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Old 10-08-2017, 07:06 AM   #1
MasteringMaster
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Unhappy Collars, Punishments, and Aftercare

So I recently found myself my first submissive slave () and had a few questions.

1) Collars: I would very much like to get my slave a collar, but I have no idea what the etiquette is, if there even is any official etiquette! Should it be adorned as a punishment or gift? She is very willing, after all. Is there a time frame that I should wait until? I don't know if it is improper to get her a collar immediately, or wait and make it special. Should it be customized to her or is a generic collar fine? Is customizing an individual collar improper because it creates a sense of uniqueness in a slave, which is against the principal of slaves? I am probably overthinking this, but I don't want to screw up.

2) Punishment: To be honest, she's a glutton for it. She intentionally gets an attitude so that I will punish her, then defies and struggles during punishment to make me punish her more. However, LET ME BE CLEAR: We established a safe-word and I have even stopped more than once because she legitimately sounded upset, but wasn't. Embarrassing, I know, but even though we are heavily enjoying a rape scenario, that does not mean I actually want to rape her. Maybe I'm just considered a weak master for that, but I don't care. I asked about hard limits and she has none. I need something that she will respond to, pronto. I will do ice water when she is especially rude and ignores me (Cold shoulder, i call it), but I do not frequently use it because you have to have supplies on hand, such as Epsom salt and a lot of ice. I am about to order a cattle prod and use it between her legs, to give an idea of where I'm at. She responds to some things, especially after extended sessions, but I need something that will work fast to produce quick results. An airsoft gun, maybe?

3) Aftercare: After a long session, I comfort her and hold her, but I need some good ideas, advice, and tips on aftercare. After ice treatment, I rinse her off and reward her with some hot chocolate/coffee, Pre-warmed clean clothes and socks, and a pre-warmed bed for a movie with Master. What works for you all?

Thanks for helping out a newbie!
-MasteringMaster
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Old 10-08-2017, 10:50 AM   #2
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Look, thing is you are sticking to "rules" too much. You are chasing something that just isn't there.

For example, you can give your slave a collar. But the symbolism and meaning that it will represent is defined ONLY by what the two of you want. There's no customary meaning or official etiquette.
It will be a punishment if you want it, or it will be a gift (most people consider it a gift).

Talk to her. Establish what turns you on about the collar, and go with it. Don't look at anyone else. Do the same with any other activity or implement, but do it together.

2) There's punishment and there's funishment. Punishment is generally something your slave will want to avoid at all costs.
That said, most fetish pairs don't really use any punishments, and only use "funishments" - i.e. pain play that will bring enjoyment for both.
It's a part of the game for a sub to be "naughty" so you can "punish" her, and both of you should know it for what it is.
Real punishment is only applicable in the most hardcore S&M relationships, and should not be taken lightly, especially by you as a dominant.
One thing though. About "Cold shoulder". You say so about ice water and that's fine. Just never give your sub an actual cold shoulder (ignoring/shunning/neglecting) as a punishment. That'd be abuse.

As for hard limits, if a girl ever says to me she has none, then I'd probably remind her that breaking her bones WOULD be a hard limit, for anyone, so she should think closely about it. Thing is, there should be a healthy attitude towards knowing and saying your hard limits, even if they seem like obvious things like "don't burn me with fire". It's necessary, because there are all sorts of people. Some, for example, when hearing she has no limits will literally nail her tits to the wooden board for fun (and there are subs who will be OK with it). We ALWAYS have limits, and she should make a list of them. Someone who says she has none - doesn't really take it seriously
God, I remember there was a guy who put "little dots of acid" on his sub's skin to make her itch. He thought it was a totally legit and healthy practice. SHE should know and say her limits so she can always avoid such things, even if she thinks it's silly.
For me it is:
- No lasting damage (scars, broken bones, >2 week bruises, etc)
- No piercing the skin (needles), and as such no blood.
- No impact play on the head, kidneys and lower back etc (know the danger areas)
- No fire, hot things or chemicals (discussed on a per-scene basis)
- Also I only ever play scenes, but if I was to go 24/7, my limits would include things like obstructing friends and social life, sleep deprivation, certain food-related things. The list would be very large.

