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Old 11-25-2009, 08:16 AM   #1
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a few of mine, diversity and regrets included

here you go, bflagsst, a few either already published or aired online. I've a fair amount of newer material but am considering where to sub or if even to sub at all.

a smallish one:

and still i stare

her hands, her dress, her hair
all fail
to tear my gaze aside

from eyes
whose sadness is a shockwave
breaking over me

they say she's crazy




the somewhere other-looking boy

with filthy hair and mis-matched shoes
eyes soft-focus dreaming blues
this boy is somewhere other-looking

with the mind of a child
and the body of a man
he only knows pleasure
in the palm of his hand
he walks like a sleeper
a smile coasts his lips
and he's treading on water -
a silence in his fingertips

(published in Cold Eels about 4 years back)



wintered

still waiting for the snow to start to fall
you'll miss the bluebells' haze on woodland floor
the sigh of summer breeze across the waves
and let me tell you, watcher, what is more
you'll miss the cider-light of autumn days
their crisper air and sensual delights
their tart perfume and subtle, russet glaze -
you'll miss them, craving only winter's ice



andthen there's this one from approx 6 years back I think, published in Epiphanies and Other Asurdities. Sigh. While I am still fond of it for various reasons, there are changes I would have made looking back at it.

and you and you and you


too soon, too soon, the eagle flew
while you were busy drawing down
the moon into those icy hands,
purchasing one-eyed wisdom
to crowd your poppied mind
until you could no longer stand
but gently tumbled tousled thoughts
to fall asleep in twilight lands,
asleep in the laps of legends.

and, as you dreamt, a river of woe
washed over you and carried you down
to those blasted banks, where the rocking stone
could be toppled by the gentlest touch;
you stroked the smooth-skinned serpent's egg
and, though asleep, you cried real tears
for emotions that somehow eluded you
and for the names of the faces
you seemed to remember
with a distant and palsied anxiety.

and you dreamt you wrote a mystic piece
where vague and shuffling demons danced;
where Odin cast aside his mask
and settled on your shoulders, round
a mammoth task:
a burden irredeemable - a lance;
a lance to bear in diamond jousts,
advancing through the teeth of fear
to seize that chance to win the soured prize.

Methusulah, with his long grey beard
whispered in your sleeping ear
of fools and wise men, sons and daughters
the Devil's love for holy water
of a single, human footprint in the sand;
of the perils of duplicity
the rigours of respectibility
of such passions as can tear apart a man.

and on the sharp infliction of
such sorrows' textured wounds, you woke
with knotted hair and eyes still chasing phantoms;
and even though the darkstream coursed
still dully in your veins, you spoke
of fields of blood and lonely Death's cold tantrums;
and lifelong cravings threatening to choke ...
to strain and break the slenderest of throats.

with that distempered mind you reached
for lightless needles littering the floor;
and, as a stray dog to its vomit, warm,
to poisoned dreams did you return, once more.
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Old 11-25-2009, 11:44 AM   #2
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Thumbs up Ah, a gem

“the somewhere other-looking boy”

I love this one and stopped reading further so as not to spoil the meditation on it. I'm fascinated by the fact that it is woman looking at a young boy and being gentle about this disjointed period in male development. I have seen this treated with sneering disdain all to often and so I'm drawn to this piece.

(aside)Now that I've been slain by the content, I'll have to wait awhile before looking at the form in order to decide if it is a poem or not.

Seriously, though, I'm really pleased to see your poems up here.
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Old 11-25-2009, 11:54 AM   #3
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"...you woke
with knotted hair and eyes still chasing phantoms;
and even though the darkstream coursed
still dully in your veins, you spoke"

I really like this bit, specifically your use of "dully". I don't have any new poems, just backlog.
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Old 11-25-2009, 02:09 PM   #4
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thanks, guys
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Old 11-25-2009, 05:30 PM   #5
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I really like that last poem a lot. It has wonderful phrasing.
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Old 11-25-2009, 05:43 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
I really like that last poem a lot. It has wonderful phrasing.
thanks, Angeline. I used to only write great long pieces, then cut back to three-four liners as normal, and then played about with other forms - wherever it goes I like following to see what'll happen as I travel.

