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Telephone Television Tell-a-Woman...still true?

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radepor

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Coming from an older generation, older than my perception of the age of most Literotica readers, I'd like to get a bead on "today's normal".

One or two generations ago, the title was a pretty accurate way of assessing the chances of a 'secret' staying a secret over time.

No!!! I am not deliberately stirring up a sexist-war. I want real, thoughtful answers. Currently, one of the major news networks in the U.S. is running a series of reports entitled, roughly, A Woman's Nation... or something similar.

Why am I asking? I have some slightly kinky things I'd prefer my friends and relatives didn't know (Ok, I'm lying; I have no friends and no relatives). I don't have to hide anything (every kink is already posted here); but if I did...

In my early to mid-teens, it was generally accepted that if a boy kissed a girl, he lied and suggested to others that more happened. (By the way, I don't think I kissed a girl until I was 18 or 19, so don't look at me.) By his twenties, if a man did the same, real men often shoved their fist down the offenders throat; or, if generous, politely distanced themselves.

Women, on the other hand, were perceived -- by men -- as being totally incapable, at any age, of keeping even the most intimate sexual activities secret.

Is this still true? How's a man supposed to navigate in A Woman's Nation?
 
My husband is a horrible gossip, about everything. He's incredibly nosey, looks through the blinds at night if he thinks somethings going on outside (its just the cat! get away from the window, freak!) and if I use him as an example, there would be no secrets, ever.

I am pretty sure he doesn't go into detail about out sex life, but I get the feeling that he talks a little bit, just comments that his co-workers have made here and there - I think mostly about frequency of sex, rather than what kind we are having.

Most of his co-workers are in their 40's-5-'s and he says that to hear them talk, they apparently never have sex? Or they are just looking for pity, who knows? LOL
 
sb2009 said:
My husband is a horrible gossip, about everything. He's incredibly nosey
Click to expand...

My husband is the same. That man can spend hours on the phone gossiping about anything and everything. He knows everything that goes on in the town, he is always informed about who fucked who and who bought a new car and who lost a job. And I know he is getting at least 90% of that info from other men. I wouldnt dream of telling him anything confidential about somebody else.

I dont care one bit what people do as long as it doesnt affect me, I use the phone when I absolutely have to and I get off soon I can (unless I am having a phone sex :D). I will take your secret to my grave since I really dont care to share it with anyone.
My husband calls me antisocial *shrugs*
 
My HusDom works with 10 other men day in and day out. He has worked there for 25 years. These men gossip MORE than I ever have in my life. He comes home every day with stories of who is doing what, whose fucking whom...etc..etc... I know he talks about our relationship and sex life. Not in vivid detail but put it this way... They all know that he likes to spank me. Certainly makes the holiday "formal" lots of fun for me to attend... LOL.

I don't tend to tell many people about my personal life. I may discuss something theoretically but I rarely personalize it. I just feel that there are very few people who need/could handle that information and I am better off keeping it to myself.
 
I admit that I like to gossip. I have RLS restless lips syndrome. Ok I just read that on a tshirt and wanted to use it somewhere. But, besides my tendency to gossip, if I am asked to keep a secret I keep the secret. That is the only thing to do.

My husband on the other hand is tight lipped, I can barely get answers about questions I want answers for so forget a secret coming out.

Abi
 
I'm not much for gossip and never have been. In several previous workplaces I tended to be pretty much oblivious to what was going on around me - the scandal, liaisons, office politics, and hook-ups, were just not all that interesting to me. I don't function well in that dynamic, and although I can be quite perceptive of people and their behaviours, I am generally far more interested in slipping under the radar myself. When I have been the topic of gossip, I am genuinely bewildered as to why that is the case - really my life is not that interesting to anyone other than myself and those closest to me.

That being said, I have worked in several locations where I have been the only female working among a large male workforce, and I can honestly say that I believe that men gossip far more than women. I was astounded by how much they gossiped actually. :)
 
I've always been the person people confided in because with the exception of one major mishap on my part, I've never treated that information stupidly.

