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Old 05-16-2010, 03:58 PM   #51
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Maybe it is simply control...
For myself I have an extremely demanding job and must tell people who are very Sr to me exactly what is wrong with this department or that department I put in long hours, demand excellence, and in return it is demanded of me to produce the best work possible. I then come home run the house, the dog, the kids, and anything else that comes up. I want one area of my life where I can simply loose myself and have no power...no choice no control over anything that happens.
You might be surprised to know how common this is in both men and women, when the person is in a position of power in their day to day life.
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Old 05-16-2010, 05:23 PM   #52
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I think submissive is sometimes confused with passive.

as to the OP. depends. I like to 'play' hard, but there is always a lot of very gentle and affectionate mutual 'bonding' before and after.
It's passive in some ways, but passive and lazy are two completely different things in my book. Laziness is not doing your laundry, letting appointments go by without going in. Laziness is not calling people back, laziness is letting dishes pile up in the sink for days on end. Laziness is doing these things when you have PLENTY of time to do them, but choose not to.

Since I'm the primary cook, housekeeper, child rearer, appointment maker, medication-hander-outer, grocery shopper and cat-mom, I'm always doing something, and far from lazy.

I can totally see how some people would say "Passive" and "Lazy" are synonymous, but to me, passive is allowing things to happen that you aren't necessarily in agreement with, but for one reason or another, let them happen anyway.
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Old 05-16-2010, 05:46 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by neci_please_me View Post
i keep picking up on this word laziness, and for some reason it is making me defensive. i guess it's because i like to feed the fire. responses, when raw, honest, animistic, guttural - and submissive - can feed the PYL's fire - increasing the intensity of the entire act. it's not about being a lazy bump on the log, waiting to be taken, and no, i'm not talking about topping from the bottom. it's the chemical reaction that occurs when two opposing elements meet. it's the glance that says i need You to consume me. the body language that portrays the vulnerability. the physical response to the force. the tightening of the body. the conflict between the desire, fear and pain feeding that fire like oxygen. rough sex that involves a full body work out and ends in multiple bruises is anything but lazy. that's my two cents.
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Old 05-16-2010, 05:57 PM   #54
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I talk to and have fucked too many men who have had miserable sex lives because it's the firm belief of the women they are with that it's their God given right to just wiggle pussy around and get drilled hard and that's great sex. Men whose nipples haven't been bothered with in decades. Men who get "ewwwwww" to the suggestion that they ever get to lie there and have things happen. Sorry if it's offensive, but the average message is that women are sexually passive, if you are not you are a freak and not marriage material, and that if you are a man and you fail to direct what happens in bed EVER you lose your man card.

I do call the average/girl "I must feel swept away in the current of his raw animal strength every time and I'ma cry if he ever asks me to take charge " sexual sortasubmissiveness lazy. It is absolutely self-focused couched in the guise of other-focus. It holds the man hostage to female fantasies of "real manhood" and tells him it's "anything you wish."

Anything you wish unless I think what you wish makes you a pussy is more accurate.

Which is fair enough, as I suppose my active stance is largely other-focused couched in the guise of self-focus.
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Old 05-16-2010, 06:03 PM   #55
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I talk to and have fucked too many men who have had miserable sex lives because it's the firm belief of the women they are with that it's their God given right to just wiggle pussy around and get drilled hard and that's great sex. Men whose nipples haven't been bothered with in decades. Men who get "ewwwwww" to the suggestion that they ever get to lie there and have things happen. Sorry if it's offensive, but the average message is that women are sexually passive, if you are not you are a freak and not marriage material, and that if you are a man and you fail to direct what happens in bed EVER you lose your man card.
Where are the feminists when it comes to that? I see feminists talking about equality in the workplace, paternal leave as equal rights for men, but when it comes to sexual aggressiveness, it seems the only thing they talk about is how women should feel free to shag who they want without the stigma label of "whore".
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Old 05-16-2010, 06:08 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by satindesire View Post
It's passive in some ways, but passive and lazy are two completely different things in my book. Laziness is not doing your laundry, letting appointments go by without going in. Laziness is not calling people back, laziness is letting dishes pile up in the sink for days on end. Laziness is doing these things when you have PLENTY of time to do them, but choose not to.

