Who Needs a Psychiatrist? ~Closed~

“Now, don’t come back til you have Batman’s head on a platter!” The Joker yelled, pushing Harley out of their secret hide out. Harley sighed as she slumped against the wall of the building. How did her life get like this? One minute she’d been interning for Arkham Asylum, the next she was working hand in hand with a mad man, not that she’d really minded.

“Oh, whats a girl ta do?” Harley said.

This wouldn’t exactly be the easiest job in the world, getting Batmans head on a platter. As she walked down the streets of Gotham, she thought back on her life. How it had been before she’d broken Mistah J out of the asylum, when she wasn’t known as Harley Quinn but as Harleen Quinzel.
*****
“And these are where we place the convicts, here at Arkham Asylum.” The boss lady said. Her name was….Julia somethin. Harleen Quinzel wasn’t really paying attention. Sure, she should have been paying attention. It made sense to actually pay attention. Specially, if she was going to be workin here.
She passed by a few of the inmates whom Batman had fought a few times before. Poison Ivy, Hush, Two Faced….thats when she’d seen him. The Joker.

They’d made brief eye contact, only for a few second before one of Harley’s friends Jessica caught her attention again , whispering about where they’d go for lunch.

She gave the joker one last look before concentrating on her friend and then back to the boss lady. She was talking about the mental capacities of each inmate. Harley raised her hand immediately.

“Uh, Miss Julia will we be…interactin with these inmates?” Harley asked
Everyone’s eye was on Julia. Julia shook her head giving Harley a patronizing smile.

“I’m afraid not," Julia paused and looked down at her clipboard. "Miss Quinzel. Some of these criminals are much too…erratic for mere students to handle. If you do interact with them, it’d be only to give them their medicine and of course there will be a guard with you at all times. ”

She said that like they were inferiors compared to the idiot doctors that worked there! Harleen knew for a fact that some of the bozos couldn’t even get through to most of these convicts heads. The woman had moved on to another subject, leaving Harley to deal with her temper.

"Fucking queers..." I glance at the one uniformed officer and two uniformed orderlies in their white garb, and I'm about to spit a nice juicy wad of spittle right into their faces when the prettiest little things step close behind them. I swallow quickly. That's not a pleasant thing to do in front of a lady. Instead I decide I'll behave, this time, I suppose I'll behave. I think I will at least, because well, it's not entirely up to me, you see. I hold out my arm and watch as the big burly rent-a-cop takes it fearfully.

"That's right fuckhole. Fear me you insolent piece of shit."

Of course I'm only thinking that. I would never, oh, oops. Apparently I did say it.

Now the pretty little thing is frightened, and so are the orderlies. They move in carefully. All of them except the little thing are homo's. They are touching way to close to my willy nilly there. I watch as the precious little angel brings a cup of pills and plastic container of water to my mouth.

I whisper gently, "Don't worry sweety. Some day daddy will take good care of you."

“Miss Quinzel, I have a task for you.” Ms. Julia told her a few hours after the tour of the asylum and after they’d had lunch. Many of the interns looked at Harleen and Ms. Julia. Harleen lifted her blue eyes to meet Julia’s eyes, “Yeah?”

Ms. Julia seemed to have a thoughtful look on her face, before finally relenting to what she’d previously thought. “I’m gonna have some guards lead you to the Joker’s cell and I only want you to give him his medicine, that’s it..that’s all. He’s one of the more dangerous lunatics we have in here and…just please do as I say Ms. Quinzel.”

Sighing, Harleen nodded that she basically understood what the head nurse was saying but she didn’t actually feel like obeying. Pushing her blonde hair out of her eyes which had escaped it’s ponytail, she took the plastic cup and was lead by the guards.

Harleen hadn’t been able to take a good look at the joker earlier, but this time she did. He was a lot more frightening when you took a nice long hard look at him. He had the typical clown makeup on, but it wasn’t anything that made you laugh, by his lip there was a long scar which reached right up to his cheek. Just the sight of him, made Harleens hands shake as she handed him the pills.

His whispered words sent a chill down Harleen’s back and she gasps as her crystal blue eyes widen nearly dropping the pills and water. Remembering that she wasn’t supposed to talk to the inmate, she continued to hold the pills, averting her eyes toward the walls, praying that he’d just take the pills so she could go.

"Tastes like candy!" I grin as I chew up the pills into milky white powder and swallow. For some reason I've always liked that medicine's at this particularly fine establishment. A bit disappointed, I lick my lips in search for more of that deliciously... Seductive taste, but stop midway through as I watch the blondie staring at me with wide eyes. I laugh happily, "This isn't a show baby, I'd just like some more of those delicious treats though..."

