How to introduce BDSM to a "good girl"

Hi,

I haven't been able to find any advice in the library sticky that appears to cover this question, so I'm asking here instead.

My lovely wife was brought up as a "good girl". She didn't want us to have sex before we were married (which I respected as I knew she was worth it) -- indeed, were were both still virgins on our wedding night. Her initial view on sex was that it was something that should only be done by us at night in the bedroom, and only by vaginal penetration. It took me many years to persuade her, say, that it was okay for her to use a vibrator on herself and, indeed, that this was something that could complement our copulations rather than get between us.

It's not that my wife expresses strong objections to trying new things. It's more that she retains subconscious "good girl" values which she's unable to leave at the bedroom door (or wherever else!), and she feels sullied and dirty (in a bad way) if she does things that lie outside those values. It upsets me to see her feeling that way, so I try not to put pressure on her to go outside her comfort zone too often. When I do, I'm desperate to ensure that it pays off well for her so that she's prepared to give it another go (which obviously isn't the best recipe for successful play).

The problem area for us is that I fantasize regularly about light BDSM play between us, but my attempts to persuade my wife to give it a try haven't been successful. Despite trusting me, my wife still dislikes the idea of being restrained in any way. Moreover, she just doesn't "get it". It's that second point that I'd like to tackle.

Are there any resources out there that could help my wife to understand the psychological side of BDSM? For example, are there any good non-fictional accounts of the potential rewards and pay-offs, perhaps from a female who has similarly started off similarly sceptical through ignorance but has grown to love it (I'm aware that there are stories covering this, but they can be readily dismissed as just that: stories).

Of course, it's possible that, whatever we do, even very light BDSM just isn't going to rock my wife's boat, but at the moment I don't think that's a certainty.

If anyone can provide any suggestions on how best to proceed, then I could be an even happier hubby than I am already.

Many thanks for any constructive suggestions.

All the best.

Mindfondler

Mindfondler said:

Hi,

I haven't been able to find any advice in the library sticky that appears to cover this question, so I'm asking here instead.

My lovely wife was brought up as a "good girl". She didn't want us to have sex before we were married (which I respected as I knew she was worth it) -- indeed, were were both still virgins on our wedding night. Her initial view on sex was that it was something that should only be done by us at night in the bedroom, and only by vaginal penetration. It took me many years to persuade her, say, that it was okay for her to use a vibrator on herself and, indeed, that this was something that could complement our copulations rather than get between us.

It's not that my wife expresses strong objections to trying new things. It's more that she retains subconscious "good girl" values which she's unable to leave at the bedroom door (or wherever else!), and she feels sullied and dirty (in a bad way) if she does things that lie outside those values. It upsets me to see her feeling that way, so I try not to put pressure on her to go outside her comfort zone too often. When I do, I'm desperate to ensure that it pays off well for her so that she's prepared to give it another go (which obviously isn't the best recipe for successful play).

The problem area for us is that I fantasize regularly about light BDSM play between us, but my attempts to persuade my wife to give it a try haven't been successful. Despite trusting me, my wife still dislikes the idea of being restrained in any way. Moreover, she just doesn't "get it". It's that second point that I'd like to tackle.

Are there any resources out there that could help my wife to understand the psychological side of BDSM? For example, are there any good non-fictional accounts of the potential rewards and pay-offs, perhaps from a female who has similarly started off similarly sceptical through ignorance but has grown to love it (I'm aware that there are stories covering this, but they can be readily dismissed as just that: stories).

Of course, it's possible that, whatever we do, even very light BDSM just isn't going to rock my wife's boat, but at the moment I don't think that's a certainty.

If anyone can provide any suggestions on how best to proceed, then I could be an even happier hubby than I am already.

Many thanks for any constructive suggestions.

All the best.

Mindfondler

Click to expand...

If your wife isn't into the BDSM thing, you can't change her. If it's just a phobia against bondage, you might talk to her and see if she can overcome it. But if she's just not into this type of play, you may end up causing her to distance herself from you sexually.

If she's willing to try all of this new stuff for you, that's fine. But don't force her, if after a while, she can't get into it. Bondage isn't for everybody. Even some who are very much into BDSM don't care for it. And just because she's your wife and you want her to do this for you, that doesn't mean she can or will.

Even if you get her to do it just for your satisfaction, if she's not into it, she won't enjoy it. Take it slow, and don't push her into anything. And if she just can't do it, you might be out of luck. I know you didn't want to hear that.