Since I'm the primary cook, housekeeper, child rearer, appointment maker, medication-hander-outer, grocery shopper and cat-mom, I'm always doing something, and far from lazy.

I can totally see how some people would say "Passive" and "Lazy" are synonymous, but to me, passive is allowing things to happen that you aren't necessarily in agreement with, but for one reason or another, let them happen anyway.
No one's talking about anything outside of bed here.
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Old 05-16-2010, 06:10 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by satindesire View Post
Where are the feminists when it comes to that? I see feminists talking about equality in the workplace, paternal leave as equal rights for men, but when it comes to sexual aggressiveness, it seems the only thing they talk about is how women should feel free to shag who they want without the stigma label of "whore".
I'm pretty sure feminism doesn't give a flying fuck about male pleasure. I don't think it's the most pressing issue on earth, but maybe I'm less hostile to its importance because I'm more identified with fags than Feminism. Dunno. It's a fair question. I think a feminist heterosexuality would normalize a larger range of male sexuality if it gets past "all fucking is rape."
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In the spirit of equal time, sites like Huffington Post should have sections for male anatomy hanging out instead of just the idiotic celebrity “side boob” and “nip slip” camera ops. I have no idea what that would be like to have a camera in my face at every turn, looking for “the” shot. I know what some of you are saying. “Then why do they wear clothes like that unless they want those photos taken?” I don’t know what to tell ya. Perhaps just don’t take the fuckin picture? Evolve? I don’t know. - Henry Rollins

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Old 05-16-2010, 06:12 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by satindesire View Post
Where are the feminists when it comes to that? I see feminists talking about equality in the workplace, paternal leave as equal rights for men, but when it comes to sexual aggressiveness, it seems the only thing they talk about is how women should feel free to shag who they want without the stigma label of "whore".
I think you touch upon a very vital issue here - although I come from liberated Denmark where porn was given free in the 60'es and the women liberated more or less at the same time I still think that the majority suffers from the idea of being stigmatized as whores if the express their desires and outlive them - but I'm afraid that some men fall into this category as well...
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Old 05-16-2010, 07:26 PM   #59
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Anything you wish unless I think what you wish makes you a pussy is more accurate.
And this bothers me. The idea that what gets someone off sexually is tantamount to laziness if you're a man and normal if you're a woman... Have we really made so little progress?

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Submissiveness is anything BUT lazy in my reality.
No doubt. Lazy people that use submissiveness to snooze during sex need to be spanked.

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Originally Posted by neci_please_me View Post
i keep picking up on this word laziness, and for some reason it is making me defensive. i guess it's because i like to feed the fire. responses, when raw, honest, animistic, guttural - and submissive - can feed the PYL's fire - increasing the intensity of the entire act. it's not about being a lazy bump on the log, waiting to be taken, and no, i'm not talking about topping from the bottom. it's the chemical reaction that occurs when two opposing elements meet. it's the glance that says i need You to consume me. the body language that portrays the vulnerability. the physical response to the force. the tightening of the body. the conflict between the desire, fear and pain feeding that fire like oxygen. rough sex that involves a full body work out and ends in multiple bruises is anything but lazy. that's my two cents.
There are many words that I would use to describe you, but "lazy" is not one of them.

"Bump on the log" sounds a little dirty, though.

I changed my profile awhile back to make my interests "collaborative BDSM." That best describes it. Passivity and laziness are NOT EROTIC to me. I like the playmate. I like the apple that desperately wants to be plucked, even though (because?) plucking hurts and creates apple angst. I like to see the apple straining on the branch, yelling "Pick me! Pick me! I've got an amazing cobbler recipe, too, if you need one!" You know. In that cute apple voice.
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Old 05-16-2010, 07:32 PM   #60
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<snip>

There are many words that I would use to describe you, but "lazy" is not one of them.

