Coming Home (Closed to ShyMystica)

These past few days had been a blur for Jake. Less than two days ago he had gotten a call from his panicked mother. Through her sobs over the phone he was able to make out that his father had passed away and she wanted him to come to his funeral. For most this would seem obvious but after years of turmoil between the two, it was a hard decision. At the end though, he figured he should be there for his mother. With that, and a 30 hour drive, he made it to Sidney, Nebraska. As he drove his 67 Impala through the town he remembered why I had left nearly 10 years ago.

Of course, leaving was far from a tough choice for the younger Jake. A small midwest town just wasn't the place for a young punk rocker. So with little more than a goodbye he had left. For years he traveled the country from band to band. Even getting to open up for some of hsi favorite bands. And now, he was back. 'I left Denver for this,' he sarcastically thought to himself.

Finally at the graveyard, he barely go there in time. Taking a quick moment, he chcecked himself in the sideview mirror. For once in years, his hair was it's natural black. This went along with his black jeans, shirt, trenchcoat and sunglasses. He couldn't help but think "God damn I look like a Boondock Saint" which lightened the mood a bit.. After this quick quip though, he realized he was going to be late. With the ceremonny starting, he rushed to the front to stand next to his mother. Despite having not seen her in years, he didnt' have the opportunities to catch up. Behind the black sunglasses he was wearing, he looked around at the mourners. Most being old hunting buddies or coworkers of his dad's, one did catch his eye. Across from him was his childhood friend Alexa. Despite the untypical black and veil she was wearing, he was instantly able to recognize her. More noticable to Jake was the man standing next to her holding her hand. Even years later, he couldn't help but feel a bit jealous. One after another, different people would give a eulogy. Despite this, Jake wasn't able to hear a word. he couldn't help but think of all the times the two shared. As the casket lowered into the ground, he kissed his mother on the cheek and left as quickly as possible.

“There is no doubt in my mind he will be here…you know how Jake gets, he used to be late for everything.”

With a soft smile Alexa left the grieving woman, allowing her to be comforted by her family. Though a petite woman, Alexa couldn’t help but worry that the woman had become increasingly fragile since her husband’s illness. Though, despite her increasingly delicate frame, she could still see Jake in her eyes. It had been near ten years since she last saw the woman’s son, and while most of the small town held some sort of animosity towards him for his quick and unjust departure, Alexa was never one to hold a grudge.

She sighed softly as glimpses of past conversations passed through her mind. He had always been so determined to get away from the life of this small town…always choosing to live in dreams while reality ran circles around him, ruthless and uncompromising at times. She couldn’t help but smile the day he had left…a small sense of pride ran through her at the thought of him finally getting out…something she had always yearned to do.

The funeral started, ceasing her mind from the reminiscent memories of the young boy she once knew. Looking around she saw no glimpse of him, a surge of disappointment running through her. As she sighed, she felt the familiar touch at her waist, a deep voice whispering in her ear.

“I’ve closed the bar for half an hour. You’ll need to go reopen once this burial thing is over.”

She could sense his disapproval and anger, a small shiver running down her spine as thoughts of the inevitable backlash of coming to this funeral will have on her behind closed doors. He held her hand firmly as the ceremony proceeded. Robert had always been overly possessive of her, even from the first time they met. He squeezed her hand tighter in an attempt to show is anger for being forced to close his bar. Alexa ran her free hand softly through her fair hair, her sea-green eyes locked on the grass below her, the pain from his crushing grip causing a tear to run down her cheek.

With the last eulogy finished, Robert had pulled her from the pack dragging her towards the car. Sitting in the car Alexa breathed deeply…at least while she was at work Robert left her be. She was safe at the bar, free from his possessive eye and emotionally draining assaults. After what seemed like the closest thing to a death glare from her partner, Robert sped out of the funeral lot, ignoring her as they made their way.

Jake walked briskly past headstones and the sounds of the mourners became fainter. He peered over his shoulder as he walked away, getting what he figured would be his last glimpse of Alexa before he left town. Despite these gloomy surroundings he couldn't help but think of the times the two had spent. Whether it was pretending to like his band or talking after another fight with his father, she was always there for him. Hell, she'd be more than likely to fight for Jake when they were in high school. As he continued to walk, he could feel a warmnenss he hadn't felt in years.

He could hear the sounds of his shoes hitting cement as he entered the parking lot. As he gets closer to his car, Jake is bombarded with memories. He looked back at the graveyard one more time, battling himself on whether he should go back or not. Making up his mind, he sighs. "God this is gonna suck isn't it," Jake said aloud. Realizing what he should do, Jake walked back to the gravesite. He'd greet the occasional passerby but to nothing but evil looks. 'Karma owes me' Jake thought to himself. As he approached the gravesite he greeted his mother, Beth. The years had been rough on her since he had left. If the stress of her son leaving weren't enough, it was shortly after that her husband got sick. Despite this though, she was able to keep a brave face and keep everything together as much as she could. After years apart, Jake finally took time to spend with hsi mother. Given it was far from perfect, but considering the circumstances it was fine. Helping her up from her seat, the two walked back to the parking lot.

As the two approached the parking lot, Jake spotted Alexa. As they drew closer Jake prayed his mother wouldn't notice. Of course being his mother, even at her mature age, she knew exactly how to make him feel awkward.