If it's an issue of your wife being constrained by the concept of sexuality that she was raised with (which it sounds like there is an issue with that because of the guilt), then she's the only one that can change it. She has to be willing to look at sexuality from a different perspective and work to change a very core aspect of herself. You can't pick that for her. If she so chooses to explore the reason why she has the guilt and views that she does, I recommend a therapist trained to handle such issues.

For everything other than that, listen to DVS. He's a smart man. He's also been around long enough to know his ass from a hole in the ground.

chy_girl said:

If it's an issue of your wife being constrained by the concept of sexuality that she was raised with (which it sounds like there is an issue with that because of the guilt), then she's the only one that can change it. She has to be willing to look at sexuality from a different perspective and work to change a very core aspect of herself. You can't pick that for her. If she so chooses to explore the reason why she has the guilt and views that she does, I recommend a therapist trained to handle such issues.

For everything other than that, listen to DVS. He's a smart man. He's also been around long enough to know his ass from a hole in the ground.

Click to expand...

Me smart? Yeah, right!

On the other hand, people who have guilt issues with sex can sometimes overcome them. So if this "good girl" has issues with sex because of how she was brought up, there is hope. And going even further with this, people with guilt issues can sometimes achieve tremendous orgasms. It takes a while, but once they overcome the guilt, that same guilt fuels the orgasm as if they are doing something that's taboo.

It's like anal sex for some people. First they see it as taboo, then they try it and enjoy it like they are doing something they shouldn't...like they've found some dirty little secret. Forbidden or taboo sex is often the best.

Thanks for your replies, DVS and chy_girl.

DVS said:

If your wife isn't into the BDSM thing, you can't change her. If it's just a phobia against bondage, you might talk to her and see if she can overcome it. But if she's just not into this type of play, you may end up causing her to distance herself from you sexually.

Click to expand...

I certainly don't want that to happen. I hope that it wouldn't, though. I'm not sexually demanding to the point where I'd coerce my wife into doing something just because I wanted it. Indeed, I'd find it difficult to derive much enjoyment from that, even if it felt physically good for me at the time. As I've mentioned in a posting in a different thread, I get a lot of my kicks from seeing my wife get satisfied.

This brings me back to the main question in my original posting. I'd much rather persuade my wife to give some light BDSM a try based on the real-life experiences of some women who thought they wouldn't like it but then found that it unlocked unexpected and wonderful feelings for them, rather than just because I have a desire for her to do it for my own benefit.

chy_girl said:

If it's an issue of your wife being constrained by the concept of sexuality that she was raised with (which it sounds like there is an issue with that because of the guilt), then she's the only one that can change it. She has to be willing to look at sexuality from a different perspective and work to change a very core aspect of herself. You can't pick that for her. If she so chooses to explore the reason why she has the guilt and views that she does, I recommend a therapist trained to handle such issues.

Click to expand...

Thanks. That might yet be an option. I'd approach it from the point of view that we need to work through the mismatch in our needs (which my wife would agree is a moderate problem) with help from a therapist. If it then emerges that my wife has guilt and value issues, and she agrees that she'd like to tackle those, then that's fine.

DVS said:

On the other hand, people who have guilt issues with sex can sometimes overcome them. So if this "good girl" has issues with sex because of how she was brought up, there is hope. And going even further with this, people with guilt issues can sometimes achieve tremendous orgasms. It takes a while, but once they overcome the guilt, that same guilt fuels the orgasm as if they are doing something that's taboo.

Click to expand...

I honestly have no idea whether it's a question of guilt or intrinsic taste for my wife. I suspect that she doesn't even know the answer herself.

There's possible encouragement, though, from my wife's experience with vibrators. When I first bought her a simple vibe, she showed no interest and didn't even want to touch it. Over a period of years, though, she's transitioned through mild interest and surprise orgasms to the point where she now keeps her favourite vibe in her bedside drawer and uses it whenever she feels like it.

Nowadays, I often "catch" her using the vibe (which she knows that I love to see) and I tease her about how naughty she's being. She just smiles at me gleefully and proceeds to come hard in front of me. If I had tried to tell her just after we were married that she'd be doing that sort of thing, I'm sure that she would have been horrified and mortified.