best line in the whole thing I'm sure comes from one of Byron's poems I've read years and years back

where vague and shuffling demons danced

that was probably the inspiration for writing the poem in the first place. the wordy phrasing with all the mythological references were because the addict in the piece is supposed to be someone well-educated, knowledgeable about lore, a scholarly type who's succumbed to the siren of drug addiction and now all they can do is dream darkly. Suppose the fondness of mind-altering drugs by many famous poets of yore was behind it too. <- That's a rubbish sentence, isn't it? lol.
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Old 11-25-2009, 08:03 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post

snip

andthen there's this one from approx 6 years back I think, published in Epiphanies and Other Asurdities. Sigh. While I am still fond of it for various reasons, there are changes I would have made looking back at it.

and you and you and you

snip
I'm enjoying this poem very much but it will take long to respond specifically to the characteristics of what captivates. So far I've noticed that unexpected changes to the rhythm focus my attention on the meaning of the words as the rhythm is faithful to the meaning rather than obeying the logic of what has been established in previous lines.

So while I am still exploring what makes me like this poem so much I also have a need to see what changes you would make today. I don't see that you cannot change your poems once they have been published. Is it, perhaps, that the passion which drove the creation of that poem would have to be artificially resurrected in order to rewrite?
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Old 11-25-2009, 08:20 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipbutty View Post
thanks, Angeline. I used to only write great long pieces, then cut back to three-four liners as normal, and then payed about with other forms - wherever it goes I like following to see what'll happen as I travel.

best line in the whole thing I'm sure comes from one of Byron's poems I've read years and years back

where vague and shuffling demons danced

that was probably the inspiration for writing the poem in the first place. the wordy phrasing with all the mythological references were because the addict in the piece is supposed to be someone well-educated, knowledgeable about lore, a scholarly type who's succumbed to the siren of drug addiction and now all they can do is dream darkly. Suppose the fondness of mind-altering drugs by many famous poets of yore was behind it too. <- That's a rubbish sentence, isn't it? lol.
Well you were writing a sentence in that last line, not a poem, so who cares?

I understand exactly what you mean about beginning to write, and seeing where it takes you. I rarely end up with the poem I thought I was writing when I started writing it. And I find I get most insight in my poems this way. I don't like to write when I'm emotional about something because I don't think I make my best choices as a writer then. But it's also true that if something is bugging me and I'm not sure what (sadly, a common occurence for me lol), by the end of a poem I'll usually know what was bothering me after all. I love that writing poems can give me that insight.

I also get what you mean about one line inspiring a poem. I often start with a line from a poet I love as a way of getting started. I may or may not end up keeping that line in the poem, but it's often a big motivator for me.

Mind-altering drugs have, in retrospect, informed many of my poems. No flashbacks mind you, just poems!
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Old 11-26-2009, 10:54 AM   #9
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quick morning poem off of Chip's "and still i stare"

and still i stare at a woman's breasts,
"eyes up here and off my chest!"
let me near you while you dress,
a stocking here, a pantie less,
"eyes up here and off my chest!"


Happy Thanksgiving Americans. Happy 26th of Nov. foreigners(you should get in on this Thanksgiving holiday)
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Old 11-26-2009, 11:40 AM   #10
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tsk ..... foreigners indeed!!
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They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
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Old 11-26-2009, 03:26 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
... by the end of a poem I'll usually know what was bothering me after all. I love that writing poems can give me that insight.

I also get what you mean about one line inspiring a poem. I often start with a line from a poet I love as a way of getting started. I may or may not end up keeping that line in the poem, but it's often a big motivator for me.

Mind-altering drugs have, in retrospect, informed many of my poems. No flashbacks mind you, just poems!
Poems are great for getting it all straight. Thinking about the writing of others helps with even more insight, as its a good way to exercise our empathic nodules and, in retrospect, gives us a deeper understanding of our own writing habits and pitfalls.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bflagsst View Post
quick morning poem off of Chip's "and still i stare"

and still i stare at a woman's breasts,
"eyes up here and off my chest!"
let me near you while you dress,
a stocking here, a pantie less,
"eyes up here and off my chest!"


Happy Thanksgiving Americans. Happy 26th of Nov. foreigners(you should get in on this Thanksgiving holiday)
hehehehe
nicely done. eyyyyyyyyyes front and UP, sir
foreigners? bloody foreigners? don't you know the world began in England?
Happy Thanksgiving. We just think you're greedy getting TWO big holidays so close together while we're still waiting for Christmas like good little christians. Or wiccans. or scientologists, buddists, muslims, born agains, jews, atheists and undecideds.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
tsk ..... foreigners indeed!!
cheek, init? On the third day God created England.
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Last edited by chipbutty : 11-26-2009 at 05:25 PM.
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Old 11-26-2009, 05:21 PM   #12
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I was more huffy about the insuation that this is an all American board I'd always seen it as one big melting pot of all nations making nobody foreigners *whispers in an aside at least they can't knuckle into Bonfire night* ....... by the way isn't America made up of a lot of immigrant 'foreigners'? *goes and hides*
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Annie submits