Now why's that important? First it protects HER from stupid people who don't know any better. But it also helps YOU as her Dom to know your field, to let your fantasy run. As a general rule, however, it's a good idea to discuss new practices you want to do before the scene.

3) No one will give you foolproof ideas about aftercare. The advice is very generic and is something you are already doing. Comfort her, hold her, stroke her care. Show affection, talk to her, reassure her how well she did. Listen for any concerns she has, if she has them. etcetra.
Really, there's no way that is set in stone, because everyone need different things. There are people who prefer to be left alone rather than have any aftercare - and giving them their space would be your best aftercare in that situation.
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Old 10-08-2017, 11:36 AM   #3
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A collar, for us, had two meanings --

1. We had a play collar that had a big ring at the front so things could be attached to the ring. Sometimes he'd just put it on me to get me in a head space - I'd wear it as we just hung out (along with cuffs) and I'd wonder what/when...

2. A collar has a lot of symbolism for a D/s couple. It's what you make it. In my early days, I remember accepting a guy's collar. I was over the moon. I attached feelings of love, romance, togetherness to it. I wore it all the time - it was a thin metal band. He just liked to get fucked. We were together about a month. We never really talked - we just got together and played/fucked -- I was pretty caught up in letting my pussy lead my heart. My husband, my most serious Dominant, knew I didn't like jewelry, so he presented me with a bracelet and asked me to be him submissive. It was as important as him asking me to marry him.


Punishment --

Ok - here's the thing. Your "slave" isn't being a slave if she's being disobedient. That in itself isn't slavery. She's clearly controlling the situation. Someone who has no limits is insane, and frankly, a selfish, overconfident newbie. Try shaving her eyebrows or shitting on her. Make her wear "whore" on her forehead to work. Those are limits.

Nezhul was right in the punishment/funishment thing. Your girl likes to push your buttons, she likes hard play, she's acting a little like a five year old in order to get and keep your attention.

A slave puts your needs ahead of hers. A slave is obedient. A slave doesn't act out in order to be "punished." A slave has respect for his/her Master and obeys. If there's an issue, you talk it out like adults, figure out the what and why and go from there. Probably not as fun or as passionate, but does create a more solid foundation for an on-going relationship.

If you're having fun and both enjoying it, that's great. However, you're here asking questions (good for you!!) so - as much fun as you guys are having - you need to get your Master feet back under you.

I enjoy hard play - I like being pushed - I like rules and I like consequences if I'm not following the rules. That being said, I generally always tried to follow my guy's rules. I liked to see his pride or happiness with me. I wanted the gold star, not the ice bath. If I wanted to play, be spanked, flogged or whatever, I'd just ask for that - not try to goad him in to it.

If she's acting like a five year old, treat her like one. She's testing you, vying for your attention. Put her in the corner. Nothing sexual or hands on. Make her sit quietly and write lines. Put a clothespin on her tongue and make her say I"m sorry Master 100 times.

If she's goading you in to more punishment, stop what you're doing. Tell her you expect better from her, obedience. Tell her you'll be back in five minutes, after she's had time to think about it and perhaps you'll choose to resume the play. Take away her toys, her fun, so to speak.

Don't play with her until she's truly thought about limits. Maybe find a limit list online and go through it. I googled and found this one: http://latches.webslaves.com/checklist.htm Or, if she's acting like a bratty kid, give her homework. The reward is you doing it together. If she's choosing to act like a brat, she can fill it out on her own.


Aftercare --

That's really tailored to the person. I disliked a lot of aftercare. I wanted to get a high five and eat a pizza. If it was particularly intense, I liked to just lay there with his soft cock in my mouth. I don't like a lot of soft touching or snuggling.


Sounds like you're having fun - sounds like you two are exploring together - all of that is exciting stuff. Good for you! My advice is more based on what worked for me. I had to "try on" a lot of stuff, I read a lot of stuff online, I crashed and burned in a few relationships until I understood myself better. Good luck.

