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Interesting and/or Unusual Safewords

Corylea

Corylea

Literotica Guru
Joined
Jun 25, 2008
Posts
885
So, all of us know about the usual sorts of safewords, the kind where the bottom says "Safeword" and the top stops. We know about the kind where the bottom has "red," "yellow" (and maybe even "green") safewords. We know about no-safeword scenes, where the top and bottom agree in advance that the bottom doesn't have a safeword.

But outside of those usual kinds, does anybody have experience with unusual safewords or unusual uses of them?

Sometimes a top plans a scene where they deliberately make the bottom use his or her safeword, to make sure that the bottom will use it and understands that it's not the end of the world; this is especially common when the bottom is a new player.

I'm thinking of something a little stranger, though.

One of my stories is about a couple where the man has trouble accepting anger in himself and especially anger at anyone he loves. His partner gets his consent to play with an unspecified "unusual" safeword, then tells him that his safeword is to get angry. Another of my stories is about a couple where the woman is terrified of submission and ashamed of the very idea of deliberately making herself be one-down to another person, even though she's an experienced bottom. The two of them agree to have an intense scene where her safeword is to submit.

Obviously, those are stories, and they may well even be "don't try this at home, kids" stories. :) But they're examples of the kind of thing I'm thinking about: safewords that aren't just a word or that carry some cost besides the obvious. I can think of things that are less psychological and less envelope-pushing that still involve unusual safewords, though. If they want the bottom to have a safeword but want to make sure that s/he only uses it in extremis, they could agree that the safeword is "I'll sign the check," where the check in question is a contribution to a politcal party or organization that the bottom hates passionately. What would you do in order NOT to have to send even a token amount of money to the Ku Klux Klan, for example? ;)

So I'm wondering -- what thoughts, ideas, fantasies, and real-life experiences have people had with non-standard safewords?
 
In a story I'm working on (not finished, but will probably be posted on Lit one of these days) the (very experienced) dom gives the (very inexperienced) sub a safeword, saying that if she ever uses it he'll stop the scene, make sure she's safe, and then they'll never meet again; thus making the safeword a nuclear option. At the end of the story, she deliberately uses the safeword when not under any particular pressure, effectively calling his bluff. That's the end of the story so the readers will have to make up their own minds whether he will carry out his threat (I think he won't, but what do I know? I'm just the author).
 
SimonBrooke said:
That's the end of the story so the readers will have to make up their own minds whether he will carry out his threat (I think he won't, but what do I know? I'm just the author).
Click to expand...

I hate it when authors wuss out like this!

Safewords that mean that the scene is over but so is the relationship are fairly common in BDSM fiction; I don't know how many people play that way in real life.
 
I have used the nuclear option safeword thing, in cases where both of us just thought it was fucking hot. I find it hotter than no-safeword scenes.

I'm all about information - I talk a LOT to gather it when I'm working someone. If people are very non-verbal in general I can see how having this could be seen as pressure not to communicate.
 
"Ow, goddammit, that hurts, STOP, MOTHERFUCKER!" usually tends to get the desired result. Usually. As does the drunken motions I make right before I'm about to pass the hell out.
 
BiBunny said:
"Ow, goddammit, that hurts, STOP, MOTHERFUCKER!" usually tends to get the desired result. Usually. As does the drunken motions I make right before I'm about to pass the hell out.
Click to expand...
As I was sometimes heard to tell #3 in the middle of a scene, "'Ouch, goddamnit!' is not a safeword!" :devil:
 
Now this may not fall into this category, but every sub I've had I made use their mothers first name as a safe word. It is definitely something they won't call out on a whim, and they have known it for so long that they won't forget in the middle of a scene.

-Burns
 
SimonBrooke said:
In a story I'm working on (not finished, but will probably be posted on Lit one of these days) the (very experienced) dom gives the (very inexperienced) sub a safeword, saying that if she ever uses it he'll stop the scene, make sure she's safe, and then they'll never meet again; thus making the safeword a nuclear option.
Click to expand...

