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Old 08-25-2014, 11:50 PM   #1
MeekMe
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Trust Building Exercises

So, yesterday was kind of awesome. Mister did something I wasn't expecting. We hadn't planned or set anything up beyond:

"Wanna do it?"

"Sure."

So, he started with a sort of trust game. I was blindfolded and made to walk through some obstacles with his help. He lead me around without saying much. I had to rely on him completely before we even got to the good stuff. Needless to say, I made it through without stubbing my toes or tripping over anything. I realize an entire experience can be a sort of "trust game" but this felt specifically set up to see if I would just follow, and trust that he would keep me safe. He then tied me up and tortured me for two hours.
(-。-; I was lulled into a false sense of security. I'm kidding, but kind of not

So I'm wondering, does anyone exercise trust games? Is it helpful for you? What are some things you might consider as part of a trust exercise? Could this be a good way to build trust for those new to BDSM or power dynamics?

Maybe I should think about a BDSM summer camp or something. Anyone up for naked trust falls?
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Old 08-26-2014, 12:29 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by MeekMe View Post
So, yesterday was kind of awesome. Mister did something I wasn't expecting. We hadn't planned or set anything up beyond:

"Wanna do it?"

"Sure."

So, he started with a sort of trust game. I was blindfolded and made to walk through some obstacles with his help. He lead me around without saying much. I had to rely on him completely before we even got to the good stuff. Needless to say, I made it through without stubbing my toes or tripping over anything. I realize an entire experience can be a sort of "trust game" but this felt specifically set up to see if I would just follow, and trust that he would keep me safe. He then tied me up and tortured me for two hours.
(-。-; I was lulled into a false sense of security. I'm kidding, but kind of not

So I'm wondering, does anyone exercise trust games? Is it helpful for you? What are some things you might consider as part of a trust exercise? Could this be a good way to build trust for those new to BDSM or power dynamics?

Maybe I should think about a BDSM summer camp or something. Anyone up for naked trust falls?
No, not yet, but hats off, to Mister for some creativity on his part. Now, how to get the kids out of the house?
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Old 08-26-2014, 01:11 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by MeekMe View Post
So, yesterday was kind of awesome. Mister did something I wasn't expecting. We hadn't planned or set anything up beyond:

"Wanna do it?"

"Sure."

So, he started with a sort of trust game. I was blindfolded and made to walk through some obstacles with his help. He lead me around without saying much. I had to rely on him completely before we even got to the good stuff. Needless to say, I made it through without stubbing my toes or tripping over anything. I realize an entire experience can be a sort of "trust game" but this felt specifically set up to see if I would just follow, and trust that he would keep me safe. He then tied me up and tortured me for two hours.
(-。-; I was lulled into a false sense of security. I'm kidding, but kind of not

So I'm wondering, does anyone exercise trust games? Is it helpful for you? What are some things you might consider as part of a trust exercise? Could this be a good way to build trust for those new to BDSM or power dynamics?

Maybe I should think about a BDSM summer camp or something. Anyone up for naked trust falls?
We have played with similar things before. He'd lull me into believing that it's all soft and lovely, so to speak, and then he'd start pinching and punching. I don't know if it's helpful or trust-building for us anymore, because we have been together for a long time now and trust each other immensely both in and out of the BDSM realm. But it has certainly made for some interesting play time.

I hadn't thought of it that way before, but I think your idea of trust building exercises is great! I mean, all of BDSM is basically one big trust building exercise, but in the beginning of a new relationship I think it could be very benefitial to do some naked trust falls and blindfolded obstacle courses. Even being spoonfed when you're blindfolded can take a lot of trust and letting go of control.

I really like your idea!
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Old 08-26-2014, 09:47 AM   #4
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Lrn_The_Ropes, I hope you can get some alone time soon.

seela, you're right about BDSM being one big trust building experience. I've been with my husband long enough to know I can trust him, but BDSM is still new, so it is like a reassurance. Also, I like that it was a relatively controlled and safe activity that reinforced trust before we did more daring things. (^○^)

When I talked to him he jokingly suggested tying me up and making me trust fall. ((((;゚Д゚))))))) That sounds really scary!
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Old 08-26-2014, 10:11 AM   #5
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I have asthma and a fear of not being able to breathe. I don't like choking or any kind of breathe play. This was for the most part the only physical precautions (I won't call them hard or soft limits, because they were only kinda limits) I gave my dominant when we first got together.