"Oh Jake, isn't that Alexa?" Beth asked.
"Ummmmm, I don't know. Maybe." Jake responded.
"Oh it is. You two should talk, it's been so long."
"No mom, really it's okay. I'm sure she's---"
"Alexa dear, would you come here please?" Beth interrupted Jake. Insuring all of Jake's fear of things getting awkward. As Alexa approached the two, Jake felt a nervousness he hadn't felt in a long time. The feeling of butterflies in his stomach and hoping everything went right.

“Alexa dear, would you come here please?” She looked out the window to see Beth waving madly. I fear of dread passed through Alexa as the woman called out to her…perhaps something was wrong. Before Robert had a chance to hold her back, she was out of the car, making her way over to Beth. A tall figure was beside her, someone she didn’t quite recognise. He had his back turned hunched over Beth’s small frame. Alexa sped her walk, taking Beth’s small fragile hands into hers, a look of concern spread across her face.

“What’s wrong Beth? Do you need something? I can go and …”

“No, don’t be silly” Beth replied, shaking Alexa’s hands softly…guiding her to the tall figure beside her.

Alexa studied the huddled dark form in front of her. A mass of black…black shoes, black pants, black shirt, black hair…it wasn’t until he shyly lifted his gaze that she recognised the figure.

“Jake!” Pulling her hands away from Beth, Alexa stood in stunned awe of her childhood friend. She had forgotten how tall he had been compared to her tiny frame, and his clothes a stark change from what she remembered. But his eyes remained the same…a lost soul shined through his squinted lids. She suddenly remembered how many times she had become lost in those eyes...how much she had missed his company over the years...how much she had needed him to help her the way she had helped him in the past. He shifted uncomfortably, and she was made aware of how long she had been standing silent.

“My word, look at you! You are skin and bones…you’re mother will have to fatten you up!” A small cheeky grin spread across her face as she leapt forward to hug Jake tightly. She sighed a moment…he still smelt the same as she remembered, the familiar warmth streamed through her as she held him tightly. He stiffened under her embrace. She whispered gently as she pulled away embarrassed, her cheeks flushed at her enthusiastic greeting…“thank you for coming back today”.

A horn shot through the background, breaking the moment, startling Beth so that she now clung to Jakes’ arm. Alexa turned to see Robert glaring angrily from the driver’s side of the car. The familiar warmth now replaced with sheer fear. She jumped back, her body tensed as she felt Robert’s gaze from behind. “I need to go, I am sorry…” she turned avoiding Jake’s gaze of confusion as she started back to the car. She turned around to speak to Beth “If you need anything just let me know!” Robert reached over and pulled her into the car and started off down the funeral driveway. The brutal interrogation was about to begin.

“Jake!” Alexa screamed as she rushed to Jake. This TOTALLY took Jake off guard. As she hugged her long lost friend. Emotions rushed through Jake and for the first time in years, he was left tongue tied. What could he say? After years away, it never hit him but he had so much to say. Should he say he was sorry for leaving? Should he say how much he missed her? All this ran through his head as Alexa

*BEEEEEP*
Jake was taken out of his mental state as he looked up. Seeing Alexa's boyfriend in his car angerly staring at the three of them. Clearly the guy was pissed. “I need to go, I am sorry…” Beth said to the pair. God this was his only chance. Before he could say anything though she was leaving. As he stared off, Beth hit Jake in the arm.

"The hell?!" Jake exclaimed.
"Watch your mouth. Anyway, you deserved it. You didn't even say hi. What's wrong with you?" Beth says as Jake walks her to her car.
"Nothing, just kind of stressed. But hey, I gotta get back to Denver. I'll visit though."
"Honey please stay. We really need to catch up." Beth pleaded. At this point, Jake knew he couldn't say no. Now would be the worst time.
"Ok mom, I'll stay a bit. But I can't be too long."
"That's great honey!" Beth said hugging her son. "I'll get your room ready."

Beth kissed her son on the cheek before entering her car. He waved by as she pulled out of the lot. As he walked back to his car he pulled out a cigarette. Lighting it up, he inhaled the nicotine as he stared around the small town. Hoping things went smoothly.

A slutty, useless, pathetic excuse for a whore girlfriend. Robert always had his way with words, and always knew how to use them to hurt Alexa the most. She searched every part of her mind to focus on anything besides the brutal verbal attack Robert was currently venting in her direction. It didn’t take long for her mind to drift to Jake. “My God! What were you thinking?” she cursed to herself…”jumping on him like some love-sick teenager”. That was the last thing anyone needed in the current situation, and she knew it. The look in his eyes, even if she knew what it was she’d have concluded that it was as negative as a thought could be. And then there were the effects it had with Robert. The last thing she mentally and physically needed was an excuse for him to keep beating her down.

By the time her thoughts seemed to come together, Robert had dropped her outside the bar, screamed a few obscenities and sped off again. Finally, some peace. Unlocking the back entrance, she made her way to the main office, slipping off her ‘morbid black attire’ as she made her way. She was never one to dress in such things, preferring the accents of colour and the feel of jeans around her soft hips. She passed the bar mirror on her way and stood briefly for a few moments as she looked over herself.

She was tall for the women around town, standing at 5’6, though the men had no trouble towering over her. In past days she had always admired how athletic she was, her tight and toned stomach her pride and glory. Now it seems she was a different person. She noticed how her breasts didn’t sit the way they used to in her younger days…a little heavier. She smiled at the thought, evidence of the cleavage her bra seemed to be currently overflowing with. Her hips were curvier, something Robert had always vocalised his distaste of. She untied her hair and realised that even that was different from 10 years ago. What used to be short, voluptuous curls that nestled her neck now was a long golden mass of soft, straight hair that fell below her shoulders to rest in the middle of her back. The only evidence in her mind that remained the same was her stomach…still flat but less toned. She wondered if Jake had even recognised her.

