1986, I think I can honestly say what I like, and what I don't like. I would think a lesbian would enjoy a penis insider her MORE than I would enjoy one inside me. It is just always felt so unnatural, and I wanted them to hurry up and get it over with and done and leave. On the other hand, even having just my finger up a man's ass is a privelege that it hard to explain in words. I just wish I had a massively long penis where I could put it inside a guy, and just fall asleep "connected". Yes I know in reality it would probably be very painful for both, not to mention the risk of non-specific eurthritice (spelling). I just love the connection as much as the orgasm. You can never get closer to a guy then when he gives you permission to be inside him. That is why I consider a masculine, muscular, hairy, lovable, bottom man to be the closest thing to what one would consider an eartly angel. I'm just very fortunate that such a discription fits my partner to a T.
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Old 10-28-2011, 04:50 PM   #65
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Quote:
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What you said...
Bravo, sir. Yours was a brilliantly articulate description of the topic as you experience it. Thank you for your thoughts and for your candor.

I agree that much of the description or categorization is perception. I like to be in control, and my masculine persona facilitates my perception of that. That doesn't mean, of course, that the feminine persona cannot be in control (as any person married to a woman can tell you). And it doesn't mean I can't relinquish that control sometimes without being masculine. But my perception of masculinity allows me for my own purposes to see myself as in control.

That in no way explains my affinity for offering myself to others for their pleasure. I, as others have noted, can provide sexual pleasure to others and still consider myself in control. This is what confounds me about my perceptions of top and bottom, because they are not mutually exclusive to control and submission, respectively. Your explanation is right on. I do not consider myself a "bottom" because I am not always willing to be the one being fucked. It works both ways with me (nothing to do with my sexuality).

I like to fuck, and I like to be fucked, and as you pointed out there is no adequate description that says which is which. I enjoy sex that is neither top nor bottom, but can be either or both. It is more the emotional connection that comes from sex, and I can get that whether I am "pitching" or "catching," as long as the emotional/psychological basis of the relationship is equal. I probably would not enjoy being with someone long term who is exclusively a "top" or a "bottom," but without experience upon which to base that assumption, I cannot truly say. I suppose that's why I appreciate your comments.

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Old 10-28-2011, 06:58 PM   #66
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your response

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I would just emphaise to all, that the important thing it to try to understand where others are coming from. It is so easy to stereotype tops and bottoms. The typical stereotypes are (both negative and positive):

Bottom: not hung so not good at topping, impotent so cannot top, to lazy to cake charge, unattractive so that is the only way they can get sex, low sex drive, very giving

Top: Selfish only thinking of getting their own rocks off, hung, unable to get emotionally close to someone, internal homophobia to where they think they aren't really gay because they are the top, high sex drive, unable to be monogamous.

I think people (especially those guys that are versitile), need to realize that stereotypes really hinder us understanding each other. Sure we can find stereotypes, but that mold doesn't fit everybody.

Anal sex with a man is close to my heart because it is so much of my sexuality. I have the maturity to accept who I am and what I like, but it took time to get to that point. Those that enjoy anal sex also had the additional negativity from gays who see it as trying to immitage heterosexual acts, those both gay and straight that see it as "dirty" because of the other function down there, and diseased because of HIV.

I've always seen anal sex between men as a beautiful act. I don't see it as some kind of immitation. One beautiful thing about male anal sex vs oral sex t is you can kiss while fucking. You cannot kiss while sucking. Likewise, there are things to do to make sure it is clean. As to HIV, I simply see it as a virus. I don't think some of those gays that are anti-anal sex would have much to stand on if one day there was a virus that thrived in the acidic enviornment of the mouth and saliva. The secret to avoiding any disease is to know your partners, and set your own level of risk. If you cannot or do not trust, then by all means wear protection. My partner and I don't, but then he knows I don't screw around. Sure I could easily point out attractive men, but I couldn't have sex with them and look my partner in the eye and say I loved him. We have our arguements like any relationship, but I could not would not do that to him. It also violates everything I ever said I stood for. As you get older you own self-respect means more than getting off. I'd like to say it is all about maturity, but probably hormone levels do play a role as it is less difficult to stick to your principles.

