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Old 04-01-2011, 11:44 AM   #1276
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A nurse who can put in an IV without seriously bruising you is worth their weight in gold. The nurse who took my blood this morning did a good job; i don't have a bruise (a rare event) and she was nice enough to give me a bandaid (sticking plaster) and not tape so I don't have an itching rash. This is as good as you can get with this stuff.
Tape! Bruises! It always makes me sad when I walk into the room and my patient is covered with gauze and tape from the multiple sticks throughout the admission. I am like: what the fuck! I get all crazy and can think of nothing except removing all the tape. I can't even function till that is done. I get like that with tangled intravenous tubing with multiple medication drips and monitor wires. I can't see anything else till the patient is organized and untangled. It is some kind of weird control thing. There will be order, and everything will be clean.

Sometimes, bruising is inevitable, especially if the person is on blood thinners. I am happy you were not bruised up today! I like to use paper tape. It is easy on the skin. I keep my paper tape on my hemostats clamped to my scrub top, like the cool trauma nurses.

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Old 04-02-2011, 11:39 AM   #1277
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Welcome to neurology!
There's got to be a better way to assess gag, cough and swallow.

Every 2 hours!
 

Old 04-02-2011, 01:19 PM   #1278
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Neuro RN

Welcome to Neuro!
Every neuro patient will be transported with Neurotic RN: to X-ray, to MRI, to CT, to CVIR.
In other words: The neuro patient is never out of the site of the Neurotic RN.
It's high quality care going on here.
 

Old 04-02-2011, 07:20 PM   #1279
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I have never seen balls bigger than the pair I just assessed.
I am shocked. I'm not sure I will recover from this anatomy.
I had to elevate the package.

It always cracks me up silly when a doctor writes: elevate scrotum.
 

Old 04-02-2011, 07:33 PM   #1280
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levitate

 

Old 04-02-2011, 07:56 PM   #1281
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My night nurse relief will hopefully levitate his way into work, but he is notorious for being late.

And all my work is done.
 

Old 04-02-2011, 08:23 PM   #1282
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My pupils are 3 and brisk. PERLA
It's really fucking cool.
 

Old 04-02-2011, 09:09 PM   #1283
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There comes a time in the life of every weekend shift nurse when the critical decision has to be made: Do you go out on a Saturday night when you know you are due back for duty at 0700 the next day?
 

Old 04-03-2011, 02:14 PM   #1284
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I am officially off call.
Now that I know I do not have to go to work, I can settle down and write a rape story.
 

Old 04-03-2011, 03:16 PM   #1285
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There comes a time in the life of every weekend shift nurse when the critical decision has to be made: Do you go out on a Saturday night when you know you are due back for duty at 0700 the next day?

Various factors must be weighed in this decision.

With who?

Likelyhood of getting laid. Well and thoroughly laid?

Date to where? Dinner? Fast food vs restaurant etc. Movie? A flick you want to see a lot or barely or not at all? Concert of a group you really like, that won't be in town next week?

For professional reasons, drinking is probably contra-indicated. You suffering from the hangover is one thing, the patients suffering from it is something else.

Ditto how late you will be out. Can't soar with the eagles if you hoot with the owls, and all that.
 

Old 04-03-2011, 03:22 PM   #1286
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I am officially off call.
Now that I know I do not have to go to work, I can settle down and write a rape story.

Can you write me in to it? As the cop who responds, and gets to shoot the offender? (I'm partial to headshots. They are not only really effective, but are highly dramatic photographically) I never got to shoot anyone as a cop, all the crooks I met surrendered. Bunch of weanie criminals, afraid of a small cop with tiny bullets. No fun at all.
 

Old 04-03-2011, 06:29 PM   #1287
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Unfortunately my rape write got interrupted by thoughts about the secret lives of platelets.
 

Old 04-03-2011, 06:49 PM   #1288
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For professional reasons, drinking is probably contra-indicated. You suffering from the hangover is one thing, the patients suffering from it is something else.
2 Liters of Normal Saline Solution mixed with 40meQ of Potassium Chloride + Magnesium 2gm intravenous piggy back given to the nurse is a good fixer upper, but who has time for that? These people need bedpans! So yeah, drinking is not a good idea.
 

