Queer Folks' BDSM thread

I love you hetero guys and gals, I really do

But it gets tiring sometimes, to read all the comments that come from people who assume that everyone in the convo is straight. So the rule here is; everyone is queer by default. If you're straight, you have to remind us.

I haven't bottomed for a man in about fifteen years. I just can't do it-- hetero men react to me as a woman, and that only serves to remind me that I am in the wrong damn body. The closer I get to transitioning, the less I care about having feminine characteristics, but still-- nope, not a femsub for MaleDom.

And besides, the older I get, the more my dominant side takes precedence... Just not in any hetero way.

I know I'm going to get slaughtered for this, but I really don't give a fuck. (Besides, Stella will protect me!) Can I just say how much I hate the women who want to talk about being bisexual as if they know what the fuck it means when their version of "bisexual" means "never dated a woman, never had sex with a woman when a man wasn't present, and don't go seeking out females when there's no man around to drool over the girl/girl action?" 'Cause I really hate them.

"I could never date/fall in love with/do anything besides pester the hell out of you because you don't have a penis." Oh, fuck you.

/grumpy Bunny

I like to take forcefully.

BiBunny said:

/grumpy Bunny

Click to expand...

*Pets better*

BiBunny said:

I know I'm going to get slaughtered for this, but I really don't give a fuck. (Besides, Stella will protect me!) Can I just say how much I hate the women who want to talk about being bisexual as if they know what the fuck it means when their version of "bisexual" means "never dated a woman, never had sex with a woman when a man wasn't present, and don't go seeking out females when there's no man around to drool over the girl/girl action?" 'Cause I really hate them.

"I could never date/fall in love with/do anything besides pester the hell out of you because you don't have a penis." Oh, fuck you.

/grumpy Bunny

Click to expand...

Reprazent.

I don't know. I don't feel straight. I'm queer in the "straight does not work for this" sense.

Yes I'm married to an ostensible male but he's genderqueer and figuring out where he wants to be on the visual/physical map. Today he was dressed kind of like a wealthy suburban MILF type. The hetero privilege is running out as the capri pants and heeled sandals go on.

I definitely am attracted to males a higher percentage of the time, but when it's a girl it's no less romantic, crazy, passionate, and potentially let's ride off and have cats together. I never care to function as entertainment for someone who would not be serious with me because I'm female rather than oh, I just don't want to be serious.

I am bottoming for a bi butch switch male who has a thing for transfolks but manages not to be a fetishistic dickhead about it - more just a huge fan.

I bottom femme for him at this point, but that was not where I started out at all - I bottomed pure boi for the first five years in the scene - and it's more a "yep I'm femme can't be bothered to play with that" stance more than "oh I think you'd like this better."

I think that *was* actually a phase for me as I was trying on the characteristics I *like* in male bottoms. I still totally appreciate and love gender play - when it's done with soul and creativity. I never felt like I wanted my body to align with this part of my identity, but I really did need to find expression for it. My inner dude is not het *at all.* It's very hard to find transmen who wanted to deal with that kind of fluidity around them and really hard to find bio guys who could clue in whatsoever. And I didn't mind playing with girls, but like I said, seriously seriously faggy. NOT straight.

And the fact that he reacted to me as a bottom male when that was the appropriate response won him a huge deal of respect.

As I say this I think the cosmic switch is about to be thrown on the whole thing anyway. He's also a very delicious *toy*.

Well, damn, Netzach. Those are some fabulous comments!

Thanks.

I really just came here so I could feel BiBunny's softeness up against me and her gentle bambi girlnuzzles.

Netzach said:

Thanks.

I really just came here so I could feel BiBunny's softeness up against me and her gentle bambi girlnuzzles.

Click to expand...

There's something about rabbit fur...

Stella_Omega said:

There's something about rabbit fur...

Click to expand...

haha, true!

Stella_Omega said:

But it gets tiring sometimes, to read all the comments that come from people who assume that everyone in the convo is straight.

Click to expand...

I know I'm guilty of this, mostly because anything I tend to say is filtered by *my* reality. I know I need to do betterer.

BiBunny said:

I know I'm going to get slaughtered for this, but I really don't give a fuck. (Besides, Stella will protect me!) Can I just say how much I hate the women who want to talk about being bisexual as if they know what the fuck it means when their version of "bisexual" means "never dated a woman, never had sex with a woman when a man wasn't present, and don't go seeking out females when there's no man around to drool over the girl/girl action?" 'Cause I really hate them.

"I could never date/fall in love with/do anything besides pester the hell out of you because you don't have a penis." Oh, fuck you.

/grumpy Bunny

Click to expand...

Ha! I've had that argument with someone Bunny, who tried to label me as bisexual. And I said no, I wasn't... for those exact reasons. I don't mind playing around in group situations, but I don't see myself actively seeking out a relationship with a woman. And to me, that doesn't make me bisexual.

Do you think though, some people see being bisexual as 'trendy' and 'oh so new age and hip' ?

I wonder, because it seems you can't turn around without bumping into someone claiming to be bisexual.

well i'm pretty sure i'm bi. i think. i have fantasies about people of both genders, but i seem to fluctuate between thinking about women more and then thinking about men more. i think i might just be a bit confused. and then there's the whole thing about which gender i identify as, which is mostly female but i've always been pretty sterotypically male in just about everything i do :/. i like the idea of being a man but i really don't think i want to go through the change. i like having my boobies as well, so i don't know where that fits in. does anyone know if gender insecurities can run in the family? i had a grandparent who transitioned from male to female.

the ''i'm bi so boys will like me'' thing is SO irritating. it's the thing that puts me off coming out the most for me, the thought that people won't take me seriously or think i'm just desperate.

