Submission it's a lifestyle and not kinky.
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Lizzie_Borden
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I've stopped thinking of the things we do as 'kinky' .. it's just us and what we do.
And I don't think I'd consider being submissive inherently kinky either.
And I don't think I'd consider being submissive inherently kinky either.
ecstaticsub
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I don't think submission is a lifestyle, and I don't think submission by itself is kinky. It is what activities one submits to doing that makes it kinky or not.
ownedsubgal
lost little girl
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submission isn't a lifestyle or kinky. submission is just the act of submitting...by anyone, to anything. submissiveness is a personality trait.
seela
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This. Very much. I often have a hard time answering the question what makes me kinky, because I really don't think of myself as kinky. At all.
This is pretty much how I see my submissiveness. It's a part of who I am, not the whole package, but certainly nothing I have consciously chosen or been raised to (ie. lifestyle) and definitely nothing kinky.
But, as BB said, for most people submission is a kinky, hot play act in the bedroom. Nothing wrong with that, but it's just not how I see things.
graceanne
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Does this tie into the whole D/s but not BDSM thing? For people who have a D/s relationship, as a lifestyle, but aren't into kinky sex.
I could probably go for that, but I agree with OSG, submission is a verb, not a lifestyle or a personality trait, any more than breath play or cbt is a lifestyle. It's something you do, not something you are.
I could probably go for that, but I agree with OSG, submission is a verb, not a lifestyle or a personality trait, any more than breath play or cbt is a lifestyle. It's something you do, not something you are.
FurryFury
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It could. These ladies were talking about wanting sex all the time and most of it was kinky but then saying submision wasn't Kinky or BDSM.
I'm wondering if it's a generational thing in part. To me the word submission automatically falls under the kinky and BDSM umbrella. I don't care if you are being tied up or sweep the floor.
*shrug*
I'm wondering if it's a generational thing in part. To me the word submission automatically falls under the kinky and BDSM umbrella. I don't care if you are being tied up or sweep the floor.
*shrug*
ownedsubgal
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it sounds like they were probably talking about what turns them on...they likely think of specific acts as submission or as being submissive, and acting in that way really gets their motors running. in that case, absolutely they were talking about a kink.
but not everyone experiences submission that way. i personally have zero interest in bdsm or any particular kinks. acting submissive does not turn me on. living a D/s lifestyle is just about having the freedom to be the naturally submissive person i am and actually be accepted and valued for it, because i am not able to be any other way.
but not everyone experiences submission that way. i personally have zero interest in bdsm or any particular kinks. acting submissive does not turn me on. living a D/s lifestyle is just about having the freedom to be the naturally submissive person i am and actually be accepted and valued for it, because i am not able to be any other way.
FurryFury
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ownedsubgal
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So you don't classify being submissive as kinky then, right?
no. i would perhaps classify choosing to "act" submissive as a sexual kink, but not actually being submissive. it's like, someone may get their rocks off from pretending to be a cop. but does that make actual cops kinky? lol
Stella_Omega
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For me it is not a lifestyle, and it is a kink.
For ownedsubgal it's about as unkinky as you can get.
I get so irritated when people try to make universal statements about experiential issues.
For ownedsubgal it's about as unkinky as you can get.
I get so irritated when people try to make universal statements about experiential issues.
00Syd
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For me it is not a lifestyle, and it is a kink.
For ownedsubgal it's about as unkinky as you can get.
I get so irritated when people try to make universal statements about experiential issues.
Whoa, yeah, ditto.
Bandit58
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I'm divided on this, so I'm going for the "combination"
This could get a bit muddled, so bear with me I've always been submissive. To me submission IS a lifestyle, but not to the extent it is with ownedsubgal.
Our lives do involve kink, but more often than not there's nothing kinky involved. For me submission involves non kinky service much of the time. Within the bounds of the relationship of course - I'm not required to submit to anyone else. In fact the opposite is true - I'm required to stand up for myself more!
culloden
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For me it is not a lifestyle, and it is a kink.
For ownedsubgal it's about as unkinky as you can get.
I get so irritated when people try to make universal statements about experiential issues.
On the money, this.
DMConnor109
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I think for some subs it is a lifestyle, they are submissive in most things in their life, and for others it is just in the bedroom.
And kinky really depends on what submissive acts you're doing.
And kinky really depends on what submissive acts you're doing.
VelvetSin
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It's all about individual perspective.
Some people call anything but missionary style as kinky because anything outside their approved rulebook is weird. To them, submission would be kinky in a negative way.
Others that do it all the time call it kinky because they like to think of themselves as outside the norm and anything "normal" equals boring, and who wants to be boring? For the "don't confine me to your rules, man!" group (throw up the horns when reading that, please) it's kinky but that's a good thing.
For others, it's simply a part of life, so why would it be kinky? Other things might be kinky that are not a regular part of (their) life, but not that.
For still others, kinky is just a word and it doesn't really matter either way.
By definition, I would "call" it kinky simply because submission in the context of D/s isn't something the moral majority of the world does (or at least admits to). That doesn't make it wrong or bad in my book. It works for some, not for others, and so long as no one gets hurt in the process, the language attached to it is unimportant to me.
Some people call anything but missionary style as kinky because anything outside their approved rulebook is weird. To them, submission would be kinky in a negative way.
Others that do it all the time call it kinky because they like to think of themselves as outside the norm and anything "normal" equals boring, and who wants to be boring? For the "don't confine me to your rules, man!" group (throw up the horns when reading that, please) it's kinky but that's a good thing.
For others, it's simply a part of life, so why would it be kinky? Other things might be kinky that are not a regular part of (their) life, but not that.
For still others, kinky is just a word and it doesn't really matter either way.
By definition, I would "call" it kinky simply because submission in the context of D/s isn't something the moral majority of the world does (or at least admits to). That doesn't make it wrong or bad in my book. It works for some, not for others, and so long as no one gets hurt in the process, the language attached to it is unimportant to me.
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ecstaticsub
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Just curious, would they consider submission a lifestyle then? Is being godly a lifestyle?
snowy ciara
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In some cases it is.
Consider myself and my elder brother. Me: kinky submissive individual (who separates her kinky bits from her submissive bits 80-90 percent of the time). My brother is a Benedictine monk. His entire life is built on submission to God and a communal lifestyle. His submission is not kinky (after all, the Benedictines are a contemplate order, not a flagellant one!) but it is Godly. He loves his life and is good at his job, but sometimes, you just don't want to get up for Matins and you're tired of corn flakes for breakfast again, but being the nice, orderly, contemplative monk you are, you submit to the rituals around you. I think that I have learned more about personal submission from hanging out in the monastery guest house than I have learned in all my time in the BDSM community. I haven't done as much time in our community as others, but it has been about 6-7 years of close contact with some really awesome kinksters.
I'd say that being Godly isn't always a lifestyle, it can be. Kinda like submission....
ecstaticsub
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Thank you for this explanation, I appreciate it.
snowy ciara
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I know you were asking Gracie, but the question sort of "spoke" to me too, so I jumped in. Thanks for letting me ramble!