Something was new though. A bruise had begun to form on her wrist. She sighed, making her way to the office, purposely avoiding the evidence of Roberts rage. Alexa slipped on her signature attire: a pair of hip hugging jeans and a deep pink singlet top, and a pair of flat shoes. She made her way out to the main entrance, turning on lights as she passed. She stood at the door, resting her forehead against the rough wood. For the next few hours she was determined to let her worries go…Robert and Jake could wait until after service. Besides, she didn't even expect to see Jake again. She knew him well, and he would be gone as soon as he had the chance. Now, however, was the time for her façade…the bubbly, happy-go-lucky little southern girl that everyone loved. She peaked her head out through the doors to see a line of regulars. Reaching deep within her, she found her characteristic smile and opened the doors.

“Come on in boys, sorry to keep you waiting.”

Leaving the parking lot, Jake took his time driving through town. Taking his time to really look. As he passed each building, more and more memories hit him. Surprsingly quite a few of them good. As he passed a local Mexican restraunt he remembered going there with Alexa for lunch senior year. And a Van's Grocery where he stole some beer and the two of them watched movies instead of go to Junior Prom. For the first time since he'd arrived, a smile crossed his face.

Tossing his cigarette out the window, Jake parked on the curb outside the house. He grabbed his travel bag from the backseat and left his car. The house hadn't changed since he left outside of general wear and tear. Even the metal fence would squeak as he opened it. Opening the front door, the similarities continued.

"Mom, I'm home." Jake hollered as he entered the house. Beth rushed from the kitchen and hugged her son tightly.
"So you're still smoking, eh?" Beth says as she hugged her son.
"Yes mom. Sorry mother," Jakes said with a fake frustration. The two went into the kitchen and made up for so much time the two had lost. Lots of laughs and lots of tears shared between the two. The two talked for hours. Jake told her mother about all the touring he had done. Getting to travel across the nation with various bands. Not getting paid well but having a blast. It was shortly after this when his mom asked the big question.

"So, when am I going to have a grandkid?" Beth asked.
"WHAT??!!!! That was kind of random. Anyway I'm just 28, there's still a bit of time. Also there's more important things in life."
"Oh? And what would that be?"
"Well.... ummmmm..." Jake nervously tries to answer. "Boxing, yea that works, boxing." Jake says desperately trying to change to subject. "Do we still get HBO?"
"Oh no, we cancelled that years ago. MacLaren's downtown might though."
"Thanks for lettin me know, ma. I'll go change." Jake said before heading to his room. As he walked down the hall he took a moment to look at various family photos. It was funny to see how his look slowly changed over the years. As soon as Jake entered his room he closed the door and took off his shirt. He always hated dressing up and today wasn't an exception. Looking in the mirror, he took a moment to stare at the sleeve of tattoos on each of his arms. At this point it was hard to tell where one tattoo ended and one began. Taking off his dress shirt he put on an old Misfits shirt at the top of his bag.
"Mom, I'm heading out. I'll check in when I get back," Jake alerted his mother before leaving.

The raucous tunes of The Dropkick Murphys played as he went through the area known as downtown. Of course, Jake couldn't help but scoff at concept considering his travels. Instead of the clubs and restraunts he was used to, Sidney consisted of a 2 theater cinema and a couple of steak joints. As the lyrics to "Warrior's Code" boomed from the vehicle, the townsfolk couldn't help but scold and stare. After a quick 7 minute drive, he parked outside of MacLaren's Bar looking forward to some drinking and the Ward fight. The country music could be heard from outside before he could enter. 'God, maybe the fights aren't worth it' he thought before entering. With the head bartender having her back towards Jake, he took a seat. When she turned a round to pay an older man his change he instantly recognized her as Alexa.

“Ok Mr. Rogers, here is your change. Though I do think that should be your last one” Alexa flashed her pearly whites at the elderly man, who seemed by far passed his limit. Her smile could put a raging drunk at ease, and since she began to work at the bar, she made full use of her given gift. “Now go on, get on home before Mrs. Rogers pulls you home by your ears. The taxi won’t be long.” With another glimpse of her enchanting smile, the elderly man stumbled off his chair without a word of disagreement. Taking a few moments to collect his change, he pushed passed the rest of the regulars, almost collapsing on a young man she didn’t recognise at the end of the bar.

She giggled at the obvious frustration the young man seemed to have, and watched him glare the old man down until he was clear out of site. She made her way over to stand in front of the unknown huddled figure before her…”I wouldn’t take it too personally. In fact, you probably saved the poor thing from another hip replacement.”

She was taken back when the man avoided eye contact, just grunted softly and buried his face behind strands of dark hair. She leant forward in an attempt to get a better look, “Now come on…what can I get you to put you in a better mood?”

It was then she saw them…his eyes. Alexa stepped back in shock, a state of confusion passed over her face. Jake was the last person she expected to see at the bar, especially considering the awkward reunion at the funeral grounds. She was at a loss for words. Her mind swam as she recounted the uncomfortable scenario, her head dizzy with regret and embarrassment. The uncomfortable feeling in her stomach didn’t help, making her lean back against the till for extra support.

There was so much she felt she needed to say…how hard his departure actually was on his family, how easy it seemed for him to just walk out, how bad things had changed since he left. Or should she praise him for his efforts in escaping and being able to avoid all the crap that had happened?