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Old 10-08-2017, 05:44 PM   #4
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Quote:
Punishment --

Ok - here's the thing. Your "slave" isn't being a slave if she's being disobedient. That in itself isn't slavery. She's clearly controlling the situation. Someone who has no limits is insane, and frankly, a selfish, overconfident newbie. Try shaving her eyebrows or shitting on her. Make her wear "whore" on her forehead to work. Those are limits.

Nezhul was right in the punishment/funishment thing. Your girl likes to push your buttons, she likes hard play, she's acting a little like a five year old in order to get and keep your attention.

A slave puts your needs ahead of hers. A slave is obedient. A slave doesn't act out in order to be "punished." A slave has respect for his/her Master and obeys. If there's an issue, you talk it out like adults, figure out the what and why and go from there. Probably not as fun or as passionate, but does create a more solid foundation for an on-going relationship.

If you're having fun and both enjoying it, that's great. However, you're here asking questions (good for you!!) so - as much fun as you guys are having - you need to get your Master feet back under you.

I enjoy hard play - I like being pushed - I like rules and I like consequences if I'm not following the rules. That being said, I generally always tried to follow my guy's rules. I liked to see his pride or happiness with me. I wanted the gold star, not the ice bath. If I wanted to play, be spanked, flogged or whatever, I'd just ask for that - not try to goad him in to it.

If she's acting like a five year old, treat her like one. She's testing you, vying for your attention. Put her in the corner. Nothing sexual or hands on. Make her sit quietly and write lines. Put a clothespin on her tongue and make her say I"m sorry Master 100 times.

If she's goading you in to more punishment, stop what you're doing. Tell her you expect better from her, obedience. Tell her you'll be back in five minutes, after she's had time to think about it and perhaps you'll choose to resume the play. Take away her toys, her fun, so to speak.

Don't play with her until she's truly thought about limits. Maybe find a limit list online and go through it. I googled and found this one: http://latches.webslaves.com/checklist.htm Or, if she's acting like a bratty kid, give her homework. The reward is you doing it together. If she's choosing to act like a brat, she can fill it out on her own.
Just to clarify - all of the quoted advices are good, if you want more of a slave thing, more obedience.

However the situation you are currently in is a viable option too - where she plays the role of a disobedient sub, and you play the role of punishing her. And at the same time none of you do real damage. For some people THIS dynamic will be more fun than an actual serious Master/Slave thing.

Ask yourself - what do you really want? Do you want a super-obedient slave that will be so good that she doesn't give you any reason for punishment? Or do you want a sub with whom you can play the punishing game?
And don't forget to ask her too - does she want to be trained, or is it punishment for disobedience that pushes her buttons - because if it's the latter, that you will pretty much HAVE to keep the disobedient dynamic, or find another consensus.

Thing is, if you go the serious route - you will have to follow through. If she disobeys - you punish her in the way she hates, not the way she likes. So in the end she stops disobeying, and thus you have to punish her less and less.
Oh it doesn't mean you have to stop all spanking or other play. You can play the role of a Master that likes to torture his slave for his amusement. Problem here is that for some subs pain is only ever enjoyable if it's "deserved" - even if it's all just a performance on both ends. Some slaves like to feel naughty and be "Funished" for that.
You need to understand which is your situation.

Bottomline - if you (both of you) want to get ehr trained into a good sub - find punishments that don't get her aroused. Standing in the corner, writing lines - are good examples. They are boring, and so they suck. Taking away her favorite snacks or cutting TV/Computer times. Just remember what parents use to punish an unruly teen - most of the time it's about boring or tedious stuff.

Very important - I keep stressing that you need to decide TOGETHER. Even if you are a Dominant, you need to recognize that it's essentially just a game. You are responsible for tending to your sub's needs and wants, as well as minding her social life and personal space, even if you take some from it for mutual enjoyment. You make the rules, yes. But you are responsible to make the game fun for both.
The good method is to often talk with your sub, listen to her, and then make decisions with her interests in mind. Sometimes you may find that being strict with her is in her interests, then you are strict. Sometimes you understand that pushing further will take a toll on some aspect of her life, and you decide to back off.
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Old 10-08-2017, 05:59 PM   #5
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I would echo a lot of what the others have said.