A couple years or so into the relationship I asked him if we could try saran wrap bondage, but not of my head and face because it would freak me out. A few months later he told me to strip completely and started to wrap me. He had me completely done except my head. I was feeling so calm and safe I asked him to do my head. He kissed me and carefully started. Before he started covering my nose and mouth he showed me he had the scissors ready and told me to relax and trust him. He wrapped the plastic around my head 3 times before he cut a hole at my mouth.

I was surprised how calm I was. It was a perhaps unintended exercise in trust. I trusted him to allow me to breathe and he trusted me to trust him and not freak out.

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Old 08-26-2014, 10:15 AM   #6
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Wow, that's really amazing ecstaticsub.

The trust goes both ways.
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:20 AM   #7
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I have asthma and a fear of not being able to breathe. I don't like choking or any kind of breathe play. This was for the most part the only physical precautions (I won't call them hard or soft limits, because they were only kinda limits) I gave my dominant when we first got together.

A couple years of so into the relationship I asked him if we could try saran wrap bondage, but not of my head and face because it would freak me out. A few months later he told me to strip completely and started to wrap me. He had me completely done except my head. I was feeling so calm and safe I asked him to do my head. He kissed me and carefully and started. Before he started covering my nose and mouth he showed me he had the scissors ready and told me to relax and trust him. He wrapped the plastic around my head 3 times before he cut a hole at my mouth.

I was surprised how calm I was. It was a perhaps unintended exercise in trust. I trusted him to allow me to breathe and he trusted me to trust him and not freak out.

I'm interjecting to say that this is exactly what I was trying to explain on the "not sub enough" thread when everyone thought I was saying to completely disregard phobias or that the sub was not trying hard enough.

My point, or better, my suggestion, was that with absolute trust, perhaps it's possible for certain "phobias", if you will, or physical limitations (which may actually be a psychological limitation manifesting itself as physical) may be overcome.

Ecstaticsub, this is a wonderful story. One that completely energizes me because it defines the depth and beauty of trust in D/s relationships. That's what it is all about. Thanks for sharing. This really made my day.
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:39 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by ecstaticsub View Post
I have asthma and a fear of not being able to breathe. I don't like choking or any kind of breathe play. This was for the most part the only physical precautions (I won't call them hard or soft limits, because they were only kinda limits) I gave my dominant when we first got together.

A couple years of so into the relationship I asked him if we could try saran wrap bondage, but not of my head and face because it would freak me out. A few months later he told me to strip completely and started to wrap me. He had me completely done except my head. I was feeling so calm and safe I asked him to do my head. He kissed me and carefully and started. Before he started covering my nose and mouth he showed me he had the scissors ready and told me to relax and trust him. He wrapped the plastic around my head 3 times before he cut a hole at my mouth.

I was surprised how calm I was. It was a perhaps unintended exercise in trust. I trusted him to allow me to breathe and he trusted me to trust him and not freak out.

That shows true trust and commitment.
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:50 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by All_4_Love View Post
I'm interjecting to say that this is exactly what I was trying to explain on the "not sub enough" thread when everyone thought I was saying to completely disregard phobias or that the sub was not trying hard enough.

My point, or better, my suggestion, was that with absolute trust, perhaps it's possible for certain "phobias", if you will, or physical limitations (which may actually be a psychological limitation manifesting itself as physical) may be overcome.

Ecstaticsub, this is a wonderful story. One that completely energizes me because it defines the depth and beauty of trust in D/s relationships. That's what it is all about. Thanks for sharing. This really made my day.
I think you're leaving out the differences. ecstaticsub suggested trying it because it was only kind of a limit. She also felt like she could finally give it a try (after a couple of years). In the thread you mentioned, the sub actually has a "phobia" and aversion to extreme pain which she was not comfortable doing. Her dominant partner wanted it, and made some suggestions that didn't cultivate trust, just resentment.

Building trust is important. It goes both ways. Sorry, but someone with arthritis in their knees isn't going to overcome the pain of kneeling with a trust exercise. There ARE limitations that cannot be exceeded. We trust our partners to stay within our limits. They trust us to say when we can't go beyond them.