After an even more awkward silence, she reached for a clean glass and filled it with beer from the tab. She handed Jake the beer and finally spoke…”You still drink beer, right?”

"Can you also get me a shot of whiskey?" Jake asked hoping he doesn't sound too rude. Turning around, Alexa went to get a shot glass. Bending over the counter she reach far back to grab a battle of Jack Daniels. 'God, she still looks great' Jake thinks, fantasizing like a school boy. Even though her physical appearance had changed a bit since high school, she was still looking great if not better. 'Her hair looks great and those curv-- okay Jake, snap out of it. Now you're just sounding creepy' Jake chastised himself. Alexa returned with the shot glass. "Hey, I just wanted to say sorry for today. Bein all quiet and shit."

"No problem," Alexa replied. "It's a stressful situation so I understand if you didn't wanna talk." Alexa continued with a slight southern twang in her voice. "It's been so long. Is being a big, bad rock star all you thought it'd be?"

"It has it's ups and downs. Like a couple of shows ago--" Jake started before an older gentleman approached the bar.

"Sorry, gotta take this. Two seconds." Alexa said before heading off. All Jake could do was watch in awe as Alexa was able to completely charm the customer. It was the same magic he saw from her back in the day. Seeing her like this brought a smile to his face. Alexa walked back to Jake.

"Cheering up huh? Glad to see Jack and I could help," Alexa joked and chuckled. "Anyway, back to you. How's life on the road? Everything you thought it would be?"

"Yea it's fun. I get to go city to city, tear shit up, and free drinks are always nice." Jake lied. No doubt it was fun and he wouldn't trade it for the world. What he didn't mention is how hollow it could be. He used to watch Behind The Music and call shenanigans on the sob stories. Given it's not like he was Vanilla Ice but it had more downs than ups.

"Well how long are you in town? We really do need to catch up." Alexa continues.
"I'm not sure. As long as my mom forces me to I guess," Jake joked.

"What about you? What--" Jake is interrupted.
"Alexa! Can I get another beer?" Another customer interrupted the couple. This was way too frustrating for Jake. Even worse, they didn't have boxing either! 'Jesus this is ridiculous' Jake thought to himself. 'Maybe she doesn't wanna talk with me. Couldn't blame her, I've been a dick. Maybe I should go.'

"Okay, I'm back." Alexa said returning.
"I hate to cut this short but I gotta go" Jake says as he finishes his beer. "But if ya wanna catch up or whatever, I'm staying with my mom. Or if ya don't want to that's cool to." Jake gets out awkwardly. "Anyway, later hun." Jake says as he pays his tab. With his hands in hsi pockets he leaves the bar. A bit sullen by the experience. 'Wait, did I just say hun?' He asks himself.

“Oi!” Alexa called out after Jake, slipping under the bar to catch up to him outside. “You left something at the bar” she smiled, the first true smile she felt in a long time, as she handed back his money. “I’m not going to make you pay, especially today. Think of it as a welcome home present. Now come back and finish your drink.” Without a chance to respond, Alexa pulled him back to the bar by his shirt and sat him down in his seat.

She watched him for a moment…he seemed awkward and tense to say the least. She looked around the bar to see a mass majority of the still sober regulars eyeing Jake down. “My God, do people know how to mind their own business?” she thought to herself.

“On second thoughts,” Alexa pulled him up again and pushed him towards the private office…”I’ll give you your own private place tonight”. She grinned at how easily she was able to push him around, just like how it used to be. She opened the door to let Jake through. “I’ll bring you your drinks in here…at least that way you can drink without being scolded by the locals.”

She left to return with another glass of cold beer and a shot of whiskey. “The place closes in an hour or so, I’d really love a proper catch up talk…I mean…if you’re up for it of course.” She turned around and switched on the TV, her mind a mess of thoughts she couldn’t quite seem to stop racing. She found the remote and handed it to Jake, “Rob has cable in here, you should be able to watch anything you like until I am done.”

Alexa stopped in the door and took a second glance at Jake. She knew how he hated to be here, stuck in this small town under the constant eye of opinionated locals. But as far as she was concerned…there was no other place she would rather him be. She smiled softly as Jake fiddled with the remote…”from memory the boxing should be on…should finish around the same time I close up.” With that she left him to his peace to attend the bar.

"C'MON!!! TAKE HIM OUT!!!" could be heard from the back office. The whole bar looking back. Jake peeks his head out of the office. "I'm really sorry folks, y'all continue drinking and whatnot." As all eyes are on him, he slowly lurches back into the small room. As he closes the door, he looks around the office. It was small, kind of messy with a few file cabinets. Various papers hung on the walls. Peering down on the desk, Jake spotted a framed picture next to the computer monitor. Looking closer he realized it was Alexa and the guy she was with. he had blonde hair, blue eyes. In the picture he wore a sweatervest. 'Jesus, people actually wear that?' Jake thought. He next noticed was their body language. The guy looked like it was his set pose. Like a douchebag robot. Alexa on the other hand was something different. It was a fake pose but in a completely different way. Like she didn't want to be there in the slightest.

"DID YOU SEE THAT???!!!" hollared from the screen. Jake's attentions dart to the screen. "OH DAMN!" he yells as he watches the replay. 'There goes 50 bucks.'

The last customer finally left the bar, and Alexa began to clean up. With mop in hand she left the floors to dry and stood in the doorway of the office. It had been a long day, and while her mind was running circles in her head, her body and emotional state began to weaken. She looked at Jake quietly, he sat unaware of her presence. What was she to say to him? How much did he already know? Was it even her place to bring anything up?