"Bump on the log" sounds a little dirty, though.

I changed my profile awhile back to make my interests "collaborative BDSM." That best describes it. Passivity and laziness are NOT EROTIC to me. I like the playmate. I like the apple that desperately wants to be plucked, even though (because?) plucking hurts and creates apple angst. I like to see the apple straining on the vine, yelling "Pick me! Pick me! I've got an amazing cobbler recipe, too, if you need one!" You know. In that cute apple voice.
I your posts, DGE.
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Old 05-17-2010, 12:29 AM   #61
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I your posts, DGE.
Thank you. I took a posting class at the local community college, and I really think it's starting to pay off.

Aaaand look at that. We've gone and hijacked another thread, haven't we? Well, damn.
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Old 05-17-2010, 01:00 AM   #62
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I'm pretty sure feminism doesn't give a flying fuck about male pleasure. I don't think it's the most pressing issue on earth, but maybe I'm less hostile to its importance because I'm more identified with fags than Feminism. Dunno. It's a fair question. I think a feminist heterosexuality would normalize a larger range of male sexuality if it gets past "all fucking is rape."
I totally believe in gender equality and the wonderful progress that women have made in the last few hundred years, but I've always wondered WHY so many women still remain in the dark ages when it comes to healthy, non-promiscuous sexual assertiveness. *shrugs*

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I think you touch upon a very vital issue here - although I come from liberated Denmark where porn was given free in the 60'es and the women liberated more or less at the same time I still think that the majority suffers from the idea of being stigmatized as whores if the express their desires and outlive them - but I'm afraid that some men fall into this category as well...
Promiscuity isn't healthy for either gender in my opinion. I won't label a woman as a whore any more than I would a man, but I certainly don't agree with their lifestyle choice.

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And this bothers me. The idea that what gets someone off sexually is tantamount to laziness if you're a man and normal if you're a woman... Have we really made so little progress?
It seems that when it comes to normalizing human sexuality, yes. Healthy sexuality will be something I believe humanity will struggle with until we vanish off the face of the planet.
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Old 05-17-2010, 01:15 AM   #63
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I totally believe in gender equality and the wonderful progress that women have made in the last few hundred years, but I've always wondered WHY so many women still remain in the dark ages when it comes to healthy, non-promiscuous sexual assertiveness. *shrugs*
well, part of that is because women have made 'wonderful progress' only in the last forty years. That's less than a lifetime. And sexuality is the last thing to be addressed-- after the real necessities, like food and shelter and economic security.
Quote:
Promiscuity isn't healthy for either gender in my opinion. I won't label a woman as a whore any more than I would a man, but I certainly don't agree with their lifestyle choice.
I'm always curious when I hear people say things like that; how do you define promiscuity? It's such an subjective term.
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Old 05-17-2010, 02:06 AM   #64
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well, part of that is because women have made 'wonderful progress' only in the last forty years. That's less than a lifetime. And sexuality is the last thing to be addressed-- after the real necessities, like food and shelter and economic security. I'm always curious when I hear people say things like that; how do you define promiscuity? It's such an subjective term.
Normally it's "fucking more people than I'm comfortable fucking."

Double digits in a year? I might wonder what your deal is, to be fair, but that's my personal definition. I don't understand why quantity became an issue - right now it seems culturally we're free to have all the shitty non-communicative sex we want. Yay.

Wow that sounds like I'm heading into Bloved territory, I assure you I'm not. I just know that most of the encounters I've had have been *quality* and I think it's because I insist on this as criteria - I think most people have no idea of how to see sexual *quality* don't feel entitled and don't know how to ask the questions, would rather hide behind "rules" like gamesmanship and hinting.
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Old 05-17-2010, 02:13 AM   #65
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Well, I dont really know about complete force, like being bound or anything. I like rough sex, no matter which of us initiates it.

