unable to orgasm with penetration alone...

[linzyblue]

Hello! New to the Forum. Just want to say you all have given me new insight and ideas, so thank you!
My problem is this: I can't seem to have an orgasm with just vaginal penetration. I enjoy sex with my BF, and feel like I have finally bloomed sexually. We have great communication, and he is always willing to try new things (we tried the "try this and get back to me" g spot technique, that didn't work either). I am very capable of having orgasms, but it is always with a vibrator on my clit. We recently got into anal, and that is fantastic, but even then, I only orgasm with a vibrator.
I can count on one hand the number of O's I have had that didn't involve a vibrator, and even then the possitions allowed for rubbing.
Is this normal? I can't be the only one...

[nonimura65]

Not every woman reaches orgasm through vaginal action alone, many require clitoral stimulation.
For myself vaginal alone doesn't work, clitoral is okay, but if my guy can do both at the same time it's the bomb.
One word of advice though, too much vibrator use on the clitoris can render it almost numb to any but the strongest action(?).

[nfrrdscnnr1]

Normal from my experience and reading. There is a WIDE variation from person to person, female to female and male to male but the experience you describe is well within the majority if one were to use a bell curve it seems to me. Wish there was a silver bullet. Keep working on variations and permutations to find the best combination.

[Red_and_Mackie]

It sounds like you're normal. Most women I have been with couldn't get off on penetration alone. They needed more direct stimulation.

On the other hand you might wind up using the vibrator too much because you get close and then get frustrated, and reach for the vibrator to push you over the edge. That can train your body to need the vibrator but it can also trick your mind into thinking you need it. That becomes a self-defeating cycle.

Have you tried to cut back on the vibrator for a period of time? It might help. At least it would eliminate one factor in the equation.

[silverwhisper]

i believe the last survey i saw suggests that 80% of women cannot climax from vaginal stimulation alone. you're not unusual in this regard: indeed, this appears to be the norm! :>

ed

[RuReal]

Originally Posted by silverwhisper

i believe the last survey i saw suggests that 80% of women cannot climax from vaginal stimulation alone. you're not unusual in this regard: indeed, this appears to be the norm! :>

ed

Silverwhisper has that number about right and I was going to mention that. What I tend to find amusing is when you read and watch porn they seem to have women getting off from penetration alone and frankly I would say if anything that 80% is probably being nice. I have only ever been involved with one woman that can orgasim that way.

Have fun while you play and don't worry about what the media spreads just enjoy what is fun.

[fletcherhook]

you need to practice your sex life without a vibrator so you can be satisfied without a sex toy

[Bandit58]

Originally Posted by fletcherhook

you need to practice your sex life without a vibrator so you can be satisfied without a sex toy

Why? It would probably be good if she could climax without a vibe, but if she needs it to get herself over the edge then why not use it rather than end up frustrated?

I can orgasm with vaginal penetration, but 1) I'm on top 2) I rub my clit at the same time and 3) I've usually had one or two g-spot orgasms prior. If I'm masturbating I use a small vibe on my clit/vulval area without any penetration at all.

I'm lucky I can experience orgasms....some women can't climax at all

[Cinner]

Originally Posted by Bandit58

Why? It would probably be good if she could climax without a vibe, but if she needs it to get herself over the edge then why not use it rather than end up frustrated?

I can orgasm with vaginal penetration, but 1) I'm on top 2) I rub my clit at the same time and 3) I've usually had one or two g-spot orgasms prior. If I'm masturbating I use a small vibe on my clit/vulval area without any penetration at all.

I'm lucky I can experience orgasms....some women can't climax at all

Sadly, I'm one of that "some women" statistic.

[infinity706]

Yeah, but really, don't worry so much about it. Orgasms are just a little cherry on top of the fun of sex. If you have one, great. If you don't, just enjoy yourself, anyway.

Now, as for only orgasming from a vibrator, don't worry about it. I know lots of women that are the same way. Sure, you could go to a lot of trouble to train yourself to orgasm from other forms of stimulation, but vaginal will probably be especially hard, considering the vagina itself isn't really even sexually sensitive. You have to rely on the G-spot (which is hard to hit well enough with a penis), the clitoris, and the stretching of the vulva to get you there.

[linzyblue]

Thank you all for your input! I rarely use a vibe when we have sex (except anal, just gotta have it). So, even though I enjoy the whole thing A LOT, I don't climax. Sometimes it seems like I just might, cuz it feels so amazing, but I don't get over the top. I think I still must have the chemical release though, because I still feel like I came(mostly). The best position for this is missionary with my feet flat on his belly. This brings my knees way up. He adjusts his angle and it rubs my gspot. Wow.
I am not complaining, our sex life is great! I just hear all the talk and wonder what's up with me? Again, thank you all!

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by linzyblue

Thank you all for your input! I rarely use a vibe when we have sex (except anal, just gotta have it). So, even though I enjoy the whole thing A LOT, I don't climax. Sometimes it seems like I just might, cuz it feels so amazing, but I don't get over the top. I think I still must have the chemical release though, because I still feel like I came(mostly). The best position for this is missionary with my feet flat on his belly. This brings my knees way up. He adjusts his angle and it rubs my gspot. Wow.
I am not complaining, our sex life is great! I just hear all the talk and wonder what's up with me? Again, thank you all!

Even if you cannot ever 'train' yourself to reach orgasm without a vibrator, there is STILL nothing 'wrong' with you.

I started masturbating when I was 12 years old. I did not have my first orgasm until I was 20, when my then-partner got me my first vibrator. Believe me, it wasn't due to lack of knowledge or lack of trying. I am simply one of the MANY women who need stronger stimulation than a hand or tongue can provide.