DVS said:

It's like anal sex for some people. First they see it as taboo, then they try it and enjoy it like they are doing something they shouldn't...like they've found some dirty little secret. Forbidden or taboo sex is often the best.

Click to expand...

It's probably relevant for me to admit here that I find anal sex taboo. I understand that I might well enjoy it, but I've never given it a try and I'm very hesitant to do so due to its associations in my mind of it being "bad" and "dirty". This may help me understand my wife's perspective on BDSM.

Many thanks again for your thoughts.

Mindfondler

Hi Mindfondler,
I am also a new poster here and I have found good insights from the regular members. Good luck in your pursuits.

My wife and I had a conversation a couple of nights ago regarding her transition toward more non-conforming appetites. Basically, she evolved by reading interesting books and stories, finding what appealed to her, and then slowly wading in to them.

Many of the activities we enjoy now, she once considered "slutty" in a bad way. Now, she enjoys them immensely and is turned on by the sluttiness. But as you mentioned, they were not things we could have considered at the beginning of our marriage.

Does she enjoy reading stories about any particular style of sex? If not, find her some good books to read. Nothing too heavy that might scare her off, but enough to pique her interest and see how she reacts.

Hi Steve,

steve_dallas said:

Good luck in your pursuits.

Click to expand...

Thanks! I'm encouraged by your experience and I'm prepared to be patient.

steve_dallas said:

Does she enjoy reading stories about any particular style of sex? If not, find her some good books to read. Nothing too heavy that might scare her off, but enough to pique her interest and see how she reacts.

Click to expand...

My wife likes me reading erotic stories to her so that we can enjoy them together, although we've fallen out of the habit recently. Maybe we should start again. It could be a good opportunity for me to gather immediate feedback from her disposition as to what she's liking or not liking.

Can anyone suggest some well-written stories on this site which "sell" light BDSM from a female perspective? I'm thinking of romantic descriptions of sensual massage whilst blindfolded and tied up, which lead to arousal and fulfilment. I've looked on the site index but there's a bewildering array of titles and I've not found any way to filter them down by any relevant criteria.

Many thanks.

Mindfondler

Mindfondler said:

Thanks for your replies, DVS and chy_girl.


I certainly don't want that to happen. I hope that it wouldn't, though. I'm not sexually demanding to the point where I'd coerce my wife into doing something just because I wanted it. Indeed, I'd find it difficult to derive much enjoyment from that, even if it felt physically good for me at the time. As I've mentioned in a posting in a different thread, I get a lot of my kicks from seeing my wife get satisfied.

This brings me back to the main question in my original posting. I'd much rather persuade my wife to give some light BDSM a try based on the real-life experiences of some women who thought they wouldn't like it but then found that it unlocked unexpected and wonderful feelings for them, rather than just because I have a desire for her to do it for my own benefit.


Thanks. That might yet be an option. I'd approach it from the point of view that we need to work through the mismatch in our needs (which my wife would agree is a moderate problem) with help from a therapist. If it then emerges that my wife has guilt and value issues, and she agrees that she'd like to tackle those, then that's fine.


I honestly have no idea whether it's a question of guilt or intrinsic taste for my wife. I suspect that she doesn't even know the answer herself.

There's possible encouragement, though, from my wife's experience with vibrators. When I first bought her a simple vibe, she showed no interest and didn't even want to touch it. Over a period of years, though, she's transitioned through mild interest and surprise orgasms to the point where she now keeps her favourite vibe in her bedside drawer and uses it whenever she feels like it.

Nowadays, I often "catch" her using the vibe (which she knows that I love to see) and I tease her about how naughty she's being. She just smiles at me gleefully and proceeds to come hard in front of me. If I had tried to tell her just after we were married that she'd be doing that sort of thing, I'm sure that she would have been horrified and mortified.


It's probably relevant for me to admit here that I find anal sex taboo. I understand that I might well enjoy it, but I've never given it a try and I'm very hesitant to do so due to its associations in my mind of it being "bad" and "dirty". This may help me understand my wife's perspective on BDSM.

Many thanks again for your thoughts.

Mindfondler

Click to expand...

That does sound encouraging. She doesn't sound that sexually uptight, to me.

Mindfondler said:

I certainly don't want that to happen. I hope that it wouldn't, though. I'm not sexually demanding to the point where I'd coerce my wife into doing something just because I wanted it.

Click to expand...

That's good to hear. Sounds like you do have your head together about this. I'd still go slow with her, though, just to be on the safe side.

