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12-14-2009, 08:13 PM
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#1
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Is that Erotica I smell?
AsylumSeeker is offline
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 2,929
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Lost Editing Story with Singing Involved
Hi all, seeking guidance for a different reason - the writer has one character singing in the bacground and I really don't know what to do, how to correctly edit. Did look through the Chicago Manual of Style but didn't see anything, perhaps overlooked something, don't know.
Here's the passage:
And her name is C I N D Y C I N D Y CIN DY C I N D Y CIN DY C I N D Y CIN DY
I'm gonna shout it all night CIN DY I'm gonna shout it every day CIN DY
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Second fish done.
Ha She make me feel so good Lord
I wanna say she make me feel all right Comes a-walkin' down my street
Then she comes up to my house She knock upon my door And then she comes to my room
Yeah an' she make me feel all right
Third.
C-I-N-D-Y C-I-N-D-Y
I'm gonna shout it all night CIN DY I'm gonna shout it every day CIN DY
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Looks so good CIN DY All right feel so good CIN DY All right yeah
All done.
- Okay, any thoughts? Suggestions welcome as well. To me there is no rhythm to it, just random spacing not evident to the reader, and the writer hasn't considered the reader may not be familiar with the tune.
Don't know, hence why I ask here, trying to do my level best as an editor and also be responsive to the writer.
Last edited by AsylumSeeker : 12-14-2009 at 08:20 PM.
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12-14-2009, 08:30 PM
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#2
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.
MistressLynn is offline
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: On the Move
Posts: 42,658
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AsylumSeeker
Hi all, seeking guidance for a different reason - the writer has one character singing in the bacground and I really don't know what to do, how to correctly edit. Did look through the Chicago Manual of Style but didn't see anything, perhaps overlooked something, don't know.
Here's the passage:
And her name is C I N D Y C I N D Y CIN DY C I N D Y CIN DY C I N D Y CIN DY
I'm gonna shout it all night CIN DY I'm gonna shout it every day CIN DY
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Second fish done.
Ha She make me feel so good Lord
I wanna say she make me feel all right Comes a-walkin' down my street
Then she comes up to my house She knock upon my door And then she comes to my room
Yeah an' she make me feel all right
Third.
C-I-N-D-Y C-I-N-D-Y
I'm gonna shout it all night CIN DY I'm gonna shout it every day CIN DY
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Looks so good CIN DY All right feel so good CIN DY All right yeah
All done.
- Okay, any thoughts? Suggestions welcome as well. To me there is no rhythm to it, just random spacing not evident to the reader, and the writer hasn't considered the reader may not be familiar with the tune.
Don't know, hence why I ask here, trying to do my level best as an editor and also be responsive to the writer.
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I agree when you say there's no rhythm to it. As for how to edit that piece, I think I would have to suggest the author clarify the scene.
I used lyrics in stories before, but then I read a post sr did on copyrights. Now when I use a song I weave the lines into the piece, mixing them around in my own wording. |
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12-15-2009, 04:06 AM
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#3
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Was charmbrights, snooper
snoopercharmbrights is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Tirphil
Posts: 2,115
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A difficult passage. If the quoted words were in italics that would separate them off clearly, but I don't know this song so I can't show you. To me it is just a jumble.
As to the copyright issue, as long as there is an acknowledgement of whose song it is, I doubt there would be problems.
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time—
To let the punishment fit the crime—
The punishment fit the crime. © W.S.Gilbert
Caution:- Some of the most unlikely texts are copyrighted. According to the service books in the Church of England the modern ("who is" not "who art") version of the Lord's Prayer is copyrighted by the American Church Board of Finance!
PS Yes, I know the Mikado is out of copyright.
__________________
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As Asimov said, I am merely a merely.
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12-15-2009, 05:24 PM
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#4
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Is that Erotica I smell?
AsylumSeeker is offline
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 2,929
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Thanks for your thoughts.
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10-12-2012, 08:49 PM
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#5
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Experienced
Storiest is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Monterey California
Posts: 56
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The song seems to be replicating Gloria by Van Morrison and Them. It would be a good reference for phrasing etc.
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10-21-2012, 11:34 PM
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#6
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In a band!!
CWatson is offline
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 1,581
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[spam reported...]
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to write, but may not make sense.
Refrigerator."
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