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mistressmaxine

Really Experienced
Joined
Aug 5, 2007
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This is something that has made me think on and off for a while. It may have been discussed before but if it was I missed it.

Should a D, in a D/s relationship, experience what an s does? Should they know how it feels to be whipped, slapped, flogged etc? Or should it be totally one way.Conversely, should an s know what wielding a whip etc., feels like?

Random thought but one I'd like to see discussed!!
 
It probably has been discussed before and it is a theory some people hold. However, I have absolutely no truck with it because it's asinine - I have no interest whatsoever in being in the submissive role and taking beatings, and doing so will not make me a better Dom than I can already become through experience on my side of the table.
 
In the sense that you should have some idea of what pain different toys cause. What hot wax feels like. What figging feels like.But even that is misleading because of the difference between men and women's skin. Knowing what bondage felt like was helpful to me.

The "old guard" rule was you first must be submissive before you earn the right to be Dom. I can see the point that it would be a good education to be on the other side. But I'm not going down that path.
 
Now you made me feel happy to be a switch, I can enjoy any way without worries :)
 
Maybe for a Top or bottom but not necessarily for a D/s relationship. Being a D is so much more than being able to use a flogger, whip or hot wax and being submissive is not necessarily synonymous with being a painslut.

Submission comes from within me. Trying to dominate will not make me a better submissive. I know my Dominant has no desire to be submissive. I know he has tested out the sting of different implements on himself before using them on me but that is just being cautious. I see no benefit to him being whipped by someone to learn what it feels like to be whipped. He wouldn't be able to get into the submissive mindset, because he is not submissive--so the sensation whould be totally different.
 
mistressmaxine said:
This is something that has made me think on and off for a while. It may have been discussed before but if it was I missed it.

Should a D, in a D/s relationship, experience what an s does? Should they know how it feels to be whipped, slapped, flogged etc? Or should it be totally one way.Conversely, should an s know what wielding a whip etc., feels like?
Click to expand...

NO WAY JOSE!

I don't like being tied up (see, I've tried it and I know I don't like it) and I have absolutely no desire to feel what being leathered by someone else feels like! I do tend to test new percussion toys out on myself first before trying them on anyone else, just to know how hard to use them - but there's a big difference between doing it to yourself and having someone else do it to you - and an even bigger difference between doing it to yourself while free, and being tied up and hit by someone else.

No, thank you! I am not even going to discuss going there!

WriterDom said:
In the sense that you should have some idea of what pain different toys cause. What hot wax feels like. What figging feels like.But even that is misleading because of the difference between men and women's skin. Knowing what bondage felt like was helpful to me.

The "old guard" rule was you first must be submissive before you earn the right to be Dom. I can see the point that it would be a good education to be on the other side. But I'm not going down that path.
Click to expand...

Exactly. Every sub's response is different, anyway - so you need to learn by observation exactly what she can take (and what she can't).
 
Very interesting responses to this. My tuppenceworth is simple.

I am a dom, I have no doubt about that. I'm also an egalitarian.

My partner is a very powerful woman. Sometimes she needs to use me, as sometimes (more often) I need to use her. Sometimes we just need to express our love for each other, fairly vanilla.

But when she does need to use me, I submit. I need to show her my love, and I need to let her have her pleasure, as she needs to allow me mine.

So she has abused me, and as a socialist, I think that's more than fair. I do not derive any sexual pleasure from being bound and beaten, or arsefucked with her formidable strapon, but SHE does. She loves the power it gives her, and I want to indulge her. So I encourage her to do it, because I love her. I'm crap at it, I writhe and scream, and NOT in enjoyment. I wish I didn't, because I know she wants to do more to me, but ultimately she's a sub sexually, and she can't push my pain too far.

She begs me to push her. I do, and we both love that.

It's not an equal relationship in pain-exchange, at all. Does that matter? We do what we need to do together. We are equals, in our d/s love. But I think it's fair, that I have some idea of what she experiences when I play with her.

