Tips for meeting your online Dom for the first time?

My online Dom and I have been discussing meeting for a while. We live states away so we would have to spend multiple days together to make any trip of that magnitude worth it. I'm really nervous but excited and I'm not really sure how to go about the whole situation.


Anyone have any tips for me and my Dom?

Love2Lust said:

My online Dom and I have been discussing meeting for a while. We live states away so we would have to spend multiple days together to make any trip of that magnitude worth it. I'm really nervous but excited and I'm not really sure how to go about the whole situation.


Anyone have any tips for me and my Dom?

Click to expand...

I wish you the best, and will be checking your thread because I am in a similar situation.

There are whole articles written about this, and knowledgable people will likely come along and do more justice tot he topic than I will. I will, however, stress the worth of the safe-call. Arrange a call with a good friend. Something like an hour or so after the meet, you call your friend. If you say a particularly worded phrase like "Don't worry, everything will be all right" or something likewise innocuous, your friend calls the police. If you don't call by the pre-arranged time likewise, a call is made tot he police.

Said friend should have your itinerary, the dom's info, address, etc, and where you are staying. In essence, all the info your friend will need to get the police to wherever you are.

This may sound paranoid, and is worst-case scenario stuff, but it might help prevent you from becoming a sad statistic talked about in BDSM seminars.

My normal response is "don't let him tie you up on the first date" but then I saw that you're having to travel quite a distance to be together.

I guess my advice still holds - don't let him tie you up right away. Don't give up your safety until you are absolutely certain it's okay. "But he seems fine online/on the phone" means absolutely nothing in person; John Edward Robinson (the internet "Slavemaster" who murdered women when they visited) probably seemed just fine at first too.

I know it sounds romantic to have him meet you at the airport and immediately start dominating you, putting on handcuffs under your coat, whatever - but that's not being safe. If he genuinely cares about you, he will understand your need to make sure things are okay, and won't pressure you into doing something that risks your safety.

Love2Lust said:

My online Dom and I have been discussing meeting for a while. We live states away so we would have to spend multiple days together to make any trip of that magnitude worth it. I'm really nervous but excited and I'm not really sure how to go about the whole situation.


Anyone have any tips for me and my Dom?

Click to expand...

Bring flowers for his mom and give them to her before you go to the basement.

IluvPianists said:

I wish you the best, and will be checking your thread because I am in a similar situation.

Click to expand...

You're chatting with Dom Delouise?

Awesome.

Etoile said:

My normal response is "don't let him tie you up on the first date" but then I saw that you're having to travel quite a distance to be together.

I guess my advice still holds - don't let him tie you up right away. Don't give up your safety until you are absolutely certain it's okay. "But he seems fine online/on the phone" means absolutely nothing in person; John Edward Robinson (the internet "Slavemaster" who murdered women when they visited) probably seemed just fine at first too.

I know it sounds romantic to have him meet you at the airport and immediately start dominating you, putting on handcuffs under your coat, whatever - but that's not being safe. If he genuinely cares about you, he will understand your need to make sure things are okay, and won't pressure you into doing something that risks your safety.

Click to expand...

or he could be calculating enough to allow you to feel safe before fucking you over.....

Kinda like leftover chicken.

Killswitch said:

or he could be calculating enough to allow you to feel safe before fucking you over.....

Kinda like leftover chicken.

Click to expand...

Well, yes, but there's a difference between being sensible and being paranoid.

Killswitch said:

Bring flowers for his mom and give them to her before you go to the basement.

Click to expand...

LMAO!!! Thanks for the advice!

Etoile said:

My normal response is "don't let him tie you up on the first date" but then I saw that you're having to travel quite a distance to be together.

I guess my advice still holds - don't let him tie you up right away. Don't give up your safety until you are absolutely certain it's okay. "But he seems fine online/on the phone" means absolutely nothing in person; John Edward Robinson (the internet "Slavemaster" who murdered women when they visited) probably seemed just fine at first too.

I know it sounds romantic to have him meet you at the airport and immediately start dominating you, putting on handcuffs under your coat, whatever - but that's not being safe. If he genuinely cares about you, he will understand your need to make sure things are okay, and won't pressure you into doing something that risks your safety.

Click to expand...

I'll ask a stupid question. I guess the same rules apply if it is a woman right?

IluvPianists said:

I'll ask a stupid question. I guess the same rules apply if it is a woman right?

Click to expand...

Of course.

I flew to Sydney Australia from New Zealand to meet Sir in Nov 2003. I planned to stay with Him for 3 weeks - included in that time was a Lit get together of other Aussies the weekend after we met.

Sir had previously given me His landline phone number and we had talked a few times before I went. He also gave me His address, which I passed on to a friend along with His name and phone number. She and I arranged that I would send a text message to her every day at around the same time. I had enough money and a credit card to enable me to move to a hotel if for any reason things did not work out between us, and I had an open return ticket as well.

I also had a phone card which allowed me to make international calls, which would be billed to me once a month. I was able to keep in touch with my family while I was away and they knew I was safe and well.

As luck would have it Sir totalled His car a couple of weeks before our meeting, so He came to the airport with His mum in her car....lol I knew I was going to be perfectly safe somehow....

Trust your instinct. If something seems funky, take a step back, reassess.

And try and curb expectations. I know that sounds hard, when you've got something developed already, but your perceptions colour your online interactions. Things might be a little different rl. Not to say they won't be great though, there's every liklihood they will be. But yeah. Am I making sense?

Love2Lust said:

My online Dom and I have been discussing meeting for a while. We live states away so we would have to spend multiple days together to make any trip of that magnitude worth it. I'm really nervous but excited and I'm not really sure how to go about the whole situation.


Anyone have any tips for me and my Dom?

Click to expand...