Note, I did not say I never ever spoke of it. I did not *treat it stupidly.*
 
I think some men are gossipy and some women are gossipy. I don't think it's a gender-based trait. Women are frequently portrayed as gossipy while men are not shown as such, but I think it happens in both.
 
Etoile said:
I think some men are gossipy and some women are gossipy. I don't think it's a gender-based trait. Women are frequently portrayed as gossipy while men are not shown as such, but I think it happens in both.
Click to expand...

Me, too.
 
Neither my Husband nor I do much talking about our own lives... everyone comes to us with the details of ours. Every now and then, we may say something, me making an off-the-wall comment to a friend, him when the guys at work talk about their wives, but generally we're the ones doing the listening instead of the talking.
 
I'm totally freaked! Replace "male" with "female" and I'd swear I wrote it

Go away! I'm afraid I may hate you; or worse, want to get to know you.

Aquila1 said:
I'm not much for gossip and never have been. In several previous workplaces I tended to be pretty much oblivious to what was going on around me - the scandal, liaisons, office politics, and hook-ups, were just not all that interesting to me. I don't function well in that dynamic, and although I can be quite perceptive of people and their behaviours, I am generally far more interested in slipping under the radar myself. When I have been the topic of gossip, I am genuinely bewildered as to why that is the case - really my life is not that interesting to anyone other than myself and those closest to me.

That being said, I have worked in several locations where I have been the only female working among a large male workforce, and I can honestly say that I believe that men gossip far more than women. I was astounded by how much they gossiped actually. :)
Click to expand...
 
Males! I believe the women. Are we truly this bad?

I'm just getting over my shock from the astonishing answers,

I'm sorry to say my first impulse is to disregard the answers as female impatience with traditional male rule of the world.

Then, I ask (myself); why are their answers so honest and straight-forward? Shouldn't they have an "ax" to "grind"? Clearly, they should; but they all chose to answer in the most polite, disarming and eloquent manner instead.

I believe them. We suck.

radepor said:
Go away! I'm afraid I may hate you; or worse, want to get to know you.
Click to expand...
 
radepor said:
I'm sorry to say my first impulse is to disregard the answers as female impatience with traditional male rule of the world.
Click to expand...

I dont know about the world but I sure know who rules my house.
God help those who try to disobey.
I have no need for impatience.
 
This is totally off-topic

I want the thread to stay focused but can't deny my curiousity.

I love your assertiveness but it begs the following question: When an assertive woman, such as yourself, meets an equally assertive man...what happens? Or, another, equally assertive woman?

Are there rules I'm simply not aware of?

StrayKat said:
I dont know about the world but I sure know who rules my house.
God help those who try to disobey.
I have no need for impatience.
Click to expand...
 
radepor said:
I want the thread to stay focused but can't deny my curiousity.

I love your assertiveness but it begs the following question: When an assertive woman, such as yourself, meets an equally assertive man...what happens? Or, another, equally assertive woman?

Are there rules I'm simply not aware of?
Click to expand...

I make my own rules.
I havent met a man I couldnt "conquer" yet, granted I can be horribly manipulative bitch when I want to.
It took me 8 years to establish the roles in my present household and not all those years were fight for power, that tactic would never work with my husband. Basically I made him aware I surpass him in education, wealth, intelligence, you name it..... he is awfully proud of me and happy I am willing to be with his lousy self. He gave over the reins without realizing :D

Women? I see them mostly as a "prey" I am afraid, if they are not willing to comply I have nothing to do with them.
 
Thank You

I now think my question was impossible to answer or impossibly complex; that is, differs with every person.

Appreciate your attempt.

StrayKat said:
I make my own rules.
I havent met a man I couldnt "conquer" yet, granted I can be horribly manipulative bitch when I want to.
It took me 8 years to establish the roles in my present household and not all those years were fight for power, that tactic would never work with my husband. Basically I made him aware I surpass him in education, wealth, intelligence, you name it..... he is awfully proud of me and happy I am willing to be with his lousy self. He gave over the reins without realizing :D

Women? I see them mostly as a "prey" I am afraid, if they are not willing to comply I have nothing to do with them.
Click to expand...
 
radepor said:
I now think my question was impossible to answer or impossibly complex; that is, differs with every person.

