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Married kink

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BeeBeestoy

Really Experienced
Joined
Oct 9, 2010
Posts
101
This is actually me and my husband's sign on. I am dommi (Miss Barbie or BeeBee), and he is the sub. We are happy with that arrangement. It's not 24/7, but it is pretty much how we handle our 'love' life, and it works quite well on all aspects for that purpose.

We would like to hear from other married couples--how do you balance your 'real' life and your 'kink' life? I know that with 'unmarried' couples it is sometimes easier. Or is it?

We are ok with it, but would like to get feedback! :cool:
 
Why don't you get your own ID so you can both post? It's easier to tell you apart if you have your own names. They're free! :)
 
Etoile said:
Why don't you get your own ID so you can both post? It's easier to tell you apart if you have your own names. They're free! :)
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I will give her your suggestion when she gets up. She had a long night with ideas from this site.... ;)
 
I think you'll find a wide variety of perspectives here. Some people are 24/7 and do not see a distinction between kink life and real life. Some are married and kinky, but not necessarily in a D/s relationship with each other.
 
intothewoods said:
I think you'll find a wide variety of perspectives here. Some people are 24/7 and do not see a distinction between kink life and real life. Some are married and kinky, but not necessarily in a D/s relationship with each other.
Click to expand...

Since we are still very young into the D/ and sub relationship and we don't "live" by it 24/7 I'm guessing we fall in the kinky side of that. We are exsploring/experamenting with CBT, ANAL, AND Canning. However we have limited knowledge and hope to further our exploites with advise from this site.
 
BeeBeestoy said:
Since we are still very young into the D/ and sub relationship and we don't "live" by it 24/7 I'm guessing we fall in the kinky side of that. We are exsploring/experamenting with CBT, ANAL, AND Canning. However we have limited knowledge and hope to further our exploites with advise from this site.
Click to expand...

Well, no one can spend all day fucking. ;) I think it's more that the D/s power exchange stuff permeates outside of the bedroom for some and not for others.
 
intothewoods said:
Well, no one can spend all day fucking. ;) I think it's more that the D/s power exchange stuff permeates outside of the bedroom for some and not for others.
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Wellllll I can die trying :) and true she is in control in the bedroom. And it does extend outside the bedroom, somewhat. We haven't really found or set our limits yet.
 
BeeBeestoy said:
Wellllll I can die trying :) and true she is in control in the bedroom. And it does extend outside the bedroom, somewhat. We haven't really found or set our limits yet.
Click to expand...

It's fun to explore those limits with someone you trust.

We'll be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary this year. We started out kinky 25 years ago and eventually landed in a full-out M/s relationship once the kids were born. Though we are frequently sidelined by the demands of jobs, children and health, and we still find ourselves tangled up in doubts and insecurities about how to proceed sometimes, it has been an incredible experience to share together. Often the most challenging moments have also been the most bonding. And the experience of finding someone who's willing to do all the things you like to do - both sexually and as a companion - is maybe the best thing in the world in my opinion (even if we do hate each other now and then).

Enjoy your journey, and never assume that you know what the other does or doesn't want. Act on your knowledge of each other, listen to both what your partner is and is not saying, and stay open to shifts in the foundation you're standing on.

And don't take the moments when you cross boundaries with each other too seriously. If you're really exploring your limits, you're likely to step into areas that you want to back out of. Don't let those experiences overshadow the rest of your relationship. Just keep talking. And act in such a way with each other that the trust you have is not too badly shaken.
 
eastern sun said:
It's fun to explore those limits with someone you trust.

We'll be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary this year. We started out kinky 25 years ago and eventually landed in a full-out M/s relationship once the kids were born. Though we are frequently sidelined by the demands of jobs, children and health, and we still find ourselves tangled up in doubts and insecurities about how to proceed sometimes, it has been an incredible experience to share together. Often the most challenging moments have also been the most bonding. And the experience of finding someone who's willing to do all the things you like to do - both sexually and as a companion - is maybe the best thing in the world in my opinion (even if we do hate each other now and then).

Enjoy your journey, and never assume that you know what the other does or doesn't want. Act on your knowledge of each other, listen to both what your partner is and is not saying, and stay open to shifts in the foundation you're standing on.

And don't take the moments when you cross boundaries with each other too seriously. If you're really exploring your limits, you're likely to step into areas that you want to back out of. Don't let those experiences overshadow the rest of your relationship. Just keep talking. And act in such a way with each other that the trust you have is not too badly shaken.
Click to expand...

Excellent advice.



Pardon my hijack...

(ES, I want you to post in your thread again - I was curious to find out how the production went, the one you were directing your husband in.)
 
eastern sun said:
It's fun to explore those limits with someone you trust.

We'll be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary this year. We started out kinky 25 years ago and eventually landed in a full-out M/s relationship once the kids were born. Though we are frequently sidelined by the demands of jobs, children and health, and we still find ourselves tangled up in doubts and insecurities about how to proceed sometimes, it has been an incredible experience to share together. Often the most challenging moments have also been the most bonding. And the experience of finding someone who's willing to do all the things you like to do - both sexually and as a companion - is maybe the best thing in the world in my opinion (even if we do hate each other now and then).

Enjoy your journey, and never assume that you know what the other does or doesn't want. Act on your knowledge of each other, listen to both what your partner is and is not saying, and stay open to shifts in the foundation you're standing on.

And don't take the moments when you cross boundaries with each other too seriously. If you're really exploring your limits, you're likely to step into areas that you want to back out of. Don't let those experiences overshadow the rest of your relationship. Just keep talking. And act in such a way with each other that the trust you have is not too badly shaken.
Click to expand...
Thank you. It's good to know we are not the only ones shuffling jobs kids and still trying to have "our" kinky sides.
 