I glance in a very conspiratorial manner between the three guards standing all about me.

"If you can get rid of these blockheads, perhaps I wouldn't mind giving you a show, if you know what i mean."

I wink obviously and laugh at her little blush.

Having to admit that I'm surprised at her thinking about the offer rather then rejecting it immediately is any easy thing to do. I ask gently, "Is your silence a yes, my little gurl?" I elongate the "u" in girl just to make her squirm a bit more. It works. Why the fuck would they let me get my fingers on a student like her? This is too easy! You can really tell that it's the CRAZIES that runt his place. Not the administrators as they like you think. What a bunch of idiots. Sending some fresh newbie right out of the academy to meet someone with my personalities.

Harleen's eyes widened as the joker commented on how the medicine tasted like candy. It wasn't supposed to taste like candy? At least, not the last time she checked. He definitely was crazy....or maybe he'd become so immune to the horrible taste of medicine that he didn't even consider it medicine any longer. She must've been staring at him for a bit too long though in shock because he commented on it.

"This isn't a show baby, I'd just like some more of those delicious treats though..."

Harleen pursed her lips and opened her mouth to respond, ready to tell him that she was supposed to watch him, supposed to make sure he actually swallowed the medicine, which he had. Why was she still standing there? Why didn't she just leave?

"If you can get rid of these blockheads, perhaps I wouldn't mind giving you a show, if you know what i mean."

Harleen blushed, her eyes widening once more but didn't respond. She was so shocked by the remark she couldn't move this time and only started to move back when insinuated that her silence was a silent yes. She gasped and then slowly backed away, swallowing hard.

"Did he take his meds, Ms. Quinzel?" One of the guards from outside the gate called

"Y-yes." she stammered

They allowed her out of the cell and she quickly rushed back to the break room where all the other interns were. His words seemed to echo in her mind though.

Like any good student I'm meticulously preparing my notes as I wait for the teacher. What do I know about my Harleeeeeen Quinzel? Well, first of all she's a cutie. Not one of those buxom babes or anorexic models or curvy beauties or even child-like pornstars. No. She's my kinda cutie. Tits not big, but at least she has them. However, it's mostly her face that makes her such a cutie. It's small, oh and she's short! That helps. Or maybe I'm just tall? Either way, whatever, it helps...

"Now... where was I... Oh yes!"

Small, her face. It's got no lines and no oddities. A perfectly shaped, cute little nose, and two amazing open and vibrant blue eyes. Her blond hair gives her the slightest air of being a bimbo, but it's easy to see she's too intelligent for that. Oh damnation's! I forgot her ears. They are small and cute, and probably very soft. Like baby ears. They seem tasty, I can't wait to nibble a little. Nothing that would hurt you understand... Just tickle.

And while she is my teacher, she is also a student, and these stupid CRAZIES here at the Asylum want to let her try out her stuff on me. She must be REALLY good with the CRAZIES because they never let a student trifle with someone like me. It's dangerous! I'm dangerous. I admit this, and have admitted it. It does no good thought; whenever I see something that needs to be destroyed I have to destroy it. Anyways, back to Harleeeeen.

I can't wait to see her again. She's at least a little impressionable, and appreciates my physique. I saw her checking me out, yes I did, but she's not the pervert type. I can tell a boner or gift of something white and sticky would not be appreciated. She's high class, but she wants to be fucked, just not in her pussy first. First she wants a mindfucking of a lifetime. Well, that's my middle name. No, not mindfucking. It's: mindfucking-of-a-lifetime. Get it the fuck straight.

"Harleeeeen, how niiice it is to see you again! Would you care for a smile..."

I smile brightly.

"I'd offer you some coffee, but a smile is the best I can do."

I shrug in my crazy vest and nod to it, just to make sure she understands i'm not being rude, since I can't use my hands, you understand?

Harleen must've really impressed her instructor by the way she'd handled the joker, last week. This had to be the reason, Ms. Julie or...boss lady as Harleen secretly called her, because Ms. Julie thought she was the aire of perfection when it came to being a head nurse had assigned her cells 660-670. That meant cell number 666, the one that held the crazy clown by the name of Joker was whom she was to give medicine to.

Honestly, she didn't see the big deal about what she'd done. All she did was give the lunatic his medicine. Sure, she stared at him for much longer than she needed to, but that was expected. The man was hideous! She went through cells 660-665 that morning, hesitating as she approached cell 666.

The guards opened up cell and slowly, she walked in forcing all that fear out of her. She couldn't show fear because, Harleen got the impression that this man could smell fear, no-no he probably lived off that emotion.


"Harleeeeen, how niiice it is to see you again! Would you care for a smile..."

