Do you believe spanking is an appropriate discipline for a child?

Interesting question on a bdsm forum, Poll to cum.

Nope.

no. but i am past where i make the blanket statement of "spankers make bad parents."

I don't like the idea of hitting kids. And spanking for me has been so sexual since before I had kids that it's squicks me out to think of doing it.

But sometimes I joking threaten to beat my children...they laugh at me.

Yes. Beat the fuck out of them if they deserve it.

Absolutely not. As a child that was spanked and hit a great deal before the age of three, this sort of thing turns my stomach. Like the guys who say that being circumcised didn't hurt them, I didn't even remember any of this. Yet, I flinched in any room where someone raised a hand, much less a fist without knowing why and often without noticing it.

At a certain point my mom tried to get me to hit my kids. She explained she'd hit me all the time when I was little. She wanted me to look "how good I turned out." Yep, I'm great. I'm fearful, rebellious and deceitful because my early childhood "caregivers" chose to hit me before I could even process the reasoning behind what they were doing.

Sure I grew up. I'm less fearful now than I've ever been. I don't have to be deceitful to continue to live anymore which I felt I had to be as grew older but damn what a cost.

My mom never did understand why I was "perfect" around her and totally wild elsewhere.

So, again, I don't believe it's appropriate or effective. I do believe it's damaging to individuals and families.

i don't think a solitary, firm, swat on the bum is a bad thing. especially in public when you can't send the little bugger to time out or their room and they damn well know it.
but i object to slapping the face, or use of implements outside the good old rubber thong.
mum and dad smacked me and my brother when we really deserved it and they had exhausted all other options of punishment. was usually enough to shock us into realising we really had gone too far. and neither one of us are the worse for wear.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a swat to get the kids attention in a hot-stove-is-hot/fork-into-electrical-socket type situation, but I think I'd be uncomfortable spanking my children as a punishment otherwise. In my limited childcare experience, the "naughty stool" works wonders.

I was never spanked as a child, nor were either of my siblings and we turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself (on the other hand, my mother is batshit insane and we were generally terrified of her). Having said that though, I grew up down the street from a family of 5 kids who were spanked, and I've never met more pleasant well-adjusted people.

I think spanking by itself is a drop in the bucket in terms of fucking up your kids.

I'm not going to say that a swat on the butt is the end of the world, but it is an admission that a parent's moral authority has been reduced to "I'm bigger than you."

Children should never be beaten. Ever.

I think the occassional solitary swat with a flat hand on the behind, when the child is of an age to understand language, but not fully understand consequences? Yes, I think this is ok. A four year old ignore your call to hold your hand and run into a horrid crowd? Yes, a swat on the butt, a comment along the lines of "I told you NOT to do that. You could have been taken from me. You ran away, and if a mean person had grabbed you I could not have reached you. You NEVER run away like that; it is not a game!" is probably appropriate.

Sorry. 4 year old kids at a State Fair (or what have you... just picking one) are not going to get "Ok, well, now, time out. You upset Mommy. Don't you care?" There are some situations where you need to get their attention quickly. A quick swat on the butt doesn't have to hurt. The main impact is the noise.

To be clear, I am talking about using physical repercussions only in situations that are pretty dire, where an impact must be made quickly, and where little else will work. If you're spaking your 10 year old? I don't think that is an acceptable solution for that age. Spanking never actually corrects. It can only serve to stop behavior and bring attention to it. And it should never EVER physically harm a child.

Define spanking.

I would never hit a child.

Yes, so long as you aren't being ridiculous about it.

All of my children have a fascination with being spanked. Its a bit freaky actually. We mostly use time out but occasionally they will get a spanking for crossing a certain line. I don't know. They seem to respond well to the finality of a spanking.

With 4 of them and such that they are i don't know how we would keep any kind of order at all if there were never spankings.

my husband will actually threaten the girls with a spanking and they will look right at him and do whatever it was they were told to stop again. They want to know he will follow through.

Funny, i do the same thing to Daddy.

This will sound weird but my kids actually ask for spankings. They will be wrestling or tickling or pillow fighting or what have you with dad and pretty soon someone wants a spanking and they are lining up. They aren't very hard of course but its still pretty crazy to me. my husband and i just look at each other like WTF??? Then he gives them their spankings and they get in line again. Its pretty hysterical.

i will say they don't line up to get mom spankings.

Also i think the poll needs to include whether or not the person has children. i was actually adamantly against spanking BEFORE i had any kids. i don't remember a spanking happening until number 3 came along.

I don't have children. However the only things I ever learned from being hit were rage and avoidance toward the adult hitting me.

Netzach said:

I don't have children. However the only things I ever learned from being hit were rage and avoidance toward the adult hitting me.

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Yeah the delivery is everything and the person. i was spanked but its almost like a non-event in my memory. It was the last resort when i was raised and that's kind of how we approach it with our kids.