I know your original post said you were brand new to this so I have to assume that this is a rather new relationship. I would guess that you are both pretty excited about all of this kinky fuckery.

Collars are totally optional. Some people use them as just part of toys/ paraphernalia, for others they are as dead serious as a wedding band. Make sure you both have the same understanding about what the collar means.

What others said about defining limits is REALLY IMPORTANT. If she thinks she has NO LIMITS - well.... Most self respecting Tops/ Doms/ PYL types I know would walk away from a sub/ slave/ pyl woman like that until she gets her shit together. It is way too dangerous for both of you.

If you haven't both completed a BDSM checklist, I suggest that you do that to make sure that you both are likely to want and be interested in doing the same things. "Training" is also a thing that is rather controversial. If your partner does not want to submit to you... well.... you may not have the basis for a D/s relationship. "Training" can be things done together for "Fun" to prepare to do other kinky fuckery that you want to do together. Anyway. I have a lot of other things in my head about all of this but I do not want to get preachy. Explore. Learn each other. And do more reading and talking. The basis of all of this has to be set in a foundation of trust. Baby steps. There is no way to develop trust overnight. And it goes two ways even in a D/s relationship. She has to trust you... You have to trust her.

Good luck.


Limits I can imagine she might not want crossed:
1) shaving her head for being disobedient
2) having all of her clothes thrown away so she is forever naked now that she is your slave.
3) giving you all of her passwords to all of her on line social media, email and financial accounts.
4) branding her or tattooing her in a place that will be visable no matter what clothing she ever wears for the rest of her life.
.... I think you get the idea.

None of us go into this stuff with NO LIMITS. Unless we have a death wish, are mentally unhealthy or just so naive we just haven't thought through what could happen.


Sorry...I keep editing this post:

Lots of things look really sexy and fun in porn or in images and it's really easy to get carried away as the following post illustrates:
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost...&postcount=927
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Old 10-08-2017, 06:37 PM   #6
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"I have no limits!"

"Ok so I'll murder you and eat your corpse?"

"Go right ahead!"

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Old 10-08-2017, 07:22 PM   #7
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RE: 'no limits.' A lot of what people say in relationships is aspirational. That is, it's an indication of where they want to be. If your sub says she has no limits, it may simply be an expression of deep trust that you have appropriate limits yourself. On the other hand, it may be an indicator of some mental/emotional problems she brings with her to your relationship. Since you are new to this and, apparently, she is new to you, you should be cautious for your own protection. Since you are apparently new to her, and you are new to this, she would appear to be expressing an inappropriate amount of trust in you. It would benefit you, and probably her, to understand why.
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Old 10-08-2017, 07:39 PM   #8
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A collar can be a ring, necklace, bracelet, etc.
I wear jewelry that symbolizes committment, and my actual colllar when I am submissive.

I can't answer on the punishment front.
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Old 10-08-2017, 08:03 PM   #9
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A cattle prod? Is that safe?
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Old 10-08-2017, 08:33 PM   #10
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A cattle prod? Is that safe?
only if the batteries are weak, lol..
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Old 10-08-2017, 09:27 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MasteringMaster View Post
So I recently found myself my first submissive slave () and had a few questions.

1) Collars: I would very much like to get my slave a collar, but I have no idea what the etiquette is, if there even is any official etiquette! Should it be adorned as a punishment or gift? She is very willing, after all. Is there a time frame that I should wait until? I don't know if it is improper to get her a collar immediately, or wait and make it special. Should it be customized to her or is a generic collar fine? Is customizing an individual collar improper because it creates a sense of uniqueness in a slave, which is against the principal of slaves? I am probably overthinking this, but I don't want to screw up.