After Jake had left Sidney, Alexa made it her duty to keep an eye on his family, his mother in particular. She witnessed firsthand the results of his aggressive departure. Her father seemed to show no emotional signs of distress, except when he fell ill several years ago. His mother, on the other hand, was easier to see through. While Alexa didn’t know if Beth was ill, she did see several distressing signs over the 10 years. She had lost a vast amount of weight, stopped eating, even her monthly hair appointment was ignored. Alexa saw it all, especially Beth’s change in personality. Though it was never Alexa’s place to say anything…she just stood by and helped whenever she could.

Then there was the issue of how Alexa needed him...she pushed that thought out of her mind, unable to allow herself to break down that way.

Was now any different now that Jake was back? While in her heart she hoped that he would stay and save the day, bring back the hope Beth had lost all those years ago…Alexa knew that he would leave as soon as the chance arose. While she was proud he got away, a little piece of her left with him that day…a piece she knew she would never get back. Alexa sighed softly and kept her gaze on the floor.

She spoke softly, her voice barely audible over the TV…”Jake? I…ummm…I need to get this off my chest. And I need to say it now…I presume you’ll probably leave soon as it is”. Alexa’s unsteady hand brushed through her hair as she stumbled upon the words she needed to say. “You need to stay…if only for a month or so. There are things you need to sort out…things only you can really do.”

Alexa looked at Jake, her eyes determined to keep back the tears she felt surfacing. “I…I know it wasn’t easy to do what you did. I also know why you did it. And while I am happy you are out there, living the life you always wanted…Things weren’t good when you left…and no one was left to pick up the crap that was left behind. You may have escaped Jake, but…the consequences still affected people.”

She turned in an attempt to hide the feelings that began to surface…”Nothing kept you here the first time, and I am smart enough to see that nothing will keep you here a second time. Just…make sure the people you leave behind this time are able to cope without you.”As she choked out her last few words, she walked away to wash the glasses from the bar.

Jake looks up as Alexa explains it all. Her eyes tear up more and more as each word leaves her lips. This was the first time he had ever really seen Alexa weakened. A pain he had never seen before was behind her eyes.

"Just…make sure the people you leave behind this time are able to cope without you." Alexa says before leaving the office. She leaves and it takes Jake a few moments to process everything he heard.

'Should I stay? Should I go? Obviously Beth and Alexa need me, but I have so many commitments. Family should come first but I can't just abondon the band. They've had my back way too long for me to ditch them now. Jesus, what do I do?' Jake goes back and forth in his mind. Two different sides pulling at him. He hasn't stopped touring in years. Hopping from band to band, it's all he'd known for years. But this, this was way too heavy for him. After a few mintues, Jake takes a deep breath, pulling out his cell phone.

"Hey Jerry, it's Jake. Yeah yeah, everything is okay. But I can't come back for awhile. Yea, I can't make the dates. No, I'm not leaving the band. I just need a hiatus. Got some family shit to take care of. It'll be two months, max. Yeah you can fill my spot. I'll pay back some of my advance tomorrow. Alright, later bro". Closing the phone, he's made the biggest decision of his life. With a deep breathe, he heads back out. He sees Alexa as she finishes cleaning the bar. Her body language no less depressed than earlier.

"So, I thought about it and decided to stay. At least for awhile. Band's kind of pissed but whatever. This is a bit more important."

Alexa turns, glass in hand, suds dripping down her wrists, to face Jake. For the first time tonight she is left silent at the anguish evident on Jake’s face. She turns and places the glass back in the sink, swearing under her breath for opening her mouth in the first place. It wasn’t her place to interfere with things…she knew it. Then it hit her…the emotions of the last few years slamming into her chest in one big swing.

Ever since Jake left the first time she was a completely different person…she quit drinking and met Robert at a nearby college. At that point she had given up hope in escaping the small town blues, and threw herself into a life that Robert had planned for her. Since that day she had become numb to the world…yet today it seemed to hit her all at once. For the first time in ten years Alexa reaches for the vodka bottle next to the sink, taking a long deep sip before she chokes slightly at the unfamiliar burn of her throat.

“I…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean for you...I mean to make you angry. I just…I mean…” her words began to stumble on each other. Alexa takes another drink while her thoughts begin to slow…”I can’t handle…I mean…I don’t think Beth can handle being alone right now. And I can’t look after her like I used to…Rob…”. No, Robert was a place she definitely didn’t want to go. Taking another sip she whispers softly…”I’m sorry.”

Seeing Alexa break down surprises Jake to eno end. "It's okay," is all Jake can say. Approaching her, he embraces her. Holding her close, he feels a warmness he hasn't felt since he left. Her chest, pressing up against his. Her small arms wrapping around his body. Pulling back he looked into her eyes. Seeing a return to the glimmer they had years ago. Jake's head slowly leans in, tilting to adjust to her lips. Moving closer and closer.

"WHAT THE HELL???" says Robert as he comes through the door.
"What?" Jake asks annoyed, looking at Alexa's preppy dressing boyfriend.
"Why you so close to my girl, freak?" Robert says getting more and more confrontational.
"Cause we're friends. Just cause I ain't got a trust fund doesn't mean we can't be. So Why don't you move along before I beat the hell out of you." Jake says, rage in his voice.
Rolling up his sleeves, Robert takes a cheap shot and punches Jake in his stomach. Keeling over, Jake is able to avoid a shot that breaks some glasses on the counter. His fist cut by broken glass. With this opportunity, Jake is able to get past Robert and head for the door. "Okay fucker, if you want to fight, fine. But I ain't fuckin up the bar. I'm heading outside." Jake hands Alexa a couple $20s. "I'm sorry about all this. I didn't mean to fuck this all up."

