As The Hospital Pervs

[Balladeer08]

Originally Posted by sweepthefloor

Hahahahahahahaha I think of this song when I walk onto the unit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IHUl8CwCvI

Marvelous. I sent the link to friends.

If there is ever a slower-paced shift, you might try this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_biZ8b2R0DA

[sweepthefloor]

Originally Posted by Balladeer08

Marvelous. I sent the link to friends.

If there is ever a slower-paced shift, you might try this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_biZ8b2R0DA

It's only slow for the night nurse. I almost punched a few in the face last night before I left.

[sweepthefloor]

When I walk into a patient room and there is no pulse: shut it down and pound the alarm around 2:11 minute.

[sweepthefloor]

Sometimes I just don't feel like it.

[Wat_Tyler]

I know.


That's when I just go and do it anyway.

[sweepthefloor]

Originally Posted by Wat_Tyler

I know.


That's when I just go and do it anyway.

Alright, we can go do it together to ease the pain.

[sweepthefloor]

Power falls into my lap and I don't even pursue it.

[Wat_Tyler]

Originally Posted by sweepthefloor

Alright, we can go do it together to ease the pain.

Yes.


One foot in front of the other . . . .


Off to work, altho' I don't want to.

[sweepthefloor]

I like the way he says my name and he asked me if I'm back tomorrow.
I think he wants to bring me the coffee that I declined this afternoon, or he just likes looking at me.

[sweepthefloor]

I wonder if he's going to sit in front of my patient room again tomorrow.

[sweepthefloor]

This morning ride was brought to you by:
"I'm a nurse girl, on a steel IV pole I ride"

[Wat_Tyler]

I like that version.


Okay, it's time for me to ride out on a Dodge Ram.

[sweepthefloor]

My patient just pooped on the floor three times. The last time I cleaned it up I had to get in front of him. I said: don't pee on me k?

[sweepthefloor]

He said: I don't want to stand anymore. I don't want to poop.
I said: Bullshit, you will stand up now.

[LongDrySpell]

Originally Posted by sweepthefloor

My patient just pooped on the floor three times. The last time I cleaned it up I had to get in front of him. I said: don't pee on me k?

OK, now it sounds like you're doing my job. Did he do it on purpose?

[LongDrySpell]

I have my annual date with Resusci-Annie (CPR) tomorrow. I've always taken basic life support before, but they're letting me take advanced cardiovascular life support this year. Apparently I've been a good little CNA - there's no reason in hell I should be taking this class rather than BLS, except that I've been asking.

The good news: I get to report to work at 8:00 tomorrow instead of the usual 6:00.

The bad news: I FUCKING HATE the BeeGees.

And I already have "Smooth Criminal" going through my head.

[Balladeer08]

Originally Posted by LongDrySpell

I have my annual date with Resusci-Annie (CPR) tomorrow. I've always taken basic life support before, but they're letting me take advanced cardiovascular life support this year. Apparently I've been a good little CNA - there's no reason in hell I should be taking this class rather than BLS, except that I've been asking.

The good news: I get to report to work at 8:00 tomorrow instead of the usual 6:00.

The bad news: I FUCKING HATE the BeeGees.

And I already have "Smooth Criminal" going through my head.

You need to be inoculated for earworms.

I think they use an old phonograph needle...

[sweepthefloor]

Originally Posted by LongDrySpell

I have my annual date with Resusci-Annie (CPR) tomorrow. I've always taken basic life support before, but they're letting me take advanced cardiovascular life support this year. Apparently I've been a good little CNA - there's no reason in hell I should be taking this class rather than BLS, except that I've been asking.

The good news: I get to report to work at 8:00 tomorrow instead of the usual 6:00.

The bad news: I FUCKING HATE the BeeGees.

And I already have "Smooth Criminal" going through my head.

You know they say that ACLS is only as good as the BLS delivery. This is true because it doesn’t matter what kind of drugs are pushed in if the chest compressions are not effective enough to circulate.

When I show up to any code, the first thing I look for is the backboard under the patient because it really does make a difference in the chest compressions. “Can we get the backboard under the patient please?” (With my small voice.)

It’s good practice. Clear! Get back on the chest girl! Good luck today, and tomorrow!

Aw you can pound out CPR out to: Another One Bites The Dust.
But who am I kidding? We make the Residents do the chest compressions, so we don’t have to sweat. It’s cute, they get in line to take turns.

[sweepthefloor]

Hahahaha

[sweepthefloor]

Silly Paramedics!

[sweepthefloor]

Originally Posted by LongDrySpell

OK, now it sounds like you're doing my job. Did he do it on purpose?

A! You should come and work with us! The nurse gives complete care, with the assistance of the tech, and usually another nurse.

The patients are often so sick it requires two nurses and a tech to clean and change linen. If the patient is a spinal injury we like to have four people to log roll.

If everyone is stable, we work it like the car wash starting in room one and working our way down.

This person couldn’t help it. He felt bad about it. We were just happy he was getting stronger and standing up. What’s a little shit on the floor? This is a man standing, that couldn’t stand for weeks. You got to stand before you can walk to the toilet.

And if we don’t positively reinforce that thought, he won’t ever stand up.

I was in the room with three physical therapists and the patient; they all helped me clean up the floor, the patient, and the chair.

[sweepthefloor]

The tech gets the central line cart and parks it outside the room. He’s almost done nursing school and has a major crush on one of the nurses.

I open the top drawer and pull out the blue bonnets. I don’t ask for help, my sisters just show up. We are not smiling.

One girl pulls the bed down and starts taping the patient head in position to expose the neck. She’s recently divorced. She’s got two kids. She’s got a tattoo on the inside of her left wrist that reads: hope.

The Resident is at the head of the bed telling the junior Residents at the foot of the bed what is going on. He’s got a wife he never sees.

The Intensivist is at the door observing. He’s bored. He’s banging some ICU nurse at another hospital. We don’t know who she is, but he’s always arguing with her on the phone, telling her to stop crying and stuff.

Some other nurse comes in with a check list. She’s been a nurse for thirty years, and married for twenty five years. She is a real stickler for policy, rules, and best practice.

I tie up the sterile gown in the back for the Resident and get the Doppler ready for him. I am just about to squirt the sterile surgical lube on the head of the Doppler, while singing in my head.

What if I started singing into the Doppler, with my big voice?

This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She’s walking on fire
This girl is on fire

[pete1968]

the bigger question is, what would you sing?

[sweepthefloor]

Originally Posted by pete1968

the bigger question is, what would you sing?

I don't know, whatever is stuck in my head.

[sweepthefloor]

Nurse Scott received a post-operative GSW into bed two. We are settling the patient, hooking up monitors, etc. Nurse Scott is busy assessing and getting report from the OR RN. I am untangling for him. It’s my specialty.

The secretary announces over the speaker: Nurse Scott you have a call on line one, Nurse Scott call on line one.

I said: I will get it for you.

Me: ICU Nurse Janey answering for Scott, can I help you?
She: Hello, can I speak with Scott?
Me: He can’t come to the phone right now, he is not available. How may I help you? May I ask who is calling?
She: This is his wife. (she is a nurse somewhere)
Me: Oh. He’s getting report on a post-op, do you want me to get him out of the room?
She: No, just have him call me.
Me: Ok, bye.

Me: Fuck, that was your wife. This is the second time I answered a call for you this month, and it was your wife. She’s gonna think something is going on. She said call her. Hey the patient has good color.

Everybody in the room laughed.