I have cuffed a man down and taken total control and I liked that too.

I think it is all about variety.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:15 AM   #66
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well, part of that is because women have made 'wonderful progress' only in the last forty years. That's less than a lifetime. And sexuality is the last thing to be addressed-- after the real necessities, like food and shelter and economic security. I'm always curious when I hear people say things like that; how do you define promiscuity? It's such an subjective term.
It is a subjective term, just like 'abuse', 'love', and 'wealth'. Nearly every individual on the planet has their own emotive responses when it comes to certain words that bring about emotive responses, that's human nature.

Promiscuity, in MY opinion, is frequent sex with strangers who do not undergo any kind of health checks in order to remain safe. I.E. drunken one night stands where you don't even know the girl's name, let alone if she's carrying HIV or not.

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Normally it's "fucking more people than I'm comfortable fucking."
Normally, I'd agree with that assumption, but then again, you know what happens when you assume things, Netz. =^_^=

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Originally Posted by Netzach View Post
Double digits in a year? I might wonder what your deal is, to be fair, but that's my personal definition. I don't understand why quantity became an issue - right now it seems culturally we're free to have all the shitty non-communicative sex we want. Yay.
See, this is the kind of stuff that sort of makes me worried for the human race in general. It's frighteningly easy to catch an STD, and condoms don't protect you 100% for everything. What's wrong with quantity? Each person you have sex with increases your risk of catching something that could be fatal. And we all know the general community is shitty at best at using condoms on a regular basis.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:28 AM   #67
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Promiscuity, in MY opinion, is frequent sex with strangers who do not undergo any kind of health checks in order to remain safe. I.E. drunken one night stands where you don't even know the girl's name, let alone if she's carrying HIV or not.
Good definition!

I call that "unsafe sex," and most of us define "Promiscuous" as a quantity thing, but I like your thinking.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:56 AM   #68
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It is a subjective term, just like 'abuse', 'love', and 'wealth'. Nearly every individual on the planet has their own emotive responses when it comes to certain words that bring about emotive responses, that's human nature.

Promiscuity, in MY opinion, is frequent sex with strangers who do not undergo any kind of health checks in order to remain safe. I.E. drunken one night stands where you don't even know the girl's name, let alone if she's carrying HIV or not.



Normally, I'd agree with that assumption, but then again, you know what happens when you assume things, Netz. =^_^=



See, this is the kind of stuff that sort of makes me worried for the human race in general. It's frighteningly easy to catch an STD, and condoms don't protect you 100% for everything. What's wrong with quantity? Each person you have sex with increases your risk of catching something that could be fatal. And we all know the general community is shitty at best at using condoms on a regular basis.

The "yay" is sarcastic. We're having more bad sex without talking to each other than before. Being able to fuck as much as you want with partners who you can't deal with emotionally doesn't sound that great. The whole "woo I'm reclaiming slut I'm overjoyed" thing always felt woefully strained to me. Lots of generally crappy sex isn't what I'd hope for for womankind, or men, but it's what we're getting.

The glimmer of hope is that people figure out how to communicate sex, safety, and desires whatever it is they're doing. So that maybe there's less "man who likes his hairy nipples stimulated ur doing it wrong" out there.

If you can perfect a reasonable std talk and condom/glove/dam usage *every* time you fuck, i don't care if you want to fuck the whole state. Most people fail this with one partner. Safe sex - It's not foolproof but it's also rarely used with compliance to standard.
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Old 05-17-2010, 05:50 AM   #69
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Good definition!

I call that "unsafe sex," and most of us define "Promiscuous" as a quantity thing, but I like your thinking.
Well, thank you sugar.