This thread was created to learn to cultivate trust and exploring ways to do that mainly for couples new to BDSM and power exchange dynamics. Please do not confuse this with finding new ways to push people beyond their mental or physical hard limits.
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Old 08-26-2014, 01:29 PM   #10
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This thread was created to learn to cultivate trust and exploring ways to do that mainly for couples new to BDSM and power exchange dynamics. Please do not confuse this with finding new ways to push people beyond their mental or physical hard limits.
Indeed, my apologies for causing confusion in your thread.
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Old 08-26-2014, 02:17 PM   #11
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Wow, that's really amazing ecstaticsub.

The trust goes both ways.
Absolutely. It's the same thing with my use of a safeword. Technically I no longer am allowed to use one. However, he trusts me enough to know that if I really need him to stop because of physical or emotional pain that will do damage I will tell him in plain words. I trust that he will then stop even though it is not a safeword.

Quote:
Originally Posted by All_4_Love View Post
I'm interjecting to say that this is exactly what I was trying to explain on the "not sub enough" thread when everyone thought I was saying to completely disregard phobias or that the sub was not trying hard enough.

My point, or better, my suggestion, was that with absolute trust, perhaps it's possible for certain "phobias", if you will, or physical limitations (which may actually be a psychological limitation manifesting itself as physical) may be overcome.

Ecstaticsub, this is a wonderful story. One that completely energizes me because it defines the depth and beauty of trust in D/s relationships. That's what it is all about. Thanks for sharing. This really made my day.
Thank you. I haven't been following the other thread you speak of but MeekMe is correct in that it was not a hard limit and there were things he did to work up to this including ordering me to make my own tight fitting hood and breathe control play. We have been together for over nine years now. I trust him and he trusts me, and he has never choked me or done breath play of this sort.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lrn_The_Ropes View Post
That shows true trust and commitment.
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Old 08-26-2014, 03:27 PM   #12
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I LOVE trust and mind phuque challenges. One that comes to mind was a couple of years ago. We live on a couple of acres on a fairly active rural highway. We have a two story home with upstairs and downstairs porches that overlook the front yard and the road.

One evening, I had my wife bound for a while in the spare bedroom and got her very wound up, leaving her alone at intervals and coming back to get her worked up several times. Then, with her wearing only heels, a gag, and a blindfold, I led her down the hall, to the front door upstairs, and out onto the front porch, hands snugged behind her, with her panting in fear, hearing the passing cars and trucks go by. I whispered to her to make certain she realized she was standing naked and bound on the front porch and she whimpered that she did. I told her I needed a cold drink because she had caused me to work so hard on her and I'd be back in a few minutes, so I closed the door and left her there, telling her not to move an inch. The front doors are French doors, so I merely went inside for a few minutes and watched her. She gasped every time a big truck went by or she heard a car pass, but she never moved.

I went back outside after maybe three to five minutes, told her she had done wonderfully and removed her blindfold - then she could see I'd moved our Chinese dressing screen out onto the porch and had folded it on each side, so while she was on the porch, hearing all the noise, feeling the cool air, nobody saw anything at all. The look of relief on her face was magnificent and it's things like that which really go a long way to getting your sub to trust (literally) blindly.
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Old 08-26-2014, 06:06 PM   #13
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SeraphinaCD, I don't think I could have stood there without fully panicking. At first I was pretty worried when I started reading your post. At the end I was like, 'wow, that's elaborate.' Lol, I'm impressed with the creativity. The mind fuck thing is a little scary to me, but I can see how this would have helped in building trust.
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Old 08-27-2014, 09:47 AM   #14
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Hi Meek - I'm a writer for a living I'm afraid, so that gives me far too much time to think of creative and devious things. I've always enjoyed the cerebral part of BDSM as much as the visual treats is provides, and honestly, seeing a lot of the "lazy" doms and dommes at some of the clubs has always ticked me off - they just go in, tie someone to a post and start wailing on them for no apparent good reason - no creativity and no imagination - hate that!

I've done so many extremely challenging things with my wife through the years she's come to expect that there's some "trick" to what's being done (and there almost always is). So, while she's been terrified every time, admittedly, she also knows I would never do anything to put her in serious jeopardy or cause her regrettable shame, even though it might seem like she is in exactly that situation at the moment. Of course, every so often you have to do something milder that turns out not to be a trick and is slightly humbling to keep the suspense level real, but those instances were always in the great minority and nothing too extreme.

For now, we've switched roles and she's exploring her domme side, so I'm enjoying that, but when we switch back, I've got lots of interesting things still in mind I want to try out!

