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Old 01-21-2018, 09:54 PM   #1
Desire_Girl
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I think about all this so often..

What is this lifestyle like?
For those that actually have it. I somehow feel I'm missing out on something. Even to just try with someone experienced, I know my husband won't let me. I bet the sex is amazing. I'm sorry for posting this. I just feel so alone sometimes. Just ignore me..
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Old 01-21-2018, 10:18 PM   #2
ausfet
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What specifically do you want to experience? Maybe someone here can give you some advice on how to talk to your husband? The lifestyle will vary a lot from person to person, but I'm willing to bet that most of us did not find someone 100% sexually compatible so we can probably (at least try) to help you.
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Old 01-22-2018, 12:45 AM   #3
HisArpy
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It's different for everyone because no two people want exactly the same thing, at the same time, in the same sequence.

Best advice, sort out what you need. Not want, need. And go from there by talking to the Hubs about it. Take baby steps and show him what you need from him.

What I mean is something like; if you want to be spanked it's perfectly ok to tell him you like him patting your ass occasionally. Even in public it's ok as long as it's not over-the-top obvious, but in private it can be as hard a slap as he wants. This is NOT GROPING!, it's spanking so be sure to tell him the difference. No tit or crotch grabbing allowed!

To get him motivated, hold him and put his hands on your butt yourself then reach around and squeeze his butt cheeks. He'll probably give you a squeeze in response. A little tap when you let go will eventually get you an ass pat.

"What? That's all you got? C'mon lover, spank my ass!"

Be sure to respond favorably when he does so he can't miss your reaction. And give him a smile and kiss for it too. I mean, he did the work you wanted so pay the man!

Be obvious at first. Work out cues that he can't miss. An ass wiggle while you're bent over the table and looking over your shoulder with a sexy as all hell come hither glint in your eye while you pat your butt sort of thing. Betcha that method gets you spanked a lot. Bending over the end of the bed while wearing garters and hose and nothing else except a doubled belt between your teeth is another hint he can't miss - but wait a bit before doing this to be sure he's ready for the transition. It's a big step even though it doesn't seem like it.

There's no "we need to sit down and talk about BDSM" formal discussion needed at this point. What is needed are hints like "every time I sit down today I'm going to remember last night." Or; "you know that person in the office who comes to work looking worn out and tired because she was up all night getting her brains fucked out and loving it? I think I'm that girl today."

If you're loud and have nosy neighbors or kids in the house, get a gag and wear it. It's another toy for your pleasure. And it opens up the door to other kinky restraints.

You also want to be sure he understands that you need to come too. So a big vibe can be a handy sort of thing to have lying around in an obvious place. Vibe a little (or a lot!), spank a little, vibe some more, spank a bit more and squirt a few times, and so on.

Set your sights and lead him where you want him to go. Be ready to compromise because you might want him to do things he can't emotionally. THAT'S when you need to sit down and talk because he has needs/wants and limits too.
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Last edited by HisArpy : 01-22-2018 at 01:31 AM.
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:50 PM   #4
SalvDali
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@OP, you should give a littler more insight into your relationship, ie: why you think your partner would not be open to this, etc. I am sure there is at least one person here who is or was in a similar situation.
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Old 01-23-2018, 11:09 PM   #5
RachelNova
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HisArpy View Post
It's different for everyone because no two people want exactly the same thing, at the same time, in the same sequence.

Best advice, sort out what you need. Not want, need. And go from there by talking to the Hubs about it. Take baby steps and show him what you need from him.

What I mean is something like; if you want to be spanked it's perfectly ok to tell him you like him patting your ass occasionally. Even in public it's ok as long as it's not over-the-top obvious, but in private it can be as hard a slap as he wants. This is NOT GROPING!, it's spanking so be sure to tell him the difference. No tit or crotch grabbing allowed!

To get him motivated, hold him and put his hands on your butt yourself then reach around and squeeze his butt cheeks. He'll probably give you a squeeze in response. A little tap when you let go will eventually get you an ass pat.

"What? That's all you got? C'mon lover, spank my ass!"

Be sure to respond favorably when he does so he can't miss your reaction. And give him a smile and kiss for it too. I mean, he did the work you wanted so pay the man!

Be obvious at first. Work out cues that he can't miss. An ass wiggle while you're bent over the table and looking over your shoulder with a sexy as all hell come hither glint in your eye while you pat your butt sort of thing. Betcha that method gets you spanked a lot. Bending over the end of the bed while wearing garters and hose and nothing else except a doubled belt between your teeth is another hint he can't miss - but wait a bit before doing this to be sure he's ready for the transition. It's a big step even though it doesn't seem like it.

There's no "we need to sit down and talk about BDSM" formal discussion needed at this point. What is needed are hints like "every time I sit down today I'm going to remember last night." Or; "you know that person in the office who comes to work looking worn out and tired because she was up all night getting her brains fucked out and loving it? I think I'm that girl today."

If you're loud and have nosy neighbors or kids in the house, get a gag and wear it. It's another toy for your pleasure. And it opens up the door to other kinky restraints.

You also want to be sure he understands that you need to come too. So a big vibe can be a handy sort of thing to have lying around in an obvious place. Vibe a little (or a lot!), spank a little, vibe some more, spank a bit more and squirt a few times, and so on.

Set your sights and lead him where you want him to go. Be ready to compromise because you might want him to do things he can't emotionally. THAT'S when you need to sit down and talk because he has needs/wants and limits too.

This is smart, and bratty, and made me laugh
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Old 01-23-2018, 11:53 PM   #6
cookiecat
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In looking at your past posts, OP, it seems like you get an itch, you wander in here, post how lonely and bored you are and then disappear for a bit. That's ok.

The thing is, 'round these parts, you get a lot of folks who give pretty good advice, ask you a lot of questions, wonder how you're doing.

If you're not looking for anything more than a drive-by conversation when you get bored, horny and lonely, maybe look in the bdsm personals? You might have more fun.

Hope you find what you seek.
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Old 01-24-2018, 01:41 PM   #7
HisArpy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RachelNova View Post
This is smart, and bratty, and made me laugh
There was a gif posted awhile back about a woman getting her ass slapped or grabbed or both on a sidewalk in public. She jumps but then looks back over her shoulder and smiles.

Yeah, that kind of smile.

It doesn't have to be an every day thing. But on those days when you need it, you have to send the right signals. A lot of my relationship with HER was learning how to send and receive those signals.
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