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The "yay" is sarcastic. We're having more bad sex without talking to each other than before. Being able to fuck as much as you want with partners who you can't deal with emotionally doesn't sound that great. The whole "woo I'm reclaiming slut I'm overjoyed" thing always felt woefully strained to me. Lots of generally crappy sex isn't what I'd hope for for womankind, or men, but it's what we're getting.
That is so sad. I'd rather have one good sex partner in my whole life than a hundred shitty ones. Honestly, I never understood that whole "need to sow wild oats" and "I don't know what I'm missing" crap. If you have a satisfying loving partner who you enjoy fucking, why mess that up?!

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The glimmer of hope is that people figure out how to communicate sex, safety, and desires whatever it is they're doing. So that maybe there's less "man who likes his hairy nipples stimulated ur doing it wrong" out there.
Frank sex talk is something I always hope for in the human race. Every person I talk to about sex is one less confused person, so at least I'm trying to do my part.

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If you can perfect a reasonable std talk and condom/glove/dam usage *every* time you fuck, i don't care if you want to fuck the whole state. Most people fail this with one partner. Safe sex - It's not foolproof but it's also rarely used with compliance to standard.
Unfortunately, that is way WAY too true. But I still think that promiscuity often breeds self-contempt, in too many people.
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Old 05-17-2010, 08:57 AM   #70
asianbaby3
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forceful, rough sex is the best in my opinion. in my experience i like the feeling of not knowing what he's going to do next and it's kind of a less degrading way of being "used" for his liking.

sure the gentle love making is nice, but i'm sure every girl will agree a strong ass pounding is always gladly accepted.

i wish i could take my relationship to the next level as far as the sex goes. my b/f usually tries to play it safe and gentle. last time we had sex, he playfully spanked me in foreplay and i thought it was really hot... but definately wanted more. i need to figure out a way to get him to be a little more controlling.
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Old 05-17-2010, 10:51 AM   #71
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I visited the site first time. The site is very nice. Please keep sharing.
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Old 05-17-2010, 11:04 AM   #72
ticklechambers
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yeah, how do you get your boyfriend to be a little more controling in bed? i mean, there's always the blunt approach- but whats a subtle way to get this thing on the go.......?

mine tries, like he'll direct me into a position, but that's as far as that goes...........
and unfortunately, he spanks randomly every now and then, but it usually turns into him making some sort of rhythic tapping... and that's it! .......
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Old 05-17-2010, 11:21 AM   #73
ownedsubgal
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Quote:
Originally Posted by satindesire View Post
But I still think that promiscuity often breeds self-contempt, in too many people.
"self-contempt?" possibly, who knows. personally i don't understand why promiscuity continues to get such a bad rap...(defining promiscuity by sheer numbers and casualness, that is). it's not right for everyone, possibly not even natural for most (not that monogamy is either, but that's a different topic), but does that make it some sort of universal evil? does that make it inevitably psychologically damaging and physically self-destructive?? i just don't buy that.

but then, i'm a slut. i lost count of my total sexual partners about 8 years ago. my best guess is it's still in the low triple digits (don't think i've broken the 200 mark yet). whoopty-doo. and i don't have an insatiable need for sexual variety, do not suffer from nymphomania, and am not sexually unsatisfied with the Love of my life. i'm a slut for no reason other than it comes naturally to me, that i feel compelled to cater to the sexual needs and urges of MEN in general, as opposed to just one specific man with whom i'm emotionally bonded. if a man comes to me in need, i have never been able to justify to myself refusing him. and fortunately for me, i have a Master who simultaneously restricts and exploits this weird mother theresa sexual nature of mine.

what's really depressing is the way our society views promiscuous women. i have never felt bad about the reality of being a slut, but i have felt on the verge of suicidal because of the way i was treated and looked at by others for being a slut.
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Old 05-17-2010, 11:58 AM   #74
Netzach
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asianbaby3 View Post
forceful, rough sex is the best in my opinion. in my experience i like the feeling of not knowing what he's going to do next and it's kind of a less degrading way of being "used" for his liking.