Jake headed outside, lighting a cigarette. Smoking feverishly he can't help but think how he once again messed everything up. 'God, what was I doing? She's with a guy! That was just a stupid move.' Finishing his smoke looks up. 'Alright, it's go time.' Tossing the butt, his adrenaline pumps as Alexa heads out the door and he's left in shock.

As Jake storms out of the bar, Alexa stands stunned, the sudden violence taking her by surprise. Robert watches Jake leave, grasping his bleeding hand, then moves towards Alexa. She knew that look in his eye far too well…she takes small steps backwards until her back reaches the door of the office. Her breath begins to quicken, she can hear her own heartbeat pound in her ears.

“You like making a fool of me?” Robert takes Alexa by the shirt and pulls her closer to him. She shakes her head unable to say a word. He begins to shake her, his eyes becoming hazy with anger. “You see what you did? You see what your slutty ways did?!” he yelles at her.

Before Alexa has time to respond, Robert throws her to the ground, her head hits the corner of the bar before she falls to the ground. Robert lifts her back up by her shirt, it rips at the brutal force. He studies her for a moment, a look of disgust lingers on his face, then one of pain as he recognizes the blood bleeding from his hand onto her shirt. He pushes Alexa back, then moves towards the office and slams the door behind him.

Alexa stumbles over a fallen chair, her body shakes as she fights for control of her emotions and the deep pain from her head. Without a second thought, she wearily makes her way out of the bar, her head dizzy from both the alcohol and her mild concussion. Her mind was even more erratic than before, filled with silent hatred and anger towards herself for her own stupidity...all her idiotic events of the day; opening her big mouth in front of Jake, allowing her emotions to overtake her which lead to the tender embrace she shouldn’t have allowed, the near kiss that she wanted so badly.

Her mind drifts to the moment she just shared with Jake...his soft touch sent shivers down her spine, she felt safe there as she clung to him. She loved the way her body was pressed up against his, his strength allowing her to become weak. His breath running down her neck, the look in his eye was one of affection, one she had never seen from Robert. And his lips, oh how she wanted to kiss them...to feel his pressed softly against hers, to feel his breath tickle across her cheek, to feel his tongue gingerly tease her bottom lip. "Slut...slut...slut...slut" Roberts' voice echoes in her head as her mind drew to the present...he was right...after all she wanted Jake so much...she was a slut.

Alexa walks out the bar doors and stumbles as her head begins to spin out of control. She attempts to focus on street as she feels a warm wet moisture drip down her cheek. She wipes it away only to realize its her own blood on her hands. The street begins to meld with the stores across the road, spinning and morphing into a spiral of colors…then darkness as her head hits the cold pavement.

"FUCK!" is all Jake can get out as he rushes to Alexa's side. Taking her in his arms he runs with her to his car. Opening the passenger side, he puts her in the Impala. As he runs to the driver's side he sees Robert leave the bar's entrance. As Robert heads to his Cadillac, Jake runs up to him. Grabbing him by his shirt collar, Jake pushes Robert against his car. "You're lucky I gotta leave otherwise I'd beat the fuck out of you. But you better hope right now she's alright cause if she isn't, I'll not only beat the fuck out of you but I'll also fuck your mom in front of you. You got that?" Jake says, a fire in his eyes and rage in his voice. Before Robert can give an answer, Jake headbutts Robert. He can hear a crack and is pretty sure he broke Robert's nose. As Robert holds his face Jake punches him in the stomach a couple times for emphasis.

Without further interruption Jake gets in the drivers seat and races to the closest hospital. Looking over at Alexa, he notices she's still breathing. 'Ok, so she's alive, thank god'. Running through lights, went as fast as his car could go. Pulling out his cell he dialed 911. "I have a woman that's been knocked out. Not sure exactly what happened but I'm heading to Sidney County." Hanging up the phone he checks Alexa. 'Jesus, this is all my fault.' Jake thought as he pulled into the parking lot. Parking irratically, he rushes Alexa into the emergency room. The doctors take her away as Jake freaks out and paces. Taking a moment every now and then to go outside and punching his car in frustration.

“I’m fine…” Alexa’s patience begins to run short as the doctor takes his time with his examination. His torch shines brightly into her eyes as his continues his questions…”what exactly happened?”

“I drank…too much…tripped…” she mumbles as she closes her eyes from the pain from the light. The examination itself continues but Alexa cannot focus on the night’s events as her eyes become heavy…the continual ache in her head the only thing keeping her awake to answer the insistent doctor’s questions.

After what seemed like hours of wound dressings, pleading and reassuring, the doctor allows Alexa to go home. He escorts her to the waiting room in a mandatory wheelchair where they find an anxious Jake. She avoids Jake’s confused stare and huddles in the chair, the doctor and Jake moving aside to talk.

“She’ll be fine. I’m not exactly happy about this, but she assures me someone will be able to watch over her of I let her go home. She has a mild concussion, so if she drifts to sleep, try to wake her less than two hours afterwards. Keep ice on her head to reduce the chance of internal swelling. I’d be far more comfortable keeping her in, but as it seems she is a hard one to negotiate with.”

She senses Jake’s eyes on her again and stiffens uncomfortably.

“She may be irritable and emotional. Keep an eye on her when she moves around on her own…she will be dizzy, weak and nauseous and may not be able to bring full sentences together until after she rests. These will pass…if things continue to get worse bring her back in.” With a ring of his beeper the doctor excuses himself and leaves.