Appreciate your attempt.
Click to expand...

Of course it is hard to answer since we are all so different :)
I am not assertive "per se", I can generally predict how far I can go with each person and I dont use force when I can clearly see it wont work.
Like I said, I havent met a man I couldnt outwit, manipulate or even force into what I want yet if I was really set on it.
 
This is pretty much me too. (LOVE the RLS clip!) I tell all my business....but I don't tell others personal business. There is an exception to this though. I can tell my Master anything. He doesn't gossip. He doesn't tell people his business. I know that whatever I tell him.....stays with him.

AbiNormyl said:
I admit that I like to gossip. I have RLS restless lips syndrome. Ok I just read that on a tshirt and wanted to use it somewhere. But, besides my tendency to gossip, if I am asked to keep a secret I keep the secret. That is the only thing to do.

My husband on the other hand is tight lipped, I can barely get answers about questions I want answers for so forget a secret coming out.

Abi
Click to expand...
 
I don't have an ax to grind, it think it's kind of cute that my husband is a gossip whore! Plus i get entertaining stories from him.

As to who is in charge...well, I'm quite a submissive. However, due to his long work hours and frequent absenses, I am pretty much the "manager" of our home life, etc. He usually checks with me for scheduleing things, etc - not for persmission, but because I have the pulse of the home in my head constantly. Things are run to his satisfaction, though.

Does that make sense, that I am not assertive at all, yet I run things well?
 
sb2009 said:
I don't have an ax to grind, it think it's kind of cute that my husband is a gossip whore! Plus i get entertaining stories from him.

As to who is in charge...well, I'm quite a submissive. However, due to his long work hours and frequent absenses, I am pretty much the "manager" of our home life, etc. He usually checks with me for scheduleing things, etc - not for persmission, but because I have the pulse of the home in my head constantly. Things are run to his satisfaction, though.

Does that make sense, that I am not assertive at all, yet I run things well?
Click to expand...

It makes lot of sense to me.
You dont have to be assertive to be capable and organized.
I used to work as a supervisor and my best workers were people who knew how to do what they were told and had enough brains to improvise if needed. None of them was very assertive or bossy, they were just knowledgeable about their job and capable of following orders. They were joy to work with as well.
On the other hand very assertive and bossy people were pain in the ass for me, it took too much of my precious time and effort to put them in their place sometimes.
 
you make such good sense!

It never fails with me...I am at a job (we move a lot so I change jobs a lot). I am doing well. So well in fact that I get promoted. I then have people that I have to wrangle into doing thier jobs or a peer who likes to play games. So I end up hating my job because honestly, I don't have what it takes to "force" someone to show up for work if they don't want to, or to have a pissing contest in a committee meeting for the hell of it. I don't have that fight in me.
 
I'm an employer, rather than an employee so people don't gossip with me. When I was an employee, I was very much like Aquila1 and Master is the same. We're not gossips because 90% of the time, we're not interested in the gossip. He will talk to me occasionally about colleagues but only because I rarely meet them and would never pass on gossip if I did. If he tells me things, it's because he likes and is concerned about the colleague, not out of malice or gossip for gossip's sake.

In my circle of friends, I'm the agony aunt so I have more confidences than most. In addition, I used to be a nurse so I'm trained to think before discussing anything sensitive. When it comes down to it, my philosophy is karma. I try not to say anything behind people's backs that I couldn't say to their faces and I like to think it minimises the chances of malicious gossip circulating about me as a result. Gossip is often a tit-for-tat thing and I figure if there's no tits, there'll be no tats.

Men gossip just as much as women though. In our modern age with facebook, myspace, twitter, mass emails, text messages and every damn thing else, I really don't think there's much gender difference when it comes to circulating gossip.
 
All it takes is one gossipy s/o to make a mess of things.
Once the rumors start it can get crazy.
Sure, us girls like to talk a lot, but it's so easy to
hurt somebody.
 
Tell me a secret and it will remain one unless you tell someone else.

Women do talk more about things than men however.

That's just my experience.

:rose:
 
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