Keroin said:
Excellent advice.



Pardon my hijack...

(ES, I want you to post in your thread again - I was curious to find out how the production went, the one you were directing your husband in.)
Click to expand...

No problem... now I want to know to.
 
BeeBeestoy said:
We would like to hear from other married couples--how do you balance your 'real' life and your 'kink' life?
Click to expand...

Well - hopefully.

I know that with 'unmarried' couples it is sometimes easier. Or is it?
Click to expand...

I think it's more difficult with unmarried couples. But somehow I think we are not talking about the same 'it'.
 
ok, well i will say one thing... if i sit here and read this long enough, i will be fucking my sub all damn night!! some of this is HOT and since we are married, i can do just that!:D so... give me stuff to use, people!
 
beebee7088 said:
ok, well i will say one thing... if i sit here and read this long enough, i will be fucking my sub all damn night!! some of this is HOT and since we are married, i can do just that!:D so... give me stuff to use, people!
Click to expand...

Oooo please don't be teasing me.
 
my bf and I are not married, so your results may vary, but it's mainly kink in the bedroom with a few rules and regulations in real life that will vary depending on my own goals, what's happening in our relationship,and the million other variables that happen in life. With that being said, he is the dom in all aspects of the relationship, but it's not a 24/7 TPE relationship. There is very much the same balance as in a "normal" vanilla relationship, except that we use punishment. It's rare, and not at all related to sex, in fact, there is a distinct line between the two. But 90% of the time, our relationship is just as "equal" as any other, just that he has final say on certain issues.
 
SnappyPepper said:
my bf and I are not married, so your results may vary, but it's mainly kink in the bedroom with a few rules and regulations in real life that will vary depending on my own goals, what's happening in our relationship,and the million other variables that happen in life. With that being said, he is the dom in all aspects of the relationship, but it's not a 24/7 TPE relationship. There is very much the same balance as in a "normal" vanilla relationship, except that we use punishment. It's rare, and not at all related to sex, in fact, there is a distinct line between the two. But 90% of the time, our relationship is just as "equal" as any other, just that he has final say on certain issues.
Click to expand...

pretty much the same here. We just took our sweet time getting into the link side. But that's ok.... all the more pinned up D/s inside her. I'm love that almost as much as her as a person.
Thanks for sharing.
 
OK so no one has really posted here for a while. But I was wondering if anyone had any ideas to help separate personal feeling's/emotions to help take this
to the next level.
:eek:
 
BeeBeestoy said:
OK so no one has really posted here for a while. But I was wondering if anyone had any ideas to help separate personal feeling's/emotions to help take this
to the next level.
:eek:
Click to expand...

What do you mean by "help seperate personal feelings/emotions to help take this to the next level"? What feelings/emotions are getting in the way?
 
CutieMouse said:
What do you mean by "help seperate personal feelings/emotions to help take this to the next level"? What feelings/emotions are getting in the way?
Click to expand...

BeeBee, my D/ is having some trouble letting lose with her full drsires. Because she is with me. I thought about a mask but she's not really into that. She has real potential as a D/ but we are having some trouble with the emotional attachment she has for me.

Maybe I'm just expecting to much.
 
It would be most helpful if she were to post about how her feelings or emotions get in her way. Going through you as a filter could actually be unfair to her.

As a D myself, I could possibly relate... but I'm not comfortable trying to analyze or draw conclusions about where another person's head is at without more to go on.

For example: when I'm feeling very warm and fuzzy toward my loving and sexually submissive husband, I'm not always in the mood to treat him "badly". Believe it or not, we dominant bitches sometimes like to be nice to our man. Then again, feeling loving towards him can make me playful, in which case I can treat him very wickedly indeed. On the other hand, when I'm angry at him, I will not play. Our play can get very physical and I don't think it's wise to take up a whip or a strap-on when I'm truly mad at anyone. I always exact toys and bondage punishment with a cool head. Some might consider that excessively cautious. <shrug>

Feelings and emotions don't have one-size-fits-all answers.
 
talismania said:
It would be most helpful if she were to post about how her feelings or emotions get in her way. Going through you as a filter could actually be unfair to her.

As a D myself, I could possibly relate... but I'm not comfortable trying to analyze or draw conclusions about where another person's head is at without more to go on.

For example: when I'm feeling very warm and fuzzy toward my loving and sexually submissive husband, I'm not always in the mood to treat him "badly". Believe it or not, we dominant bitches sometimes like to be nice to our man. Then again, feeling loving towards him can make me playful, in which case I can treat him very wickedly indeed. On the other hand, when I'm angry at him, I will not play. Our play can get very physical and I don't think it's wise to take up a whip or a strap-on when I'm truly mad at anyone. I always exact toys and bondage punishment with a cool head. Some might consider that excessively cautious. <shrug>

Feelings and emotions don't have one-size-fits-all answers.
Click to expand...

This is very true. I will ask her to look at the thread again. Thanks for your opinions. Maybe she will commit here soon.
 
BeeBeestoy said:
BeeBee, my D/ is having some trouble letting lose with her full desires. Because she is with me. I thought about a mask but she's not really into that. She has real potential as a D/ but we are having some trouble with the emotional attachment she has for me.

Maybe I'm just expecting to much.
Click to expand...

How long has your relationship included a power exchange element? Do you both view Femdom in the same way? Are you on the same "page" re: D/s? What are your (and her) expectations?
 
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