Alexa grows impatient and stands shakily from the wheelchair to leave. She feels a familiar warm grip around her waist. Before Jake has time to say a word she whispers “…please…just take me home…”. The journey to his car remains silent. What was she supposed to say? What could she say? Everything felt like such a mess, her mind even more so as the thudding echoes between her ears. She hands Jake her open wallet to show him her address before sitting in the passenger side.

She sighs softly as she relaxes against the seat…his scent from the car allowing her to relax. She had missed him…she knew it, but her mind wouldn’t allow any deeper thought. She studied him under heavy lids as he drove silently, occasionally checking on her. His hands gripped the wheel tightly causing his forearms to tense. In fact, his whole body was tense. He was so much stronger than she remembered...and the tattoos were definitely something she hadn’t seen before.

She reaches out to brush her hands along his arm, her eyes attempting to focus on the array of colours. Her head thuds as a friendly reminder, her eyes close as a small tear runs down her cheek and whispers…”thank you.”

Jake felt Alexa's dainty fingers go up and down his arm. Her touch sending a chill through his body. Looking to his right he made sure she got in safely. Not being able to help but stare at her body a secod or two longer. Sapping out of it, he sits upright in the driver's seat. Not turning on the CD player, the two friends travel in silence. Taking moments to look at one another. Remembering the streets, it all comes back to him. "Hey are you livin at your parent's old house now?"

"Yea. It's the same as it always was." Alelxa replies with a goofy smile crossing her face. Jake can't help but smile back. Her soft eyes having something behind them. Maybe it was the concussion but there was that special something Jake has been missing behind them. Reaching the house, Jake goes up the drive way slowly. Careful not to rock the car too much. Parking the car, Jake is out first. As he goes to the passenger side he looks around, making sure Robert isn't around. Not a cadillac in sight. Opening Alexa's door, she grabs his hand and he helps her out. Alexa holds tightly onto his arm as they walk to the front door.

"Hold on a second," Jake says as they approach the door. He looks around and sees a potted plant. Lifting it up he grabs the house key underneath. "Still keep it here, huh?" He says bringing a welcome smile to Alexa's face. The two head inside the house. "So where ya wanna head?"

Alexa turns and stumbles up the stairs with determination of doing it on her own. “I umm…” she turns to face Jake…his movements soft and quiet. She remembers how they used to sneak out while her parents laid asleep upstairs. “My parents passed a few years back Jake, you don’t have to be so quiet now.” Before she could see his reaction she begins to climb the stairs slowly, her head starts to spin as she makes her way to her bedroom.

Without further thought she slides off her ripped shirt and throws it towards a corner. As she passes the mirror she stands to see blood on her skin, and a small bruise forming on her shoulder. She closes her eyes as the room begins to spin slowly, she begins to sway, then the warmth of hands over her hips as she feels herself being guided to her bed.

Opening her eyes she sees Jake looking at her worryingly. Alexa jumps up covering her bra covered breasts and stumbles her way to the bathroom…”God I am so sorry! I forgot…I mean…I didn’t realise you were behind me…dammit…your girlfriend would be so mad if she saw me half naked in front of you!”

Robert’s words begin to echo in her mind again…”slut…slut…slut…slut”. Alexa rests against the edge of the door as she whispers to Jake “I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to act like a slut”.

She closes the door and moves to sit on the edge of the bathtub, her head pulsing pain through her body…an angry tear falling from her eyes as she fumbles for clarity. She turns on the hot water of the shower, strips off her jeans and underwear and stands under the water…allowing the warmth to take over her aches.

Her mind begins to drift slowly as she calms down. Resting her head on the tiled wall her mind drifts towards Jake...his musky, sweet, masculine scent from the car, the feel of his body against hers as he helped her walk to the house, his warm breath against her neck as he guided her to her bed…the brief thoughts sending shivers up her spine.

She wanted nothing more than to feel him, be close to him, show him how much she…before her mind could finish the thought she closes her eyes and pictures him stepping up behind her, wrapping his strong arms around her waist as the water cascades down their hot bodies. She can feel the warmth of his breath run down her neck and shoulder. He turns her and looks into her eyes…his deep brown eyes absorbed with lust. He pulls her closer to him and she feels her soft body pressed against his hard muscles. He leans forward and kisses her deeply yet softly, she shifts her legs to accommodate his passion. He steps in closer, his hardness pressing against her belly.

“No! What the hell are you thinking?!” Alexa screams to herself. Breathless she begins to wash herself as she attempts to push the intense imagery out of her mind. Running the sponge over her erect nipples, she sighs softly at how sensitive they seem to be. She continues over her stomach, down her thighs where she feels a strange warmth. Curiously she slips her finger between her legs…her fingers becoming slick with her own juices. “Dammit Alexa, you can’t! Even if you could, he probably can’t anyway, or wouldn’t want to. So stop acting like an idiot!”

She steps out of the shower wearily, wraps a towel around herself and peeks her head out of the bathroom door. No sign of Jake…did she scare him off? As she steps out of the bathroom she hears the kettle boiling in the kitchen followed by a few clanks of cups. She begins to feel her head spin…she steps shakily towards her bed and falls onto it, closing her eyes to wait until the dizziness fades.

Mugs clanked as Jake went through the cabinet. As he looked through he saw something familiar. Reaching back he grabbed an old white coffee mug. It didn't look too special but it carried so many memories. It reminded Jake of sophmore year. He had come down with a really bad case of the flu. Stuck in bed for a week. Everyday after school, Alexa would head over with a cup of chicken noodle soup that she served in this cup.