Last edited by UnderYourSpell : 11-26-2009 at 05:24 PM. Reason: blabber mouth
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Old 11-26-2009, 06:04 PM   #13
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Wink Top Dog's Burden

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I was more huffy about the insuation that this is an all American board I'd always seen it as one big melting pot of all nations making nobody foreigners *whispers in an aside at least they can't knuckle into Bonfire night* ....... by the way isn't America made up of a lot of immigrant 'foreigners'? *goes and hides*
Even foreigners living in the USA look on the rest of us as foreigners. It a sweet enduring quality of all USeans (illegal and otherwise) that we should not hold against them for that is the natural response when, through no fault of your own, you are living at the centre of creation.
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Old 11-26-2009, 06:36 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
I was more huffy about the insuation that this is an all American board I'd always seen it as one big melting pot of all nations making nobody foreigners *whispers in an aside at least they can't knuckle into Bonfire night* ....... by the way isn't America made up of a lot of immigrant 'foreigners'? *goes and hides*
I said 'foreigners' because I wanted to be a light scab today. Like all good Americans when given half a chance--thou must irritate subjects of the Queen...down with tyranny and up with terrible banking practices!

It was just meant as a slight jab, possibly to pass unnoticed. This site being an American based site and Thanksgiving being an American holiday, I just thought it fit the context of the sentence. So sorry if more than lightly offended. There are no foreigners in poetry, we all write the same poems regardless of the language, and poetry is dying equally all over the human planet.
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Old 11-26-2009, 06:39 PM   #15
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Quote:
and poetry is dying equally all over the human planet
do you really believe this?


a sad statement.
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Old 11-26-2009, 06:42 PM   #16
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do you really believe this?


a sad statement.
I do believe it and it is a sad statement. I've traveled about the planet for a while now with an avid interest in poetry and it's a cultural phenomenon, whoever can describe the reason why poetry is irrelevant in human lives when it was so important for so long.
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Old 11-26-2009, 08:01 PM   #17
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I do believe it and it is a sad statement. I've traveled about the planet for a while now with an avid interest in poetry and it's a cultural phenomenon, whoever can describe the reason why poetry is irrelevant in human lives when it was so important for so long.
I do believe that it would be fruitful to consider Marx and the phenomena of alienation at this juncture.

relentless, never blinking,
driven to accelerate consumption
capital accumulation in the spiral
that must enlarge or die. When poetry dies
humans are long dead
their ghosts called consumers.

Not dead, you say, just shadows
pretending to throb with life
after forgetting what we would be
had we time to allow creative flow
to cooperate, time for communion,
time to feel our part?

We sold our souls
been robbed of our lives
ceded human rights
to corporate constructs, yet still
we long for poetry.

Last edited by lorencino : 11-26-2009 at 08:34 PM. Reason: style
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Old 11-26-2009, 08:54 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lorencino View Post
I do believe that it would be fruitful to consider Marx and the phenomena of alienation at this juncture.

relentless, never blinking,
driven to accelerate consumption
capital accumulation in the spiral
that must enlarge or die. When poetry dies
humans are long dead
their ghosts called consumers.

Not dead, you say, just shadows
pretending to throb with life
after forgetting what we would be
had we time to allow creative flow
to cooperate, time for communion,
time to feel our part?

We sold our souls
been robbed of our lives
ceded human rights
to corporate constructs, yet still
we long for poetry.
Poetry was just a holding pattern for human symbol and story for a while, the next version of poetry doesn't have to be poetry, if that makes any sense. I better go read Power Of Myth again.
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Old 11-28-2009, 01:38 PM   #19
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Poetry was the thing; everyone receiving an education was meant to be able to compose verse. They wrote stuff they called poetry. Whether it was or not.
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Old 11-28-2009, 06:06 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bflagsst View Post
I said 'foreigners' because I wanted to be a light scab today. Like all good Americans when given half a chance--thou must irritate subjects of the Queen...down with tyranny and up with terrible banking practices!