His wide smile made her even more nervous, his smile stretched the scar on his cheek, which oddly enough made it look like his cheek was smiling.

Harleen shuddered at the thought. Ms. Julie still gave her strict instructions not to speak to the joker though, 'he is crazy', she'd said 'do you know how many orderlies he's scared off because they'd disobeyed me and spoke to him' she'd lectured.

Harleen pursed her lips, forcing her mouth to stay shut as he continued talking.

"I'd offer you some coffee, but a smile is the best I can do."

Harleen cleared her throat and pushed the pill in his mouth, waiting for him to chew and then waited patiently for his mouth to open and then poured the water down his throat.

I take the pill. After all, it's great candy. I chew it up happily and as Harleeen proffers me the water I smile a little bit and lean back; forcing her to shuffle just a little closer. Just close enough. With all the strength and quickness of a spider I spread my legs and wrap them around her thighs; pulling down and back sharply so that she collapses into my lap. I smile brightly into those crystal clear, aqua blue eyes, and whisper:

"Hey baby,"

Lightly I smooch her right on the lips before taking the plastic cup out of her hand with my teeth and throwing down the water like a delicious shot of Jack Daniels. I relish it loudly, and at the same time let go of my little cutie as the orderlies come streaming in with their fists ready.

"Hey hey fellas, no need to look so threatening! I didn't do nothin! Hehehe ha! Stop it, that tickles! Miss Harleeeen tell the big bad bullies to stop; they keep tickling me! Oooh, ooo, oh hahahahaaaaaa!"

They're trying to be rough, but their really just a bunch of pussies in uniforms. I smirk up at them as they rain down a few blows, but finally she stops them. Her voice is sooo cute! I could just eat her up. Neither her, nor the guards are sure who exactly is in charge. Which of course means I am.

"You fellas know she can report you for prisoner abuse, right?"

That seems to settle things, and they eye her cautiously. Waiting for an order.

"Tell them what to do Harleeen, tell them exactly what you want them to do."

I can't wait to hear that voice again. It makes me hard.

Harleen growled softly to herself as the Joker moved back. Why couldn't he just stay still?! Sighing, she moved closer to him, then squealed as his legs wrapped around her waist, pulling her down into his lap. That was certainly unexpected. Her eyes widened in fright, which was odd because he couldn't actually do anything to her. Well, he could but only if his hands were unbound from the asylum white vest which kept him from really moving at all.

"Hey baby,"

Did he just...call her baby? She frowned in confusion and though she wouldn't have asked why he'd called her that, she wouldn't have been able to because he planted a big wet one on her lips, it was quick ..but oddly soft and gentle, almost like he was trying NOT to scare her. It didn't help because, she was still scared stiff as he grabbed hold of the cup of water with his teeth, letting her go. The red makeup on his mouth rubbed on her lips causing her to look like a clown, not so much a clown but like a Harlequinn doll.

Harleen stood there, stiff as a board like she'd had all the wind knocked out of her. He had kissed her, though she couldn't actually imagine why. Harleen was pushed roughly out of the way as orderlies came rushing in with their bats and fists up and ready to fight off the Joker, pushing him with one of the bats.

"Hey hey fellas, no need to look so threatening! I didn't do nothin! Hehehe ha! Stop it, that tickles! Miss Harleeeen tell the big bad bullies to stop; they keep tickling me! Oooh, ooo, oh hahahahaaaaaa!"

Harleen frowned again, filled with more confusion. She had forgotten that she was wearing a badge that said:
Harleen Quinzel
Psych Intern

"G-guys, it's okay. I'm okay." Harleen said, "See? No big deal."

"Ya sure, he looked ready to attack you or something Miss Quinzel." One of the orderlies said, eyeing the joker suspiciously.

"I'm fine." Harleen said, she glanced once more at the joker then walked out. She'd be back, later that night to give him his meds though, part of her scared of what would happen that night while another part of her, wanted to ..know more about this joker character.

There is something about this Miss Quinzell that I can't quite put my finger on, and I'm very good at pointing fingers onto things. It's like a puzzle, and you find the right peace and all of a sudden wazaaam! Your finger lands on it perfectly. Now, I think it had something to do with what's behind those brilliant blue eyes, and it obviously has something to do with me (what doesn't?), but I still can't quite place it. Not... Just... Yet... I relax in my cell and whistle a little I tune once sang to the delightful embers of Arkham city, but now simply sing to the white washed wall in front, behind, and to either side of me.

"If the bat couldn't fly
then he would surely die
out of the corner of my eye
i see him and say why?

why can't you come and play
with your friends today
it'll only hurt in a way
you don't trust what i say?

well hehehe, that's quite a shame
since i killed your delightful dame
oh your anger is so very tame
i can't believe you've got such fame!"

