Old 02-17-2015, 03:39 AM   #1
Senna Jawa
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save me... -- wh, 2015/02/17

--


save me from wearing boots
whenever possible



i roam barefoot around the post-WWII warsaw
ruins and construction sites
step on nails without blinking
at night i remove crumbs of thick
broken glass from the skin on my feet

i take off
straight from the floor
and fly over a pummel horse
the moscow olympians
disbelieving: barefoot? no trampoline?
make me feel awkward
but no—they are friendly

soon back in poland
jan takes me to tatras
i am never to see them again
nor jan
early autumn
suddenly off the trail
we take in the dangerous majesty
jan walks down in small steps
i jump from a rock on the one below
again and again
i fly like over a pummel horse

bye poland
hippie america greets me
then after a dozen years
the disco scene
guys are good
i boogie barefoot

my poetry
is a barefoot affair
i never liked
boots







wh,
2015-02-17


-

Last edited by Senna Jawa : 02-22-2015 at 03:50 AM.
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Old 02-17-2015, 03:47 AM   #2
Senna Jawa
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Senna Jawa is offline
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Notes to "safe me..." by wh

  1. Pommel horse _ <== _ click on this link;
  2. Tatras or Tatra Mountains _ <== _ click on the link to the left.
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Old 02-17-2015, 04:08 AM   #3
Senna Jawa
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Senna Jawa is offline
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A (minor) finer point to "save me..." by wh

I intuitively wrote " skin on my feet", and avoided "foot skin". The focus should be on feet--something alive, and not on the dead skin. Also, it's important that it's about two feet. The singular form makes the whole thing more abstract, medical, not poetic. So, what do you think?

In the past many people were trying to improve on my poems, almost all of them being off the mark or even totally off the mark. They often have a formal point on their mind, like making the text shorter (typical :-) while they throw the baby out with the bath, the poetry gets annihilated.

EDIT: At this stage, my poem's English can be very vulnerable. Even at a later stage too (for older poems).

Last edited by Senna Jawa : 02-17-2015 at 09:52 AM.
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