By the way...ask her what she thinks about, when she's using that vibe. And tell her to be specific. That will give you some insight into what she enjoys. And if she uses that vibrator whenever she wants, you might end up losing out. Maybe you should keep that thing hidden. LOL.

Hi DVS,

DVS said:

By the way...ask her what she thinks about, when she's using that vibe. And tell her to be specific. That will give you some insight into what she enjoys.

Click to expand...

Silly question... should I ask her while she's using it, or afterwards? I've tried talking to her while she's edging it and I've been unable to get much sense out of her. Frankly, I'm not surprised; I don't imagine that she's in the mood to answer nosy questions while she's getting ready to explode.

DVS said:

And if she uses that vibrator whenever she wants, you might end up losing out. Maybe you should keep that thing hidden. LOL.

Click to expand...

I don't feel threatened by it, if that's what you mean. My wife is a very touchy-feely person and I believe her when she says that she prefers me when we have the time. I enjoy the thought that she can have a bit of fun in, say, a spare five minutes. I'm not up to that sort of quickie as I'm unable to make my part vibrate at 100 Hz or rotate in two different directions at once. I like to think that I'm not alone in that limitation, though.

Does anyone have any thoughts on suitable stories?

Cheers.

Mindfondler

If part of the problem is that she doesn't like being restrained, then don't focus so much on the bondage aspect. BDSM doesn't have to involve bondage unless you want it to. I'm not too crazy about being tied up myself.

OK -- thanks for that. I could see if my wife likes me being dominant with her: instructing her what positions to take, what to do when, what to touch when, and hopefully following a path that tantalises her and turns her on. I must admit that we haven't tried that much. *slaps self on forehead*

I'll ask her and see what she thinks...

Just another random thought, but if your wife's hangup is with the guilt issues try praising her with "good girl." Granted, it isn't always as effective as "naughty girl" or some of the other "girl" variations and the timing has to be right, but it may help.

When I was first starting with my People, and sometimes even now, I would have issues with the letting go and just feeling the positives. Honestly, guilt was the least harmful of the emotions that would drop on me. Once they were able to figure out the signs (and sometimes what physical response on their part helped me keep moving through the negative emotion) they'd praise me with "good girl," "MY good girl" or even just "MY girl" - the possessives tending to show up when it was an especially hard spot emotionally. It gave me a sense of peace and pride to know I had pleased them and that peace and pride helped counteract all the negatives. In a way gave me something else to grab hold of so I wasn't holding the negative emotions.

Of course once we got the "good girl" down and it wasn't needed so much in scene it lead to rather delightfully wicked variations.

ETA:

DVS said:

Me smart? Yeah, right!

Click to expand...

I know I'm right, but thank you for proving my point. You're a smart man.

Let's see...

Try watching the movie "Secretary" then talking about it. Other films that might be good conversation starters "9-1/2 Weeks", "Wild Orchids", "The Cell".

Get her to read "When Someone You Love Is Kinky".

Get her to talk about her fantasies. IF she protests that she doesn't have any, what sort of "bodice ripper romances" does she read? Does she read "vampire" stories like the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton? Or the Meredith Gentry series, also by Hamilton? If not, see if you can get her to read them. Try the "Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" series by Ann Rice (writing as A. N. Roquelaure)... There's lots of erotica/soft-core porn that could fan her flames.

If she is of a conservative Christian bent, do some Bible study - emphasis on Master/slave passages - how the duties and responsibility of the Master to care for the slave are emphasized and how the slave is to serve... cover the passages about the nature of the husband/wife relationship (hey, being "pleasing in all things" doesn't JUST mean outside the bedroom. It means ALL things! ). And don't forget The Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon depending on which edition of The Bible you have). Hello, that's some serious BIBLICAL erotica! God made us sexual beings, we are _supposed_ to be enjoying and pleasing to one another.

There are LOTS of ways to open the door to discussion, for expanding ideas and boundaries. Reassure her that YOU love her and accept her for who she _is_, not who she thinks her parents think she ought to be... that you are very accepting of the reality and diversity of her as a sexual being.

If there is a little slut shining through, there might be a lot more underneath. Think iceberg!

Best of luck!
- Geoff

Mindfondler said:

Hi Steve,


Thanks! I'm encouraged by your experience and I'm prepared to be patient.