I could not imagine life without my partner. The emotional stuf aside, I'd hate to have to find someone who was sexually compatiable. I hated sex with guys who were penis-centric. Sure I help my patners get off, but a cock in my mouth or ass just was so unnatural (to me). I play with penises because I crave, need, live for the love of another man. That doesn't mean I crave penises. That is why this phenomnia of str8-men-crave-cock-dislike-men is so weird it is 180 degrees the opposite of myself. There have been parts of my life where I would go j/o before "sleeping" with a man so that when I was in bed, I could appreciate his smell, his touch, his heat, his textures, his sounds and not be focused on the urgency of wanting sex. I know I wouldn't be happy with anything but a bottom. A relationship with a top would be a total disaster. A relationship with a versitle guy wouldn't be much better. Even if he accomodated me, there would always be that feeling that I'm not meeting his needs and that he would be better off with someone else. That would eat away at my own feeling of self-worth.

I'm no less gay, no more male, no more attractive or hung because I'm a top. In fact sometimes I feel more the one in the vunerable situation -- at least emotionally speaking. The y need to top also forced me out of my early shyness as there are very few bottoms that are going to throw themselves at you and jump on your lap.

I need my bottom to want to absorb me into himself, to want to "merge" even if we are only talking for a few minutes. Humans like thinking of ourselves all as healthy if we are independent. Yet humans are truely needy social animals. Isolate us and over time we would go crazy or revert to very primative modes of existance. I may have a bit more control because I'm the one inside, but I'm at the bottom's mercy to want me, to let me keep going, to want me to do it again the next time. Maybe that is a bit of co-dependency, but at least I can "own" that weakness or flaw for those who see it that way.

On the emotional level, I do think I have grown up some over the years. My partner is my age (5 months older), so he is not a "daddy". Likewise, even if my partner was a lot older, when you are almost 52, someone your dad's age most likely is at the point in their life where you are even more beginning to need assistance. Thus the idea that we are independent becomes somewhat of an illusion. I'm not encouraging neediness. I'm just saying that we depend on each other more than we sometimes are willing to admit. By most standards my partner is much more independent and masculine than me - not that I consider myself effeminate. However, when he had his 5 bypasses, you can bet I had to be that source of strength for both of us. I don't see him as a bottom even if that is the role he serves. He is simply my partner. The guy I cannot wait for when he returns at night and for whom I wait for morning to open my eyes and see him sleeping next to me.

Well I feel myself rambling, so I'll leave this post.
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Old 10-28-2011, 07:36 PM   #67
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Old 10-30-2011, 11:53 AM   #68
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I am versatile, but more top than bottom. When I was first sexually active, I was definitely more of a top, then as I grew older I began to appreciate the sensation of beinga "catcher" as well as a "pitcher."

For me, it's all about making my partner (and myself) feel good. I am constantly looking for new ways to accomplish that (as bottoming did).
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:06 PM   #69
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I am 100% bottom. It just is who I am. I get my pleasure from pleasing the man or men I am with. If that means sucking a cock great. If it means letting him fuck me that is great alao
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:02 PM   #70
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I have run the gamut myself. When I first started with men I thought of myself as versatile, more top. But as I gained experience I've come to really enjoy bottoming. An additional factor is that these days I'm not the hardest guy in the room and require the assistance of a certain blue pill to top most guys.

Someone referenced earlier that there seem to be more bottoms. I think that's because being a good top is hard work with responsibilities. You have to stay hard,
you have to be patient and enter slow and easy an ass is not a vagina (if anal sex hurts you're doing it wrong) and you should last for the duration or at least a while. I know it sounds simple and it just ain't.