2) Punishment: To be honest, she's a glutton for it. She intentionally gets an attitude so that I will punish her, then defies and struggles during punishment to make me punish her more. However, LET ME BE CLEAR: We established a safe-word and I have even stopped more than once because she legitimately sounded upset, but wasn't. Embarrassing, I know, but even though we are heavily enjoying a rape scenario, that does not mean I actually want to rape her. Maybe I'm just considered a weak master for that, but I don't care. I asked about hard limits and she has none. I need something that she will respond to, pronto. I will do ice water when she is especially rude and ignores me (Cold shoulder, i call it), but I do not frequently use it because you have to have supplies on hand, such as Epsom salt and a lot of ice. I am about to order a cattle prod and use it between her legs, to give an idea of where I'm at. She responds to some things, especially after extended sessions, but I need something that will work fast to produce quick results. An airsoft gun, maybe?

3) Aftercare: After a long session, I comfort her and hold her, but I need some good ideas, advice, and tips on aftercare. After ice treatment, I rinse her off and reward her with some hot chocolate/coffee, Pre-warmed clean clothes and socks, and a pre-warmed bed for a movie with Master. What works for you all?

Thanks for helping out a newbie!
-MasteringMaster
Just a couple of thoughts (now I've gotten over the cattle prod thing) ... firstly, how are your feeling 'embarrassing' and who gives a fuck who thinks you're a 'weak master' ... it's your relationship, and the only person whose opinion matters is her's. (As I side note, I play with consensual non-con, but if I thought my guy actually wanted to rape me or anyone else, I'd drop him like ... well, like something I didn't want to have anything to do with.)

Secondly, maybe slow down a bit ... 'I'm new to this ... I'm getting a cattle prod' sounds like you're very excited, but the thing is if you throw everything at the situation all at once, you might miss the interesting nuances of specific things, and the opportunity to really talk through those individual things to discover if you're getting near her limits ... because she does have some, she just doesn't seem to know quite where they are. The 'go slow' thing as a preference is, I know, just me - it took us two years to just get to the consensual non-con thing, and I've really enjoyed the slow pace - but the 'checking in on limits' aspect of that is maybe more important with someone whose not being very clear on that front.
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Old 10-08-2017, 10:20 PM   #12
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Also regarding cattle prods or any implement you might use on another person...
It is wise to ALWAYS try such things out on yourself first so you can guage how much pain you are administering.
If you are going to flog someone...get flogged first. If you are going to engage in wax play, test it out on your skin... similarly sensitive skin and from a similar height.
If you are planning to use a cattle prod on her girlie bits, I expect you to administer it to your damn balls.

Just saying. In the sweetest way I can manage.
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Old 10-09-2017, 12:33 AM   #13
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Thank you everyone for the responses! They are much appreciated. I should have made it clear that this wasn't just roleplay, but lifestyle. We had a discussion today about limits, and i explained on the extent of it. She did finally say that she had limits (still very few, even when pushed on them), but she said she did not understand the question when I first asked her, she said that she only meant that she trusted me.

In the beginning, she told me that she wanted something intense and in depth, saying that she didn't want me to "ever break character", reaffirming that she wanted something realistic and immersive multiple times over. We may be new, but she really wants to be a slave.

SIDE NOTE: The cattle prod was actually just a joke, though I guess that on a BDSM board, it's a lot harder to interpret that, hahaha. If anything, I have a cheap old Chinese taser that does little more than make your muscles twitch, really quite harmless. I might use that, i use it on myself occasionally for shits and giggles or when I want to make someone jump.

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far!
-MasteringMaster
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Old 10-09-2017, 12:45 AM   #14
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Also regarding cattle prods or any implement you might use on another person...
It is wise to ALWAYS try such things out on yourself first so you can guage how much pain you are administering.
If you are going to flog someone...get flogged first. If you are going to engage in wax play, test it out on your skin... similarly sensitive skin and from a similar height.
If you are planning to use a cattle prod on her girlie bits, I expect you to administer it to your damn balls.

Just saying. In the sweetest way I can manage.
Oh, I've been nut tazed before by my brother. Hurts like hell. I can't imagine what a cattle prod would do. I was only joking about the prod, I didn't mean for everyone to take it so seriously, though I understand that its hard to tell on a BDSM site!
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Old 10-09-2017, 01:19 AM   #15
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Thank you everyone for the responses! They are much appreciated. I should have made it clear that this wasn't just roleplay, but lifestyle. We had a discussion today about limits, and i explained on the extent of it. She did finally say that she had limits (still very few, even when pushed on them), but she said she did not understand the question when I first asked her, she said that she only meant that she trusted me.