The kettle on the stove went off grabbing Jake's attention. The loud whistle of it going off. walking over he took the tea off the stove and poured it into the mug. Pouring a bit of honey into the tea he started heading up the stairs. He knocked on the door softly. Alexa was lying in bed in a towel. She looked so peaceful as she rested. The towel wrapped around her body shows of her lovely legs. Her breasts barely covered. Jake gulps as his erection strains against his pants. He takes a sip of the tea himself, calming himself down.

"Hey. I brought you some tea. Hope it helps." Jake says placing the tea on the table next to the bed. He kisses he on the forehead. As he pulls away though he can't help but look into her eyes. Not really knowing what he's doing, Jake kisses Alexa on the lips.

So soft, so warm, so gentle…drawn by pure instinct Alexa returned Jake’s kiss, pulling him closer as her need ran through her veins. Closing her eyes she focused on his soft fingers gingerly running up the curve of her neck to nestle amongst her wet golden hair…his train leaving her skin tingling with fire. She had wanted his touch for so long…yet now the pleasure of having it had been diminished by the nauseous guilt that lay in the pit of her stomach. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, her gaze burning into his as her chest heaved to catch her breath.

“No…no, no, no…” Pushing past Jake, Alexa stood and walked to the other side of the room, her heart pounding in her ears. She wrapped the towel around her tighter as a sense of anger built up inside her chest. She turned around and glared Jake down…”You left Jake…you…you…” Alexa stumbled on her own words as her mind ran wild.

“You left…and you’ll leave again. The day you left 10 years ago things changed…I’ve changed. God look at me for Christ’s sake! Do I look like the same person? You have no idea what happened after you left…and you come back and expect things to be the same?” Her voice began to croak as she fought anger-filled tears. She began to physically shake, she grasped the wardrobe door and leant her head upon it for support.

Alexa sensed Jake’s shock at her outburst. He remained still the entire time. After moments of fighting her own emotions she whispered…”Did you expect me to wait Jake? Did you even wait? What do you want me to do…right now I don’t understand anything…”

"Well what was I suppsoed to do?" Jake asks with some anger in his voice. "You've known since we were kids that I wanted out. I couldn't stay in this hell hole." Tears starting to well up in his eyes. "And don't think you weren't on my mind while I was gone. Every chick I've been with the past 10 years has been compared to you. And y'know what? They all completely failed in comparison. I've been trying to find you out there and have ended up alone." From sadness came anger in Jake's voice.

"What about you though?? What happened to the peppy cheerleader I knew?? You had the world at your feet. You had colleges come after you. You had the brightest future of anyone we went to school with. I come back and you're working a shitty job with the biggest piece of shit guy I've ever seen. It fuckin kills me to see that. If I knew this would happen I would've stayed to protect you. But I thought you were stronger. I thought you knew better. I expected to see your name in lights before mine. Had I known this would happen, I would've taken you with me. Hell I still would." The tirade was out of Jake's system. The tears streaming down his face. Having seen Alexa cry just breaks him. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything." Jake finishes, wiping his eyes.

Alexa listened intently as Jake broke down. It was a side she hadn’t seem from him since he fought with his father before leaving. Her heart ached painfully in her chest as she listened. She should have just stayed quiet. Wiping away her own mass of tears, she slid down the wall to sit upon the floor, her head resting upon her knees. Jake’s voice continued to ring in her ears ‘What happened to you?’ “God…what did happen to me?” She sat in silence as she recollected the past 10 years in her mind. It was all a messy…a great big mass of surreal and chaotic crap that just seemed to pile on top of each other.

The last thing she wanted to do was face Jake...for him to see how much her own messed up situation really effected her. Without lifting her head so spoke softly…”Three weeks after you left Dad and Ma died…a car crash just outside of the city. They were coming to meet me at a college I accepted. After that things just got worse. They hadn’t paid off this place…an old business partner of Dad’s paid it off so the banks stopped harassing me for money I didn’t have. That’s how I met Robert…his dad was the one who paid off the house.”

Alexa sighed, resting her head back against the wall as she continued…”It started out as guilt…I couldn’t say no…it was only meant to be one date. That flowed onto more…next thing you know he persuaded me to quit school and help him at the bar. By that stage I didn’t mind…he was all I had left to hold on to.”

She sat in silence waiting for a reply from Jake, yet he remained still.
“I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you. I don’t need your protection, I never did. You know I’m smart…I just…even the smart can make bad decisions when their world begins to crumble…ya know?”

"I.... I didn't know," is all Jake can muster out. "I'm so sorry."

All this information clouded his head. 'How did I never hear about this? Was I THAT out of touch?' he asked himself. What hurt him the most though was 'I don't need your protection, I never did.'The words repeating in his head over and over.

"I'm here for you now. I'm not gonna leave you hanging again. I'll never let anything else her you" Jake says as the tears dry on his cheek. He held Alexa close to his body. The heat of her body pressed against his. As he stood there, he couldn't help but feel an erection grow in his pants. 'OH FUCK! This is just inappropriate he thought. Trying his best to hide it he adjusted his body. He pulled himself back and stared into her beautiful eyes. A sense of lust filled his body. Slowly he moved in and passionately kissed her again. His hands caressing up and down her back.

"Oh damn, I'm so sorry" he stumbled over his words. "I, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. We've been through so much and.... sorry." Jake apologizes.