I drum my thumbs on my chest and pop open my eyes to the site of miss Quinzel's delightful face staring at me through the bars with two orderlies on either side. I smile brightly and mutter at the ceiling, "Thank you!"

"Oh miss Harleeen, I was so afraid that I had frightened you off earlier today, allow me to apologize for that... Misunderstanding. It was such a shame. Now, wait a minute boys, miss Harleen knows that I don't need that silly jacket anymore. I'm not going to hurt anyone, am I Harleen, baby girl? Daddy is going to play nice, today."

Harleen walked towards the cell, it was her final shift for the night. The two orderlies stuck close to her, especially after what had happened earlier that day with the Joker. “Miss Quinzel, don’t forget how dangerous the joker is..” one of the buff orderlies said before they reached the gate, in enough time to hear:

"If the bat couldn't fly
then he would surely die
out of the corner of my eye
i see him and say why?


“Shh..” Harleen whispered to the orderlies. Curious as to what the joker was singing about. Most of the lunatics around here mumbled or talked to themselves, they didn’t exactly sing. She’d heard two-faced talking about his next plan to kill the bat. Not the joker though. He..sang about it, apparently.

why can't you come and play
with your friends today
it'll only hurt in a way
you don't trust what i say?

well hehehe, that's quite a shame
since i killed your delightful dame
oh your anger is so very tame
i can't believe you've got such fame!"

Slowly, Harleen and the two orderlies walked up to the cell just as the joker had finished. He didn’t seem bothered by it either. It intrigued her. If she ever made it to being a psychiatrist, she’d want to observe the joker for sure!

"Oh miss Harleeen, I was so afraid that I had frightened you off earlier today, allow me to apologize for that... Misunderstanding. It was such a shame. Now, wait a minute boys, miss Harleen knows that I don't need that silly jacket anymore. I'm not going to hurt anyone, am I Harleen, baby girl? Daddy is going to play nice, today."

She glanced wearily at the orderlies, who had that ‘don’t trust him, he’s a killer’ look. Of course, he could’ve easily killed her or something earlier right. Well, his hands were bonded so, most likely not. Though, he seemed to be verrrrrrrrrry talented with his legs. She shuddered at the thought.

“I’m sorry, Joker. That’s not…possible. Rules are rules.” She said. Talking to him was the first rule she’d broken but it was an understandable broken rule because she couldn’t just…tell him no without saying anything, could she?

"Awww, that's such a pity!" I smile brightly, not in the least bit disappointed, in fact I'm glad that she has better sense then that. In fact, I'm rather happy since she's finally decided to open those cute little lips and speak with me. It makes me feel so... Alive inside. So happy, really, I can't help but keep on smiling like some little child who's gotten the best Christmas present ever. I squirm in my seat before finally settling down. I stick my arms out obediently as the two guards warily strap on my crazy suit, but I ignore that and stare right at harleen's cherry red lips and beautiful blue eyes.

"Does this mean you'll be staying awhile miss Harleeen? I'd really enjoy some company. It gets so dull in this lonely cell all by my lonesome self, you see I think that's the reason I'm so fucking crazy. They keep me in here with no one to talk to besides the wall, ceiling, and God. But they're all just as mute as the other! Some conversation... Mhmm... Now that would be, appreciated greatly."

I can see I'm having the desired effect. Young student, confident in her abilities, and quite sure that I'm nothing more harmful than your average crazy lunatic. Yes, quite soon she is going to give in to her desire and speak with me. I've always said date one should start with small talk, and end in tears. Date two with kisses while ending in laughter. Date three... Well date three is always the best, but not because it starts with hot sex, but rather that in ends in total madness.

"You going to give me my medicine first babe?" I ask as she seems to begin to talk, but I want my candy first!

He was staring at her, hard. It was an ..an unpenetrable gaze as the orderlies strapped on his crazy suit. He then asked her if she was going to stay with him awhile. She fought back the urge to giggle, not because it was funny or anything, but mainly because she was just an intern and she hadn't even been there a week.

"I can't." Harleen said, "I'm just an intern, I-I don't think they'd allow that."

Though, even if he was crazy, he made a legible point. How could a man get better if he didn't have anyone to talk to. Hadn't she learned that in her psych classes, that most crazies ended up being crazy because all of their emotions were kept locked up because they had no one to talk to.

She almost felt bad for the joker.

"Miss Quinzel, remember the rule. No talking to the patients." The big, bulky orderly said.

"Right." Her lips pursed as she gave the joker a sympathetic look, before pushing the pill into his mouth and then pushes the edge of the small plastic cup to his lips so that he could get a drink of water.