My wife likes me reading erotic stories to her so that we can enjoy them together, although we've fallen out of the habit recently. Maybe we should start again. It could be a good opportunity for me to gather immediate feedback from her disposition as to what she's liking or not liking.

Can anyone suggest some well-written stories on this site which "sell" light BDSM from a female perspective? I'm thinking of romantic descriptions of sensual massage whilst blindfolded and tied up, which lead to arousal and fulfilment. I've looked on the site index but there's a bewildering array of titles and I've not found any way to filter them down by any relevant criteria.

Many thanks.

Mindfondler

Click to expand...

My wife's adventure got kick started by the "sleeping beauty" series that Anne Rice wrote under a different name. It escapes me now. It began by discovering that she liked the idea of being spanked. This progressed to me holding her wrists down during sex, then on to holding her wrists while spanking.

It took awhile for us to get to the point of actually using restraints. Just holding her wrists above her head was enough to get her going in the beginning. Have you guys experimented with that yet? Also, any interest in spanking? My wife seemed to find a natural connection between the two.

Evil_Geoff said:

Let's see...

Try watching the movie "Secretary" then talking about it. Other films that might be good conversation starters "9-1/2 Weeks", "Wild Orchids", "The Cell".

Get her to read "When Someone You Love Is Kinky".

Get her to talk about her fantasies. IF she protests that she doesn't have any, what sort of "bodice ripper romances" does she read? Does she read "vampire" stories like the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton? Or the Meredith Gentry series, also by Hamilton? If not, see if you can get her to read them. Try the "Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" series by Ann Rice (writing as A. N. Roquelaure)... There's lots of erotica/soft-core porn that could fan her flames.

If she is of a conservative Christian bent, do some Bible study - emphasis on Master/slave passages - how the duties and responsibility of the Master to care for the slave are emphasized and how the slave is to serve... cover the passages about the nature of the husband/wife relationship (hey, being "pleasing in all things" doesn't JUST mean outside the bedroom. It means ALL things! ). And don't forget The Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon depending on which edition of The Bible you have). Hello, that's some serious BIBLICAL erotica! God made us sexual beings, we are _supposed_ to be enjoying and pleasing to one another.

There are LOTS of ways to open the door to discussion, for expanding ideas and boundaries. Reassure her that YOU love her and accept her for who she _is_, not who she thinks her parents think she ought to be... that you are very accepting of the reality and diversity of her as a sexual being.

If there is a little slut shining through, there might be a lot more underneath. Think iceberg!

Best of luck!
- Geoff

Click to expand...

I second what Geoff said! We just watched 9 1/2 weeks a few nights ago. My wife very much enjoyed the dom/sub theme. "Secretary" is our favorite spanking movie. My wife is in to all the books you listed.

We are a Christian couple who have come to understand that God created sex to be enjoyed, and it's only dirty if you do it right!

steve_dallas said:

We are a Christian couple who have come to understand that God created sex to be enjoyed, and it's only dirty if you do it right!

Click to expand...

That's been my take on it! Right on! *LOL*

chy_girl said:

Just another random thought, but if your wife's hangup is with the guilt issues try praising her with "good girl." Granted, it isn't always as effective as "naughty girl" or some of the other "girl" variations and the timing has to be right, but it may help.

Click to expand...

I like that idea! It feels like the sort of thing that I could readily say to my wife and which would come out right from something where I sense that she has doubts. Similarly, I like "MY good girl" because it carries an intimate sort of supportiveness, a bit like saying "Don't worry about what the rest of the world might think; to me you're a good girl, and our own thoughts on the matter are the only things that count".

I'm also very keen on calling my wife a "naughty girl", but that's for things that I know she enjoys and doesn't feel guilty about.

Evil_Geoff said:

Try watching the movie "Secretary" then talking about it. Other films that might be good conversation starters "9-1/2 Weeks", "Wild Orchids", "The Cell".

Click to expand...

That could be interesting! We've watched porn together (even some hardcore stuff) and my wife generally found it more hilarious than arousing, largely in a "so bad that it's good" way. We haven't watched much erotica together, though, so I think we should give that a try.

Evil_Geoff said:

Get her to read "When Someone You Love Is Kinky".

Click to expand...

I'll have to look that one up.

Evil_Geoff said:

Get her to talk about her fantasies. IF she protests that she doesn't have any, what sort of "bodice ripper romances" does she read?

Click to expand...