Chacun a son gout.
 
SimonBrooke said:
NO WAY JOSE!

I don't like being tied up (see, I've tried it and I know I don't like it) and I have absolutely no desire to feel what being leathered by someone else feels like! I do tend to test new percussion toys out on myself first before trying them on anyone else, just to know how hard to use them - but there's a big difference between doing it to yourself and having someone else do it to you - and an even bigger difference between doing it to yourself while free, and being tied up and hit by someone else.

No, thank you! I am not even going to discuss going there!


I guess that's a no then Simon!!
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
And I completely mucked up cutting and pasting that post.....Interesting responses though. I don't know what I think. Personally I'm not interested in tying the SO up but do wonder about others and how they think and if they do it or would do it to find out what it feels like. Obviously had too much time on my hands!!
 
okay. as a sub, i've tried it. it was very very very interesting. in the end, He was so worked up and fuming, that i had to beg Him to Fuck me. i needed Him to tell me i could cum. it was... very intense. i was surprised at my reaction. i think i could derive a different experience in a different situation, but i don't know. with Him, it was as if i needed Him to use all that built up fire and pain on me.
 
Like ecstaticsub above me I differentiate between being a Dominant and being a Top likewise with being a submissive and being a bottom.

I think for certain activities having the experience of being a bottom certainly makes you a better Top. I consider myself an above average fisting Top. Part of the reason why I feel I am so good is that I have a lot of experience being a bottom for that activity. Same with knifeplay/cutting. I "know" as a bottom what it feels like *to me* when certain things are done, so I can be reasonably sure that others feelings are at least in the same ballpark. (For example, the difference between running a blade vertically vs. horizontally across someone's back.)

In my relationship, my HusDom enjoys bottoming from time to time particularily for knifeplay. That does not make him submissive, nor take anything away from the fact that he is still my Dominant and calls the shots. It does not matter WHAT I am doing to him, he is always the one in charge, mentally at least.

For me... D/s is a state of mind whereas Top/bottom is all about what makes your cock hard or your pussy wet. The two do NOT always have to match or follow some predetermined set of rules.
 
If that was true, then in turn a submissive should experience dominance/sadism. :rolleyes:
 
Speaking as a switch, I definitely think so. The total experience is, for me, very much enhanced by experiencing both sides of a "power exchange" situation. I think that for a "top" to really know how a sensation actually feels to a "bottom", he/she should experience it first hand, at least once. The same holds true for a sub who has never been in control in a d/s relationship.

These types of feelings and interactions involve a complex set of emotions, and to experience the other side of a BDSM relationship can be very enriching.
 
I think everyone should try both sides, top and bottom. I know I won't do things to other people that I won't allow to be done to me (things like CBT notwithstanding, obviously). I don't really care about switching as far as D/s goes, though. But that's just my opinion, of course.
 
We've gone both ways over the course of time. It certainly helped determine where we are now, because neither of us like me as a Domme. :eek:

On the other hand, it doesn't always help to use your own sensations to judge how someone else will feel something. Whether it's the type of impact or the area of the body that is affected, we don't feel pain in the same ways at all.

For instance, he likes to box, and can tolerate getting hit in the face. Me, I'm not so tolerant.
 
I would never think of whipping or slapping B. He is my Master plain and simple.

Now someone else i play with i would switch. But that is not a D/s relationship.
 
A bit of me agrees with you and a bit of me doesn't! I think I could use a whip etc., but I don't think I'd feel right using restraints. Outside my comfort zone in that I think. I am impressed by the variety of responses though.
 
mistressmaxine said:
A bit of me agrees with you and a bit of me doesn't! I think I could use a whip etc., but I don't think I'd feel right using restraints. Outside my comfort zone in that I think. I am impressed by the variety of responses though.
Click to expand...

Oh, I could use a whip and restraints all right, just not on my Master. I could definately Top my friend and plan on doing so when we get together. But as I said before, that is not a D/s relationship, just kinky ;)
 
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