Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > BDSM Talk

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old Today, 02:30 AM   #1
Marcus_Aurelius
Experienced
 
Marcus_Aurelius is offline
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 69
Tell me I should be ashamed of myself

So, I have always been interested in BDSM and have harbored these fantasies for years. Worked really hard to get out of the rut I was born into and made it, at the time my motivation being the fulfillment of these fetishes. However, somewhere during the process of getting out of this rut I also got married to a vanilla girl. So decided to hell with the fantasies. However, a few days ago I got active on a BDSM social website and got in touch with similar minded people. I don't know what sparked this but one thing led to the other and I ended up in a gangbang where a woman wanted to live out her sub fetishes. I was surprised to find that I had zero inhibitions in a room full of guys and went wild from the word go. While it was expected to be a submissive gangbang, doms there were apprehensive slapping a woman/going too hard on her. I on the other hand, rammed my dick in her face, slapped her, spit on her, called her names, etc. First time - Zero inhibitions. In the end, the woman backed out because she was exhausted, but I wasn't even done yet.
I have had plenty of sex before with multiple women, every single encounter felt empty compared to this one. Infact, I had started hating sex and only had sex these past months because of the wife, and was thinking about going to a doctor due to loss of libido.

After coming home, I feel zero guilt and shame. I don't care if I get a divorce, I don't care about anything. All I care about is how can I build the rest of my life around the fact that my fantasies can be lived regularly now. I am motivated to earn more, to look better, but only because I want more of what I just had. Selfish as fuck.

Tell me I am the worst husband ever, how I should be ashamed of myself. I was depressed and suicidal before this encounter, not anymore. Any respectable person should be suicidal with the guilt, not the opposite. I am afraid I opened a can of worms I had tried so hard to repress. Please blast me as a person, make me feel bad about myself because apparently I just became a selfish asshole.

BTW, in case you are wondering, the woman was pretty happy with the whole thing and the whole thing stopped when she asked to stop. No one actually was "finished" when it ended.
  Reply With Quote

Old Today, 08:24 AM   #2
seela
Quark Thief
 
seela's Avatar
 
seela is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: The Old World
Posts: 4,900
I don't think cheating on your wife is the best policy, and based on your post you know that as well. I guess the best you could do is talk with her about your wants and needs and try to find common ground one way or another.

Regarding this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus_Aurelius View Post
After coming home, I feel zero guilt and shame. I don't care if I get a divorce, I don't care about anything. All I care about is how can I build the rest of my life around the fact that my fantasies can be lived regularly now. I am motivated to earn more, to look better, but only because I want more of what I just had. Selfish as fuck.
Classic frenzy. Learn about it, keep your head straight, don't do anything stupid.
__________________
WANDERING CLOUDS HAVE FASTENED THEMSELVES TO THE MOUNTAIN'S EDGE,
FOR ENDLESS HOURS THEY STAND IN SILENCE AND WAIT

-Edith Södergran: Wandering clouds
  Reply With Quote

Old Today, 08:28 AM   #3
Blue
Literotica Guru
 
Blue's Avatar
 
Blue is offline
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Somewhere cold but still too hot
Posts: 2,837
You should be ashamed of yourself.
__________________
_
██
  Reply With Quote

Old Today, 08:30 AM   #4
Farawyn
Shieldmaiden Wannabe
 
Farawyn's Avatar
 
Farawyn is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: By the Bay
Posts: 13,906
What seela said, you’re a grown ass man, no one needs to tell you how you feel. Don’t fuck your wife before being tested.
__________________
“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of The King


White shoes and bananas
Thanks, cookiecat

Oral Servitude 3

Our jagged edges fit each other’s. 💙💛
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:25 AM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.