These days if my partner and I have fun, bust a nut and not do any fucking, well that's ok too. They don't take away your LBGT card if you don't do anal


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Old 10-13-2012, 06:58 AM   #71
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i have to be a bottom , i am submissive and i love to be dominated by the guy or guys i am with ,i love to suck their cocks and have them fuck me and i dont want to do it to them ever ,i love to take cock not give it so yes i am a bottom.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:09 AM   #72
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My most recent encounter....I was bottom. I consider myself a top. But, tell me if this makes sense;

When your with a 'first timer', unless he just wants to be the bottom. You have a bridge to cross. It is a nervous situation....breaking the ice and not letting the mood go....I found that being the aggressor....though allowing him to feel 'The Top' if you will....helps untangle the tension. I may end up just sucking or jacking him... That is fine with me. That helps him for the next time..being a next time.

Some guys have fantasy of being the bottom...acting out the bottom roll...sucking and being butt-fucked....then the day cums....reality sets in. That mood has to be handled easily...


Disclaimer: This is in reference to my recent situation....have been nearly 20yrs since my last M/M encounter
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Old 10-16-2012, 12:47 PM   #73
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Versatile

Some people like to top exclusively and others bottom exclusively. I consider my self versatile. I prefer to top but may bottom for the right cock. I don't play with the words dom or sub as they can be confusing.
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Old 10-16-2012, 11:02 PM   #74
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I think the top/bottom thing gets confused with behavior as Dom or Sub. I never think of myself as submissive when I'm sucking a cock or being fucked. It's what gives me pleasure. Psychologically I am just as much of a user and a taker as the owner of the cock inside me, because my best orgasms are realized that way.
Yes, strictly a top could even be a bottom's sex slave, and that must happen from time to time. But form those of us who are bottom are submissive, I think part of the appeal is that's basically impossible to penetrate against your will, but you could be penetrated against your will, thus being bottom fits in better with submission fantasies and so on. Also, while it is not an imitation of hetero sex, to those of us who also have a feminine side, it appeals to that as well - being penetrated vs. doing the penetrating.
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Old 10-31-2012, 04:57 AM   #75
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For me, it's purely about pleasure. When with a woman, it's straight heterosexual sex. Put me in a room with a tranny, and I suck and ride cock like it's the last one left in the world. I'm generous as a top when with women, go down on them till they cum etc, but when it's anal with a tranny 100% bottom, not even jerking my cock while riding(for two reasons-with a cock in my ass, I'd blow my load with very little stimulation of my cock, many times with none at all, I'd be getting pounded, and feel it building and within no time I've cum. Pulling out and taking a short break doesn't work, as it's pulled out slowly, it will still tip me over the edge, so might as well keep taking it, because Cumming with a big cock drilling ur ass, balls deep with every thrust. I love anal that much, where there has been multiple times, where I don't cum nor try to. It's all about getting what u want. I thought sex with a woman was the best, and trying anything different would just be a waste of time yatta yatta yatta... Let's just say not only was my ass opened up with that first cock, but my eyes too, couldn't believe how good it was and how I'd grow to crave it.
I think there is no 'middle' u speak of, because from what I read on here, most people's encounters with the cock know what they are looking for. I think and even myself personally if I was in a relationship with a tranny(has to be a tranny otherwise If it's a guy well...male form, does nothing for me sexually, ratherthe opposite, repulsed by men, not attracted one bit, but if feelings started to develop, then I would most probably nail my tgirl girlfriend, for the 'closeness' and togetherness that is a relationship sort of equality, I don't feel any need for equality or closeness with just a session of anal pounding. Middles from my experience aren't that common, on two separate occasions with tgirls, on my hands and knees being taken from behind, have been asked/requested to swap and me be the top. Both times we continued with the cock up my ass, but those girls were hookers, so I think they were just being, hookers and offering.
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