I chew and swallow. My head tilts to the side and I blow a wispy piece of green hair to the side. Just to make sure i get every chalky piece of delightful candy I lick my lips and my teeth where I bit into the pill. Then I sip the water Harleeen so daintily gives me. "Thanks luv," I breathe into her ear, and I smile as she shivers.

"It's really a pity we can't talk baby gurl, daddy has so much to tell you! Shame about rules, rules, and more rules. That's all this place knows how to do! Make rules, keep rules, break rules- Oh, what, surprised? Yes miss Harleeen... They break the rules too. These two boys that are here to protect you oh so honorably often allow a few of their fine, women friends, to give the convicts some fun time. At an exuberant rate i'm afraid! Such pimps, I'd rather jerk my own dick off than allow one of their money weaseling whores to do it."

Still she doesn't say anything, but that's okay. She is listening, however much she pretends not to.

"And your boss lady, she's the worst of all! Why, do you know that two-faced motherfucker a few cells down? She FUCKED his brains out on Christmas day. Yeup. Brought him right up into the office, still in his crazy suit, and laid him down on her desk and rode him like a horse!"

Down the hall I hear that crazy mother fucker make a whinny, just like a fuckin horse. It's just too funny, I break into a fit of giggles, cackles, and general cacophony that sets both orderlies on edge after having their big secrets revealed. "Who knows, maybe they'd pimp you out miss Harleen, boy oh boy, i'd sure pay for that!"

Harleen shivered as the jokers warm breath brushed against her ear as he whispered his thanks. She wasn't even certain as to why she was shivering. It's not like she was physically attracted to the guy or anything. You'd have to be mental to be physically attracted to the joker. Harleen started cleaning up her mess and throwing the plastic cup away in the trash as the joker continued talking, causing her to pause and listen though she busied herself with her hands, taking off the dirty sheet on his bed

"It's really a pity we can't talk baby gurl, daddy has so much to tell you! Shame about rules, rules, and more rules. That's all this place knows how to do! Make rules, keep rules, break rules- Oh, what, surprised? Yes miss Harleeen... They break the rules too. These two boys that are here to protect you oh so honorably often allow a few of their fine, women friends, to give the convicts some fun time. At an exuberant rate i'm afraid! Such pimps, I'd rather jerk my own dick off than allow one of their money weaseling whores to do it."

A silent gasp escaped her lips as she glanced at the orderlies outside who look pretty fucking pissed off. That proved that the joker wasn't...so...crazy. She hadn't realized that she had stopped taking the sheets off and just stood there until he'd finished his sentence. Harleen cleared her throat and grabbed a clean sheet out of the basket.

He's crazy, the man is mental. He can't be tellin the truth. Can he?

"And your boss lady, she's the worst of all! Why, do you know that two-faced motherfucker a few cells down? She FUCKED his brains out on Christmas day. Yeup. Brought him right up into the office, still in his crazy suit, and laid him down on her desk and rode him like a horse!"

No, no...oh god seriously two-faced? That was even more mental than...than having a sexual attraction towards the joker. The man's face was melted off for god's sake. She shuddered at the thought of even kissing Two-faced, let alone fucking him. She'd probably never even be able to go into Ms. Julie's office without shuddering in disgust.

His last words threw Harleen off guard as she fluffed his pillow making it all nice and soft.

"Who knows, maybe they'd pimp you out miss Harleen, boy oh boy, i'd sure pay for that!"

The little blonde intern blushed a bright pink, unable to control herself, knowing she probably shouldn't even respond to the joker because he was..he was sick! She had to at this point.

"Joker, didn't you just say you wouldn't pay for any of the whores the orderlies sent you? Even if it is true about what you said, thats kinda..I dunno contradictin yourself."

My smile eases from 'crazy' to 'satisfied' over the course of a minute as I stare at your pretty blushing face. So intelligent too! Catching a contradiction, how cute! I would relish the moment further, but the orderlies are getting anxious to leave, and I have to defend myself in front of these accusations! As I tilt my head to the side I shrug a little bit and begin.

"It seems like one, doesn't it? But who says I'm going to pay them? Also, if you listen to the semantics one could also assume that I was saying I would pay to observe them pimp you out, not necessarily fuck your brains out... But... Of course, we both know the obvious answer to that one, don't we?"

"Admittedly you've got me at a crossroads, a confusion of sorts, touche! And congratulations. Maybe once the orderlies report this to the big boss you'll get a little more alone time with muah! And wouldn't it be great if we could actually talk during that time? Unless... Of course... You'd prefer to fuck. heh, we could even wait till Christmas to do it proper. hehe, hehe, haahhaha~"

I can't do anything but laugh at our expression. Darling, it's so cute! Perhaps someday you will remember this day with as much fondness as I will be jerking off to it tonight! Young ladies such as yourself should learn that a blush and twitch can sometimes be much more of a turn on to psychopath's like me then any naughty words or seductive clothes.