In the beginning, she told me that she wanted something intense and in depth, saying that she didn't want me to "ever break character", reaffirming that she wanted something realistic and immersive multiple times over. We may be new, but she really wants to be a slave.

SIDE NOTE: The cattle prod was actually just a joke, though I guess that on a BDSM board, it's a lot harder to interpret that, hahaha. If anything, I have a cheap old Chinese taser that does little more than make your muscles twitch, really quite harmless. I might use that, i use it on myself occasionally for shits and giggles or when I want to make someone jump.

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far!
-MasteringMaster
Maybe the two of you need to do a bit of reading together?
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Old 10-09-2017, 02:09 AM   #16
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Thumbs up

She can be ditzy at times (Why it's fun to be around her), but we have been talking about this all day and evening so she can properly know these things. I'm going to have her do hardcore research to write me an essay on this with a complete list of what she does and does not like, along with some other things as a punishment when I need to break out something boring for her to do. Though, come to think of it, she might not think it's that bad. well, at least she will be knowledgeable!
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Old 10-09-2017, 04:36 AM   #17
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"In the beginning, she told me that she wanted something intense and in depth, saying that she didn't want me to "ever break character", reaffirming that she wanted something realistic and immersive multiple times over. We may be new, but she really wants to be a slave."


I just want to comment on this statement. I can understand that your friend wants a realistic experience but it can be really hard to be in "dom mode" all the time. I don't know how much time you spend together but always give yourself some time to relax and just be you for a bit. Sometimes our subs don't realize all the work that it takes to plan and implement a scene while also keeping them safe. I'm glad you finally got her to discuss hard limits, I second what everyone else had to say on that subject. I know I would not even start with a new sub until that conversation had been taken care of.

I wish you all the best with your new relationship, and remember that you can always ask for help or advice, the people here are Lit are pretty great.
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Old 10-09-2017, 09:51 AM   #18
Nezhul
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Originally Posted by KimGordon67 View Post
A cattle prod? Is that safe?
Depends on the strength of the shock. Some are relatively safe...
Then again, nothing is safe in the wrong hands.

Quote:
Oh, I've been nut tazed before by my brother. Hurts like hell. I can't imagine what a cattle prod would do.
Actually it will probably hurt less than a tazer.
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Last edited by Nezhul : 10-09-2017 at 09:53 AM.
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Old 10-09-2017, 09:59 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by MasteringMaster View Post
Thank you everyone for the responses! They are much appreciated. I should have made it clear that this wasn't just roleplay, but lifestyle. We had a discussion today about limits, and i explained on the extent of it. She did finally say that she had limits (still very few, even when pushed on them), but she said she did not understand the question when I first asked her, she said that she only meant that she trusted me.

In the beginning, she told me that she wanted something intense and in depth, saying that she didn't want me to "ever break character", reaffirming that she wanted something realistic and immersive multiple times over. We may be new, but she really wants to be a slave.

SIDE NOTE: The cattle prod was actually just a joke, though I guess that on a BDSM board, it's a lot harder to interpret that, hahaha. If anything, I have a cheap old Chinese taser that does little more than make your muscles twitch, really quite harmless. I might use that, i use it on myself occasionally for shits and giggles or when I want to make someone jump.

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far!
-MasteringMaster
I would advise you to slow down, even if she really wants it.

My reasoning: you can not get a feel of things when you pile up too much too fast.

Way I always suggest new couples getting into kink - is trying ONE thing. Concentrating on it for at least a couple of days. Then when you both are absolutely sure how you feel about it - add another thing. And move in such fashion step by step.