That's an intriguing question. I ask my wife about fantasies and she claims adamantly that she doesn't have any, and yet I'm convinced that she does. I'm not suggesting that she's lying, but rather that she feels ashamed of them and tries to dismiss them as unimportant rogue thoughts.

Evil_Geoff said:

Does she read "vampire" stories like the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton? Or the Meredith Gentry series, also by Hamilton? If not, see if you can get her to read them. Try the "Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" series by Ann Rice (writing as A. N. Roquelaure)... There's lots of erotica/soft-core porn that could fan her flames.

Click to expand...

Oooh... thanks for those suggestions. I'm sure that she hasn't read any of those before. Time for me to pay a visit to Amazon....

Evil_Geoff said:

If she is of a conservative Christian bent...

Click to expand...

She isn't, but that doesn't mean that she hasn't been influenced by the more conservative portrayals of those doctrines. I've taken notes of your counter-arguments.

Evil_Geoff said:

There are LOTS of ways to open the door to discussion, for expanding ideas and boundaries. Reassure her that YOU love her and accept her for who she _is_, not who she thinks her parents think she ought to be... that you are very accepting of the reality and diversity of her as a sexual being.

Click to expand...

Indeed. It may be significant that we both seem to have reached a stage recently where we're breaking a lot of the ties with the baggage that our parents loaded us with, and we're both experimenting with new talents and skills that aren't "traditional family" ones.

Evil_Geoff said:

If there is a little slut shining through, there might be a lot more underneath. Think iceberg!

Click to expand...

I like your thinking! My wife is very much a fun and mischievous person in general; it's just that this doesn't currently seem to translate into the bedroom. I tend to believe that's because her real personality is being suppressed by inhibitions in the specific context of sex. I don't think they're major hang-ups, though, as the vibrator experience seems to demonstrate.

Many thanks for your thoughts.

Mindfondler

Oooh.. further responses to reply to!

steve_dallas said:

My wife's adventure got kick started by the "sleeping beauty" series that Anne Rice wrote under a different name. It escapes me now. It began by discovering that she liked the idea of being spanked. This progressed to me holding her wrists down during sex, then on to holding her wrists while spanking.

Click to expand...

Wow! I'll definitely research that series. If it's out there, then I'll find it!

steve_dallas said:

It took awhile for us to get to the point of actually using restraints. Just holding her wrists above her head was enough to get her going in the beginning. Have you guys experimented with that yet? Also, any interest in spanking? My wife seemed to find a natural connection between the two.

Click to expand...

We do playful spanking, but not in a sustained way.

steve_dallas said:

I second what Geoff said! We just watched 9 1/2 weeks a few nights ago. My wife very much enjoyed the dom/sub theme. "Secretary" is our favorite spanking movie. My wife is in to all the books you listed.

Click to expand...

I'll take that emerging consensus. I'm rather looking forward to finding all of these pieces of raunchy media and exposing my wife to them. ;D

steve_dallas said:

We are a Christian couple who have come to understand that God created sex to be enjoyed, and it's only dirty if you do it right!

Click to expand...

I like that!

Thanks once again.

Mindfondler

steve_dallas said:

My wife's adventure got kick started by the "sleeping beauty" series that Anne Rice wrote under a different name. It escapes me now....

Click to expand...

A.N. Roquelaure. The first of those books is "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty," and for me it is the best of the three. The other two went too far and too often into areas of little or no interest to me.

Mindfondler said:

Wow! I'll definitely research that series. If it's out there, then I'll find it!

We do playful spanking, but not in a sustained way....

Click to expand...

It's out there, I think in about the 894th printing since 1983 (when she wrote "Beauty"). It's damn popular.

You might want to think about trying some playful/semi-playful spanking tied in with "Oh, naughty girl," when the opportunity arises, especially if you could make it a surprise. I have some fond memories of a young lady who had absolutely no interest in spanking until one evening when she playfully splashed me with dishwater, and got a couple of surprise swats and a semi-joking "BAD girl!" and was shocked to find her panties soaked... and not from dishwater!

Mindfondler said:

OK -- thanks for that. I could see if my wife likes me being dominant with her: instructing her what positions to take, what to do when, what to touch when, and hopefully following a path that tantalises her and turns her on. I must admit that we haven't tried that much. *slaps self on forehead*

I'll ask her and see what she thinks...

Click to expand...