And don't underestimate yourself dear lady - if you trust your partner, you can still be scared half to death, but trust that somehow, whatever's happening is being done for a reason. Fear and taboo is a very exciting motivator, and it can lead to some glorious sessions.

Enjoy!
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Old 08-27-2014, 11:55 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by SeraphinaCD View Post
Hi Meek - I'm a writer for a living I'm afraid, so that gives me far too much time to think of creative and devious things. I've always enjoyed the cerebral part of BDSM as much as the visual treats is provides, and honestly, seeing a lot of the "lazy" doms and dommes at some of the clubs has always ticked me off - they just go in, tie someone to a post and start wailing on them for no apparent good reason - no creativity and no imagination - hate that!

I've done so many extremely challenging things with my wife through the years she's come to expect that there's some "trick" to what's being done (and there almost always is). So, while she's been terrified every time, admittedly, she also knows I would never do anything to put her in serious jeopardy or cause her regrettable shame, even though it might seem like she is in exactly that situation at the moment. Of course, every so often you have to do something milder that turns out not to be a trick and is slightly humbling to keep the suspense level real, but those instances were always in the great minority and nothing too extreme.

For now, we've switched roles and she's exploring her domme side, so I'm enjoying that, but when we switch back, I've got lots of interesting things still in mind I want to try out!

And don't underestimate yourself dear lady - if you trust your partner, you can still be scared half to death, but trust that somehow, whatever's happening is being done for a reason. Fear and taboo is a very exciting motivator, and it can lead to some glorious sessions.

Enjoy!
He's really not that creative and certainly doesn't have the time to think of things to do. ^_^ I'm lucky if he makes it home before 8PM.

I trust him, and I know for sure he wont do anything of the exhibition kind (we're both very private) even if it's just a mind fuck situation.

I'm happy you both have such a good time.
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Old 08-27-2014, 01:55 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by SeraphinaCD View Post
I LOVE trust and mind phuque challenges. One that comes to mind was a couple of years ago. We live on a couple of acres on a fairly active rural highway. We have a two story home with upstairs and downstairs porches that overlook the front yard and the road.

One evening, I had my wife bound for a while in the spare bedroom and got her very wound up, leaving her alone at intervals and coming back to get her worked up several times. Then, with her wearing only heels, a gag, and a blindfold, I led her down the hall, to the front door upstairs, and out onto the front porch, hands snugged behind her, with her panting in fear, hearing the passing cars and trucks go by. I whispered to her to make certain she realized she was standing naked and bound on the front porch and she whimpered that she did. I told her I needed a cold drink because she had caused me to work so hard on her and I'd be back in a few minutes, so I closed the door and left her there, telling her not to move an inch. The front doors are French doors, so I merely went inside for a few minutes and watched her. She gasped every time a big truck went by or she heard a car pass, but she never moved.

I went back outside after maybe three to five minutes, told her she had done wonderfully and removed her blindfold - then she could see I'd moved our Chinese dressing screen out onto the porch and had folded it on each side, so while she was on the porch, hearing all the noise, feeling the cool air, nobody saw anything at all. The look of relief on her face was magnificent and it's things like that which really go a long way to getting your sub to trust (literally) blindly.
Oh man. Oh man oh man that's intense. :0

Makes me think about how S and I could do these kinds of things but purely on an emotional/mental level, without much in the way of a physical component because much of our dynamic at this point is carried out through words and how he has the right of way in our conversations.

I'm thinking back to the time that he tripped a limit with me when he playfully hung up on me in the middle of my getting a bit smarmy. It was weirdly crushing for some reason. So this has me wondering what kinds of trust exercises we could do by using words...
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Old 08-27-2014, 01:58 PM   #17
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Oh man. Oh man oh man that's intense. :0
I completely concur. Intense, indeed.
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Old 08-27-2014, 02:26 PM   #18
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Oh man. Oh man oh man that's intense. :0

Makes me think about how S and I could do these kinds of things but purely on an emotional/mental level, without much in the way of a physical component because much of our dynamic at this point is carried out through words and how he has the right of way in our conversations.

I'm thinking back to the time that he tripped a limit with me when he playfully hung up on me in the middle of my getting a bit smarmy. It was weirdly crushing for some reason. So this has me wondering what kinds of trust exercises we could do by using words...
That's really an interesting question. How can we use just words to build trust?

Two truths and a lie?