Not saying I don't appreciate either of those, of course, but sometimes blushing is better.

Just before you leave I hook a leg around your ankle to stop you from walking all the way out, as you turn to question me I say in a much more gentle voice then my normal crazy rantings, "See you soon, luv."

I blow a kiss before letting go and spinning around once in my chair.

I'm smiling as you leave, but not crazy anymore. Just... Lovingly; like a father watching his little girl trot off to school for the first time in her life. An incredibly cute, sexy, fuckable, blond little girl.

Harleen's P.O.V

I blushed at my misconception of his sentence. It had still been a contradiction though but obviously the joker thought that it wasn’t. My blush deepened as he continued talking, saying things that I know are considered wrong because of the fact that he’s a patient here at the Arkham asylum and I’m merely just a intern though I am trying to work my way up the ladder. Besides, I could never ever see myself in a relationship with a psycho path.

However, there were some things I noticed about the joker, he didn’t seem as crazy when I came around. Even now, I notice that when he smiles at me, it’s in an odd almost fatherly way, sorta. I gave him a weary smile and walked out of the cell, the orderlies right behind me after locking the cell. His words seemed to invade my mind.

I still couldn’t believe that miss Julia would do such a thing…with someone like two-faced or that these two orderlies would…pimp the interns around here.

“He was lying, Ms. Quinzel. You know he’s a psychopath. “ One of the orderlies said to me. Though, he didn’t exactly sound as convincing as he should of. I just nodded and grabbed my purse, ready to leave for the evening.

^^^^6 weeks later^^^^

“Miss Quinzel!” Ms. Julia, whom I finally found out her last name was Havers called to me as I brought in some coffee for her and some of the other nurses. “You HAVE to do something about him.” She was referring to the joker. After our discussion they’d banned me from having anything to do with him, they said he was trying to play mind games with me or something.
Apparently, he was known for doing that to the new orderlies.

“The..joker?” I asked, trying to make sure I understood who she meant. “B-but I thought you said Marissa was going to be ….” My voice trailed off as they dragged Marissa to one of her own cells, she was giggling like a mad woman and her eye twitched.

“He’s driving the other interns crazy, not to mention getting out of hand. He says he won’t play nice unless he has his little harleen there tending to him.” Ms. Havers said, rolling her eyes.

“Alright but, you know he’s gonna want to talk to me and…” I said, cautiously although I wasn’t exactly sure about this myself.

“Fine, he gets a fifteen minute talk with you, but if he does or says something suspicious.” Ms. Havers started, she didn’t need to finish her sentence because I knew what she was saying, no more talks. walked down the halls of arkham until I reached cell 666, I forced a huge smile as the orderlies walked in before me and started putting the vest on him.

“Hi Joker!” I said in my most cheerful voice, “Long time no see…”

Finally I hear her voice!

"Helllllllooooooooooo Harleeeeeen!" I sing at the top of my voice. You can hear more then a few snickers from the other inmates, along with more then a few inappropriate jokes but I don't mind them really. Not if it lets me see my beautiful little girl blush, and blush she did. Smiling brightly I watch her sit down, and like a kitten curling up next to it's mother I wriggle about in my crazy suit as I watch her take out the pills and little plastic cup. I chew and swallow quickly, for I can hardly wait to ask her the question that I've been dying to ask all afternoon. Finally she's finished and is signing her name to assure the CRAZIES that i've been taking my medicine.

She looks at me, and I look at her.

"So I hear we get to have a chat today."

The shock on her face is priceless. How did I know?

"I wonder what it is you have to tell me, my little baby girl, daddy is very anxious. Very anxious indeed." I nod a little, before smiling slyly, "My little baby hasn't been a naughty girl, has she? Not allowing these fine protection custodians to take advantage of her little self? No? Good."

I finally relax back into my chair.

"So what does my little blond want to ask me?"

He seemed incredibly happy to see me that day, that was probably what had led me into this...cycle of madness, his anxiousness to see me. He even happily swallowed his pills and water, paying no mind to the orderlies waiting outside of the cell to make sure nothing bad happened, to make sure he hadn't driven another intern to become a permanent resident at Arkham Asylum.

I did wonder how he knew that we'd be aloud to talk, though it wasn't a very long time to talk. We were still able to and it must've shown on my face because he was grinning widely, like the cheshire cat or something.

"I um, yeah we get to talk today, only for a few minutes though. Boss' orders."