And, as I think I've expressed before (but really, who cares if that's a lie), that's a fucking appalling idea. Worse than not having a safeword at all. In the story, yeah awesome, the guy's clearly not going to let her come to harm but in the real world, where you are not writing the story, that's going to end in tears and you just know there will be a pair of idiots out there stupid enough to not consider any of this except how awesome the idea sounds and inexperienced, so that the whole thing ends badly.

Did that all make sense?
 
I had a session once with a playmate and another girl where I knew he would enjoy what her safeword is. The safeword was "mercy" and he used to say all of the time that "mercy is for the weak" or something like that. So when she was getting close to using it but struggled against it, I mentioned that he'd get a kick out of her safeword. So he pushed just a little harder and got her to call it. Him and I had a good laugh about it, and when she got back in her head I let her in on the joke.

I've also been guilty of saying "Fuck! that hurts!" which usually results in a pause because the top is laughing so hard.

But usually my top will watch my giggles. :eek: I stop giggling just before I've had too much. :eek:
 
Lobo_8 said:
Now this may not fall into this category, but every sub I've had I made use their mothers first name as a safe word. It is definitely something they won't call out on a whim, and they have known it for so long that they won't forget in the middle of a scene.
Click to expand...

Not to mention the Ewwww factor. ;)

Maybe I'm more expressive than most, I don't know, but I've bottomed in scenes where I've been screaming and thrashing around, which the tops in question ate up in the way that tops do, and then said, "Ouch" in what was apparently a very serious tone, because they stopped at once. I wan't really paying enough attention to linguistics at that point to know what tone it was, but it's apparently very convincing. :D


HarlotMinx said:
Hmm, my safe word is Heffalump.... Don't ask.
Click to expand...

Because Heffalumps are Horrible! ;)


I'm enjoying hearing about the idiosyncratic words that people use for their safewords, and god knows this isn't the kind of board where we admonish people for being "off-topic," but I would like to plug the "playing games with safewords" or "using safewords that aren't words but are something else" topic, too!
 
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MisterSir said:
And, as I think I've expressed before (but really, who cares if that's a lie), that's a fucking appalling idea. Worse than not having a safeword at all. In the story, yeah awesome, the guy's clearly not going to let her come to harm but in the real world, where you are not writing the story, that's going to end in tears and you just know there will be a pair of idiots out there stupid enough to not consider any of this except how awesome the idea sounds and inexperienced, so that the whole thing ends badly.

Did that all make sense?
Click to expand...

Yes, ish. It does depend a bit on the couple and the interaction. I agree the 'nuclear option' idea is extreme and not 'safe and sane'. But a safe word used too often takes the edge out of play - there has to be a cost. So I'm looking for a tactical nuclear option in real life - something short of the end of the world which is nevertheless costly.

the captians wench said:
But usually my top will watch my giggles. :eek: I stop giggling just before I've had too much. :eek:
Click to expand...

That's kind of the point. It's about communication. For every relationship, there are signs to read. It takes time to learn them, but a good dom should be alert to them It's about communication - if a safeword has to be used the dom has not read the sub's communication right (although, as we know, this does happen).
 
SimonBrooke said:
Yes, ish. It does depend a bit on the couple and the interaction. I agree the 'nuclear option' idea is extreme and not 'safe and sane'. But a safe word used too often takes the edge out of play - there has to be a cost. So I'm looking for a tactical nuclear option in real life - something short of the end of the world which is nevertheless costly.
Click to expand...

This interests me as well, which is why I raised the topic. I thought the check-made-out-to-an-organization-you-hate safeword was an example of something that has a real cost -- one that's high enough to make a person think twice about safewording but one that's not so high that they'll allow themselves to be injured. But that was just off the top of my head, so that my examples wouldn't all be from my stories. Sounds like you've been giving this some thought -- what kinds of things have YOU come up with?