Sounds kind of bad, but maybe playing this game could help. Tell two truths about yourself and a lie. Your partner then has to figure out which one is a lie. This may not sound sexy or even like a good idea, but could give you each insight into how much you really know. It takes a lot of trust to let someone really know you. And, I'm not saying you don't know each other. Just that sometimes a game can reinforce the warm fuzzies.

My husband and I play a game of "gross chicken" (as I like to call it) where one of us suggests a terrible idea and the other comes up with a condition like:

Can I kick you really hard in the junk?

Only if I can take a baseball bat to your junk first.

Nah, I'm good.

Or we continue until it's just outrageous. Often, the example is far more disgusting. And sometimes, the suggestion isn't so bad.

Can I fuck you in the ass?

Only if you go slow and use lots of lube.

Really?

Yeah.

Maybe later.

^_^ I know, weird. It's good for a laugh, or for talking about something we might not normally bring up. I dunno if it counts as much of a "trust game." I hope that someone will come along with some fun and creative ideas.
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Old 08-27-2014, 05:08 PM   #19
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Oh man. Oh man oh man that's intense. :0

Makes me think about how S and I could do these kinds of things but purely on an emotional/mental level, without much in the way of a physical component because much of our dynamic at this point is carried out through words and how he has the right of way in our conversations.

I'm thinking back to the time that he tripped a limit with me when he playfully hung up on me in the middle of my getting a bit smarmy. It was weirdly crushing for some reason. So this has me wondering what kinds of trust exercises we could do by using words...
I like to fancy myself as very creative, so thank you. Your pondering got me to pondering, and I'm starting to feel like Winnie the Pooh sitting here trying to figure out something... think, think, think...

I honestly don't know if a "trust" exercise is possible using only words. There are plenty of word games that can be played, plenty of challenges using words, but a composition of words that could be used to build or exercise "trust" - that's a tough one. In my tiny little mind, trust in itself is the result of actions, not so much words; we're hard wired to believe what people do, not believe what they say they will do. The old cliche is there for a reason; actions speak louder than words. Trust is extremely important (to me downright vital) in a BDSM relationship because of the intensified emotional and physical involvement. People can casually have sex or a one-night-stand - I never liked anything casual in my life except t-shirts and jeans. I like intricacy; I crave it actually. Trying to figure out anything merely involving words - that would not also require an action or actions - seems rather impossible at the moment. The point you mention yourself, him hanging up on you, did not make you feel the way you did because of words or because of a lack thereof - it was the action that he hung up on you. Tricky stuff here.

I will think on this, as I love challenges, but so far I'm not doing too well with it. Of course, if you delight in word play, your Sir could start by complimenting you on your adorable sassy looking red hooded pussy - of course, I'm speaking of your avatar - very cute indeed.

Take care, and this is a fascinating forum, so glad I found this place!
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Old 08-27-2014, 08:11 PM   #20
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I guess "words" was a... bad choice of words.

You're right Seraphina, it's not the words themselves, but what they mean. (It sounds so obvious typing this out, but bear with me!) So at first when I wrote my last reply, all I could think of was degradation and verbal humiliation mindfucks. Which is kind of hard to do JUST verbally too; most of the reason that kind of play works and is able to build something is because of the aftercare and physical reassurance at some point that no, you're not actually a lazy, ugly piece of shit no one would ever want. It's really easy to get into the "they're just saying that" headspace after a while. Hmm.

I'm remembering now too all the times S has threatened to post something embarrassing about me on social media, for all our friends, family, and colleagues to see. Sometimes he actually will, an by the time I get to see it, it's not actually at all like he was making it out to be and is either only endearingly embarrassing or actually something closer to praise.

Both of these situations necessitate a threat of tremendous pain (physical, emotional, egotistical), with the result being no such thing. Hmm.

Honestly I'm just rambling here. It's a really neat discussion though! :V
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Old 08-27-2014, 08:12 PM   #21
KoPilot
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Also: "The Sassy Pussy". Sounds like a comic book that I should draw.
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Old 08-27-2014, 08:23 PM   #22
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Hm, more to think about. I suppose I'm more vanilla than super duper kinky. I had the thought of rather vanilla trust exercises to use as a way to establish trust before getting into more advanced stuff. But I can see that kinkier ideas are very helpful in more established relationships.

Thank you all for these creative ideas. It's educational and eye opening.
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