I don't, but, for what it's worth, a Certain Person (who will certainly read this and may or may not choose to identify herself) is visiting me on the same basis soon.

The protocol we have agreed is that she will bring a signed copy of our contract in a sealed envelope, and until she chooses to hand it over she is just a vanilla guest. It's also very much my intention that if she decides not to hand it over at all I'll still make sure she has a very enjoyable visit, and gets to do some sight-seeing and stuff. Of course, I'm hoping she will hand it over ;-)

There must be 'bad people' out there, and certainly some of the people who post to this forum as doms seem immature, selfish and untrustworthy. I don't know how you would completely insure against that. Obviously having 'safety' messages to/from someone you trust at home is part of this, and obviously being able to pay for a hotel if you need to get out quickly is good too.

But if your instinct is to trust this guy, you're probably safe, I think. Nothing in life is completely safe, but if he's a complete exploitative idiot or really didn't know what he was doing then I would have thought you'd have got some clues to that over chat and phone.

Best of luck; report back here or in the Distance Domination Support Thread.

Whenever I met someone from online I always met them for the first time in a busy public space, a cafe, a busy street corner, a restaurant, a starbucks, a toy store, whatever. Make sure you have your cellphone on hand and charged incase you need to call anybody for help, and make sure that at least one person you know well and trust knows where you are. I never did the safe-call thing, because I never heard of that until after I first started meeting people offline, and I was fine, but its probably not a bad idea. Really the main thing is, in my experience, to trust your gut.

SimonBrooke said:

The protocol we have agreed is that she will bring a signed copy of our contract in a sealed envelope, and until she chooses to hand it over she is just a vanilla guest.

Click to expand...

I really like that idea.

Like a lot of people said, trust your gut. Also, think with your head not your kitty. How long have y'all been talking online? Do you talk on the phone or have you webcammed? And, is He coming to your state, you going to His, or are y'all meeting in the middle? Answer these to yourself and really think about it and trust your instinct. I am glad I trusted mine.

Daddy and I were just talking yesterday about the first time we met in person. It was about 4.5 yrs ago. That first meeting is such a special memory to us now.

As already been said--Trust your instincts. Don't get drunk or do anything else that will effect your brain from being alert.

I like Etoile's advice about not getting restrained on the first meeting but I did. Not right away though. We had a nice bit of plain vanilla sex to start off with. It was a wise move because it helped calm that sexual tension that may have clouded both of our minds.

We had been talking--phone and IM for 6 months or so before hand. I trusted him completely before I even left. I did leave pictures of him, his real name (he had sent me the hotel confirmation info after he made the reservation) home phone and addy, cellphone, email addresses and phone number of a friend of his who I had talked to all with my husband and my sister. I called my husband with the hotel room number just as we were entering the room and then periodically throughout the 24 hours I was there.

I also went with not knowing any of the plans for the time I would be there. It made it easier for me not to any expectations other than to be safe and with someone I fallen in love with over the internet. My head told me that wasn't possible but as soon as he held and kissed me I knew it was true. After that first kiss I just went with the flow and simply obeyed and enjoyed.

Be smart and alert but try not to let fear prohibit you from having an amazing time.

ecstaticsub said:

Be smart and alert but try not to let fear prohibit you from having an amazing time.

Click to expand...

Exactly! Like I said, be sensible, but not paranoid.

Homburg and Bandit mentioned this but i'll reiterate because it's great advice.

Have a safe call. Make sure this person calls you several times throughout the visit. Let the person you're meeting know you have a safe call in place. If you can't be reached for legit reasons the first time or two, make sure you have a time/day agreed on in which you must call to let them know you're ok.

Tell someone where you are.

If you don't want to give his name/address/phone number to someone, at least have it written down at your place.

As much as you probably want to do all the fun stuff you've been discussing online, take a deep breath and approach this like any other first date.

Take care!

Killswitch said:

Bring flowers for his mom and give them to her before you go to the basement.

Click to expand...

Things must be slow on the GB

I don't recall anyone using a safe call with me. I'm hesitant to bring it up if they are very new to the scene. Had one cancel because I brought it up. I tend to meet people I have known pretty well for six weeks or more. Whatever you need to feel safe you can have. Safe calls, references, background checks.

Also a few people have met me from here and lived to tell about it. That helps sometimes.

I hope it works out for you. Shit does happen though. I did a poll here and over half have had a bad experience.

When i started - which was online to r/l - i didn't even think about a safe call. i was in a head-in-the-clouds-buzzed-up-can't-wait-to-get-tied-up mode.

i have never had a bad experience but i chalk that up to luck, mostly. i have heard several weird stories and so now, a safe call is standard operating procedure.

and really, maybe "safe call" makes it sound so ominous. it's just checking in, saying hi, i'm having a great time, he hasn't glued my eyelids shut yet....

it's interesting someone would cancel if you ask them about one?

Lizzie_Borden said:

Trust your instinct. If something seems funky, take a step back, reassess.

And try and curb expectations. I know that sounds hard, when you've got something developed already, but your perceptions colour your online interactions. Things might be a little different rl. Not to say they won't be great though, there's every liklihood they will be. But yeah. Am I making sense?

Click to expand...

that's absolutely true, and i totally understand what you mean. very smart...

HisSexyPet said:

Like a lot of people said, trust your gut. Also, think with your head not your kitty. How long have y'all been talking online? Do you talk on the phone or have you webcammed? And, is He coming to your state, you going to His, or are y'all meeting in the middle? Answer these to yourself and really think about it and trust your instinct. I am glad I trusted mine.

Click to expand...

After reading everyone's advice...i think I'm going to wait a few more months to build more trust and security for myself and him too.....It sucks that we're stuck just doing webcams and phone calls but if that's what it takes to build this into something more than it's worth it. thanks for your advice!