sure the gentle love making is nice, but i'm sure every girl will agree a strong ass pounding is always gladly accepted.

i wish i could take my relationship to the next level as far as the sex goes. my b/f usually tries to play it safe and gentle. last time we had sex, he playfully spanked me in foreplay and i thought it was really hot... but definately wanted more. i need to figure out a way to get him to be a little more controlling.
That speaks to me one of two possibilities: someone who needs you to say "can you please do that harder I am not going to break" and he wants to do it harder but thinks he should not.

Or someone who just thinks he should be doing those things because they're supposed to be turn ons but they're not really turning him on.

Sounds like a simple "I really love when you do that but it looks like you don't want to hurt me, dont worry about that I will let you know if I don't like it."
And you have to let him know what you DO like or he'll think you're just telling him you're doing sex wrong and you suck.
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In the spirit of equal time, sites like Huffington Post should have sections for male anatomy hanging out instead of just the idiotic celebrity “side boob” and “nip slip” camera ops. I have no idea what that would be like to have a camera in my face at every turn, looking for “the” shot. I know what some of you are saying. “Then why do they wear clothes like that unless they want those photos taken?” I don’t know what to tell ya. Perhaps just don’t take the fuckin picture? Evolve? I don’t know. - Henry Rollins
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Old 05-17-2010, 12:09 PM   #75
Netzach
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ownedsubgal View Post
"self-contempt?" possibly, who knows. personally i don't understand why promiscuity continues to get such a bad rap...(defining promiscuity by sheer numbers and casualness, that is). it's not right for everyone, possibly not even natural for most (not that monogamy is either, but that's a different topic), but does that make it some sort of universal evil? does that make it inevitably psychologically damaging and physically self-destructive?? i just don't buy that.

but then, i'm a slut. i lost count of my total sexual partners about 8 years ago. my best guess is it's still in the low triple digits (don't think i've broken the 200 mark yet). whoopty-doo. and i don't have an insatiable need for sexual variety, do not suffer from nymphomania, and am not sexually unsatisfied with the Love of my life. i'm a slut for no reason other than it comes naturally to me, that i feel compelled to cater to the sexual needs and urges of MEN in general, as opposed to just one specific man with whom i'm emotionally bonded. if a man comes to me in need, i have never been able to justify to myself refusing him. and fortunately for me, i have a Master who simultaneously restricts and exploits this weird mother theresa sexual nature of mine.

what's really depressing is the way our society views promiscuous women. i have never felt bad about the reality of being a slut, but i have felt on the verge of suicidal because of the way i was treated and looked at by others for being a slut.

I think it's just a personal thing. If you were *trying* for emotional intimacy or Twue Wuv or something then it would be fucked up. And you know that's a significant percentage of women engaging in hookups.

When AIDS hit, it was the beginning of uncovering of "gay promiscuity" and it's true those guys were fucking like rabbits, but the story ignored that straight people were having double digit partners a year and hooking up in STD clinics in the seventies too, it was a massive fuckfest of a decade.


I definitely don't subscribe to the "why would you want to risk a loving relationship out of curiosity?" Because it was there. Because it mattered and I'd risk anything for knowledge and experience and a life with some risk in it. I'm an apple biting kind of person. The kind of curiosity that eats your intestines literally away isn't something you can just subsume in "he loves me" if it's what you're dealing with.
__________________
In the spirit of equal time, sites like Huffington Post should have sections for male anatomy hanging out instead of just the idiotic celebrity “side boob” and “nip slip” camera ops. I have no idea what that would be like to have a camera in my face at every turn, looking for “the” shot. I know what some of you are saying. “Then why do they wear clothes like that unless they want those photos taken?” I don’t know what to tell ya. Perhaps just don’t take the fuckin picture? Evolve? I don’t know. - Henry Rollins
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