It was just meant as a slight jab, possibly to pass unnoticed. This site being an American based site and Thanksgiving being an American holiday, I just thought it fit the context of the sentence. So sorry if more than lightly offended. There are no foreigners in poetry, we all write the same poems regardless of the language, and poetry is dying equally all over the human planet.
Not overly offended!! Huffy in an amused way ....... if I was offended you would know about it!!
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 11-29-2009, 12:22 AM   #21
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Often understated in the Thanksgiving festivities, with its focus on feasting, is gratitude.
In some sense that may make it the most significant holiday.
I was brought up Catholic, but my spirituality today has no direct connection with organized religion. Haven't pursued other faiths, either on an intellectual or personal basis. Philosophically an agnostic, but in day to day life rely on a personal God who can give me serenity and strength.
Then again, gratitude (or any other virtue) should not be restricted to just a single day, but a reminder does help.
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Old 11-29-2009, 10:14 AM   #22
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Often understated in the Thanksgiving festivities, with its focus on feasting, is gratitude.
In some sense that may make it the most significant holiday.
I was brought up Catholic, but my spirituality today has no direct connection with organized religion. Haven't pursued other faiths, either on an intellectual or personal basis. Philosophically an agnostic, but in day to day life rely on a personal God who can give me serenity and strength.
Then again, gratitude (or any other virtue) should not be restricted to just a single day, but a reminder does help.
Do you celebrate Christmas then? I have a friend who is an atheist ....... so what do I do miss him off my xmas card list? Christmas is very caught up now with all the razzamatazz but quintisentially (sp?) it's a christian festival.
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
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Old 11-29-2009, 07:25 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
Do you celebrate Christmas then? I have a friend who is an atheist ....... so what do I do miss him off my xmas card list? Christmas is very caught up now with all the razzamatazz but quintisentially (sp?) it's a christian festival.
I do celebrate Christmas, and do consider it as Christmas, rather than 'winter holidays' or some such, but from a more secular perspective. I see Christianity as one path one can use to find God, and my values are Christian, but not with organized religious observances. Its a special family day and we honor a mix of past traditions (some hers, some mine).
I wouldn't take your atheist friend off your list. I don't know how you send cards - do you make them (my parents used to silk screen lots of cards they'd send out), buy one or more boxes of cards ... Do you write a little note? Depending upon how you do your cards, you might be able to tailor his as more secular. I think he probably appreciates being considered, unless he's virulently anti-religious.
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Old 11-29-2009, 07:29 PM   #24
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Quote:
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I do celebrate Christmas, and do consider it as Christmas, rather than 'winter holidays' or some such, but from a more secular perspective. I see Christianity as one path one can use to find God, and my values are Christian, but not with organized religious observances. Its a special family day and we honor a mix of past traditions (some hers, some mine).
I wouldn't take your atheist friend off your list. I don't know how you send cards - do you make them (my parents used to silk screen lots of cards they'd send out), buy one or more boxes of cards ... Do you write a little note? Depending upon how you do your cards, you might be able to tailor his as more secular. I think he probably appreciates being considered, unless he's virulently anti-religious.
He's one of my many online friends and I send them all a Jacqui Lawson online card .... I will send one on here too
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Blessed are the cracked for it is they that let in the light
They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
If at first you don't succeed....skydiving is not for you ....
If you don't pay your exorcist .... do you get repossessed?
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
....But I, being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet,Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.......
Nil Caborundum illigitimi
Sestina slut
Annie submits
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Old 11-30-2009, 06:39 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by UnderYourSpell View Post
Do you celebrate Christmas then? I have a friend who is an atheist ....... so what do I do miss him off my xmas card list? Christmas is very caught up now with all the razzamatazz but quintisentially (sp?) it's a christian festival.
I usually get a couple Chanuka cards a year, and I'm not Jewish or Christian. I don't believe in God or anything like that, but if I got a card with baby Jesus on it I don't think I'd be bothered. Most Christmas cards have pictures of your friends and family on the front, they're usually super secular even for super Christian families. Do English people do that? Send a picture on the front of the card and like their life story for the year inside? The story of the family inside the Christmas card is usually super funny, it's always about how wonderful and fabulous everything is when really you know their kid was in jail or Dad's been out of work for the year.

I think most people understand the reason people send cards during the holidays. Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph aren't missionaries, some people think they are, but they've got issues. Other folks stomp their feet over stores saying, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas". Some atheists lose it over Christmas trees in public places, so hopefully your buddy is the kind of atheist with the right priorities.

I love celebrating Christmas with my friends and family and having no aspect of Christ in it. Christmas is still technically a Christian festival, but the celebration of Christ's birth is usually an hour of the day for most people, something that my family used to dread. Dad: "Let's go the night before so we don't have to go on Christmas Day!"

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