Lizzie_Borden said:

I know I'm guilty of this, mostly because anything I tend to say is filtered by *my* reality. I know I need to do betterer.



Ha! I've had that argument with someone Bunny, who tried to label me as bisexual. And I said no, I wasn't... for those exact reasons. I don't mind playing around in group situations, but I don't see myself actively seeking out a relationship with a woman. And to me, that doesn't make me bisexual.

Click to expand...

it does to me, though-- you're hetero bisexual. I'm a bisexual dyke-- I might enjoy sex with a man, and in fact my primary partner is male (and I really enjoy sex with him), but in general, I prefer women.

Do you think though, some people see being bisexual as 'trendy' and 'oh so new age and hip' ?

I wonder, because it seems you can't turn around without bumping into someone claiming to be bisexual.

Click to expand...

I think it's more that more and more people are realising that they do have a feeling or two for the same sex. Sure, the trendiness has allowed them to think about it comfortably, or even act on it-- thirty years ago, societal pressure would have kept a lot of people from ever thinking about it at all.

kinkyging said:

well i'm pretty sure i'm bi. i think. i have fantasies about people of both genders, but i seem to fluctuate between thinking about women more and then thinking about men more. i think i might just be a bit confused. and then there's the whole thing about which gender i identify as, which is mostly female but i've always been pretty sterotypically male in just about everything i do :/. i like the idea of being a man but i really don't think i want to go through the change. i like having my boobies as well, so i don't know where that fits in. does anyone know if gender insecurities can run in the family? i had a grandparent who transitioned from male to female.

Click to expand...

I don't really think gender issues are directly genetic, no. AS for your own gender-- what can I say, I'm in my mid-fifties, I've known all my life that I was in the wrong body and I've never done anything about it beyond honing my sense of humor... Hell, I've even produced a pair of zygotes. (The reason why 'male pregnancy' kink nauseates me-- I've been male pregnant, twice.)

the ''i'm bi so boys will like me'' thing is SO irritating. it's the thing that puts me off coming out the most for me, the thought that people won't take me seriously or think i'm just desperate.

Click to expand...

I hear you! but I think that if you feel you need to say that you fantasise about women, you should be able to do that -- guilt free. You're not promising anything to anyone.

I feel like bi is the way mostly heterosexual women identify themselves, but maybe it's just a reaction to M-Dom/f-sub culture. The m-Dom/f-sub master-slave thing seems so strongly its own culture that everyone else seems to ID as queer to be in another camp. Like I know a ton of people whose primary relationships are with a person or people of the opposite gender but they ID as queer.

I am really attracted to masculinity and also dominance. Those two don't always have to be together. I have been into femme D-types before, but I am more likely to be hot for super butch women. Very strict - I like when it's all about the obedience and less about overt sexuality (I'm thinking of the porn star esque pro dommes). Unfortunately the butch women that I meet do not even look twice at me.

intothewoods said:

I am really attracted to masculinity and also dominance. Those two don't always have to be together. I have been into femme D-types before, but I am more likely to be hot for super butch women. Very strict - I like when it's all about the obedience and less about overt sexuality (I'm thinking of the porn star esque pro dommes). Unfortunately the butch women that I meet do not even look twice at me.

Click to expand...

Well, I'm not interested in a bottom or a sub that doesn't want my overt sexuality, for sure.

Stella_Omega said:

Well, I'm not interested in a bottom or a sub that doesn't want my overt sexuality, for sure.

Click to expand...

Lol, I am thinking more of those who dress sort of overtly sexual in a porn star sort of way. It's just not personally my thing.

ETA: And sorry for crashing the queer thread - I just find the bi/queer thing kind of interesting.

intothewoods said:

Lol, I am thinking more of those who dress sort of overtly sexual in a porn star sort of way. It's just not personally my thing.

ETA: And sorry for crashing the queer thread - I just find the bi/queer thing kind of interesting.

Click to expand...

See, I don't think that
"Overtly Sexual" means "a bikini and thigh high boots." That's "overtly hetero sexual," to me.

I am attracted to dominance first regardless of whether or not it's in a male or female body. I find Dommes more intimidating for some reason. Not necessarily a bad thing as it makes me feel more submissive.

Stella_Omega said:

See, I don't think that
"Overtly Sexual" means "a bikini and thigh high boots." That's "overtly hetero sexual," to me.

Click to expand...

Ha, fair enough.

Stella_Omega said:

I love you hetero guys and gals, I really do

Click to expand...

And we love you too.

Stella_Omega said:

And besides, the older I get, the more my dominant side takes precedence... Just not in any hetero way.

Click to expand...

That really rang true for me, but I don't know if it's sexual or just that as I age, I have less and less patience for bullshit and games.

I call myself genderqueer. A friend refers to me as a "two-spirit", which seems like a pretty comfy way of saying it.

My noodle is this, and maybe it will spark some discussion. I like the idea of differentiating the categories: what YOU feel you are, gender-wise, and what you like to actually interact with, gender-wise. The former might include things like butch and femme, gender queer, masculine, feminine and so on. It would obviously start with your actual Naughty Bits, but sex and gender go far beyond that physical differentiation, obviously. The latter is the area for saying things like hetero-, bi- and homo-sexual, and all the things along that scale. What you want to have in bed with you to play with.

In the latter, I have found that the specific naughty bits used to matter to me a lot more than they do these days. In my reckless youth, I wanted both pussy and cock, quite fiercely, for very different reasons.

These days it's particular people that I want. Whatever bits they have, I'll find a way to work with them. Doesn't matter nearly as much as it used to.