This is a great place to start. I am reletivley new and though not a "good girl" I loved when my Master instructed me in bed and then told me how good I was doing.
As for anal sex..... wow. I just tried this for the first time 3 weeks ago. It hurts for about 30 seconds and then it's fabulous.

Mindfondler said:

Can anyone suggest some well-written stories on this site which "sell" light BDSM from a female perspective? I'm thinking of romantic descriptions of sensual massage whilst blindfolded and tied up, which lead to arousal and fulfilment. I've looked on the site index but there's a bewildering array of titles and I've not found any way to filter them down by any relevant criteri

Mindfondler

Click to expand...

I can suggest one of my stories: Submissive Heights

rthnck said:

I can suggest one of my stories: Submissive Heights

Click to expand...

That's a great story.... not far from my experience. thanks for sharing.

Sir_Winston54 said:

A.N. Roquelaure. The first of those books is "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty," and for me it is the best of the three. The other two went too far and too often into areas of little or no interest to me.

Click to expand...

Thanks! That sounds to me like a "must have".

Sir_Winston54 said:

You might want to think about trying some playful/semi-playful spanking tied in with "Oh, naughty girl," when the opportunity arises, especially if you could make it a surprise. I have some fond memories of a young lady who had absolutely no interest in spanking until one evening when she playfully splashed me with dishwater, and got a couple of surprise swats and a semi-joking "BAD girl!" and was shocked to find her panties soaked... and not from dishwater![/COLOR]

Click to expand...

You know... I could imagine that happening with my wife. Sometimes I get the feeling that she's trying to lure me into being the naughty one (so that it's my "fault").

vintage63 said:

This is a great place to start. I am reletivley new and though not a "good girl" I loved when my Master instructed me in bed and then told me how good I was doing.

Click to expand...

That's encouraging -- thanks!

vintage63 said:

As for anal sex..... wow. I just tried this for the first time 3 weeks ago. It hurts for about 30 seconds and then it's fabulous.

Click to expand...

*adds this to longer-term list of things to try*

rthnck said:

I can suggest one of my stories: Submissive Heights

Click to expand...

I've just read that. It's very well-written, and seems to be more realistic than many, depicting feelings of ambiguity and concern alongside the hot stuff. Duly bookmarked!

Incidentally, it occurred to me last night that my wife showed unexpected interest in a scene from an erotic movie that we watched a few years ago. It was a scene in which a young woman is pounced upon (consensually, but quite roughly) in an old-fashioned kitchen by a bloke on whom she's had a secret crush. He lifts her onto the table and holds her down very firmly while he has his way with her. The wooden table which they share with various foodstuffs creaks a great deal during the process, and I remember my wife getting very aroused by the images and the sounds.

The interesting thing for me is this scenario is a long way from the "sex only in the bedroom at night" persona that she normally projects. There's hope here...


Edit: I've just ordered from Amazon the films 9 1/2 Weeks and The Cell (I already have Secretary stashed away) and the books The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty and Seduced by Moonlight by Laurell K. Hamilton -- all of which I found on offer at very reasonable prices. Many thanks for those pointers!

Just a heads up

I don't know if you could tell, but Seduced by Moonlight is the third one of the Meredeth Gentry set. The first is A Kiss of Shadows, The second A Caress of Twilight. There are eight books in this series. If she likes to read I would highly suggest the Anita Blake series. The first one starts of with Anita almost completely virginal, and then as the series progresses she slowly changes her view. (I am a little prejudiced though, I LOVE this series) It is up to 19 books though.
Another way for her to discover interests she isn't aware of is have her look thorough the stories on here. That is how my journey started. I started out thinking BDSM was just abuse that people had convinced their SOs to take when I was in high school. As I got older I enjoyed a little hair pulling and being thrown on the bed type of things. I met my husband and as our relationship deepened we experimented with sexual things. A few years ago we found the story part of this site. I started looking around and reading from the different areas and discovered the stories that turned me on the most were BDSM stories. I would never have guessed that on my own. And I have watched a lot of porn that had subtle and not so subtle BDSM references. Over the last 2-3 years we have investigated and tried a lot of different things in the BDSM world. We are still experimenting and finding what all we like to incorporate into our play. Good luck on your journey.

Mindfondler said:

You know... I could imagine that happening with my wife. Sometimes I get the feeling that she's trying to lure me into being the naughty one (so that it's my "fault")

Click to expand...

If you get this feeling frequently it's probably for a reason.