Old 04-03-2011, 06:50 PM   #1289
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Can you write me in to it? As the cop who responds, and gets to shoot the offender? (I'm partial to headshots. They are not only really effective, but are highly dramatic photographically) I never got to shoot anyone as a cop, all the crooks I met surrendered. Bunch of weanie criminals, afraid of a small cop with tiny bullets. No fun at all.
Hm. That sounds brutal. I think I will type you in as the rapist. How about that?
 

Old 04-03-2011, 07:17 PM   #1290
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Hm. That sounds brutal. I think I will type you in as the rapist. How about that?

Nope. I'm not that kind of brutal. Kill I'm fine with. Torture unlikely, haven't so far, but can see where I might cross that line for the right time-critical information if nothing else was working. Rape, absolutely not. I find that much more objectionable. Far kinder to kill someone than to have them suffer from that memory for however long their life lasts.

I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding some low-life who would like to be cast in that role.

Last edited by Balladeer08 : 04-03-2011 at 07:20 PM.
 

Old 04-03-2011, 07:19 PM   #1291
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Unfortunately my rape write got interrupted by thoughts about the secret lives of platelets.

Do expand upon that, please. I had no notion that platelets had secret lives. This could be fascinating.
 

Old 04-04-2011, 10:13 PM   #1292
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Do expand upon that, please. I had no notion that platelets had secret lives. This could be fascinating.
I am the platelet, and this is my secret life travelling through loves circulatory system. I am sticky and colorless and my life is short. And when he is bleeding, I can save his life, but my job is indiscriminate. I am the scab on his arm, and the occlusive thrombosis that adheres on top of the ruptured plaque in his heart. This becomes pathology and love dies just as the heart dies when the clot blocks the path of oxygen rich blood to the heart tissue.

I am his platelet, and I am made in his bones. I am star stellated sticky love, but I donít want to hurt him with my automatic call to cling. How can we stop the cascade of coagulation? He can eat anti-platelets and inhibit my action irreversibly- there will always be more of me in another five to seven days. He can ensure clean coronary arteries, a good heart and I will have nothing negative to occlude and I will spend my short life swimming around happily in his blood stream.

This analogy was whipped up while reading the latest research on oral anti-platelet therapy for the management of Acute Coronary Syndrome.
 

Old 04-04-2011, 10:24 PM   #1293
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Nope. I'm not that kind of brutal. Kill I'm fine with. Torture unlikely, haven't so far, but can see where I might cross that line for the right time-critical information if nothing else was working. Rape, absolutely not. I find that much more objectionable. Far kinder to kill someone than to have them suffer from that memory for however long their life lasts.

I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding some low-life who would like to be cast in that role.
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:24 PM   #1294
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Oh! We are starting lines, and sticking it in! We get it right the first time. Think about that the next time you are piercing that vessel with a #18 gauge in the antecubital. Pop, thread, lock, flashback, release. Here comes the morphine! We are all getting high.
18 in the AC! Not on my truck. The big vessel gets a big needle. Unless the pts is drunk then we stick that 14g in the back of the hand.
If all else fails use the EJ. Nothing says Wake Up like a needle in the neck.
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:25 PM   #1295
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O.K., someone hid the bed pans.
 

Old 04-04-2011, 10:28 PM   #1296
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O.K., someone hid the bed pans.
We are in the lounge eating microwave popcorn out of clean bedpans. You can check there.
 

Old 04-04-2011, 10:31 PM   #1297
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18 in the AC! Not on my truck. The big vessel gets a big needle. Unless the pts is drunk then we stick that 14g in the back of the hand.
If all else fails use the EJ. Nothing says Wake Up like a needle in the neck.
Haha! Big medic lines are hot! I have never inserted an external jugular! <fears>
 

Old 04-04-2011, 10:32 PM   #1298
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We are in the lounge eating microwave popcorn out of clean bedpans. You can check there.
Dang, oil covered bedpans in the lounge, send them to be washed then sent to the nurses station on the third floor, also send up a L.P.N. or two to change the bed sheets in room 305.

It wreeks.
 

Old 04-04-2011, 10:39 PM   #1299
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Haha! Big medic lines are hot! I have never inserted an external jugular! <fears>
EJ's are great unless you forget to flush the line. (I have never done that and do not know anyone that has)
IO Needles in the tibia and shoulder are the new great thing. I've made two Firefighters vomit that way.
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Last edited by veryfaithfull : 04-06-2011 at 03:30 AM.
 

Old 04-04-2011, 11:28 PM   #1300
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