I think the thing I liked about the check idea is that it's a very adult thing; no one punishes a child by making them send a donation to their least-favorite political group, so it has a cost, but it doesn't trigger that old childhood punishment mindset.

Another thing one could do would be to think of three non-scene things the two of you could do together -- say, three different movies -- and pick one that you want to see and your bottom doesn't want to see, one you both want to see, and one your bottom wants to see that you're not especially into. (I thought of this because my husband twisted my arm into accompanying him to a movie about American football, and the movie was so bad that even he hated it, and he loves American football. So I know two hours' worth of a movie that you do NOT want to see has a certain cost. :D) So, if your bottom safewords, s/he gets to see the movie you want to see that s/he want no part of, if it's a normal scene, you go see the movie you both want to see, or your bottom can be offered double-or-nothing extra credit: we can play (with this activity, with this toy, in this location, whatver floats your boat) in a way that you find extra nifty and your bottom finds extra difficult, and if s/he makes it through that without safewording, then you'll go see the movie s/he wants to see and you don't.

Again, this is just off the top of my head, but these are the kinds of scenes that seem especially interesting to my twisted little mind -- the kind where yeah, you're playing, and yeah, you want both parties to have a good time, but part of the charge comes from the fact that you're out there on some kind of edge, where somebody could get something that they truly don't want (for non-injurious values of "truly").



That's kind of the point. It's about communication. For every relationship, there are signs to read. It takes time to learn them, but a good dom should be alert to them It's about communication - if a safeword has to be used the dom has not read the sub's communication right (although, as we know, this does happen).
Click to expand...

While it's true that learning to read the bottom is the top's job, reading someone badly doesn't mean the top is necessarily a bad top; people differ dramatically in their readability. I've topped some people that I could read nearly perfectly the first time and other people where it took six or seven times before I could tell when he was about to safeword. But once you can tell, gosh, that's fun. ;)
 
SimonBrooke said:
Yes, ish. It does depend a bit on the couple and the interaction. I agree the 'nuclear option' idea is extreme and not 'safe and sane'. But a safe word used too often takes the edge out of play - there has to be a cost. So I'm looking for a tactical nuclear option in real life - something short of the end of the world which is nevertheless costly.



That's kind of the point. It's about communication. For every relationship, there are signs to read. It takes time to learn them, but a good dom should be alert to them It's about communication - if a safeword has to be used the dom has not read the sub's communication right (although, as we know, this does happen).
Click to expand...

I disagree, but I think I might have some different track records.

I have more experience with subs who feel a sense of letting our top down by having to call a safeword. If I can't last as long as he wants to beat me, I feel like I'm letting him down.

He likes to push me as far as he can. I tend to fight through my better instincts in order to take more and last longer, but there are some imbeded in me so deeply that they pop out.

I've talked about this before, my everysituationsafeword, "juice". I'm hypoglycemic. When my sugar drops to a certain point, the only thing I can think is "juice" This point is usually just before the point where I pass out. I'll do this whether in a scene or just shopping with my mom. I don't always show symptoms when my sugar drops, but when "juice" comes out you better get me oj quick.
 
I hear you, Wenchie -- I think the situation you describe is fairly common (the wanting to please your top so much that you take more than you should, not the coming close to passing out because you haven't had your juice:)). Playing safeword games is clearly pushing the envelope and shouldn't be anybody's first scene with a new partner. Both the top and the bottom need to have confidence that the top can read the bottom VERY well before they even consider this kind of scene. And the bottom must have confidence that the top doesn't want to injure hir -- not just physically, but psychologically, too. I don't care if your skin is completely unmarked; if you spend the next month having nightmares, you've been injured.


I used to play with one particular top where I often forgot that I had a safeword. He's a very conscientious fellow, very concerned with doing the right thing. He's very sadistic, and he keeps a tight rein on that, because he does not want to harm anyone. He usually bends over backwards to take less than he could, because he knows just how much damage he could cause if he did not keep a close watch on himself.