My eyes lingered on that scary looking scar he had, he probably was a very handsome man at one time until that scar. At least thats what I told myself. Part of me wondered how he got it, did he get into a fight with someone or something?

"My little baby hasn't been a naughty girl, has she? Not allowing these fine protection custodians to take advantage of her little self?"

I flushed at the question, blushing and looking away as I remembered the topic of our last conversation, broken rules and the people who broke them. The orderlies, Ms. Havers. Just the thought of her with Two-face made me shudder again, I had tried my hardest not to think of that little piece of information.

"No!" I said, my blue eyes wide with shock.

" No? Good."


"So what does my little blond want to ask me?"

I looked at the joker curiously. I wasn't exactly sure what made him think I was his blonde. Not to mention, I didn't have a question to ask, even though I was curious about his scar, I wasn't stupid enough to ask that question. I'm sure that every single psychiatrist that he's had probably asked him that. He was probably sick of that question, for sure!

"So, um...why are you in here? I mean like what did you do? Didja go on a mass murdering spree or something?" Aside from being crazy, I silently added to myself.

I seriously cannot believe this fucking blond.

"WHAT!?!?!"

I'm not angry, simply outraged.

"These FOOLS did not feel like it was necessary to brief you before you met me? Now I know for a fact that they are way more crazy then I am. This is ridiculous, how could they not tell you? Did I murder people? Ha! Murder is a crime of stupidity, why would you murder someone? It's brutal. No, I do not murder people. I kill them sometimes, but what I do is an art, and mostly I just make people... Crazy... Like me. I make them kill each other, I like watching them suffer and turn on each other. Especially the strong ones. The ones that want you to think they are helping, hahaha!"

I finally settle down and breathe. I'm eyeing my little blond with incredulous eyes, how could they fail to tell you my sweety pie? But it's perfect. I can tell you now. Tell you of all my grand adventures and crazy plans! I'll be able to explain things the way no written words can do justice. Oh, if this isn't the best laid plan ever, and I'm not the one who laid it! hahaha, ohhhh so fucking sweet.

"Like the batman... What I did to him... Hehehe... He almost stopped you know? Stopped pretending, and showed his face. He was so close... But then that two faced motherfucker... Bah, anyways. I made him choose. He chose that two-face fucker, and got his girlfriend burned to a crisp by a hundred gallons of gasoline. Haha! That's why I'm in here, because the batman killed his own little fucktoy. Ha!"

I sit back and eye Harleeen, "How does that make you feel baby gurl? That I make people... CRAZY..."

I jumped back immediately as the joker yelled, looking angry or perhaps outraged. It wasn't that they hadn't told me about his history it was just that since I had been banned from practicing my nursing skills with him, they hadn't felt the need for me to read my file and when I was supposed to read his file, I flaked out and sorta...forgot.

Judging by his outraged emotions, I decided NOT to tell him this. I didn't want that anger thrust on me.

"These FOOLS did not feel like it was necessary to brief you before you met me? Now I know for a fact that they are way more crazy then I am. This is ridiculous, how could they not tell you? Did I murder people? Ha! Murder is a crime of stupidity, why would you murder someone? It's brutal. No, I do not murder people. I kill them sometimes, but what I do is an art, and mostly I just make people... Crazy... Like me. I make them kill each other, I like watching them suffer and turn on each other. Especially the strong ones. The ones that want you to think they are helping, hahaha!"

Oh wait, I remember hearing that. Wasn't that the first day of my internship, Miss Havers told mentioned something about the joker driving people crazy. Though she had said, he'd done it quite literally I didn't think she was serious! I just thought she was saying stuff like that because he was a mad man and his crazy talk drove people crazy. I tensed slightly at the thought, remembering the last intern who was in here had to be sent into a cell of her own.

Would that happen to me? No, no I could handle this. I wasn't crazy so far and I'd had three days with the fucker. Though, Marissa had been with him waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than I had. She just didn't know how to handle him though, thats all! For some crazy reason that is beyond me, he must like the way I handle him.

So caught up in my own thoughts, I only heard bits and pieces of his further explanation. Batman...stopped pretending....burned to a crisp...two faced....fucktoy...ha!

Wait, whaa? Batman was burned to a crisp by his two-faced fucktoy? No that didn't sound right. Two-faced burned his fucktoy to a crisp because batman stopped pretending? Hm, nope that would be stupid, though it made sense if the two-faced was fucking around with Ms. Havers. Wow, I really need ta start paying attention more especially if I want to make it in this psychology business because even though the jokers crazy, I don't think that was what he said.

"How does that make you feel baby gurl? That I make people... CRAZY..."

