OceanviewFtLaud is offline
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Fort Lauderdale
The Continuing Exploration of my Bisexuality
Coping with my bisexuality is an ongoing process.* It goes back and forth, sometimes I only want women, and sometimes I only want guys. That desire can last for weeks, or sometimes months.* I know it's weird, but I still needs friends that I can talk to, and tell you how my life is.*
After the opening up time in Key West, I came back home, went back to work, and just tried to process the sexual changes I had just gone through.* I had met some guys there, and had finally opened up and had anal sex with a guy for the first time. I worked up the courage to relax, and explore my sexuality the way I wanted to, and I was proud of myself for that.*
I*spent time with*the female friend who encouraged me to go to Key West, and she was happy for me, and loved hearing all the stories in detail, and I was surprised how much that excited her.* She still turned me on, and we had sex a few times over the next few weeks.* I was almost relieved that she aroused me like that, and that I still liked sex with a woman!
I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted, and how fun it was with everything I did. I wondered about going out to bars, and just socializing and meeting other guys. I realized that if I ran into anyone I knew in a gay bar, they were in the same gay bar that I was!* I lived alone, but had nosy neighbors, so I wasn't sure about inviting guys to my place, but I might.* I started thinking more about my appearance, and went back to the gym again.* I started to see some definition in my abdomen, chest, and arms. I kept my hair short, and made sure my body hair was neat, trimmed, and well groomed.
I started to go out a lot, and met some nice guys, but nobody that I seemed to click with.* I began to realize that the guys I met at the resort in KW were much more promiscuous than regular guys that I was meeting here in town.* Wilton Manors is a very male oriented gay town, and I could meet guys anywhere.* I even thought about what it might be like to live there.
I had joined a couple of gay meeting websites, and got messages from a lot of other members, mostly just chat.
I chatted with this one guy for a long time, never being able to meet him, but we were always teasing*each other*about what* would do to each other, and how hot it would be to meet sometime. His picture*was very hot, 40s, with a smooth athletic and slender body. We talked on the phone a few times, but he was out of town a lot because of his business, and my retail schedule was not easy.* After KW, I decided that I was ready to meet him, and again my courage overwhelmed my shyness and reluctance to meet.
Finally we were able to set a night to meet, and he invited me to his house, and as I pulled up, I could see it was*a nice big place on the water...boat, dock, pool, hot tub, the works. He lived surprisingly close to me. He opened the door and I could see that he was much better looking than I had seen in his picture.* I was ready for my first official date with a guy, and*at his house.
He had put out a spread of hors d'oeuvres and snacks, plenty of wine, the perfect setting for a nice quiet first meeting. He was out of a long term relationship for about a year, and hadn't*seen anybody in a long time.
I was very nervous, an kept reminding where I was, and that I wanted to be there.* We had some wine, moved on to hard liquor, and laughed and joked for a couple of hours. I liked him a lot,*and I wondered where the rest of the evening would go.*He hadn't made any moves, and I was playing*it shy*but was getting a little frustrated with the lack of any interest in anything other than fun chat.*He suggested we continue our evening and drinks out by the water, and when we walked around ....he was giving me a tour.....he gave me a kiss when we were looking out on the water. I gave him a deep and passionate kiss back.*
A few minutes later, he offered to go inside to refresh our drinks, and of course I agreed. He told me to feel free to try the hot tub if I'd like to.
I thought about it for a minute, and it looked like that this was*an opportunity. I quickly undressed, *and was sitting nude in the hot tub by the time he returned. He seemed a little surprised, and at a loss for words, but complimented me on my body.....what he could see of it...and my tan.* I was a little embarrassed, and was afraid that maybe I was a little too forward in undressing.*He sat on the edge of the hot tub, not undressing or coming in. I was not sure what was going on with him, but*I was not sure that *something was going to happen.
We talked a little more, and I finally stepped up out of the hot tub*in front of him, standing higher than him, wet and glistening in the moonlight, with my*arousal*right in front of*his face. He stared at it, and to break the silence, I asked if he had a towel for me. He invited me back in, into his living room which opened out onto the pool deck. He sat on the couch, and I stood in front of him as he dried me off.
As he finished, I asked him if I could undress him, and I started to without him even answering me. He kissed me with this deep passionate kiss that took my breath away. I pulled his shorts down, and immediately*dropped to my knees in front of*him.**After a few minutes, he asked me to come upstairs, where I entered his huge bedroom, with big balcony that opened out on the water. I*kissed him all over his smooth firm chest, finishing undressing him as I did. He excused himself to go to the bathroom, and when he came back I was laying face down on his big bed, with my ass up. When he saw me, he said "oh, my God!". I asked him if he had condoms, and he fumbled around for a while finding them.
He knelt between my legs behind me, and rubbed and caressed my back, ass, and shoulders. Then he leaned forward, gently and lightly touching my back with his chest and stomach. He got closer, and held me tighter, warming me after the wetness of the hot tub, and the chilling A/C.
I*started to move beneath him, and I*began to feel how hard he was*between my legs. I was having some flashbacks to my experience in Key West.* I was surprised that I was so ready, so full of anticipation, and so relaxed. He wasn't particularly big, but not small either, I could feel the head sliding into me, and slowly*I thrust backward*against him, and*it went in*deeper. He was a slow and methodical lover, and I got to*move perfectly in syc with the movement of his hips. I could take him all the way in without it hurting, and we went for the longest time. Finally he started breathing harder, and told me wanted me. He finally exploded* and we fell asleep together*in that position.
I was never able to connect with him again, but I tried. I reviewing that evening in my mind, I think he was looking for a new relationship, and didn't want the one night stand that I was obviously looking for, but he could not resist it. It was quite a fun night, and exactly what I wanted. I felt like I could be a very compatible gay lover.
When I swing back toward guys, it's like I've switched to a different personality.* It's like how a woman feels, I guess, wondering if that guy across the bar likes me or not.* Sex is easier, because guys know what guys like.* But again I have a different mentality when I can tell a guy likes me, and I want to do whatever he wants.* I almost feel like a slutty girl, who likes when a guy uses her.* I'm not sure why I get these feelings, but I get them from time to time.* They seem to be lasting longer now.* I go to gay bars in town here, and I try to meet guys who are fun, but not looking for a long lasting relationship. I am still very masculine, and I act that way, and I like guys who*are masculine too.*