Such people have always fascinated me. :) Hint that there's a sea of tortured desire just below the surface, but you're too fine of a human being to allow yourself to take what you truly desire, and I'm your girl. ;) He was in such careful, tight control of himself that I wanted not to limit him anymore than he was limiting himself. So I forgot that I had a safeword. And he could tell when my screams changed quality, when I'd gone to the point where it would have been damaging to keep me there for very long.

I could have gotten into serious trouble, forgetting that I had a safeword, but I didn't. I picked one of the world's natural gentleman to forget with, and he kept me safe. Screaming my lungs out, but safe. ;)
 
I always pick weird safewords, just because. My favourites are names of historical figures. "Stop, please, you're hurting me!" doesn't stand out the way "Mahatma Gandhi!" or "Abraham Lincoln!" do.
 
I never do anything needing a safeword. The only time I hurt females is when chastizing them via the strop and then I need to be in charge of when to stop.
 
BiBunny said:
"Ow, goddammit, that hurts, STOP, MOTHERFUCKER!" usually tends to get the desired result. Usually. As does the drunken motions I make right before I'm about to pass the hell out.
Click to expand...

That's pretty close to our safeword. We have one, but it's not necessary cause if I say 'stop it!' I mean it. And I guarantee that 'red' is not what I think of when I want him to stop. 'Stop' is.

Lobo_8 said:
Now this may not fall into this category, but every sub I've had I made use their mothers first name as a safe word. It is definitely something they won't call out on a whim, and they have known it for so long that they won't forget in the middle of a scene.

-Burns
Click to expand...

What would you do if their mothers first name was the same as yours. :eek:

HarlotMinx said:
Hmm, my safe word is Heffalump.... Don't ask.
Click to expand...

Now I wanna yell out woozle just for the fun of it. :devil:

Might be even more fun than when I yelled out 'CHEETAH' during a credit card commercial.

ROFL

Corylea said:
Because Heffalumps are Horrible! ;)
Click to expand...

And very sly (sly sly sly).

Me? Watch childrens TV? Why would you suggest such a thing?:rolleyes:
 
Spongebob ;)

Someone on here mentioned using it and I loved it so much I tried to suggest it to the Sadist. He totally vetoed it! LOL

So we used the standard colors. I used yellow twice when I needed him to back of for a sec to get my breath back. For the wrong kind of pain and so forth, I rather tell straightforward what's wrong, such as "hands are getting numb", "calf is cramping", etc.

We have now moved to no safeword (that allows me to beg and say no and it makes for some interesting mind-fucks) but to me it does not feel any different as he has always been able to read me very well and stop just the second before it gets to be too much.

With Hubby too, we use the color system, on top of straightforward communication. I never had to use the colors so it was not until I called red when I was having a total mental meltdown, that I discovered that for him "red" was the nuclear kind.

It made for some painful times while we worked through the hurt. But it also brought us closer and forced us to talk more things out.

Hubby has not officially retired the safewords, but in reality, it is as if they do not exist. He often checks with me, and he knows that I am not going to ask him to stop something unless I really mean it. And he is also learning to distinguish my nos that mean "NO! STOP!" from the ones that mean "no ... please ... no ... but I'll endure if you wish".


Corylea said:
*snip*

Such people have always fascinated me. :) Hint that there's a sea of tortured desire just below the surface, but you're too fine of a human being to allow yourself to take what you truly desire, and I'm your girl. ;) He was in such careful, tight control of himself that I wanted not to limit him anymore than he was limiting himself. So I forgot that I had a safeword. And he could tell when my screams changed quality, when I'd gone to the point where it would have been damaging to keep me there for very long.

I could have gotten into serious trouble, forgetting that I had a safeword, but I didn't. I picked one of the world's natural gentleman to forget with, and he kept me safe. Screaming my lungs out, but safe. ;)
Click to expand...

And yes, I totally dig the above. *shivers*
 
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