I voted for yes, but I don't beleive that it's necessary. I also think that there is a HUGE difference between a slap on the bottom and "being beaten" (which is the term that a lot of others have used). I don't beleive a child should feel pain or be caused any injury.

Tyr51 said:

If you're spaking your 10 year old? I don't think that is an acceptable solution for that age. Spanking never actually corrects. It can only serve to stop behavior and bring attention to it. And it should never EVER physically harm a child.

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i agree. my son is 8 and i think he is too old for it. Our first daughter is 6 and i won't spank her.

i'll tell you the stage where i start spanking. Kicking mom while she's trying to change your poopy diaper around 1 yrs old (quick swat) and running out in a parking lot. Running into the street or out in a parking lot will get you spanked really fast.

Our youngest is 2 and he can be pretty terrible. He tends to tackle the other children and when he gets in a zone its really hard to get him to stop, even with time out and he actually hurts people. i have spanked him a couple of times for this (one swat). i don't like it. It hurts his feelings but i can't really let him head bang people. He gave his nanna a fat lip and i've had bruises on my cheek a couple of times from him throwing his head into my face. We will also head bang him back, more gently of course. This also hurts his feelings.

All kids are different. my oldest very very rarely got spanked. No need and really it would have damaged him. The next one is very physical in general. She almost craves it. She can't take psychological punishments, for her those are more cruel. The next one who is 3 responds best to time out although occasionally a quick spanking has been necessary. She's like a tiny nurse ratchet and extremely strong willed. i don't think spanking her would damage her but its just not usually necessary and not the best thing for her, punishment of any kind is not the best route with her. She is very goal oriented and driven so if you can create the situation where everything is her idea you are golden. Mostly we just try not to get in battles with that one at all. The 2 year old it remains to be seen but he's got a temper and he's extremely physical. i'm not sure spanking is going to be the thing for him though because i fear it will almost just feed into his temper.

In short. my stance is it depends on what works for your children. No two are alike.

BiBunny said:

Yes. Beat the fuck out of them if they deserve it.

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Southern Justice? Some little three year old brat at Walmart was told by his mom yesterday, "Keep it up and we're going in the bathroom" She looked like she was ready to tear that ass up.

DeepGreenEyes said:

I'm not going to say that a swat on the butt is the end of the world, but it is an admission that a parent's moral authority has been reduced to "I'm bigger than you."

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For older kids (say over the age of 6 or 7), I agree wholeheartedly. For younger kids, a swat on the butt is an attention grabber, and necessary under certain conditions.

The only swats I have regretted giving are the ones that surprised me, and had the force of my anger behind them. There haven't been many, but I've regretted every one of them in hindsight.

Surprisingly , though, my kids like spankings these days, for purely pleasurable reasons.

My mom threw a plastic globe at my brothers head because he couldn't memorize the world capitals.....a globe! Needless to say when it was my turn at world geography the globe was well hidden

I don't believe in beating children, but a couple of good hard whacks on the ass can serve to enhance both shame-which is the building block of the superego, necessary for civilization-and respect of the parent.

Yes, I do. I also believe in doing everything else first. Spankings are for outright defiance and when they're in physical danger (like darting out in front of a car) and then only if it's necessary; the discipline should be tailored for the child. I haven't spanked my older girl in a very long time, because it's not necessary - just yelling at her works. I haven't spanked my son in a long time because with his pain tolerance I'd have to leave bruises for it to work; that is not gonna happen (He gets push ups when he pisses me off.) My middle girl it's a last ditch thing, I prefer to make her write sentences. But I always reserve the right to spank.

I, also, was beat as a child. What I do isn't beating. My children don't flinch when I raise my hand for whatever reason. I don't leave marks, and I'm in control when I spank them (quite often that's what scares kids - that there parents are out of control and they know it). I think if you're so mad that you're just flailing wildly, you're out of control and you should get a spanking; grow up.

I don't have any kids, but I grew up with a Dad who let me do whatever I wanted because he talked to me, he trusted me, and realized that my judgement was still developing, so he guided me when I came to him... and a Mom who occasionally swatted me or ignored me completely because she never had a firm grip on understanding anyone as well as a persistent habit of judging incorrectly and quickly. Being reactionary and harsh instead of patient served to push the problem aside quickly so she could again focus on herself and her concerns. I think spanking and emotional manipulation are cruel things to do to children... if you have a problem with your anger or how you deal with things upsetting the applecart, you should seek counseling, because kids will test your boundaries sometimes just to assert themselves while they are discovering who they are. Just like how they play - it's a form of self-development. They're not deliberately trying to undermine your authority or show a lack of respect or love; they really don't know any better and are learning. If you don't have time to set rules in place and talk to them before minor issues become major ones to the point where you are raising your hands to them... or the desire to cherish them and help them to grow and develop their personality and goals, you ought not have them at all. Like I said, though, I'm not a parent... but I think it is fair to say your life is no longer all about YOU when you have children. It becomes an US, so if you are not an US kind of person, I would think it would be wise not to have children. They're not an accessory, afterall.