"Um..." I hesitated, "Kinda scared, actually. I mean, you aren't tryin to do that ta me are ya?" It was the honest to gods truth. I was scared as hell! Though, I had the confidence to know that I could withstand whatever the joker threw at me, the thought was still frightening as hell.

I give her one of those glances that is halfway between disbelief and adoration. How could she be so naive, and so cute at the same time? For a split second I almost feel bad about my plan. I am indeed going to make her crazy. Crazy for me. Crazy for my cock. Crazy just like me; in order to get out of this god-forsaken place and kill the batman. I smile in a friendly way and say softly:

"I'm not trying luv. I don't have to try."

Her eyes light up with fear, and I shake my head slowly as once again I've underestimated the stupidity of these crazy people. How in the world could they think they're a match for me? The craziest, most super-brilliant psychopathic monster ever created! I'm not just a legend, myth, supervillain, and amazing fuck! I'm the fucking smartest crazy person in the world! And there are a fuckton of us. Bah, no matter, back to the task at hand.

"Don't worry baby girl. I won't make you crazy like them," I nod to the cells next to me where they drool and slobber and stare at walls. "I'll make you crazy just like me, and even better..." I begin to whisper, and smile as she leans in closer, "I'll make you crazy about me too."

"I'm not trying luv. I don't have to try."

I stare at the joker with my eyes wide in fear and shock. Though part of me is scared to death of being transformed into some mad chick, I can't help but wonder how he does it? How he could turn one person like Marissa from incredibly intelligent to insane within a matter of 24 hours at the least.

As he continues talking exclaiming that he wouldn't turn me into those mad drooling type of crazy person but a girl who was simply crazy about him this caused me to raise my eyebrow at him skeptically. For a crazy guy he really is arrogant isn't he?

"Oh, is that right?" I started, then continued,"Is that what'cha did with my classmate, Marissa or am I just special?" Even though my tone of voice was clearly sarcastic, the sarcasm couldn't hide the pink blush that crossed my cheeks

I silently cursed myself for all the blushing I did 'round the joker. If I wasn't more careful he might start thinking I was in love with him or something.

"Marissa?" I wrinkle my nose as if I've smelled some sort of cheese that's gone bad.

"No no no, nein, neichte," I shrug, "I simply told her exactly what she wanted to hear, and by the time I was through she was the one in need of some therapy. Daddy issues. I'm quite sure he touched her wrongly as a child, or at least said some frighteningly weird things... She was not a very smart girl, she did most of the talking. Whereas you are going about me much better. I'm getting quite the thirst sitting here, and conversating with you like we are, but I'm the one doing most of the conversating, aren't I? Still, I don't mind with you... Do you know why?"

I wait for you to shake that beautiful blond hair of yours.

"Because you listen. Marissa was too caught up in her own problems, she needed to talk. You... You don't have many problems. You need some, and problem is... Well... One of my many middle names, is it not? So you found me, and you listen to me. The biggest problem in alllll of the whole Gotham City. And I'm so very happy you did Harleeeen."

I smile happily and look you over after I'm done my speech. You aren't very afraid which only makes me much more sure that you are the perfect one to say all this too, and also that you'll be saying something back. Perhaps you won't say anything quite as argumentative or sarcastic as before, now I'll get some real answers. Or questions. I can take either or both of course. That's just the way I like it; with a pinch of chaos.

The scary thing about this whole conversation was not that he'd managed to turn her crazy, by letting her talk...at least I think that's what he did, I still wasn't quite sure what he meant by that. No, the scary thing was that he was right about Marissa. I dunno if she was touched inappropriately by her dad or anything, but I know she always bragged about bein daddy's little princess, how her daddy gave her everything she wanted.

At the mention of him getting thirsty, I stood up and walked to the glass pitcher of water on the nursing cart and poured the cool, clear liquid in the see through plastic cup and walked over to the joker and held it up to his lips. I dunno why I did, guess I'm just considerate like that or somethin.
He asked me a question and I nodded, curious as to why he was so interested in me, in talkin to me.

A blush creeped up on my cheeks, “Well that’s what some people need right?”

I didn’t say how a lot crazy people were just crazy because they didn’t have no one to talk to, no one to listen to them. Of course I had problems but the stupid thing that Marissa did, that I never do when workin is expressing my problems to anyone I work with, specially the nutties around here.
For instance, I’m datin one of the orderlies now and think he’s cheatin on me with Poison Ivy, but ya don’t see me telling anyone about it, specially not the joker. Besides, it was interesting listening to his stories no matter how crazy they were.

“Alright, I know probably everyone asks this and your probably sick of the question, but how’d ya get the scar?”

Speakin of the orderlies, the ones who were my body guards groaned from outside the cell and rolled their eyes at my question.
Huh, wonder why.