There is NOTHING wrong with using your favorite toy during intercourse. Many women, like myself, who need vibrators to reach orgasm do and it's perfectly normal.

[Wyldfire]

The support you're getting is great. I agree with everything almost everyone's saying but I will give you a warning as well. And that is in the realm of your guy.

I believe you've got one of the better guys out there that understands and enjoys your pleasure but they aren't all that way. I've known a few men that are a bit fragile in the ego when it comes to a woman's orgasm. If a toy has to be used they get a complex about their skills and no amount of reassurance will help.

Just my experiences.

[tan43215]

this might help - i started eating my wife while rubbing her g-spot then when she would get close to cumming i would stop the oral and keep the g spot going- after a while she started coming with no oral involved - now she will have orgasms with only penetration a lot (not always and took many times to happen)
bonus
if you can reach orgasm with g spot stimulation (with or with out oral ) - when you cum keep up only the g spot stimulation going for 30 mins (long time) stop any oral -- the women must relax and keep have a low orgasm, after 20-30 mins you will be euphoric and orgasmic - it takes practice but it is amazing

a big part of womens orgasm problems is as little girls you are taught how dirty sex is and good girls dont do that and enjoy that, oral sex is gross ....... get over the mental issues almost all women have and open your self to allow pleasure and you will cum easy peasy
basically find your inner slut and enjoy it with your partner. -do some real kinky stuff and lose the guilt involved with pleasure.

[linzyblue]

My guy is one of those rare ones that is ok with toys. He says he wasn't always that way, but has come to realise that, for him at least, there is no bigger turn-on than a woman in the throes of an orgasm. Last night he asked me to masturbate in front of him (with toys). He was rock hard but I couldn't climax. Stage fright, I guess. Something I will definately work on.

Has anyone ever used one of the butterfly vibes that has straps for use during sex? I wonder if that would be good for hands free fun? Or just a waste of money and I should stick with my bullet?

[infinity706]

Originally Posted by linzyblue

Thank you all for your input! I rarely use a vibe when we have sex (except anal, just gotta have it). So, even though I enjoy the whole thing A LOT, I don't climax. Sometimes it seems like I just might, cuz it feels so amazing, but I don't get over the top. I think I still must have the chemical release though, because I still feel like I came(mostly). The best position for this is missionary with my feet flat on his belly. This brings my knees way up. He adjusts his angle and it rubs my gspot. Wow.
I am not complaining, our sex life is great! I just hear all the talk and wonder what's up with me? Again, thank you all!

Well, the physical sensations of orgasm come from the contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. If you're having orgasms and just aren't feeling the muscle thing, kegel exercises should be able to help. All you have to do is find the muscles. Next time you have to pee, squeeze until you find the ones that interfere with the flow. Those are the muscles you need to exercise. If you work them serveral times a day, you can get them really strong. Not only will it make your orgasm better, but you should really be able to make an impression on a dick that's in your vagina or anus. If they're strong enough, you can even trap him between your legs with your pelvic strength.

Of course, there's no reason why you can't exercise your pelvic floor. You can even do it sitting at your desk, walking down the street, or any other time. It's not like anyone can see what's happening between your legs. Some men and women can even orgasm like that, though.

[Firebrain]

Originally Posted by linzyblue

Thank you all for your input! I rarely use a vibe when we have sex (except anal, just gotta have it). So, even though I enjoy the whole thing A LOT, I don't climax. Sometimes it seems like I just might, cuz it feels so amazing, but I don't get over the top. I think I still must have the chemical release though, because I still feel like I came(mostly). The best position for this is missionary with my feet flat on his belly. This brings my knees way up. He adjusts his angle and it rubs my gspot. Wow.
I am not complaining, our sex life is great! I just hear all the talk and wonder what's up with me? Again, thank you all!

It sounds like you're actually having g-spot orgasms. Mine are like this; they are peaks, although not like a clitoral orgasm, and I still feel satisfied afterwards (although I will have lots of little ones, rather than one big one). They are like warm, aching waves inside. Does that sound familiar?

I can't see how ditching the vibrator when you're masturbating can hurt you. I'd have a go trying to get there yourself. Stimulating my g-spot makes it ten times easier for me to have a clitoral orgasm and when I'm alone, I use a curved toy to do this (glass ones are especially good because of the weight). Experiment for a while. When you know how things work, you can teach him.

My partner gets all sorts of neighbour-bothering noise out of me when he uses it as well, only then he uses his tongue instead of me using my fingers. Let him do it; tell yourself, he can do it. He is capable.

Have a go; you have nothing to lose.

[linzyblue]

Firebrain
That is absolutely what I am feeling! I guess I didn't recognise them for what they were because of the lack of a definate peak. Wow! That's fantastic!! Thank you so much for pointing that out.

[Firebrain]

Originally Posted by linzyblue

Firebrain
That is absolutely what I am feeling! I guess I didn't recognise them for what they were because of the lack of a definate peak. Wow! That's fantastic!! Thank you so much for pointing that out.

Yay!

To be honest, I find them much more intense using fingers or a toy, and I only have the stronger ones during sex if I've already orgasmed beforehand. So you have lots still to look forward to, I think!

[jraymond]

My wife seems to only orgasim while she is on top. I think it is her controlling the clit stimulation. Don't know for sure.

[SubNebGuy]

Plenty of foreplay beforehand is a possible ticket to a real vaginal orgasm...and a man who knows how to drive his stick shift properly for YOU.

Took me a while to figure out what made my wife (then girlfriend) tick, but it was well worth the time invested

[echologue]

Is an older book, but details how many many women reach orgasm. It's really a survey. All people are different in their needs. I thin this book would assuage the belief that any particular way or way of being is abnormal.