I can understand her being eager, but remind her that patience is golden. Talk to her and make her understand that in order for you to really deeply take control over her - you need to do it step by step, at your own pace. You want to concentrate on each aspect individually and spend some time on it, in order to make sure that you are deeply and truly in control, before moving to the next thing.
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Old 10-09-2017, 01:44 PM   #20
SissySalina
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Not into "slave" thing but would imagine a "slave owner" is similar to a Dom. Which would mean that you as the master and owner would be responsible for safety and control.
You may start with reminding the "slave" that it is "owner and master" that is in charge and responsible for the "slave's" well being and it is the "owner and master" that decides what and when things are done.
After that you should consider slowing things down into a pace that you can manage and keep up with.
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Sissy Rules
Sissy will only refer to sissy-self as sissy
Sissy will be in chastity (except for cleaning)
Sissy will be plugged both penile & anal(except for cleaning or usage)
Sissy will have enema twice a day
Sissy is never allowed to say "no"
Sissy giving oral servitude will have hands bound behind back
Sissy will swallow all cum or nectar
Sissy should be milked once a month
Sissy is never allowed ejaculation
Sissy’s only duty is to serve others
Sissyies are always bound or caged at night
Sissies are never to wear any male clothing articles
Sissy's will remove all hair except the long head hair
Sissy will have pierced ears and other piercings
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Old 10-09-2017, 02:00 PM   #21
cascadiabound
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MasteringMaster View Post
Thank you everyone for the responses! They are much appreciated. I should have made it clear that this wasn't just roleplay, but lifestyle. We had a discussion today about limits, and i explained on the extent of it. She did finally say that she had limits (still very few, even when pushed on them), but she said she did not understand the question when I first asked her, she said that she only meant that she trusted me.
So by lifestyle you mean 24/7?

Quote:
In the beginning, she told me that she wanted something intense and in depth, saying that she didn't want me to "ever break character", reaffirming that she wanted something realistic and immersive multiple times over. We may be new, but she really wants to be a slave.
I am getting a bit of a red flag here too. Not so much for her, but for you. No one can be in control and in "character" 100% of the time. (Hell... honey... you got to be YOU 100% of the time... not some character you are trying to create for her... ) As others have mentioned it takes a LOT of work to be a Top/ Dom to another person. You have decided you want to care for and control them, take responsibility for them and be attentive to their needs. BUT... YOU have needs too. Sometimes you are going to be tired. Sometimes you are going to be sick. Sometimes you are just not going to feel like being the super Master of the Universe make everything fun and sexy for her. And you still gotta do all of the adulting shit of the world. Finances. Work. Laundry. Chores. Looking in on your family. Etc. And you need to be partners in normal ways not just in kinky fuckery ways too. So be sure you think about this stuff too, otherwise the shine will soon be off the apple.


Quote:
SIDE NOTE: The cattle prod was actually just a joke, though I guess that on a BDSM board, it's a lot harder to interpret that, hahaha. If anything, I have a cheap old Chinese taser that does little more than make your muscles twitch, really quite harmless. I might use that, i use it on myself occasionally for shits and giggles or when I want to make someone jump.

Anyway, thanks for the advice so far!
-MasteringMaster
There are actually "cattle prods" that are not the same as actual cattle prods for cattle that are sold for BDSM play, but they need to be used with care just as any other electric , restraint, impact play or other toy. In this forum, we tend to take every comment made pretty seriously, 'cause we have no idea whether the poster is joking or not, and even if YOU are joking, there are lots and lots of people (lurkers) who read these posts who will get ideas and go forth and do while never posting here. So safety is of paramount concern. Consent and Safety in all activities. Always.

Cascadia
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Old 10-09-2017, 09:13 PM   #22
cascadiabound
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So I recently found myself my first submissive slave () and had a few questions.

2) Punishment: To be honest, she's a glutton for it. She intentionally gets an attitude so that I will punish her, then defies and struggles during punishment to make me punish her more.

Thanks for helping out a newbie!
-MasteringMaster
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Old 10-09-2017, 11:00 PM   #23
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2) Punishment: To be honest, she's a glutton for it. She intentionally gets an attitude so that I will punish her, then defies and struggles during punishment to make me punish her more.
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Originally Posted by cascadiabound View Post
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